IT'S ALL GETTING A BIT CHRIS GRAHAM

If YES had actually won the day The Peeppul would, at this very moment, be running boats full of guns from Germany, as they did the last time democracy went against them. As far as they are concerned, democracy means doing what they want and nothing else. They would have done everything they could to make sure an independent Scotland did not have an easy time; many of them were already planning to move their dole money to English banks and boycott anything and anyone that supported independence. Which is why I'm a bit worried about the 45ers proposing what amounts to their own version of Ze List. We're better than they are in every way: more intelligent, more civilised and certainly better-looking, so why would we want to follow their example. The vote was NO so let's move on.

Not that I'm advocating giving up the fight; far from it. The ridiculous promises made by Gordon Brown are never going to work and there'll be a lot of angry NOers around this time next year when they realise how much they've been lied to. Apart from The Peeppul, of course, who can't stand even the devolution we've got at present. Another opportunity will soon present itself, so let's be patient and not let ourselves get dragged down to the level of The Peeppul.

As to the allegations of electoral fraud, I might be a bit of a trusting wee sowell, but I don't think there's anything in it. People from both sides are always there at the count and if there was anything untoward I don't think any of the YES camp would have been backward at coming forward about it. After all, there weren't too many shrinking violets involved! Strangely enough, quite a few of The Peeppul have been moaning on Facebook that the fire alarms in Dundee were in order to fiddle the vote in YES's favour! Again, let's not get dragged down to their level; we're better than that.

Over in McMurdoland the excuses have been coming thick and fast concerning the disgusting scenes in George Square on Friday. One clown thinks they were perfectly justified as he witnessed, on a day before the vote, a YES voter - gasp! - shouting at his friend, who was wearing a NO badge! My God, I hope the police are searching all the CCTV footage to find this individual. Never mind racist taunts, burning the saltire, beating up wee lassies etc, finding this criminal must be their top priority!

Anyway, the whole referendum was a con right from the start, according to McMurdo's disciples. The whole thing was all about destroying Rangers (sic) and deflecting attention away from the shady deals between Celtic and Glasgow Council! And, of course, none of The Peeppul actually voted YES; in fact, they didn't vote at all, hiding in their hooses, too scared of the big, bad YES campaigners (in reality, Irish Republican sympathisers) to venture outside. It didn't seem to stop them 'celebrating' on Friday, though, did it? But then, The Peeppul have previous for this kind of behaviour. I'm willing to bet that on V.E. Day they all came crawling out of the shipyards to celebrate 'their' victory!

It really is vomit-inducing to read some of the crap that gets posted on McMurdo's site. Apparently Britain cannot really be 'Great' Britain without the existence of the 'Quintessential British Team'. (Boak!) It's good to see that they've got their priorities right. The whole of Scotland can go to Hell in a handcart, just as long as their club is still around in some shape or form.

And what shape or form that will be is in serious doubt now that Laxey has increased its holding to become the biggest shareholder at the new club. Ashley didn't bother picking up the extra shares he was entitled to; he's already sitting pretty with the merchandise concession. So where does that leave Bisto FC now? A hedge-fund operator is hardly going to pump funds in so it's looking more and more likely that the game's a-bogey. It could well be that when the time comes to vote for independence again The Peeppul's rancid club will be no more! Let us pray...

"Okay, the time is ripe for us to take our message to Scotland. Er...does anybody know the words to The Sash?"

MY GRANNY WAS RIGHT!

As I saw pictures and read reports on social media about the disgusting goings-on in Glasgow last night, I had a sense of déjà vu about the whole thing. As you are probably aware, I'm currently working on a novel about Irish people coming to live in Garngad at the end of the Nineteenth Century. Much of what I'm writing is based on things that my granny told me about. The whole area lived in fear every July as the Orange Walk came along Garngad Road and went right up the hill to terrorise the residents of Rosemount Street etc. Children were kept indoors while even the men hid from the triumphalist marchers and the drunken mob that followed them. Venturing outdoors could see you beaten up, while any attempt to fight back would lead to you being arrested and probably receiving another beating in the cells. Last night it seemed as if what I was writing was coming to life again.

The YES campaigners were in George Square all last week and, according to all sources, it was a party atmosphere. It had already been decided that, no matter what the vote was, they would meet again on Friday, in the same carnival atmosphere, to thank and congratulate everyone on a well-fought campaign. I would imagine that the police were aware of this; unfortunately others were too. I've seen Facebook comments, from people that live near Edinburgh, planning a 'party' at Glasgow's George Square at 6pm if NO won. Why there, you have to ask yourself? And why at that time?

From what I've read online, there were folk from further afield than Edinburgh planning to turn up. Apparently there were plenty of EDL scum on trains and buses heading to Glasgow to join in the fun. And, of course, it was one big bigot-fest. Saltire flags were burned, the 'Billy Boys' and the 'Famine Song' got an airing, while Nazi salutes were in evidence at the Cenotaph. And they can't claim that they were 'Red-Hand' salutes this time; they were clearly heard shouting, 'Sieg Heil' as they made their gestures. Anti-Islamic and homophobic chants were heard and attacks were made on Asian people as well as on anyone with a YES badge or a saltire.

And what were the police doing? Well, the most shocking thing for me was watching a video of when The Peeppul and their cronies were just arriving. The square was already full of YES campaigners, whom the police pushed and drove over towards Queen Street Station, allowing the bigots to take over the square! The amount of attacks I've seen online would warrant many arrests; not just the six that have been reported. The YES campaigners wisely headed home, except for a few that were looking to fight back. Apparently The Peeppul then spread around the neighbouring streets, attacking anybody they could find. 

Our media, meanwhile, have remained true to form. The Daily Record have reported 'clashes' and made it look as if both sides descended on George Square at the same time, looking for trouble. Sky News reported 'boisterous' scenes, while the BBC website tells of 'Unionists' making a co-ordinated attack on the YES folk already there, but say that there were only '100' people on each side. From what I've seen, there were a lot more of The Peeppul around than that! They also make sure that none of their pictures show all the Rangers tops and Ulster Loyalist 'flegs' that were around. 

And the lies just keep coming. One clown on McMurdo's site tries to make out that the YES side started the trouble and that he can make out IRA chants. I watched the video he linked to and there is no such thing to be heard. Meanwhile, a BBC reporter has claimed that folk are putting videos and pictures from riots in London on the internet, pretending that they're from Glasgow last night. If he's right then The Peeppul must have caused the riots down there, as there are plenty of Rangers tops in all the pictures and videos!

I've just been writing a chapter in my book about The Peeppul spreading fear and destruction in Garngad in 1907. Again, this came from my granny and never appeared in any newspaper. I used to think that my granny was making it all up, since I couldn't find any proof anywhere. Looking at our media now I can imagine my own grandchildren (if I ever have any!) feeling the same way when I tell them about what happened last night. Thank God for the Internet Bampots!

 Better Together? Aye, right!

POST MORTEM

So that's it. We're just waiting for Susan Boyle to burst into song and then it's all over. Looking at the headquarters of each campaign on the BBC as councils announced the count told its own story. Celebrating the few YES triumphs were a mixture of ordinary, working-class people and students. The ones celebrating NO victories appeared to be a mixture of toffs, fat Labour trough-snufflers and even fatter, toothless Huns. Hopefully they don't party too hard or some of those Camillas and Penelopes are in for a shock when they see what they're waking up next to! Still, it might help dilute both gene pools.

As each result was announced you could almost say it along with the official. Snooty Edinburgh, of course, went for NO, Glasgow was a resounding success for YES while the big surprise of the night was the success of the NO vote in North Lanarkshire. I assume some of the polling booths in Airdrie and Motherwell must have been in Catholic schools, which put The Peeppul there off voting! South Lanarkshire was what you would expect with the doctors and lawyers of Burnside and the fur-coat-and-nae-knickers brigade in Rutherglen and Cathkin returning a NO. And before you say, I am well aware that Larkhall is in South Lanarkshire as well but none of them would be voting as you can't hold a pencil in webbed hands. Possibly some of them managed by holding a crayon between their teeth.

I was glad to see my home town of Glasgow doing the right thing, while my current home embarrassingly, but not surprisingly, went for NO. The neighbouring county of East Lothian, as I could have predicted, returned a quite categorical NO. The huntin', shootin' and fishin' mob of Haddington and its environs, the rich snobs of Gullane and The Peeppul of Musselburgh all combined to vote almost 2 to 1 against. (Musselburgh's not called the 'Hunnest Toun' for nothing!) 

The big question now, of course, is what happens next? The answer, it already appears, is nothing at all! We're already hearing that the promises of the Better Togetherers are just so much shite; they would have known full well that English Tory backbenchers would have none of it. Not that there's a lot to commend in the proposals: tax-raising powers AND the Barnett Formula kept intact? That makes sense, I don't think. Basically what they've done is promise to almost bankrupt England and Wales to keep us in the Union, knowing that the English and Welsh voters would never stand for it. In other words, it's all been a pack of lies. If anyone actually voted NO on the strength of these promises then there are more thick people in this country than I thought!

So what have we learned from this referendum? Well, I don't know about you but I've learned that a lot of the prejudices that people claim not to exist any more in Scotland are actually alive and well. The rich in our country are terrified that an independent Scotland might mean a fairer society and that they might have to pay an extra 50p a month tax from their £80,000+ a year salaries. I've learned that there are people like Archie Macpherson, who think that football is more important than hungry children. I've learned that there are stupid people out there that will believe any scare story shoved in front of them and think that being able to see Strictly Come Dancing is a more pressing matter than looking after the sick and disabled. I've learned that there are silly bastards in our country that will let the fact that they don't like Alex Salmond's face influence their decision. And, of course, I've learned that many of The Peeppul are just as ignorant, bigoted and forelock-tugging as ever. Now that I come to think of it, it's a bloody miracle that we managed to run them so close!

The only 'Wings Over Scotland' we can expect now!

SAY NO TO NO AND YES TO YES

So tomorrow's the big day and the smell of fear is in the air. They've tried threatening us, they've tried frightening us, they've belatedly tried bribing us and now they're even begging us. Strange, isn't it, the way they're desperate to hang onto 6 million 'benefit junkies'? 

The most striking thing, for me, about this whole campaign is the way that the arguments have switched round. Even ten years ago I would never have dreamed of voting for an independent Scotland. The whole argument in favour seemed to be based on the past, while the case against was about the modern world. Now things have somehow revolved 180 degrees. All the 'Better Together' arguments have been about winning past wars, the Empire etc, while the independence side has been the one looking to the future. Perhaps that's what helped change my mind and that of others.

My main reason for voting YES is based on what I actually want our society to be like. I am utterly ashamed to be part of a country that spends billions on weapons while millions of our fellow citizens live below the poverty line. I'm ashamed to live in a country that cares nothing about the elderly, the sick and the disabled; a country that actually points the finger of blame at the disadvantaged. I'm ashamed to live in a country that puts profit above everything else, to the detriment of many of its own people. It's time for change.

I think it was Cameron that likened Scottish independence to a divorce and it's a perfect analogy. People get married, have children, buy a house together, work to bring their children up but sometimes they drift apart. There are many cases where the man (or the woman, for that matter) hardly ever sees his children, working all the hours God sends to get more and more material things. Perhaps the husband is out buying new cars, and booking holidays to exotic places when all his children want is to have time spent with them. 'But the fancy cars, expensive holidays, huge house etc will benefit the kids as well,' the husband argues. Finally, after one of the children takes ill and his father is never there for him, the wife takes the kids and moves out to start again.

It's the same with the Union; it worked well enough but now we want different things. The Westminster Government is all about promoting wealth for the privileged few, which, they argue, will filter down to everybody else. Instead of caring for its citizens it thinks that big businesses making lots of cash is the way to go; after all, everybody will benefit in the long run. We here in Scotland see things differently; we want the vulnerable in our society taken care of properly; not waiting for crumbs from the rich man's table. And, just like the wife in the scenario I outlined, it's time to take the weans, leave and start again. And we're not demanding child support either!

Those in Scotland that have been espousing a NO vote seem to have made their minds up first and then sought reasons afterwards. If you look at their arguments on newspaper forums all they do is regurgitate the shit that's been fed to them by a compliant media. They question nothing but just parrot anything and everything they've been told, desperate to look for rationalisations for the fact that they're only voting NO because they're in the Orange Lodge or because they support a particular football team. 

This campaign has shown, if nothing else, the power of the media to propagate lies and have them believed as facts. I have no doubt that there are those among the YES campaigners who have done their best to shout down any debate but there have been just as many on the other side, although we never hear about them. YES campaigners have been subjected to violence, with some ending up in hospital; but our media has said absolutely nothing about it. Instead we've been fed the myth of the 'Cybernat' and been told constantly that the YES campaign has been one of intimidation.

4,000 people marching to demonstrate against BBC bias has been called intimidation, while 15,000 Northern-Irish Orangemen coming over to march down the Royal Mile is a 'celebration of the Union'. So is this the new word that is going to be used to describe protests - 'intimidation'? The most disgusting aspect is that it's a Labour politician that has come up with this slur. So the marches against the Poll Tax were 'intimidation', the mass rallies against the bedroom tax were 'intimidation' and even the famous Jarrow March was nothing more than troublemakers trying to intimidate politicians? You'd expect this kind of thing from the Telegraph or the Daily Mail; not a Labour politician. And we're supposed to trust these people?

And the Daily Record is still at it. George Galloway has received death threats addressed to the House of Commons. It's nothing new to Gorgeous George as he's received numerous such threats on many occasions; not least from The Peeppul. It has been said in other newspapers that Galloway received the death threat from somebody angry at his anti-Israel stance. The Daily Record, however, decides to leave this little fact out of its reporting of the story. They report that Galloway has been speaking on behalf of the NO campaign as part of the story about the death threat. The implication is obvious and it shows the depths that the NO campaign has actually plumbed. 

The DR also trots out another list of rich folk that we should listen to and obey, including Paul McCartney, Bob Geldof and JK Rowling. They also, unfathomably, have Winston Churchill on their list. Winston Churchill? The man that sent the troops into Dundee to attack strikers? Well, I suppose those strikers were trying to intimidate their employers, eh?

McMurdo also has to resort to lies and distortion to try to persuade any of The Peeppul with a mind of their own (there must be one somewhere) to vote NO. He's trying the 'intimidation' myth as well, spouting the lie that the YES campaign has been overwhelmingly anti-English. I must have missed that somewhere. All I've heard are arguments about what's best for the Scottish people; there's not been one anti-English comment as far as I can recall. But, then, when did McMurdo ever let the truth get in the way?

He also conjures up the ghost of Darien, saying that's how an indpendent Scotland will turn out. Now, that's a rather unfortunate piece of history to bring up. The English Government at the time went out of its way to ensure that the Darien venture would fail, even blockading the area so there was no help for the people dying there. Effectively the English were looking to bankrupt Scotland so they could bribe the Scottish nobility into joining the Union. Unfortunately for the Scottish folk actually on the Darien isthmus, religious bigotry prevented them from using the well-known cure for malaria: quinine. At that time quinine was known as 'Jesuit's Bark' as it was they that had discovered it. Scottish people would not take it; believing that it was a popish plot to poison everybody! So the real Darien disaster was caused by English hostility and the intransigence of The Peeppul. Somehow I don't think that is what McMurdo had in mind.

Finally, I noticed the other day that the Daily Record finally came up with a positive, valid reason for staying in the Union. Apparently Simon Cowell and his X-Factor crew will be coming to Scotland to do auditions for the next series. No doubt this won't happen if Scotland votes for independence. I don't know about you but I'm swithering now...

Aye right!

Vote YES
It's the positive choice!

BIGOTS TOGETHER

So the March of the Knuckle-Dragging Bigots passed off without major incident, much to the disappointment of our media. Cameras were out in force, hoping that somebody would throw an egg and make it all kick off. There have been a few grumbles from The Peeppul that, despite the abundance of TV cameras, there were no reports about the march on the television. They're moaning that the media is too scared to show them in a good light. If trouble had flared, however, we all know who would have been blamed for it. As it is, our biased media don't want to besmirch the Better Together campaign by aligning it with these clowns.

To read about it in the papers, you'd think it was a fun day for all the family, with all welcome to join in. I've heard that the police went down the Royal Mile beforehand, telling all the tacky souvenir shops to take down their saltires and lions rampant in case it offended any of the Bitter Brigade. You won't read about that in our newspapers, though! The whole thing ended with them practically taking over the pubs in the Old Town, their usual haunts in the Grassmarket no doubt being full to overflowing. Apparently tourists headed over North Bridge and down The Mound in droves to escape from all the bile and bigoted singing emanating from the pubs. That'll help the tourist industry no end!

The Daily Record went overboard, talking about how the march passed by the house of their 'inspiration' John Knox as well as the General Assembly Hall, where there is a statue of the man. Somehow I don't think the members of the Church of Scotland will be too chuffed at being associated with these idiots! I also laughed at them paying tribute at his 'house'. What is known as 'John Knox House' was actually never the abode of the man; he stayed at a house further down the street. The only connection this house could possibly have to Knox is if he went there to borrow a cup of sugar or a shilling for the gas meter!

Some Orange heid-bummer from Northern Ireland was there to spout the following shite: "Let me remind you that when an enemy came against the city of Londonderry, God's people famously said there will be no surrender to this evil enemy." Er...so the rightful king, trying to regain his throne from a foreign usurper, was an 'evil enemy'? Christ, they make this stuff up as they go along. Speaking of Northern Ireland, I was reading recently how most of the Scottish Protestants that settled there did so during the 1690s when there was a dreadful famine in Scotland. Does anybody else feel a song coming on?

Another one of them, called Ron Bather, is described as the "grand master of the Grand Orange Lodge of England and imperial grand Master of the Imperial World Council". And they try to make out that they have no ties to the Ku Klux Klan! Anyway, this supreme being had this to say, "As individual nations, could we have succeeded in defeating Nazism in 1939? I don't think so." What a load of manure! If you look back at Newsreels of the time, as well as war films, I think you'll find that it was 'England' that vanquished Nazi Germany; Scotland was not even involved. Neither, of course, were all the other countries of Europe nor were the USA and the USSR.  So the Union didn't make the slightest bit of difference as far as the English were concerned! The Master of the Universe has got a bloody cheek bringing the war up anyway; his relatives were probably hiding in the shipyards at the time.

The Daily Record seems to have thrown caution to the wind and is now coming out with the kind of pish that would be laughable if this referendum weren't so serious. Every day  their forums are full of folk comparing Alex Salmond to Hitler and calling YES voters 'Natzis'. The DR even published Alistair Darling's disgusting 'blood and soil' slur. For them to now express faux indignation at somebody calling Jim Murphy 'Quisling' is really plumbing the depths. 

Today their site has a story about the Queen seemingly endorsing a NO vote as she spoke to a crowd of arse-lickers outside Crathie Church. According to Frau Windsor we should all 'think carefully' before we cast out vote on Thursday. We have and we shall, hen, and we shall put our cross in the YES box. Meanwhile, in the same, royal territory, Jackie Bird shows our media's complete detachment from reality with her piece about the new parasite...I mean royal baby. She honestly expects us to believe that the first-born, George, will be helping out with the new baby! AOL has the story that Wullie and Kate are already looking for a nurse for the brat before it's even born, and we'll be paying for it! So, as Frau Windson says, think carefully!

McMurdo, meanwhile, is all over the stuff being reported about Jim Sillars.  It would, of course, be a boost for the NO campaign if it weren't for the fact that it's a load of shite. Watch this video and you'll see Sillars explaining what he was on about.

Finally, the Daily Record made a complete arse of itself, not for the first time, on its website at the weekend. They showed a video of Groundskeeper Willie, from the Simpsons, talking about the referendum. Willie calls the YES side, "the freedom-loving heirs of the Highland tradition." The Daily Record, however, wrote this as
"the freedom loving YEARS of the Highland tradition". Now, I'd imagine that those working at an English newspaper might have problems understanding Willie's cod-Scottish accent; but the DR boasts that it's a Scottish newspaper. I know it's petty but it makes you wonder what's going on at Central Quay!

I'll know when the time is right to quit as boss of Rangers

"Iz soonis the money's finished Ah'm offski! An' Ah'll no' bae walkin' away - Ah'll bae runnin'!"

EVERYBODY LOVES YOU WHEN YOU'RE DEAD

Recent research has shown that Nazi Germany was not the efficient, strictly-organised society that everyone once thought; in fact, it was a complete shambles. Different departments competed with each other and often cancelled each other's efforts out as they vied to do the same job. Hitler himself had no interest whatsoever in the day-to-day running of the country; he was only concerned with his grand vision. Others did what they thought he wanted and, if they did not end up against a wall facing the business end of a bullet, they could be sure that Hitler approved. Hitler did not personally kill anyone, did not send the Jews to the gas chambers and did not give explicit orders for political opponents being sent to concentration camps or disabled children being murdered. Hitler's orders were just in general terms. He might say that he wanted no Jews left in Germany, but did not specifically say how. It would be a brave historian, however, who tried to make a case for Hitler not being responsible for all this. He inspired it all and he was behind it all; it's as simple as that.

A similar case is the Reverend Ian Paisley. He never actually got his hands dirty but was always there goading things on, even if not explicitly. He was the inspiration behind the attacks on the civil rights movements, led by Bernadette Devlin and others. His rhetoric about 'never giving an inch' was correctly interpreted as a rallying call for Protestant supremacy. His open hatred for Catholics and his stubborn refusal to compromise inspired others to be the same. He might not have participated but his speeches would be ringing in the ears of the attackers at the Burntollet Bridge Incident and his hate-filled oratory led directly to the Battle of the Bogside. 

It has often been said that the IRA never targeted him because he was their biggest recruiter. Paisley did more to inspire fear and terror in Northern Ireland than any other single individual. He was not for giving in to the civil rights movement; a movement that had nothing to do with Republicanism or a united Ireland. All these people wanted was parity; to be treated equally. Paisley and his followers, however, were having none of it. Is it any wonder that NI Catholics looked more and more to Republican terrorists when they were burned out of their homes, beaten by the police and killed by Protestant extremists, all at the instigation of this supposed man of God?

Even when the need for compromise became obvious, as there was no other way possible to guarantee peace, Paisley was against it. Those that supported the Good Friday Agreeement were 'traitorsh' and there was no way he was going to sit down and talk with 'terrorishtsh'. Meanwhile his anti-Catholic rants even got him thrown out of a meeting of the EU that was being addressed by the Pope. 

But compromise he did and he ended up First Minister in the new power-sharing arrangement. Many observors, however, have noted that this had nothing to do with conviction or a change of heart. It was more to do with the fact that he was terrified that the limelight would fall on somebody else. He could not bear the thought that he would no longer be at the heart of things.

So now he's dead and all the encomiums have started. Apparently he should be remembered as a 'peacemaker' a 'giant of politics' and a 'brilliant orator'. The first, 'peacemaker', is at best debatable, at worst a downright lie. The other two descriptions, of course, are highly accurate but the same could also be said of Hitler, Stalin and any other dictatorial despot you care to mention. In reality, it is arguable, indeed plausible, to suggest that Paisley held back the cause of peace in Northern Ireland. In fact it even plausible to suggest that without him the Troubles might never have happened. That is Ian Paisley's real legacy and it is not one to boast about.

IT'S ALL COMING APART

One thing that has struck me during the independence debate is how, right from the start, the YES campaign has been based on the same ideas and promises, while the NO one has changed from week to week. To be honest, up until recently the Better Together campaign was hardly what you'd call a campaign at all. It was taken for granted that we'd all vote no, so what was the point? Second-rate and has-been politicians were wheeled out, feeding us the same, tired, old arguments. Now, however, things have changed.

Now we've got David Cameron and Ed Milliband shaking their SatNavs in desperation, trying to find out how the fuck you get to Scotland. They're coming out with all manner of deals to try and make it so that we won't vote YES, not understanding that it's precisely that condescending manner of giving us more powers that we're pissed-off with. Why the hell should we wait about to see what's going to be granted to us when we can take it for ourselves?

The smell of shite-stained breeks is wafting all over Scotland and they're especially terrified about the Orange Lodge's march in Edinburgh this Saturday. I'm not too sure where they're intending to march but usually Princes Street is off limits and closes for no bugger. I remember years ago there was an EU summit in Edinburgh; even then the limousines were kept off Princes Street and were sent along George Street instead. I've no doubt that there's last-minute meetings going on to try to get this march cancelled; after all, the sight of hundreds of Ulster bigots trying to tell Scotland how to vote will drive many into the YES camp. If Alex Salmond has any say in the matter, it'll be a high-profile event, with all traffic halted on Princes Street so that everybody can see them. In that case, I'll see you all on Saturday. I'll be the guy at the foot of The Mound selling eggs, a pound each or three for two quid!

The biggest piece of nonsense coming out at present is all those companies saying they're going to uproot and move south if we vote YES. Standard Life, apparently, is going to move its pension funds to England. What a load of shite! Pension funds don't sit in a bank account doing nothing; they're invested all over the globe in safe, but high-yield businesses, like armaments companies. There are always wars and you can't fight without guns, bombs, planes, tanks etc. You can always tell somebody with a pension fund; they're the one sitting grinning when the news tells of mass bloodshed in Africa or the Middle East. Every death means replacement ammunition needing to be bought, which adds up to a nice, fat pension.

Since all the pension money is tied up in global companies and is administered by global financial institutions it makes not one jot of difference where the front counter, so to speak, is situated. So this is just another scare story or, more likely, Standard Life is looking to consolidate, move operations to England and shed Scottish jobs and see this as an ideal opportunity to do so while somebody else takes the blame. They've also made it clear that they're not happy about increased devolution, which gives credence to the idea that the move has nothing whatsoever to do with independence.

All the scare stories that we've been hearing are either based on fantasy or are downright, petulant blackmail. Take the idea of a currency union, for example. There's no reason for it not to work except for the Westiminster Government's determination to make sure it doesn't. It's an empty threat, though. Do you honestly think that all the companies in England that currently do business with Scotland will stand by and let the Westminster Government force Scotland into a different currency, thereby costing those companies more money due to exchange rates? Not a chance. The whole idea is ridiculous. That's why Salmond has not come out with a Plan B; he knows full well that he doesn't need one.

As for the clowns quoting the EU president saying that they're having a kind of moritorium and allowing no new members for a few years; so what? Maybe it's escaped their notice but Scotland already has MEPs sitting at the EU table. It would not be a case of Scotland applying for membership but the Englsih MEPs desperately trying to get us kicked out. As I keep saying, there was no problem with Germany reuniting and getting extra MEPs so why should Scotland be kicked out when there would be no change in the number of members?

My favourite threat, however, is Ed Milliaband's promise to put guards on the Scottish border. I mean...why? The only possible reason I can think of is to stop The Peeppul trying to migrate en masse into England. The very idea of that lot descending upon them has many a sphincter quivering with fright, and not just those of the goats!

Speaking of The Peeppul, they're all up in arms at this guy from Malaysia looking round Ibrox. According to Bisto FC, however, he was just there to look into a youth development partnership, as well as Bisto's community and social inclusion strategies. I don't know which one of those is the most risible! Youth development? Where? Community? Like the old club ripping everybody off? And don't get me started on 'inclusion strategies'! Inclusion! Don't make me laugh. Meanwhile a UOF spokesperson said, "Wae don't waant fuckin' Chinkies at the Big Hoose!"

But the biggest problem with Sandy Easdale's lunch date was the other character present; one Rafat Rizvi. This is the man that swindled a bank in Indonesia and is on Interpol's 'most wanted' list. Even worse than that, as far as The Peeppul are concerned, is his connection to Charles Green. Remember all the tapes of secret conversations among Green, Whyte and Rizvi? As usual, though, The Peeppul attempt to shift the blame. Look at this cracker from one of them on the DR Hotline: 

"It doesn’t say much for Interpol if they cannot find Rafat Rizvi who had a tour of Ibrox followed by lunch while being followed by a host of photographers."

What a dick! Britain doesn't have an extradition treaty with Indonesia so there's nothing Interpol can do when Rizvi goes swanning about here. No doubt if Rizvi manages to get his feet under the table in the Blue Room it'll be all Interpol's fault. There's another name for Ze List!

The Daily Record's forums are getting more and more ridiculous these days. The other day I tried to write 'Torky the Twat' on it. I was told that I could not post until I removed the word 'twat'. There are plenty of other words that they won't let you post, apart from the obvious ones. Try 'hun' and you'll set all the alarm bells ringing. Some folk get round the rules by using extra letters, dashes or symbols, like *. The Daily Record are dead-set, it seems, on not causing offence. Apparently, however, there's one word that seems to be perfectly acceptable: 'bogtrotter'. I've seen this foul term used repeatedly on the DR forums, unadorned by any attempt to disguise it. There are no attempts either by the DR to remove these posts, while other posts disappear all around them. Do you think this is because:

a) The Daily Record moderators haven't noticed?
b) The Daily Record moderators don't know what the word means?
c) Anti-Irish racism is alive and well?

Finally, I was hoping to have my book set in Garngad finished by Christmas but I'm only about a third of the way through and when I'm finished I'll still need to edit the whole thing. I'm going to keep going to see if I can reach my target so I might not be on here so often! 

Datuk Faizoull Bin Ahmad is shown the great traditions of community and inclusion at Ibrox.

DESPERATE TIMES

The sheer inability of The Peeppul to comprehend how things work in the real world was summed up for me by this e-mail to the Daily Record's Hotline:

 “I can’t believe Imran Ahmad has succeeded in getting the money frozen at the third attempt.
“He has failed on two previous occasions and just happens to get his way now when Rangers are facing another cash crisis.
“Am I the only one who reckons there’s something a bit fishy here?”

He doesn't seem to realise that it's precisely because Bisto FC is facing another cash crisis that Ahmad's request was granted. If everything was hunky-dory then there'd be no need for any amount to be ring-fenced. Normal service has, however, been resumed and the ring-fencing has been lifted while Bisto FC has been granted the right of appeal. Exactly what basis they're going to appeal on is unclear since everybody and his dog knows that they're skint. 

The ridiculous excuse given for the granting of their right to appeal is that two previous judges found that there was no need to ring-fence cash. This has to rank as one of the most stupid decisions I've ever heard. A company's ability to pay can change over time and you can't possibly base a decision in the present on circumstances that existed months ago. No doubt the judge that found in favour of Ahmad has had his knuckles rapped doon the local ludge!

McMurdo's disciples, meanwhile, are still all doom and gloom. Apparently Scottish football is finished if Rangers (sic) disappears. "No star players and no youth policy other than scouts finding talent for the premiership in England." So no more Tore Andre Flos, then. And they think this is a bad thing! As for youth policy I'm sure we all remember the conveyor belt of talent coming through from Murray Park, eh? Like I said, they don't do reality. Oh, and seemingly the Scotland team would suffer as well:. "the national team needs a strong RFC ,, for doubters please see the past". See the past? A time when better players were left out of the squad because Rangers players had to be picked first. And half the time they wouldn't turn up anyway if Rangers had an important game in the offing!

And the conspiracies involving Celtic are still there. It seems that the SFA blocked Ashley's plans as part of a long-term strategy for Celtic to get into the EPL! Once Rangers (sic) are out of the picture the way will be clear for Celtic to plead with UEFA that they don't belong in the poverty-stricken Scottish league. Although accepting the veracity of this nonsense, a couple of the disciples have the view that it won't work. After all, they "cant see the folks in Carlise or Barnet or Preston being open to republican supporting yobs destroying their towns in drug and booze filled hate fights with people such as the EDL or the BNP." I suppose the English would prefer that the yobs destroy their towns while waving Union Flags, as happened in Manchester!

Somebody else suggests that Rangers (sic) takes the SFA to UEFA, as "there (sic) rules surely supersede the SFA s." That might prove difficult as the blocking of Ashley's supposed master plan by the SFA never actually happened! As to the ridiculous conspiracy for Celtic to get into the EPL, that'll be why most Celtic supporters are voting YES in the referendum, eh? 

Strangely, McMurdo seems to be ignoring the referendum these days, even though he's previously said that his country means more to him than his team. Obviously that was glib shite, just like Walter Smith telling us how he always answered when Scotland called! The majority of the posts are about the Ibrox team, which is a pointer to where their true loyalties lie. Scotland can go to hell in a handcart; so long as there's a team at Ibrox for them to support!

One of them tries to redress the balance by saying how the SNP are "turning Sco into a Republic". What is it that they've got against that word? They start foaming at the mouth, screaming and waving their hands about frantically at the very thought of the concept. There are successful republics all over the world: France, the USA, etc. To their fevered minds, however, republic only means one thing; Ireland. They're so consumed by hatred that they can't think properly.

And as the polls show that independence might be on the cards, the desperation of the Bettertogetherers is a sight to behold. Torky the Twat in the Daily Record tries to twist it so that Cameron rushing to Scotland shows how important the Union is, rather than how desperate things are. And, in an even more desperate move, Torky decides to move into X-Factor territory. This, apparently, is one of the few times that Cameron has missed Prime Minister's Question Time; one of the few other times being when his child died. I've never seen the X-Factor but the impression I get from the constant coverage in the papers is that the winner tends to the one with the best sob story. It just shows how the Bettertogetherers are scraping the bottom of the barrel!

They're frantically looking for ways to bribe us into voting NO. Of course, this is illegal, since they shouldn't be introducing any new measures at this point. To get around this they've wheeled out Gordon Brown to do the dirty work. If we vote NO everybody in Scotland is going to get a £10 voucher for Marks and Spencers, a free Lottery scratchcard with a chance to win a million quid, a tin of Baxter's soup of your choice, a box of Tunnock's teacakes and a signed photo of Kate Middleton's bare arse. Now, how is the YES campaign possibly going to compete against that?

And they're trying to drag old Frau Windsor into it as well; wanting her to come out on the side of the Bettertogetherers. I'm pretty sure that's illegal as well! Still, here's hoping that she does as they want; it would be as big a boost to the YES campaign as the upcoming Orange Walk in Edinburgh and the planned UKIP rally in Glasgow. Maybe they could all meet together and Auld Lizzie could lead them to wherever they're going to go to get away from an independent Scotland. Exactly where their destination will be is not certain but I've heard that Welsh goatherds have been buying up huge supplies of KY jelly!

 With the news of a new royal baby on the way, the UK Government announces an exciting competition. How would you like to name the child that will be 4th in line to the throne? Well, now you can have the chance. Using your skill and judgment, choose an appropriate name for a girl and one for a boy. You might want the royal baby named after your own child, you might want something traditional or maybe you think the name should reflect the modern world. The winner, picked at random, will have their name used for the baby when it arrives. You will stay in London, all expenses paid, for four days, attend the Royal Christening and be treated to dinner with the Mayor of London, Boris Johnson. *

Details and entry forms can be found at www.bloodyparasites.gov.uk. 

Remember, this competition is only open to UK citizens. **

You have to be in it to win it!

(Entries will only be accepted from 19-9-14)

 * Please note that you will be at the very back of the church and may not be able to see the actual christening. The dinner with the Mayor will consist of a meal at McDonalds to the value of £5 per person. Travel to and from London will be by coach. Accomodation will be at a Bed and Breakfast establishment.

** Please be aware that if Scotland votes to become independent on 18th September 2014, the Scottish people will no longer be considered UK citizens.

WE'RE ALL DOOMED! DOOMED, I TELL YOU!

Keith Jackson, in typical Daily Record fashion, tells us that if Bisto FC goes, which looks more and more likely, the rest of Scottish football will follow. Scotland needs the 'Old Firm', bums on seat, television money, blah, blah, blah. Strangely the same apocalyptic visions were never mentioned in 1994; there was nothing said then about needing the Old Firm, eh? All we got was pictures of hearses outside Celtic Park. And what Jackson calls 'glee' and 'blood lust' the rest of Scotland called justice and making sure that the rules applied equally to EVERY team. 

McMurdo, meanwhile, gave his blog over to one of his disciples yesterday. The post was an impassioned plea for some billionaire to come to the rescue. The likely candidate is Mike Ashley, who is being feted by the Merlinites in exactly the same way they fawned over Craig Whyte. And we all know how well that turned out! But why do they need a billionaire? Simple. Because 'We are Rangers (sic)', 'We are The People' and 'We need to get back to where we belong'. There was only one dissenting voice:

"What’s wrong with both Celtic & Rangers being forced to live within their means? IE monies generated from their own fanbase and activities. Is it not the need for CL monies and egomaniac chairmen that has brought us to the brink? us being Scottish Football.
We SF need to accept our real level which is feeders to the EPL and make the best of it maybe at some point we will be adult enough to look in the mirror an see where the blame actually lies."

And therein lies the problem. Celtic and every other club are cutting back to live within their means; 'downsizing' as McMurdo calls it. Meanwhile, Bisto FC has learned nothing from what happened to the old club and is still spending what it can't possibly afford. But, then, it's hardly the current occupiers of the Blue Room that are at fault. The die was cast as soon as Charlie declared that his new club was 'Still Rangers'. Banging on about TUPE laws meant that he had to honour the previous contracts of Sooperally and the rest. Meanwhile The Peeppul themselves clamoured for a straight run up the leagues and were happy to see millions squandered to achieve it. Now, of course, they're back to Square One and 'up to their knees' in shite!

Instead of realising that it's their own fault for demanding a quick rise up to 'where they belong', they're desperately looking for other scapegoats. It's the fault of the board, of Graham Wallace and, of course, all those evil 'Ranynjurz Haturz'! McMurdo relates a story about the SFA blocking a plan by Ashley to provide cash as long as austerity measures were introduced. I can't say I've heard about that and I'm damn sure if it were true then the Daily Record would have been all over it! So it's the fault of the Peter Lawwell-controlled SFA that Bisto FC is going to the wall! I think we've been here before.

While McMurdo and his acolytes see Ashley as the only solution, they're worried about the board of Sports Direct; or, more specifically, one particular member of that board. That individual is one Charles McCreevy, an Irish politician, who has served in high office both in the Dáil and in Europe. Obviously this makes him suspect as far as The Peeppul are concerned. They see the likes of Gregory Campbell do nothing but try to make trouble for Celtic at Westminster, while his fellow DUP members attempt the same in Europe, and assume that Irish politicians will be as petty and vindictive as these sad bigots. Happily for them, it appears that McCreevy is standing down from the Sports Direct board. He probably doesn't want to be associated with the mess at Ibrox!

This desperate deflection by transferring their own behaviour patters onto others is par for the course among The Peeppul. I always love how they say that Celtic is hated throughout Europe. They never manage to say, however, what they base this opinion on; although I've a good idea. When you go abroad to European resorts they'll do anything to pull the punters in. I remember one pub in Spain with a Union Flag flying outside it, called the 'Robin Hood Bar'. At the end of the week all the English were disappearing and the Spanish were arriving. The frontage of this bar changed overnight. The flag vanished and a sign with a Spanish name appeared. One of the locals told me that the pub changed its name, facade and decor four times during the holiday season, depending on where the majority of the tourists were going to come from.

In Alvor, on the Algarve, there are numerous 'Irish' pubs inviting you to come in for the 'craic'. Basically, being an Irish pub involves installing a couple of tricolour flags and a Guinness tap. Sometimes they'll hire somebody with a guitar to belt out Irish ballads with a few Celtic songs thrown in. There was one called 'Paddy's Bar' where 'Paddy' turned out to be a huge local guy, who would join in all the Celtic songs that he'd obviously learned phonetically. We only went a couple of times, getting fed up hearing the same songs over and over. Some Irish folk we met couldn't stand it either; especially 'Paddy' constantly telling them how he loved the Irish and Celtic, and hated the English and Rangers. Nobody took him seriously, and considered him nothing more than an arsehole.

We once went to Benidorm, where the same kinds of pub are in evidence and there were a few Union-Flag-bedecked ones with some Rangers crests painted around the door. Now, you can just imagine Domingo behind the bar telling them all how he hates Celtic and loves Rangers. The other barmen, and the manager will say the same thing, adding that their friends all hate Celtic as well. Like all good businessmen, they'd be willing to curse their own family just as long as the punters kept coming and knocking back the pints!

Of course, being as thick as they are, The Peeppul will take all this at face value. And so they can confidently assert that Celtic are hated throughout Europe, conveniently ignoring the fact that many European teams, and English ones for that matter, choose to play Celtic when it comes to charity matches and testimonials. As usual, The Peeppul live in their own, wee world.

I see on the DR forums that some of them are still insisting that their team is 'Stull Raynjurz'. As usual, they point to the 'authorities' that supposedly believe the same; e.g. the SPFL, the SFA, the ECA etc. I had a thought the other day, however, while reading McMurdo's blog. Every eminent, reputable and respectable archaeologist, historian, Biblical scholar, theologian and social historian maintains that British Israelism is nothing more than a pile of shite. Not one of these scholars has anything to gain by saying this. The SPFL and the SFA, on the other hand, are driven by pound signs and are attempting to keep The Peeppul onside., while the ECA just goes along with whatever the national football associations and leagues say. Now, which 'authorities' would you say are more trustworthy?

Mr. Cut-and-Paste on McMurdo's blog treats us to various stories about how detestable those campaigning for YES are. While NO campaigners go around beating people up and kicking women in the stomach, those frenzied YESSERS are ripping down posters, threw an egg at Jim Murphy and are - gasp! - calling people names! No wonder they're being compared to the Nazis, eh? And Auld Cut-and-Paste shocks The Peeppul even more with the news of an English couple, who have been told to - I can hardly bring myself to say it - 'Go home!' What is the world coming to?

This English couple have been living here for years and are appalled by this racism; obviously The Peeppul are as well. Strangely, though, when the same Peeppul are telling me to 'Go home', even though I've lived here my whole life, as has my father, it doesn't count as racism, or any other kind of -ism for that matter. So one English couple are told to 'Go home' by some wee neds while thousands sing it to me at a football stadium and while they're marching round the streets. You even get folk from Northern Ireland travelling over to Scotland to tell me to 'Go home'. Obviously, though, this counts as nothing next to the travails of that poor English couple!

Staying with the referendum and there's panic in the air as it dawns on our masters in London that a YES vote is imminent. Even auld Frau Windsor's getting worried! Among the new promises of increased devolution there's still that element of trying to play on people's fears. According to some of the posts on the DR, as soon as we vote YES the east coast of Scotland will be swamped with illegal immigrants, all bringing their rabid dogs with them. All manner of terrorist organisations are readying their AK47s and Semtex to murder us all in our beds. Meanwhile Mad Putin is going to rain down nuclear missiles on us. Multinational companies will pull out in droves and you won't be able to get a McDonalds or KFC for love nor money. Not that it'll be worthwhile having any money as we're going to be hit with hyper-inflation. All you'll be able to do with a pound coin is put a down-payment on a Mars bar or buy a deid football team!

The Pakistani guy at my local shop thinks that the YES vote is all about voting with the heart and not the head. He just about shat himself when I explained that a NO vote will probably mean a UKIP government sooner rather than later. A Polish girl that my wife worked beside seems to think that her job would be at risk in the event of a YES vote, again ignoring the threat of the political situation in England. A NO vote could well see her with her arse kicked out the country altogether, never mind losing her job! It seems that Project Fear is reaching some people, although probably not the 'types' that the Bettertogetherers would like!

It seems to be lost on the Westminster Government and its cheerleaders that the surge in the support for independence has nothing whatsoever to do with Braveheart, anti-English hatred or even the SNP. If you'd asked a lot of people now intending to vote YES the same question ten years ago there would have been quite a different outcome. In fact, even when the idea of the referendum was first mooted I, and many others, laughed it off and would have voted NO there and then. What has changed is the political climate. For many years we've had to suffer under governments that the English, especially in the south, elected. We put up with it because we were part of the Union and that was how things worked. So what's changed now?

Well, I'm sure that many would agree with me that the great concern is the culture of isolationism in England. UKIP are trouncing all in polls and by-elections, while Cameron has filled his cabinet with Euro-sceptics. England appears to be only concerned about profits while Scotland is more about social justice and inclusion. The hatred of the EU being bandied about in England is actually quite frightening. The Westminster Government refuses to sign up to the Social Charter and all European calls for people to be treated with dignity and respect are derided as 'PC gone mad' or 'Eurocratic interference'. Our government has for decades been fighting a rearguard battle against European ideas of workers' rights and the duties of employers to their employees. They won't be happy until we've left Europe altogether and they've taken us back to how it was in the Nineteenth Century. 

The truth is that Scotland has outgrown the Union. While we're happy to be involved in Europe and the world stage as the minor players we are, Unionists cannot get over the fact that they don't rule the waves anymore. If the rest of the world don't want to play by the UK's rules then the Unionists' only answer is to stamp their collective foot petulantly and storm off in the huff. The choice on the 18th is between a vibrant, modern, internationalist nation or being part of a petulant nation that's angry because it's 'no' their baw' anymore. 

VOTE YES - IT'S THE POSITIVE OPTION!

 "What the fucking hell's going on, Mister Cehmeron? First you let those hun bastards steal one's tex money and now you're abite to lose a chunk of one's nation! Thet will be six million tex payers lost ehnd thet's going to make one hell of a dent in one's cehviah budget! Ehnd what is going to heppen to one's hices in Scotland? You really are a useless fucker! Off with his head!"

BILLY DON'T LIKE IT LIVING HERE IN THIS TOWN

There's a school in East Lothian where the teachers all worked hard to introduce innovative new methods. They stayed behind after school, often well into the evening, to develop these ideas and they had to do a lot of planning to implement them in the classroom. The headteacher wasn't involved in all the work, except to pull everyone together now and again to see how things were going. At conferences and the like, however, it was the headteacher that told everyone about these wonderful new ideas. Everyone wanted to use them in their own schools so the teachers were sent round, after school of course, to introduce the new methods to other staff. Things went so well that the headteacher received all manner of plaudits, including being awarded an O.B.E. Teachers in East Lothian said the award stood for Other Buggers' Efforts.

A few years back there was an attempt by suicide bombers to blow up Glasgow Airport. Workers at the airport attacked the car the would-be bombers were in and overpowered them. Meanwhile, another worker, called John Smeaton, was on his break and stood smoking a fag while he watched his co-workers foil the attack. In TV interviews after the event, however, it was Smeaton that ranted and raved about how Glasgow wouldn't stand by and let things like that happen. Everyobdy now credits Smeaton for foiling the attack, while the real heroes are completely forgotten.

It's always the ones with the biggest mouths that get all the credit and acclaim. Look at Live Aid. There must have been hundreds, if not thousands, of people involved in organising that event but they're never heard about. Midge Ure, for example, did most of the organising and even wrote the Band Aid single. It's Bob Geldof, however, with his big, Mick-Jagger gob, that everybody remembers and it's usually made out that he did the whole thing single-handedly. Geldof seems to believe this himself and views himself as some great expert on world affairs. In this capacity, he brings his magnificence to bear on the independence debate. In the Daily Record he tells us all why we should vote NO and informs us how brilliant the Union is. If he's that enamoured of the Union, maybe he should go back to Ireland and see if he can persuade his countrymen to have a vote to join the UK. Surely they'd all listen to Sir Bob, wouldn't they?

It might have been a good idea for Geldof to do a bit of research before opening his mouth so he would actually know the facts. He's got previous for this kind of thing, though. Neither he, nor anybody else, bothered to do their research about the real situation in Ethiopia. It later transpired that there was no drought and that people were starving because the Ethiopian government was deliberately starving them as part of its war strategy. All Live Aid achieved was to feed government troops, make money for government officials and prolong the war. You'd think he'd have learned his lesson by now!

It appears that the same kind of thing has been going on at Ibrox, with everyone's attention drawn to a big mouth while being ignorant of what's going on behind the scenes. While Green was handing out cups of tea and being praised for 'saving Rangers' he sold the image rights to Ibrox to Mike Ashley for the usual sum of £1. There are rumours doing the rounds that the Rangers logo belongs to somebody else too. So, basically, if Bisto FC makes it through the season and somehow manages, by the grace of the match officials, to crawl into the Premiership, then there is a fortune to be made; unfortunately, none of it will be heading into Ibrox. Ashley already has a stranglehold on all the merchandise at the 'Rangers' shop and practically everything that leaves the shop, even the poly bags, carry the Rangers logo. That chateau in France is going to have some serious extensions built onto it, probably all made from marble! I wonder if there'll still be calls for Green to return on McMurdo's blog now.

To be honest, McMurdo and his disciples are far more preoccupied with the independence referendum. McMurdo is almost in tears as he tells us that we have to save the 'holy' land of Scotland by voting NO. It's Scotland's destiny to rule the world, apparently, although how it's supposed to do that when McMurdo and his fellow UKIPpers cut us off from the rest of the world I have no idea! The usual British Israelite bullshit is trotted out, with Scotland being a mixture of Jerusalem, Bethlehem, Medina, Mecca, Nauvoo and any other holy place you can think of. How a YES vote is going to make Scotland any less 'holy' is difficult to determine; McMurdo does nothing but waffle on the subject.

It's amazing how these Bettertogetherers accuse the YES campaign of living in the past, all tartan and William Wallace and then the likes of McMurdo expects us all to vote NO on the basis of fairy stories about Scotland being created by God for some special purpose. So that's what Heaven's going to be like: Orange Walks in perpetuity, constant Rangers matches, knuckles dragging through the clouds and daily renditions of The Sash. Hell is certainly beginning to look like the better option!

And yet another reason to vote NO rears its head with the news that Islamic fundamentalists have stolen eleven commercial planes in Libya. (How do you go about stealing a plane? You can hardly hide it up your jumper, can you?) Anyway, it's obvious where the intended target of these planes is going to be. When the YES vote wins on the 18th Scotland will be unprotected and wide-open to attack. On the 19th, commercial airliners are going to come raining down on us and there's nothing we will be able to do about it. It's obvious that Islamic fundamentalists will want to conquer this holy land of ours. Only a NO vote will ensure that these planes are blasted out of the sky before they reach us. Save us, England, save us!

Mr. Cut-and-Paste, WullieWontHe, one of McMurdo's disciples, tells us that UKIP are going to be holding a rally in Glasgow a few days before the referendum. They're keeping the venue secret until the last minute, just in case any left-wing terrorists turn up armed with a few dozen boxes of large-sized Free Range. Nigel Farage, of course, is going to be there along with party representatives from Wales and Northern Ireland. The event will be hosted by Arthur Misty Thackeray, the head of UKIP in Scotland. In case you haven't heard of this clown Thackeray, he's made quite a name for himself as a bigot and racist. Speaking about Glasgow City Council, he said that GCC stood for "Gays, Catholics, Communists."  Other comments include:

“You have to witness a Glasgow election count night to understand the extent of islamist influence within the SNP and Labour … last time out I thought we were contesting a seat in Pakistan.lol.”

He said that there was "more chance of winning the lottery two weeks running than getting an openly Rangers-supporting MSP into the chamber of the institutionally catholicised pretendy parliament .. lol."

Another rant accused Catholicism of being based on “fascist ideology” and that Glasgow had a “suffocating culture of anti-loyalism”

He has expressed support for the BNP and the EDL and said that he felt “very strongly” about upholding “hard-won freedoms”  

Tom Robinson, thirty-six years ago, quite succinctly expressed what these 'freedoms' were:

"Freedom from the reds and the blacks and the criminals
Prostitutes, pansies and punks
Football hooligans, juvenile delinquents
Lesbians and left wing scum
Freedom from the niggers and the Pakis and the unions
Freedom from the Gipsies and the Jews
Freedom from the long-haired layabouts of students
Freedom from the likes of YOU!"

Finally, could I take this opportunity to remind everyone that throwing eggs at lying politicians can cause serious alarm and mean expensive dry-cleaning bills. Other cost-effective items that can be employed include used tea bags with a tear, old salad vegetables from the bottom of the fridge and crisp packets filled with out-of-date milk!

 

"Wur comin' tae get yez if yez vote YES!"

YOU MIGHT NEED SOMEBODY

I see McMurdo has finally come out and said what he believes is going to happen with Bisto FC: they're basically fucked. This is his take on Peter Lawwell's supposed admission that Celtic 'needs' Rangers. Apparently what Lawwell is saying is that when Bisto FC goes belly-up the next new Ibrox team will walk straight into the Premiership. After all, Celtic, and everybody else, needs them in order to survive.

This hasn't gone down too well with some of McMurdo's disciples and there is already dissension in the ranks. They're slabbering all the usual pish about illegal demotions, illegal punishments and how Peter Lawwell forced other clubs into throwing Rangers (sic) into the lower leagues. They still don't get it, do they? Peter Lawwell would have been perfectly happy to let the new club into the SPL; it was the fans of all the other teams that weren't happy about this special treatment. And if things go as McMurdo seems to think they will then Scottish football is finished. Money isn't everything.

And you've really got to laugh at these clowns going on about Lawwell running Scottish football and having all his placemen in positions of power. There's only one answer to that: Campell Ogilvie EBT. If Lawwell is running everything then why is this character still holding down a job in the SFA? He's a constant reminder of the corruption at the top of our game and how rules have been bent in favour of one club - and it ain't Celtic!

The big reason, supposedly, for Lawell 'illegally demoting' Rangers (sic) was as a smokescreen to hide all the shady dealings between Celtic and Glasgow City Council. As one of the disciples says, "If Rangers had remained asis in 2012, challenging, leading the chase, winning titles and cups, competing in Europe etc there is no doubt that the MSM would have been all over CFC and their GCC land deals, Co-Op bank loans, Lennoxtown acquisition and the mystery of the “missing” deeds."

Maybe he should have gone a bit further back. If Rangers had remained 'asis' in 2012 they'd have been challenging for nothing more than the struggle to avoid relegation. It's really about time The Peeppul faced reality instead of inventing all these silly conspiracy theories. I suppose when you believe nonsense like British Israelism etc. then it doesn't take much to swallow any old story. I'm surprised they haven't been banging on about the Phantom Time Hypothesis. I only discovered this one recently. Look it up - it's fascinating!

Anyway, while the rest of the world is searching the internet for those pictures of Jennifer Lawrence, the sweaty hooves of The Peeppul are clattering on the keyboards desperately seeking some sign that the EC has found Celtic guilty of receiving state aid. Nothing has been discovered yet, and it won't, but that doesn't stop some of them experiencing a bit of premature ejaculation just because the preliminary investigation  has been mentioned on the Scottish Government website. As if that means anything!

The last day of the transfer window saw seven youngsters go out on loan from Bisto FC. I suppose this is what they call building for the future, relying on players that should be tucked up in bed with a cup of cocoa and 'A Book At Bedtime' on Radio 4. The good news for the teams that have taken on these younger players is that loans from Ibrox usually don't have to be paid back.

Meanwhile, on the referendum front, Alistair Darling has called for police protection at the polling booths come the 18th in case the YES campaigners try to intimidate voters. It seems that kicking a woman in the stomach is perfectly reasonable behaviour but throwing an egg is an act of terrorism. The Daily Record is now talking of Jim Murphy being 'pelted' with eggs. Nothing like a bit of eggsageration, eh? (Sorry!)

The remains of the offending egg have been taken by the security services for analysis to ascertain the provenance of this weapon of mass destruction. The Tories believe that it originated in Iraq, while the Labour Bettertogetherers are convinced it's a home-grown egg, one of thousands bought by Alex Salmond as part of a concerted campaign. The Orange Order has claimed that the egg was laid by an Irish Republican hen in a garden on the Falls Road. The Ukippers,meanwhile, point to the fact that the egg was brown, not white. Apparently white eggs have become a minority in their own country, while brown eggs are taking over everywhere. We need to act now to stop this devaluing of British culture...etc...etc...drone...
drone...drone...

And a final visit to Ibrox. The details of the salary of the chairman, Mr. Blobby, have emerged and he's getting £60k a year for working a two-day month. Now there's a job worth having; not just a two-day week, but a two-day month! No doubt he also has loads of bonuses and share packages as well. He moans, however, that his remuneration is 'poor'. It looked to me as if he was being light-hearted, but it's still a big slap in the face for The Peeppul. It seems the only ones that don't have their snouts in the trough are the Easdales; but the big question-mark about them is, who do they represent? They've got proxy votes coming out their earholes but whose? There is speculation that Green, and maybe even Whyte, are still involved at Ibrox; that speculation could be right. Maybe the Easdales are taking nothing because they're only there to represent the ones that are taking nearly everything!

"A gottle of geer!"

LIVE AND LET DIE

Further proof, if such were needed, that Merlin McMurdo lives in a different century from the rest of us was provided in today's blog. He comes out with the following gem:

"A husband’s promise to buy his wife a new cooker can be delayed and waylaid by the pressing need for a new clutch."

Either his household is run along strict, puritan lines, he's gay, or he's still living with his parents. Whatever the truth he certainly has no idea of how a modern relationship works. It would be a brave, foolhardy man that announced to his wife that he was going to buy 'her' a new cooker! In normal households that would be a joint decision and would be paid for out of the joint bank account. The same would be true of the new clutch. Not that I'd know anything about the latter; I'm one of those folk that have never been interested in motor vehicles or how they work. I'm vaguely aware that the wheels on the bus go round and round but that's about it.

Anyway, his archaic simile is part of The Peeppul's supposition that Peter Lawwell has suddenly announced that Celtic is skint and needs 'Rangers' to survive. As I said yesterday, they're taking this as proof positive that if Bisto FC go into liquidation then there will be nothing to stop the next new club from walking straight into the Premiership, claiming that it's 'Stull Raynjurz'. They're all falling over themselves at Lawwell's apparent change of tack and his newfound desire to tell 'the truth'.

I don't know about anybody else but I don't remember Lawwell saying anything about Celtic being rich beyond the dreams of avarice. The only reference I can think of to this is on newspaper forums when Celtic fans were winding up The Peeppul by telling them that their new team was skint while Celtic was rolling in dosh. The fact is, all Peter Lawwell has ever said was that Celtic was in good shape financially and that it didn't need 'Rangers' to stay that way. He said nothing about running out to buy up every player he could find and winning Champions Leagues or anything, like a certain David Murray did in the grand old days of yore.

The fact is that some people just got carried away with themselves, counting up the CL and transfer money and assuming that Croesus didn't have a look in as far as Celtic was concerned. A million quid might keep you or me in reasonable luxury for the rest of our lives but for a football team it's a drop in the ocean. You can't run a business just by spending and spending, as Rangers found to their cost. As I said yesterday, this is Scotland and we need to be realistic. The whole of Scottish football is in the gutter where Rangers dragged it and it's going to take time to climb out. Let the new Ibrox club spend money it doesn't have; that's not the Celtic way.

Meanwhile The Peeppul are still peddling the myth about their new club being 'demoted' as some sort of 'punishment'. Some of them are still blaming Peter Lawwell for this imagined slight, even though, at the time, he was working as hard as the rest of them to put Sevco in the top tier. When the situation comes round again, and it looks like it won't be too long, Lawwell and the bosses at the other clubs are going to have to weigh up what's important. Do they let this other new team into the top tier, making a mockery of the whole game or abide by the rules? Doing the former might put more bums on seats at Celtic Park as the crowds flock back to see the neo-huns get pummelled. In the long term, however, it would have a completely detrimental effect on the whole game.

Essentially what such a move would say is that neither Celtic nor 'Rangers' can ever leave the top tier, no matter what happens. What would be the point in supporting any other club when the odds are so stacked against you? Two teams can outspend the rest with the comfortable knowledge that liquidation means just carrying on as usual without having to pay back your creditors. And other teams might try to follow suit and find that the same rules don't apply to them. The only criteria that matter are the size of the crowds and the size of the TV audience. Is this what anyone wants for Scottish football? I doubt it. So have a bit of patience, let Bisto FC fade away and allow our game to get back to what it is supposed to be.

Over on the referendum front the big buzz just now is about supposed organised intimidation by the YES campaigners. I've seen a few stories about YES campaigners being beaten up and threatened; one old man even got his arm broken! None of this, however, makes its way into our mainstream media. Instead all we hear is about 'cybernats' and the throwing of one egg. By God! It's like an election in the Middle East! Who knows, it might even get to the stage where somebody might - gasp! - throw an old tomato or something. Surely this cannot be allowed to continue? I'm just waiting for some Tory to come up with the suggestion that the only reason people are going to food banks is to get things to throw at the Bettertogetherers!

The latest poor soul to suffer the wrath of the 'cybernats' is Paul McCartney. The walking advert for Grecian 2000 (or Just For Men, I think it's called now) is the latest clown to sign that silly letter, already signed by all manner of no-marks and upper-class gits. Does he expect to be congratulated? Or maybe he's 'So Vain' that he thinks we're all going to vote NO just because he says so! Apparently he's now been subjected to 'vile' online abuse by the 'cybernats'.

Look away now if you're at all of a nervous disposition, but he was called 'a prick'! Er...is that it? I've been called worse than that by the weans at school! What seems to be emerging from all this is that the ones urging us to 'stay together' are shocked that nobody cares about their opinions and that they all seem to be remarkably thin-skinned. I suppose the likes of Paul McCartney is used to people fawning over him and agreeing with everything he says. Look at the abuse suffered by Heather Mills when she dared to break up with him. Relentless fun was poked at her disability, which makes hypocritical any complaints about McCartney receiving verbal abuse.

You really wonder if any of these celebrities actually know anything about the real world. The fact that they are on the same side as McMurdo in the referendum debate goes a long way toward suggesting that they do not. As for the Bettertogetherers in general I really think it's time that they grew up. The constant whining about a few posts on Twitter makes them look like 'glass half-empty' kind of people. No wonder they can't come up with anything positive in their campaign!

Take a leaf out of my book; you can find something postitive in almost anything if you look hard enough. I remember one of my pupils writing on the ground outside the school gates, in permanent marker, the legend, 'Mr. Anderson is gay.' I was extremely pleased at his use of punctuation. The capital letters were in the right place and, although I think an exclamation mark would have been more suitable, he put a full stop at the end of it. He also called me 'Mr. Anderson' which shows a certain amount of respect; in my day we'd just have written 'Anderson'!

So get off your high horse, Bettertogetherers! The fact that folk are answering you and writing about you on Twitter means that they are actually paying attention to what you are saying. Isn't that better than being ignored altogether?

A treat for Paul McCartney's Better Together friends