BIGOTRY IS THE NEW BLACK

WTF? You know what; never mind the childlike abbreviations - what the fuck? Aleksandar Tonev is found guilty of racist abuse and banned for seven games, solely on the word of another player. Meanwhile, 'Boydy' headbutts another player in full view of the cameras, meaning that there is photographic and video evidence galore, but his case is found 'not proven'! What in God's name is going on?

And then seven members of the Green Brigade are arrested for singing 'Roll of Honour'. Apparently this song is likely to cause offence and even result in an affray. Who is it going to offend? Who is going to start fighting over it? Why, The Peeppul, of course; and we can't have them being offended or being 'forced' into fighting and vandalism, can we? On the other hand, singing about being up to your knees in a section of the population's blood, or calling for folk to 'go home' is not likely to offend anybody, is it? Well, that's what it seems like since there has not been one single arrest or one word of condemnation for The Peeppul's songbook.

Of course, McMurdo, with breathtaking hypocrisy, is straight in there to point fingers. According to him, the seven members of the Green Brigade are guilty of "racist, sectarian and terrorist glorifying behaviour". Racist? Racist? What the hell is he on about? Where's the racism? And as for sectarianism, pots and kettles spring to mind. I wouldn't sing the song myself (I don't know it, for one thing) but it is hard to see how you can call it sectarian. Is there anything in the song about Catholics being better than Protestants? Is there anything in the songs about hating Protestants or wanting to murder them all? I thought not.

And then we come to the 'terrorist-glorifying' bit. It has often been said that one man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter. If we are going to take a narrow view then there are other songs that will have to be banned. 'Free Nelson Mandela' is one; after all, according to the South African authorities, he was a 'teerroreest'. And what about films and books about the French Resistance during WWII? Maybe we should all start complaining about being offended about every little thing and see how far our justice system is prepared to go!

The truth is that our police and justiciary are biased, as in taking one side against another. In essence, it looks like things have not changed that much since the days I talk about in my book. The Orange Lodge, The Peeppul, Rangers 1 and Rangers 2 are 'their' side. Irish Republicans, even the Irish and those of Irish descent themselves, are still the 'enemy'. I might be exaggerating the case but it certainly seems that way. Let's look at another of McMurdo's allegations.

According to McMurdo, the Green Brigade Seven, and others, are guilty of "traitorous sentiments". So praising anyone connected with Irish Republicanism is 'traitorous'. The implication here is that the ones they are praising were traitors, so singing, chanting etc about them is traitorous as well. Strangely, however, there is never anything said about praising another band of 'traitors'. Edward Carson started up the UVF to fight against the British Government and secured a cache of arms for the purpose from the Germans. Praising this character, though, seems to not even raise an eyebrow. In fact, they've put up a statue of him at Stormont. It seems, then, that only one 'side' can be termed 'traitorous'.

McMurdo has a point with his other object of hate: the Dundee Utd fan that wrote on Twitter, mocking those that died at the Ibrox Disaster. There is no excuse for this kind of thing and Merlin is quite right to condemn it and the guy should be prosecuted. Again, however, double standards are at play. Many young boys had their lives ruined by James Torbett. Were Celtic guilty in all this? If they were, it was down to negligence, not intention; exactly the same as the negligence of Rangers that caused the death of 66 people. And yet, this episode is deemed a worthy subject for jokes and humorous songs and chants. Even Gordon Smith thought it was worth a chuckle. Has anyone been prosecuted for causing distress to the victims? Of course not!

Isn't it strange how our football authorities and police force have decided to show a sectarian, biased side at this particular juncture in time? Now, what could have caused this bigotry to come crawling back out from its hiding-place? There's really only one thing that's happened recently that could possibly have caused this: the referendum result. It looks like the 'NO' vote has boosted the confidence of the bigots and given them what they think is a mandate to return to the Old Ways.

The Daily Record joins in with its usual lies. The mayhem at George Square on 19th September, which was filmed and photographed for all the world to see, has resulted, it appears, in ONE arrest. One Darran Murray was filmed swigging Buckfast, making Nazi salutes and singing 'pro-Union songs,' whatever they are. The DR, meanwhile, goes on about how "officers attempted to separate hundreds of rival supporters", "Union supporters and Yes campaigners arguing" and how "fighting broke out". Anyone that has seen the videos etc knows that's not what happened. A gang of thugs attacked the YES campaigners; it wasn't two sides arguing and fighting. I suppose that wee girl attacked that hooligan with her saltire flag? I fully expect, in the not-too-distant future, that our media will find some way to blame the YES campaigners for the violence!

Back to McMurdo and, of course, Merlin wouldn't be Merlin without providing some comedy gold. He talks of "Rangers fans and other respectable people" as well as "embracing and accepting of all seemingly only applies if you are not a Protestant, Unionist, Loyalist or supporter of the Glasgow Rangers". Brilliant stuff. It's the way he tells 'em! McMurdo's solution is akin to America rounding up all the blacks and jailing them because they hate the KKK! Or perhaps the 6 million Jews that died in extermination camps were guilty of bigotry and racism because they hated the Nazis! Oops. Did I say 6 million? I forgot; McMurdo is friends with one of UKIP's most prominent holocaust deniers! Sorry, Bill; it didn't happen - Communist lies and all that!

Meanwhile, continuing the comedy theme, the Rangers (sic) Supporters Trust is setting up a rival merchandising outlet, selling black-and-red-coloured fanwear. All the profits will apparently be used to buy shares to give The Peeppul more say in the running of the club. They really haven't thought this one through. If they expect to oust Mike Ashley and the rest by this route then they're in for a nasty shock. They can buy all the shares they like but the incumbents at Ibrox have got a ready-made solution. All they need to do if the RST gets its hands on a bunch of shares is have a preferential share issue. Ashley, Blue Pitch, Margarita and the rest can snap up the new shares, effectively maintaining their present percentage holdings, while the share percentage of the RST would halve overnight. I'm sure Ashley is quaking in his boots as we speak.

They're asking for "fans with experience in merchandising, design and manufacture to come forward and help expand their range." Now, I don't know about design and manufacture but I do know somebody they can approach about merchandising; a world expert in the field, in fact. He currently resides at a chateau in France and his merchandising expertise extends to convincing thousands that a new football club was a continuation of an old one. I'm sure he'd be more than willing to help out; for a small fee, of course!

Over at Ibrox, Mr Blobby, the Bisto FC Chairman, is currently 'in talks' with Llambias and Leach, Mike Ashley's henchmen. Apparently, he, Mr Blobby that is, invited this pair to work for the club as consultants. What a coincidence, eh? They'll be having 'interviews' soon for the posts of CEO and Director, to replace Wallace and Nash; I wonder who'll get the jobs? Meanwhile, Mr Blobby says of Llambias, "He’s a consultant. I’m sure everything will turn out for the best."

Aye, they're coming down the road. And Ashley saw them coming!

"Erzi black-an-rid terry-towellin' soacks. Only three furra pound now!"

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DANCES WITH SHARKS

"The more you read the reactions from the media to Ashley’s position with Rangers you begin to sense the panic in their realization that Rangers might finally be on the brink of recovery or worse still a return to domination of the Scottish game for years to come."

A quote from one of McMurdo's disciples. Where the hell is he getting this from? They're really taking their paranoia to ridiculous extremes. Keith Jackson comes across as cautiously optimistic; he's obviously being careful after the last time he hailed a billionaire saviour at Ibrox. He's disappointed, of course, that Honest Dave didn't make it; after all, the Daily Record has been beating the drum for 'Real Raynjurz Men' right from the start.

So they're 'coming down the road' yet again. And, of course, this means nothing unless we're all terrified of this happening; hence the stuff about the fear in the media. The fact that, in reality, we're all laughing our arses off just doesn't seem to register with them. Scared? Aye, right!

Of course, the Union of Fuckwits are spitting blood about the whole thing. Halloween Houston and 'Legend' Bomber Brown were in the Record, going on about 'common sense'. They're apparently dumbfounded that Honest Dave's 'investment' of £16m was turned down.

Investment?

"If ye hand ower the club tae me, Ah'll gie yez 16 million quid. Ah've only goat 8 million jist noo, but Ah kin get the rest, honest! Ah know the South African authorites wullnae let mae take aw that money oot the country an' Ah know the Stock Exchange wull probably chase mae, but it'll bae awright, honest! The 8 million? Ah canny show yez enny proof the noo but, trust me, Ah've goat it, honest! Noo, if yez'll jist hiv that new share issue an' haun' me 51% then everyhin'll bae awright, honest!"

Does he mean that 'investment'?

Or what about Kennedy's 'investment'?

"Ah'll gie yez a lenny 3 million, nae bother. What? Ah've no' goat it the noo, but Ah kin get it dead easy. Ah've goat backers, 'Real Raynjurz Men', but Ah canny tell yez who they ur! Yez'll jist need tae trust me!"

It's hardly surprising that they went with Ashley, is it? He was the only one that could actually prove that he's got the cash!

Sooperally's all smiles; as long as there's somebody there that can sign his paycheck then he's a happy man. Speculation is rife that he'll be out the door soon, but the question of his contract still hangs over them like a Sword of Damocles. Can they actually afford to get rid of him? McMurdo and his cronies might go on about Ashley having deep pockets, but he's hardly been overly keen to dip into them so far, has he?

Effectively, Ashley now owns Bisto FC without officially or literally owning it. Nobody can complain about him owning two clubs; technically, he doesn't! There are rumours of another share issue, but why should he bother? He's got no worries about onerous contracts; his name is at the top of most of them! And now he's got security over Edmiston House and the Albion Car Park. Life surely doesn't get any better than that?

What are his plans for Bisto FC? Well, one indication can be seen in the revelation that Ashley changed his mind about Nash, wanting to hold onto him after discovering that he had managed to make £5m-worth of cuts. So he's obviously looking to make cuts; probably swingeing cuts. This suggests that he intends to run Bisto on the cheap, while raking in the profits from The Peeppul. He's got them sussed already: if they're not doing that great on the pitch then they'll blame the SFA, the SPFL, Peter Lawwell etc etc while forking out for Wee Billy's new 'Rangers' top. He's definitely onto a winner there!

Anyone for succulent Llambias?

 

 

 

 

 

This looks better Full Screen

 

 

And a message for Charlie Nicholas: that hole at the bottom of your spine is for shiting and farting, not talking out of!

 

 

Finally - you thought I'd forgotten, eh?

 

 

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THE ASH CLOUD DESCENDS

So that's it. Game over. It was a bit of an anti-climax, really. So much for Brian Kennedyand his 'trusted Rangers men'; it seems they weren't trusted after all! And so, for good or ill, Mike Ashley increases his stranglehold on Bisto FC. So what's going to happen now? God knows; but the fun's certainly not over yet!

Philip Nash has already resigned before he was shown the door and Graham Wallace has packed his bucket and spade and buggered off to Greece; no doubt his P45 will be waiting for him when he gets back. Nash and Wallace are both well-respected in business circles and at the Stock Exchange; they're the only people involved at Ibrox that actually have business expertise and experience. Now, why would anyone want to get rid of them? I seriously doubt that Ashley is gunning for this pair out of a sense of petty vengeance because they supported Honest Dave; you don't get to be a billionaire by letting sentiment get in the way. In my opinion, there's something dodgy going on that Nash and Wallace would be unhappy about; easier to get rid of them and put a couple of placemen onto the board instead.

The reaction of The Peeppul is entirely predictable. The Sons of Struth are angry as hell and there are even calls for a mass demonstration outside the Easdale's homes. I don't think that's a particularly good idea. Oor Sandy is not one to ignore a slight and the police and a team of lawyers would soon be on the case. They'd soon find out that it's not the same as falling out the Louden and staggering round to an empty stadium.

McMurdo, meanwhile, is overjoyed but there's dissension in the ranks of his disciples. Not everyone shares his optimism and there's a smell of fear coming from his website. None of them trusted Honest Dave and Kennedy's rumoured Blue Knights II, with Auld Dignity and Graeme Souness supposedly involved, hardly filled them with confidence. Now that the reality has hit them, however, they're not entirely sure that they've backed the right horse. They've not quite started to strip the pish-stained sheets off the bed yet, but that day can't be far off!

I had a look on the Bears' Den, but not a word about any of it there; instead they're talking about singing their kids to sleep with tales of Edward Carson. Christ, no wonder they all grow up to be psychopaths! One commenter has this to say, "Admit it ya fucking mutant bastards yer shit scared of us. We will be fucking back ya manky waen touching cunts." I can only assume that's a vote of confidence in Mike Ashley!

McMurdo himself puts out an appeal to God Almighty, with a video telling everyone to trust in God. This video comes from a YouTube channel called Genevam Sanctus, Holy Geneva, which is full of grinning images of Ian Paisley to let us know what it's all about. Holy Geneva? That's taking things a bit far, is it not? Whoever's in charge of this YouTube channel goes even further. Among a few explanations about Protestantism there's a quote from the Bible, followed by a quote from Calvin:

"God preordained, for his own glory and the display of His attributes of mercy and justice, a part of the human race, without any merit of their own, to eternal salvation, and another part, in just punishment of their sin, to eternal damnation. "  

That sounds like a god full of mercy and justice, eh? He picks one bunch at random, who will be saved without doing anything to earn it, while everybody else will burn in Hell 'for their sins.' Wait a minute here; so The Peeppul get a free pass into Heaven while the rest of us face eternal damnation? So not happy with cheating at football they've got to have a cheating god fix it for them to get to Heaven as well. Makes some kind of sick sense, I suppose!

Meanwhile, on the political front, Johann Lamont has resigned as leader of Scottish Labour. It seems she was forced out by the Politburo in London, who are unhappy with her not toeing the UK party line. Nae luck, hen! Just think, if you'd put your energies into supporting the YES campaign, you'd be leading your own party and drawing up a manifesto for the Scottish Parliament elections in a few years time, with a good chance of winning and running your own country with no interference from London. So were all those lies and smears to save the Union worth it?

Ashley's deal is accepted. Chris Graham takes the news rather less than well.

 

 

 Thanks to Mick for his promotion over on Bampots Utd. Don't be left out - get your copy now!

 

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BORE WAR

So, just as everybody expected, except for the Union of Fuckwits, Honest Dave is away back to South Africa with a flea in his ear. His attempt to take advantage of the desperate situation at Ibrox was given the bum's rush, due to his non-disclosure of who his co-investors are, his inability to provide proof of funds and his general unsuitability under AIM regulations. (King himself cites the SFA as a stumbling block, but we all know that the Hampden panjandrums would bend over backwards to help the Ibrox club.)

So where does Bisto FC go from here? Well, there are only two options: Ashley or administration. The latter option might seem like a good idea but I'm willing to bet that whoever drew up those 'onerous contracts' will have taken this into account and made provision. The legal wrangling could go on for years and cost Bisto a fortune in court costs. And then there's the little matter of the points hit for going through an insolvency event. Last year, when Bisto was way ahead of the pack, would have been a better time for administration in this respect; now it would condemn the new club to at least one more season in the Championship.

Ashley is hovering around like a vulture, waiting to pick the scraps before the body's even dead. King, of course, warns The Peeppul in his statement:

"...given the present concerns from supporters that Mr Ashley is using his shareholder status to put pressure on the board to alienate the rights and trade mark of the club in favour of his personal interest. I will make a separate announcement and appeal to fans on this topic at the appropriate time."

And:

"I would not be here without the support of the fans and neither would my co-investors. We are going to need to draw on your support again over the coming months."

So it looks like it's pish-stained bedsheets, red cards, boycotts and marches on empty stadiums for the foreseeable future. It looks as if King is determined to kill off this paricular Frankenstein's Monster and then try to replace it with one of his own. Would The Peeppul be happy to start 'The Journey' all over again? No matter what happens over the next few months the only thing that is certain is that the newest club in Scotland is, to use business terminology, fucked!

In a closing salvo, Honest Dave has a go at one of Leggat's favourite bêtes noires, Jack Irvine, the PR guru that everybody at Ibrox seems to use while denying his very existence. Davy Boy is in no mood for subtlety as he links Irvine squarely with Whyte and then goes on to say:

"My review of these emails indicates to me that he carefully identifies journalists that he believes lack journalistic integrity and ability and can therefore be fed by him for the benefit of whoever pays him. I urge fans to continue to ignore the nonsense that comes from these sources."

Surely King's not calling into question the integrity of the sports journalists in our MSM? He seems to be casting the spectre of 'succulent lamb' without actually calling it what it is. He's having a laugh, surely? Perhaps he could explain why the biggest consumers of blue-veined lamb in Scotland, the Daily Record sports staff, have constantly been beating the drum for King and his cronies! Then again, maybe he means Phil Mac Giolla Bhain or even, perish the thought, Merlin himself. If true then this would do McMurdo's credibility no end of harm. He's always banging on about how he supports the board from a position of independence. Wouldn't it be funny if it was discovered that he was actually on Irvine's payroll?

On a tenuously related matter, the Daily Record reports on Celtic's success in their Europa League match last night. It sounds as if it was hard going and Celtic did well to come out on top. Of course, this being the DR, we can't have a good news story from Parkhead spoiling the day of The Peeppul; they might smash up the libraries after all! So a snide comment has to be put in about the top tier at Celtic Park being closed. The reasoning from the DR is that the closure is due to 'lack of interest'. Of course, the underlying implication is that this is because 'Raynjurz' aren't around. The fact that this was a European night seems to elude them. It's time they got it through their thick heads; we are currently going through a recession and folk simply can't afford to go to football matches. Plus, this is the 21st Century and gone are the days when men could disappear to a match with impunity. I know from experience that if you usually pick your daughter up from her dancing class at 8 o'clock on a Wednesday, then, by Christ, you'll still be picking her up, European match or no European match! Nothing short of Bubonic Plague will get you out of it. Even then you might find yourself in the dog house for months on end!

Meanwhile, a 'surprise' announcement was made about a new oil field in the North Sea. Who'd a thought it, eh? Everybody's at pains to point out that the output is not going to be large, so it would not have benefited an independent Scotland by very much. What's the betting, though, that in a year or two's time they'll be saying that they were mistaken and the yield is a lot larger than first expected! Not only that, but they'll probably 'suddenly' discover new fields with much higher yields; pure serendipity, of course! Such mistakes are par for the course, however; during the 1979 referendum campaign we were told that the oil would be lucky to last another five years. It was sheer chance, of course, that it's lasted a lot longer than that!

The number of people viewing my blog is usually in the high three-figure mark, often tipping over into four figures. Why, then, are sales of my new book only hitting double figures? Come on, you lot, get your hands in your pockets! It's not as if I'm asking for donations or the like; I'm selling you something you'll probably enjoy. As Brendan says, it's my "best book yet", and the subject matter probably reflects the experiences of most of our ancestors. So at least have a look!

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WHO WORE THE WIG?

As Phil Mac Giolla Bhain is constantly telling us, Bisto FC is a loss-making business with no line of credit. It makes you wonder why anybody would want anything to do with the place. Of course, there's money to be made, especially with the much-vaunted 'onerous contracts'. The terms of some of these contracts are straighforward, like Ashley's merchandising deal, while others are nothing short of bizarre (see here).

Meanwhile the plot thickens in the Lukasz Zalukas assault. The consensus is that the two thugs involved were Dundee Utd players. I don't get all this 'can't be named for legal reason' shite; remember the business with the Elvis impersonator? There was no compunction then in naming the culprit straight away, eh? I remember as well how The Peeppul were all over this story. Not that they were being bigoted or anything you understand; they were solely concerned about justice. Strangely, they're all quiet about this story.

They're also quiet about another story. Usually they're screeching like that woman on The Simpsons, "Won't somebody please think of the children!" It seems, however, that this condemnation of child abuse only occurs when it's Catholics, or the Catholic Church, involved. None of them have a thing to say about the appointment of Fiona Woolf as chair of the inquiry into child abuse by establishment figures. This woman is close to Leon Brittan, who is under suspicion for not only being involved in abuse but for helping in the cover-up. This appointment is a shameful decision and a slap in the face for the victims. Let's see if McMurdo and his cronies deem it worth mentioning!

Back in my teaching days I threatened to wear Celtic-Crest contact lenses one year if Celtic won the league. One Rangers-supporting colleague was actually quite disappointed when I didn't; she thought it would have been a great laugh. I don't think senior management would have seen it that way, though. I made my own decision not to do it; yes, it would have been a laugh, but not very professional!

Which brings me to the story in the DR and elsewhere about the trainee teacher sent home because of all her tattoos, including a huge one on her neck. Understandably, the school wasn't too happy about the woman's tattoos, which are all over her arms and most of her body. I know tattoos are quite trendy these days, and have been for a while but there has to be a line drawn somewhere; a school is hardly going to allow you to teach there when you look as if you've just come out of Cornton Vale!

There are certain lifestyle choices which are inappropriate to particular jobs. If you want to be a professional footballer, for example, you can hardly be out at the pub every night and coughing your way through 40 Embassy Regal a day. If you're the receptionist for a business, you can hardly sit with torn denims, a green mohawk and piercings all over your face. And an ex-pupil of mine was turned down when she applied to be an air hostess because she has a tattoo on her wrist that is too difficult to cover up.

As a teacher, too, there are appropriate and inappropriate ways of behaving. I had to go without a fag all day so that the pupils wouldn't see me smoking. And can you imagine how parents would react if the teacher had a half-bottle of whisky in the desk drawer, so as to enjoy a tipple once the brats had gone home? It's the same with clothing and adornments; you're hardly going to win the respect of pupils if you dress like you're trying to be their pal. Most schools would go nuts even if a teacher turned up in a pair of jeans, which makes the school's reaction to Lydia the Tattooed Lady completely understandable. This would be the same in any school in any local authority.

The school where this happened was in England, so of what possible interest could it be to folk in Scotland? The DR lets us know immediately with its screaming headline, "Trainee teacher sent home from Catholic school because of 'inappropriate' tattoos." If you actually read the story there is nothing particularly 'Catholic' about the school's reaction and the school said nothing about the tattoos being 'inappropriate'; they simply wanted the tattoos covered up! The headline is simply fodder for The Peeppul and is another example of the DR trying to stir up sectarian hatred.

Back to Bisto FC and Ways To Raise Cash Part 3. Why don't The Peeppul go out door-to-door on Halloween and see what they can collect? All that loose change would soon add up and Sooperally wouldn't say no to a pile of apples, sweeties and monkey nuts. The real beauty of this idea is that none of them would need to go to the expense of buying a mask. And if they're shy then they can put those pish-stained bedsheets to good use again. Simply wrap the sheet around your head and body and you've got a ready-made ghost! For added effect, paint a Rangers crest on the front of your costume and you can go as your deid team! And you've got the added bonus of inhaling pish all evening; after all, given all the stuff you believe from the MSM you obviously love the smell of pish!

Lastly, I see the paperback version of my book has been reduced to £5.86 for some reason. Now you've got even less excuse not to buy it! And the Kindle version's only £1.54!

Paperback version here.

 

Kindle version here.

ASSAULT AND VINEGAR?

Contrary to what it says in some of the newspapers, Lukasz Zaluska was not attacked by a Premiership footballer; he was attacked by TWO Premiership footballers! Strangely, we're not allowed to know who they are, 'for legal reasons',  and the police are apparently studying CCTV before making any arrests. This is despite the fact that there were various witnesses to the assault, who were even able to recount what the second thug said. Before jumping into a taxi, this coward, who punched Zalukas after he had already been attacked, said, “I shouldn’t even be here. I’m a
professional footballer.” What the hell does that mean?

The only thing we can say for definite is that neither coward plays for Bisto FC. This is certain, not because witnesses have said that the attackers were 'Premiership players', but because with the fat salaries handed out at Ibrox, Ashton Lane would be too down-market for any Bisto player to frequent.

There is speculation already that the two attackers are actually CELTIC players! Maybe Deila's set up a hit-squad to follow other players around and Zalukas and his wife made the mistake of eating a bag of chips on their way home! All joking aside, though, the poor guy was knocked unconscious. There is no point in hoping the police catch the bastards responsible; they obviously already know who they are. The main hope is that something proper is done about them; i.e. a stretch in prison instead of the usual slap on the wrist!

No smoke yet from the Ibrox chimney, so they haven't chosen a new Messiah yet. I see some of McMurdo's Marauders appear to be coming round to the idea of Honest Dave taking charge; they're not sure if they can trust Ashley. And they're going to trust a convicted swindler? Anyway, it's not going to happen. There's no point going over all the whys and wherefores again; the man's a crook, offering a dodgy deal and only the terminally thick would take him on a slice. Er...now I come to think about it...

McMurdo, meanwhile, decides to regale us with another of his parables. This time, it's a virus causing certain sections of the Bisto support to rage and froth at the mouth. I thought raging and frothing at the mouth was the default setting for The Peeppul! His disciples are all in agreement, praying that they all get back together to fight the 'real enemies'. I wonder which enemies they're talking about; according to them there's no lack of them! Chris! Chris! Have you updated Ze List lately?

One of the Merlinites gives us a brief insight into the workings of the Orange Brain, so called because it sees the world through the bottom of a glass of orange juice, is as bitter as a Seville Orange and is about the size of a Satsuma. Oh, and they gie everybody else the fuckin' pip! Anyway, this clanger lets us know that the Moon landing in 1969 was a sham, a big conspiracy and only a JD-swilling American would believe that it really happened.

Funnily enough, your average JD-swilling, Southern redneck comes from the same stock as The Peeppul. Not only will he be the one to claim the Moon landing is a conspiracy but he'll believe the Jews run the World, there are still Commies everywhere and President Obama is a card-carrying member of 'Alkayda'. They'll have to go some in the madness stakes, however, to compete with their cousins over here, who believe that a dead team is still alive!

I read the other day that some porn star is going round in a van, inviting men, women and couples to join her for sex in the back. Now there's another money-making idea for Bisto FC. Why don't Sooperally, 'Boydy' and Miller all go round in a van and invite...no, let's leave it there. I'm even making myself sick thinking about it!

And finally, I'm still shamelessly plugging my new book. It's fiction, but it's based on the truth about what the Irish faced in Glasgow. Come on...you know you want to. It's not as if it's dear or anything!

Get the paperback here - only £6.99

Get the Kindle version here - only £1.54

HONEST DAVE'S BACK

Keith Jackson tells us that the crook from South Africa is arriving at Ibrox for 'crunch' talks. Even Jackson, however, can see that Honest Dave's offer is hardly one that can be taken seriously by Bisto FC. Even if his pals on the board give the green light, the shareholders are the ones to make the final decision; and they're hardly going to vote to dilute their shares to half their current value. If they do vote for King's offer then it proves that things are even worse than we thought!

It's quite telling that nobody at Ibrox has had the decency to delay these 'crunch talks' while the Easdales attend to the obsequies of their recently-deceased mother. I suppose trying to guarantee all the fat pay-packets takes precedence over somebody's grief. If anything, I'd imagine it'll make Oor Sandy all the more determined that this con man won't get a foot in the door! Why the hell Listy Graham and his Union of Fuckwits support this crook is beyond me; and they've got the nerve to call the Easdales criminals!

As Jackson sees it, King hasn't got a chance in hell of convincing anybody, which leaves Mike Ashley. That'll have Merlin and his cronies all cheering over in Camelot but the truth is that Ashley is a ruthless operator. He'll squeeze Bisto FC like one of those K-Tel devices you used to see advertised on the run-up to Christmas!

Also in the Daily Record today is the story of PIRA chief, Joe Cahill, being blackmailed by the British security forces after he molested a teenage girl. With glee the DR also reminds us that Gerry Adams's brother sexually abused his daughter and another girl was abused by a senior figure in the IRA. No doubt we'll have the cut-and-paste merchant over on McMurdo's site venting his spleen about how disgusting this all is.

And disgusting it certainly is. But, then, so is the scandal of Kincorra, McMurdo's da's pal, Max Clifford and Jonathan/Steven Hope, a high-profile Bisto supporter. And let's not even get started on the cover-ups at the top of the British Establishment. As I always say; if you're going to condemn the abuse of children then condemn it all. Being selective in who you condemn means that you don't actually care at all and you are nothing but a filthy hypocrite!

Back to Bisto FC and its money problems. I see the woman that got the NHS boobs and thinks breast-feeding is akin to incest is selling her breast milk! She reckons she can make about £300 a day. So how about...

No, I doubt even The Peeppul would stoop so low. And by God, from the looks of that pair you'd certainly have to do some stooping!

Finally, I've got the first review already for my book. Brendan read it all in one day and has this to say:

"Pats best book yet, purchased it on kindle in the morning and apart from meal breaks spent the day reading the whole book."

So come on, get buying. I mean, it's only £1.54 for the Kindle version! And it's for a good cause (me)!

 

Get the paperback here - only £6.99

 

Get the Kindle version here - only £1.54

P.S. Monti - how about starting up a library next to your utility room? I can certainly recommend some books for it!

GETTING CARRIED AWAY

There were two matches yesterday that are being more than a bit over-hyped. The first was Celtic against Ross County. I'm not being disrespectful to County but, languishing at the bottom of the league as they are, it would have been a shock if they had managed even a draw against Celtic. Yes, a 5-0 victory is something to be applauded, but let's not get carried away. I'm still reserving judgment on Ronny; one swallow does not a summer make! The only thing we can say for certain about today's match is that there would be no stopping off for a fish supper on the way home!

Meanwhile, flying the flag for the chip butty eaters, the Fat Penalty-Taker managed to score his first league goal for Bisto FC. 6-1 was the final score and, of course, we're hearing all the 'coming down the road' shite again. Raith Rovers aren't exactly world-beaters and, like Ross County, weren't really going to put up too much of a fight, especially against Bisto's team of overpaid prima-donnas!

It's pretty safe to say that Bisto FC won't be coming down any roads unless they get more money, and fast. Sooperally yesterday called on Ashley and King to put aside their differences and get together for the good of Ally's pay cheque. He's getting worried now; if Ashley does take over and Wallace is ousted, then the worst manager in Scotland would soon be shown the door. Meanwhile, if King's mad scheme was accepted then Ally's penny shares wouldn't be worth much more than what he paid for them. He's hoping that if they got together then they would cancel each other out but still put their money in. He says of Ashley and King:

"...both men are extremely talented individuals in terms of business."

Er...I don't know about Ashley but King is nothing but a crook. If you're going to use King as a yardstick, then Craig Whyte is an 'extremely talented individual in terms of business.' After all, he's made money and avoided jail!

It's not going to happen, Ally. King is full of shite and nobody has yet seen the colour of his money. Meanwhile, Ashley is out to squeeze as much cash as he can from his association with Ibrox. Still, you should know all about that since you've been travelling First Class on the Gravy Train for the past couple of years! Now here's a suggestion, Ally, if you're that desperate to bring funds in, then why don't you and all your cronies pay back those loans? Oops, sorry! I forgot. That would only be wasted in paying back all those creditors you shafted!

While I was reading up on Garngad it was almost impossible not to get caught up on blogs and Facebook pages about Garngad/Royston these days. Just like a hundred-odd years ago, there are still extremist Protestant groups that think it is their business to harass folk and dictate what they can and can't do. Strangely, these groups, like Vanguard Bears and Regimental Blues seem to think that they are victims and that their 'PUL community,' if there is such a thing, is being persecuted. I found the following statement by a woman on IMDB of all places. It's all about America but the sentiments, or, rather, the facts, she talks of could equally apply to Scotland.

"Let us remember our playground lessons, shall we? When you have had the ball all day, someone else getting to have the class ball for even a short time is not persecution.
Christians are not persecuted in this country. They are the majority of citizens. They are the majority even moreso in public office. Heck, there are 6 states that have laws on the books (completely unconstitutional laws, mind you) restricting atheists from holding public office.
Not getting to have your way all the time is not persecution. You are not being persecuted by not being the state religion. You are not being persecuted by not being allowed to have the government spout your prayers, your holy book, and laws based on your morality.
Persecution would be not being allowed to buy your books. Not being allowed to get the bible in the public library. Not being allowed to worship openly. Not being hired because of your religion."

At last things have sorted themselves out and both versions of my new book are available now.

Get the paperback copy here - £6.99

 

Get the Kindle version here - £1.54

'A TOAST TO CHARLIE HANRAHAN' AVAILABLE ON KINDLE

UPDATE

 

The Kindle version - the improved one - is now available on Amazon.

 

Get it here for only £1.54

 

The paperback will be available soon.

 

 

 

DON'T BUY IT YET!

I've discovered a problem with my book. The process that changes the file into book format has buggered up a couple of chapters. So don't buy the paperback until I let you know that it's okay.

The Kindle version is even worse. My fancy, Celtic Drop Caps haven't translated to the Kindle version at all, making it look hellish. I've fixed all this and I'm waiting for the changes to take effect on Amazon. So, again, don't buy it yet. I'll let you know when it's okay. If you've already bought it, get in touch and I'll send you a free replacement copy.

NEW BOOK AVAILABLE NOW

AVAILABLE TO BUY NOW!

 

 

 

 

In 1899 John Donnelly and his family move to Garngad in Glasgow for a better life. He will be able to earn more money working in one of the factories than he could as a farm labourer in County Derry. He, his wife, Rosie, and his three children, Kate, Wee John and baby Maggie, travel over on a ship from Belfast. John's cousin, Hugh Devlin, has already fixed him up with a job at the Copper Works in Garngad. Housing, however, is a problem in Garngad and his family will have to share a one-roomed flat with his cousin's family. Garngad is a horrible place, smoky, smelly and with two outside toilets to a street. Disease and illness is a common feature. There is also the bigotry to put up with. Hatred of Catholics is still endemic and Irish people are viewed as less than human. To reinforce this bigotry, the Orange Walk come through Garngad every July to intimidate the residents. As the Donnelly and the Devlin children grow up they discover all the obstacles in their way. All they can rely on is each other and the friendship of their neighbours. And then there is Celtic. The football team gives the Irish something to be proud of and a reason to hold their heads high. But, really, that is all they have. A new century is about to start. Will the modern world make a difference to the Donnellys, the Devlins and all the other Irish families in Garngad?

 

 

 

Paperback £6.99 Here

 

Kindle Edition £1.54 Here

 

 

 

 

 

 

A TOAST TO CHARLIE HANRAHAN

My new book should be available from Amazon in the next couple of days.

I only got three more entries to my competition so I've just decided to end it. I can't see a sudden flurry of entries arriving over the next couple of weeks, so there's no point in hanging about!

The answer is that all the chapters in 'Clash of The Agnivores' were named after songs by The Clash, except for Chapter 3, 'Give 'Em Enough Rope,' which is, of course, an ALBUM by The Clash.

Only one person came up with the correct answer, Iantm. E-mail me your address, Ian, and you'll get a free paperback copy as soon as it goes on sale.

Getting a free Kindle copy will be, Shaun Dillon, Martin Taggart, George McGinley, Robert Boyle and Joe McLaughlin.

Thanks to all of you for your entries and your kind words about my blog and books. Hope you enjoy the new book!

FIGHTING OVER THE SPOILS

The Daily Record outdid itself yesterday for sheer hypocrisy. They had an article about how over quarter of a million children in Scotland are living below the breadline. Considering the small population we have in this country, those figures are shameful. In its editorial the DR decides to tell us that we should all be working together in the Union and forgetting any divisions thrown up by the Referendum. Immediately beneath that they express another opinion, blaming the Scottish Government for the abject poverty in Scotland. Is that what they call healing the divide?

They even had Annie Lennox in their paper on Monday, lecturing us on how we should 'all grow up' and stop 'hating the English.' I think we're all getting sick to death of these lies about anti-English sentiments being expressed by the YES campaign during the Referendum; it just didn't happen! What the likes of Annie Lennox should be concerned about is the anti-Scottish sentiments coming from Westminster, where we're still being painted as 'benefit junkies' and the old lie about England carrying us is still doing the rounds.

England is moving further and further to the right, with support for UKIP growing and the current government looking to opt out of the European Court of Human Rights. Meanwhile, all manner of filibuster is being employed to block the extra powers that were promised to Holyrood. These are the kinds of things that the Daily Record, the self-styled 'Scotland's Champion', should be looking at.

Meanwhile things at Bisto FC are moving from bad to worse. The DR is all excited because Honest Dave King has turned up at Ibrox with a proposal. The paper also indulges in a bit of character assassination on Mike Ashley, just to leave everyone in no doubt as to whom it supports in the battle of the boardroom. McMurdo sees this as all part-and-parcel of our media being full of 'Rainjurz Haturz'. According to him and his disciples, the whole country is terrified of seeing a strong Rangers (sic). In reality, however, nothing could be further from the truth. As soon as liquidation occurred in 2012, the Daily Record nailed its colours to the mast in wanting 'Real Rangers Men' at Ibrox and it hasn't stopped supporting such individuals ever since.

Honest Dave's proposal isn't exactly going to go down a storm at the AGM, if they ever get the accounts signed off and have one. For providing a short-term fix with his £16m, King expects them to issue a whole batch of new shares, with him holding 51%. Effectively this means that all the current shareholders would see the value of their shares halve overnight. And this is a plan? Quite apart from how the shareholders might feel about it, there are rules and regulations about share prices. I'm sure I read somewhere that once a share price falls below a certain level then the Stock Exchange will refuse to trade the shares altogether, leaving the company up shit creek. Surely this is what will happen if the shares are diluted to the extent that Honest Dave wants?

There is also the little matter of King being a convicted criminal. Phil Mac Giolla Bhain had told us on a number of occasions, and I, for one, believe him, that the SFA has no 'fit and proper person' test. The Stock Exchange, however, is quite a different matter. I can't see them being too happy about Bisto's share price being driven through the floor so a convicted fraudster can take over!

There is another small point that supporters of 'Real Rangers Men', like the Daily Record, ignore. The whole 'same club' business is a dangerous road to go down. If a phoenix company is practically the same as the old one, then creditors of the old company are entitled to make a claim on it. Bringing back directors of Oldco would make this all the easier. So, even if Honest Dave and Paul Murray were allowed on the board, HMRC would come swooping in to demand their cash. This deal with King is looking less and less of a bargain! 

Not that any of this is going to happen anyway. McMurdo and his mob have got nothing to worry about; King is obviously just playing games. No doubt he knows full well what the reaction to his offer will be, then he can claim to have at least tried. When he tries to pick up the assets for a bargain-basement price after liquidation he can argue that he tried to save Bisto FC.

Now all The Peeppul need to worry about is Ashley. What the hell he's up to is anybody's guess. His offer to bail Bisto out if they handed over the image rights to the badge is as bad as King's, making me suspect that he's carrying out a similar PR campaign. He, just like Honest Dave, can claim to have tried to save the club when they both start fighting over the post-liquidation leftovers!

Finally, my new book, 'A Toast to Charlie Hanrahan' is ready to publish. I was going to hold off until the end of October until my competition ended. The competition, however, had been a bit of, well...more of an unmitigated, disaster. I've had three entries, only one of which had the correct answer! I'll give it till Friday and if there are no more entries I'll go ahead and publish and just make that one correct answer the winner and send him the paperback; the other two can get a free Kindle version. I'll give a free Kindle version to anybody else that enters if you're not the winner.

In 'Clash of The Agnivores' all the chapters have names. All you have to do is tell me which chapter is the odd one out and why. There is a clue in the name of the book itself.

Send your answers to my e-mail address: andrsptr@aol.com
Don't post them on here where everybody else can see them!
 

'Mon the Real Rangers Men!

GET WELL SOON, MONTI!

DESSPRIT PEEPPUL

Reading the Daily Record, McMurdo's page and then Phil Mac Giolla Bhain there is only one conclusion you can come to: nobody knows what the hell's going on at Bisto FC! There's never been a better time not to be one of The Peeppul; they must crawl into their pish-stained beds and cry themselves to sleep every night.

Some of The Peeppul are getting so desperate for answers that they're now hoping for the return of David Murray! Now that's definitely what you call desperate! So they want to go back to the days of kid-on money paying for everything? They seem to forget that at one point Rangers were in hock to the tune of 100 million quid, which Murray had to absorb into MIH. The failed share issue was also absorbed, leaving MIH heading towards bankruptcy. The banks have had to take over; banks that are owned by the tax payer, meaning that you and I are forking out for Murray's 'Golden Years.' Maybe that's what The Peeppul want; everybody else paying!

Meanwhile, McMurdo is spunking all over the place about Mike Ashley. He and his disciples won't hear a bad word against him, the same way they would listen to nothing said about Whyte and Green! And why should they listen to Newcastle United supporters? After all, according to McMurdo, they are all just 'zoomers'. One of the disciples even says, "NU fans are pretty deluded as to how important and what a massive club they are". Er...that sounds a bit familiar. Do United pretend to have players on international duty to look bigger than they are?

Michael Gannon, in the DR, has a laugh at this stupidity. Mohsni would not have been available for the Cowdenbeath match and Dean Shiels wasn't even called up. So, according to Gannon, there was only one player away on international duty; Marius Zaliukas. A team is only allowed to postpone a game when they are missing three internationalists that would have played in said match. Unfortunately, Gannon does not quite understand how these things work. Remember the players that left when Rangers died? Green moaned and groaned about TUPE regulations, even though they didn't apply to a company in liquidation. Since, however, our football authorities have gone along with the Big Lie then Bisto FC actually had a further three players on international duty: Steven Naismith, Kyle Lafferty and Steven Whittaker. There. That clears that one up!

Not that The Peeppul were overly worried about postponed games or who plays for what; their main concern was that the Union Flag was apparently taken down for the Scotland game at Ibrox. Credit where it's due, some of The Peeppul thought it was a load of fuss about nothing; Scotland was playing, not Britain. Most, however, were calling for folk to be sent to the Tower. Not only that; apparently they don't like the Saltire any more; the Scotland team are scum and the supporters of the Scotland team are scum! To them, Rangers (sic) are a British team, not a Scottish one! Complete madness, but it's going to throw up some interesting developments.

Since many of The Peeppul are showing themselves to be anti-Scottish, burning Saltires and beating up wee lassies for carrying one, I can't imagine we'll see too many Scottish flags being flown at Ibrox. (Not that I can remember ever seeing any!) On the other hand, many Celtic supporters were confirmed YES voters and I can see the Saltire becoming a regular feature at Celtic matches. Can you see where I'm going here? Where will this leave all the bigots in Northern Ireland, who claim to be Scots-Ulster? And if they end up hating the Saltire then you can be damned sure that the Republicans over there will start brandishing it, adding to the Unionists' hatred. With a bit of luck they'll end up hating Scotland and its 'fleg' so much that they might not bother coming over to annoy us all every summer. We can but hope!

Back in my teaching days I remember occasions in Glasgow when wee Billy McBilly would turn up at school with a Rangers top, a Rangers sweatshirt, Rangers trackie bottoms and a Rangers rain jacket. Despite much wailing and gnashing of teeth by the headteacher it was hard to do anything about it, since they were the only clothes he owned. The problem was that clothing-grant cheques could be used in sports shops and probably still can. So the tax-payers' money that was meant to be used to buy Wee Billy a school uniform was, instead, used to kit him out for a rampage in George Square!

Wee Billy's parents, and others like them, probably have no idea how much things actually cost. They just hand over the clothing-grant cheque at the counter and the girl will let them know what they can get. This fact has led to a lot of confusion this weekend. Sports gear is not what it used to be, especially when you wear it into bed and pish it every night, so certain items need to be replaced. A crisis loan would be sought and, after buying the essentials like Buckie 'n' Blaw, down would go the McBilly clan to buy Wee Billy a new pair of trackie bottoms for going back to school after the October holiday.

Once they're in Sports Direct they can't help themselves and start gathering all manner of gear bearing the Rangers logo. Surely they've got enough money to afford it all? Once they get to the checkout they hand over their pound coin, all that's left of the crisis loan. To their extreme embarrassment they discover that they don't even have enough for a pair of terry-toweling socks! Out they storm and Wee Billy will have to spend another while going to school smelling of pish. As other customers laugh at them, an idea occurs in their addled brains. "Wae wurnae really gonnae buy anyhin' 'n 'at. It wiz jist a protest against Ashley!"

Finally, I've already had entries for my competition to win a copy of my new book, 'A Toast to Charlie Hanrahan.' The e-mails have been flooding in and I've had a grand total of...er...two! Either the question is too hard or nobody gives a shit! (Don't bother telling me which it is!) Anyway, if you want to have a go:

In 'Clash of The Agnivores' all the chapters have names. All you have to do is tell me which chapter is the odd one out and why. There is a clue in the name of the book itself.

"Who dae Ah support in the boardroom battles? Well, Ah'll wait tae see whose name's oan the boattum-y ma pye cheque, an' they'll hiv ma full support! Abslootly!"

McMURDO MAKES AN ASS OF RANGERS

Bisto FC played at Livingston at the weekend and their support, as usual, belted out the bigoted songs and chants. There were what the Daily Record calls 'scuffles' with the police and five of them were arrested. There were also, apparently, 'scuffles' after the final whistle. Not to worry, though, as the chairman has issued an apology. But wait a minute...what's that? It's the LIVINGSTON chairman that has issued an apology? What the hell's going on?

It seems that sectarian singing, fighting with the police and causing trouble at football grounds is not as bad as speaking the truth in a match programme. Whoever wrote the programme bravely decided to go against the Big Lie and give the facts that Rangers died and it was a new team that was visiting Almondvale. The Livingston chairman, Gordon McDougall, has said that there is "absolutely no bigotry or sectarian issue or intention at Livingston." Since when did speaking the truth become bigotry or sectarianism? This whole business is getting beyond a joke!

Meanwhile, Sooperally, according to the DR, has 'hinted he could never manage any other club'. It's the way he tells them! We all know fine well that he could never manage another club; he can't manage the one he's at now! There's also the little matter of his remuneration package; no other club would be stupid enough to hand him a wage that's not a baw-hair off a million quid, as well as a bagful of penny shares! No wonder he's raking in as much cash as he can; he knows that once this gig's over then the game's definitely a-bogey!

Have you read McMurdo's maniacal ravings yet? He's in a metaphorical mood, talking about a racehorse, which, apparently, was "known throughout the world for being a winner" and was "the pride of the nation". Pride of the nation? That'll be the racehorse that shat all over Barcelona and Manchester, eh? But I digress. McMurdo goes on about this racehorse, which had now been sold to a new owner:

"The new owner knew very little about racehorses. He was a gambler and his mounting debts forced him to abandon the racehorse and the stables. By this time the racehorse was in very poor health and it looked like she would have to be put down and her stables sold off.
Things were desperate. There were many who loved the racehorse who wanted to help but didn’t have the funds. However, some who claimed to love her and who had the funds, strangely held back and did nothing. Fans of the racehorse across the world were in turmoil at the prospect of never seeing the racehorse again.
Then a man from another country appeared."

Another country? I thought McMurdo considered us all to be British, rather than Scottish and English! Anyway, at this point McMurdo's version goes off at a tangent and bears no relation to what really happened. Here's what he should have said.

The vets decided that the poor brute was finished and it would be kinder to put it to sleep. The man from another country agreed. He had the cadaver chopped up and shipped over to France to be used for burgers. The profits would help pay for the chateau he was planning to buy. Meanwhile, he bought a knackered old donkey and told everybody that it was the racehorse. Being rather thick, the followers of the racehorse swallowed his story and deluded themselves that this donkey was, in fact, the racehorse, even though they knew the racehorse was dead!

Of course, the powers-that-be would not allow this donkey to take part in Group 1 races so it was entered into various donkey derbies. The judge at these donkey races disqualified other donkeys that looked as if they might beat the pretend racehorse, so that it won nearly all the donkey derbies it took part in. 

The new owners that took over from the 'man from another country' spent a fortune in training, physio and performance-enhancing drugs so that the brute would win as many races as possible. The donkey's supporters began to brag that the beast was coming back to Group 1 and would be winning the Derby before too long. 

There were others, however, who believed that the donkey was being mistreated and they wanted to save the poor animal from its current owners. They all started fighting over this scabby brute that they claimed was the same old racehorse, refusing to support it or back it until it was under new ownership. Now nobody knows if the donkey itself is going to survive and the arguments go on. The chances are that the poor beast will have to be put to sleep. A greyhound is currently being purchased to take its place and they will still claim that the original racehorse never died!

Finally, my new book is nearly finished. I've been editing it as I've gone along so, once it's finished, all I'll need to do is format it and it'll soon be available on Amazon.

The book is going to be called, 'A Toast to Charlie Hanrahan' and is about life in Garngad in the early part of the Twentieth Century. 

If you'd like the chance to win a free paperback copy, all you have  to do is answer the following:

In 'Clash of The Agnivores' all the chapters have names. All you have to do is tell me which chapter is the odd one out and why. There is a clue in the name of the book itself.

Send your answers to my e-mail address: andrsptr@aol.com
Don't post them on here where everybody else can see them!

You've got until October 31st. The first name I pick out the hat (yes, I'm going to write them down) with the correct answers will receive a free copy as soon as it is available on Amazon.

NO TERMS AND CONDITIONS APPLY!

Now, then and forever!

A FUNNY THING HAPPENED ON THE WAY TO THE FORUM

Man the lifeboats! Women and children and Grand Masters first! The cry is going up all round the Bisto FC media: the good ship Ibrox has struck an iceberg, a green and white one, called Hibs. Even McMurdo is running about like Corporal Jones; except he's telling people that it is actually time to panic. It appears that Sooperally's long apprenticeship and seemingly never-ending 'settling-in' period has finally come to an end. The verdict is in and the judge is already putting the black cloth over his wig. Before I bore you all to death with any more strained metaphors, The Peeppul have finally realised what the rest of us already knew: their team's shite and their manager's shite!

The newspapers, of course, go down the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy route, with Don't Panic as their motto. All Sooper requires, it seems, is time. The big question is, however, how much bloody time does he need? It's interesting to compare how our Fourth Estate treats Ronny Deila. He's barely in the door but already they've got him losing the changing room, being tactically unaware and basically not having a clue what he's doing. Meanwhile, Sooperally has had three years, one with Oldco, two with Newco, to get bedded in but, apparently, he still needs time. I mean...what? 

Barry Ferguson, EBT, is in the Daily Record today, telling The Peeppul to calm down. The match against Hibs was just 'a bad day at the office' according to Baz. Er...what about the last match against them when the referee had to come to the rescue? What about that draw with Alloa? No need to worry, Barry tells us, as Bisto FC was 'outstanding' against a team of linoleum cutters from Kirkcaldy. (Do they still make linoleum there?). As for signings, who needs youngsters when you've got 'Boydy' and...er...Milly? Any club in the land would 'bite your hand off' for either of those two and...wait for it...Celtic were interested in the fat penalty taker over the summer! (Where the hell did he pull that one from?) Imagine the fun if Celtic had signed him with Deila trying to get him to live on muesli and Ryvita! The 'Inch War' right enough!

McMurdo says that for many of The Peeppul the penny dropped on Monday night. I take it he includes himself in that as well. For ages he's been banging on and on about how Rangers (sic) were improving and 'coming down the road' while Celtic were going backwards. It seems he's changed his mind now, harping on about huge gaps between Celtic and Bisto FC. 

"I watched Hearts get taken to the cleaners by a poor Celtic team last week and there is no doubt that Hearts are the best team in Rangers’ (sic) division. This is the gap that must be filled and what is really disappointing is not that there is such a gap but that it is becoming increasingly clear that the present Rangers (sic) management team do not have what is required to even come close to filling that gap."

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear! He also points out that "It isn’t going to get any better." McMurdo's solution, of course, is that they need a leader, somebody that can grab hold of the situation etc etc. Unfortunately, as he points out himself, Bisto FC can't afford to sack Sooper. The only way they can get somebody new in is if some gazillionaire comes in and takes over. McMurdo has been bleating about this for a while now, begging somebody, anybody, to come in and pish away, I mean pump their money into Bisto. Would the current incumbents, however, be willing to sell up? How can The Peeppul persuade them? Well, I've got an idea, Bill, old son, what about a boycott, eh?

What's really got The Peeppul choking on their own bile is the way Sooperally has blamed Mohsni for the defeat. You could understand if he was admitting that Mohsni is a crap defender and was lucky not to be sent off. He also decided to have a go at The Peeppul themselves in the crowd. But, no. What Sooper is angry about is that Mohsni bad-mouthed Hibs before the game and this helped to inspire the Hibs team. They're almost apoplectic about this; it's not the Rangers (sic) way to go about blaming others for your own mistakes etc etc. But some of McMurdo's disciples look on the bright side; at least their enemies and those that tried to kill Rangers (sic) are soon going to get their comeuppance. Er...wait a minute...

Meanwhile, the Daily Record wants us all to sign a petition to make sure that Westminster does not renege on all the promises made to Scotland during the referendum. They don't seem to understand that it was this kind of thing that we were voting YES to get rid of. Instead of our own government, making its own decisions on our behalf, we have to write a begging letter to London! "Mind they promises ye telt us aw? Aye, Ah know it wiz Gordon Brown that said it. Aye, Ah know he's no' goat enny power but yous said yez wid dae it! C'moan! Gonny dae it, eh? Please, gonny dae it? Wull bae yer bestest pals 'n 'at. Gonny...gonny...gonny...

It seems that everywhere you look there is some evidence of fraud during the referendum. I have to say that I've changed my mind and I now think there is definitely something in the allegations. As for moving on, as I was recommending in my last blog, fuck that furra game-a soldiers! Were the bettertogetherers going to move on and live with it if it had been a YES victory? As they all let us know in no uncertain terms: no they weren't. So why the hell should we? So get joining the SNP or the Greens or the SSP and a big GIRFUY to all those that voted NO!

My latest book should be finished quite soon as I got into a bit of a flow and have been banging out the chapters every night. I was feeling a bit down after writing about all the bigotry and hatred of the early 20th Century, so I thought I'd take a break from all that and have a look at the newspaper and football forums. Guess what?

Training day at Murray Park. 

Eh-Oh, Eh-Oh we are the Billy Boys...