FREE-THINKING IS DE RIGEUR AGAIN

I see that phrase 'free-thinking' has started to pop up again on McMurdo's blog and elsewhere. The sheer lunacy of this particular phrase is obvious when you consider that The Peeppul tend not to have much at all in the way of thought going on in their skulls; how else to explain the surprise they express at every twist and turn in the Ibrox saga? When you're at primary school, you are taught, when reading, to absorb the details and make predictions about what might happen next based on what has already occurred. Most of The Peeppul probably slept through those lessons, having been up all night trying to practise playing the flute with six fingers on each hand.

The selling of a huge chunk of shares by Laxey should have come as not that big a surprise to anyone that paid attention to what happened at the AGM. The Peeppul are all banging on about Ashley being denied the opportunity to up his share in Bisto FC by the SFA. They say that this prevented Ashley from underwriting a new share issue but, as usual, they were not looking at the details. At the AGM the Easdales used their fistful of proxy votes to join Ashley in vetoing any share issue. Anyone with any sense would realise that this meant that Ashley was going to up his holding by purchasing shares from other shareholders; while the Easdales' vote pointed to some of the groups in the background looking to offload. No money was ever intended to be pumped into the ailing club; meaning that Ashley was obviously going to continue to drip-feed it loans.

McMurdo and his minions keep imploring Ashley to show his hand, not realising that he has already shown it. He refused to buy shares in the previous issue, preferring to get them from other shareholders and is working towards having a stranglehold on the whole shebang by being the biggest creditor. Surely all those 'free-thinkers' can see that? The sale of about 16% of the shares by Laxey shows that the institutional investors realise that the game's a-bogey and they're getting out quick. No wonder Somers was desperately sending out begging letters over Christmas! Unfortunately, most of the recipients of these e-mails, asking if they were 'okay for a tap',  believed that they were going to be sent a new Bisto jersey from Sports Direct!

Colin Kingsnorth, the Chief Laxative, has said that he sold the shares to the Three Bears "in order to let the Ibrox support take on Mike Ashley." What a load of pish! As if a hedge fund manager is going to sell shares in a company out of altruism! It looks as if he's doing a Chateau Charlie and just telling The Peeppul the shite he knows they want to hear. And, of course, being the 'free-thinkers' they are, they'll swallow every word! The reality is probably far more prosaic; the rats are getting to hell out before...well, you know the rest.

So what's going to happen now? Well, if you read the Daily Record, they're talking about "duel ownership" regulations, so, apparently, the Three Bears are going to have a sword fight with Ashley over control of the boardroom! They also bang on about the massive wealth of these guys; but these things are relative. They might have a lot more cash than you and me but, compared with Ashley, they're paupers. I can't really see them pumping money into this black hole and their offer to underwrite a share offer is risible. What it's all going to come down to is who can offer the best loans and which ones the shareholders vote to accept. Even if the Three Bears are allowed to drip-feed these loans instead of Ashley it means that Bisto FC will be in the unenviable position of two groups holding its assets as collateral. If, as seems likely, administration comes along, the whole kit-and-caboodle is going to be ripped apart at the seams. And, yet, many of those 'free-thinkers' are celebrating! Meanwhile, a blind eye is still being turned to this ailing beast trading while insolvent.

Further to what I was saying yesterday, McMurdo is now claiming that an amalgamation of forces opposed to Unionism, Protestantism, the Monarchy and even England have conspired, and are still conspiring, to kill Rangers (sic). There goes that sense of entitlement again! It's just like what I was speaking about yesterday, when they go to school and refuse to do any work and walk out the door at 16 not much wiser than when they started at 5 years old. I suppose you could, at a push, call that 'free-thinking'! But ask them why they didn't do well at school and you'll hear things like, "The teachers aw hated me!" or "Ah wiz bullied!" In fact, they'll clutch at any excuse to absolve themselves of responsibility. And the same goes for their dead club and their new one; it's always somebody else to blame. I guess that's what 'free-thinking' is all about!

So that's 2014 finished. All that's left is to desperately try and find something funny in 'Only An Excuse' before bringing in the bells! Here's to a happy and prosperous new year for all bampots and many more laughs at Bisto FC before it finally sinks beneath the waves! And Monti - get buying those books!

"Ahhhhh! Bisto!"

THE DEATH OF PROTESTANTISM?

I see McMurdo and his disciples have reverted to type. They know their new club's heading for the crapper and so they're looking for folk to blame. Of course, they don't have to look very far; it's all the fault of the Irish and the Catholic Church. They're not only deluded; they're absolutely fucking demented! One bam in particular has the following to say:

"If Scotland or Rangers supporters would have retained their Presbyterian Faith, there’s not way that those minority tims would have become stronger than us, the majority."

Funny that, I don't remember ever reading or hearing that Rangers was in any way affiliated with the Church of Scotland, or any other Presbyterian church for that matter. In fact, the Protestantism of the Rangers supporters had nothing whatsoever to do with any church; it was simply to do with hatred of Catholics and the Irish in particular. There have been theories bandied about that this hatred began with the importation of shipyard workers from Belfast but, actually, it started before that and the cause was simple: Celtic was too successful. This bred a hatred and resentment that has lasted to the present day.

The Church of Scotland used to indulge in this sectarian hatred as well but, over the years, has moved into the modern age and has apologised for its previous bigotry. This apology seems to have upset one of Merlin's minions, a psycho that talks about himself in the Third Person all the time; a sure sign of serious personality disorder issues. He says:

"This was even undertaken to the point where the COS apologised to Romanism for what they insisted was sectarianism. Really got to sit back and laugh at who are the REAL sectarian bigots appear to be."

We're then treated to the tired, old shit about RC schools being 'sectarian' and the cause of all the problems. Isn't it strange that every other country in the world has no problem with Catholic schools? It is also the case that there's no such thing as a Non-Denominational school in Scotland. Unlike in the USA, where God is left outside the door, RE is compulsory in Scottish primary schools. I remember the shock on the faces of many at teacher-training college when this fact was made clear. And, unlike what the papers will tell you, the RE in Scottish primary schools is, by law, got to be Christian in flavour. Yes, the children will learn about other faiths but the main focus is on Christianity, including celebrating festivals like Easter and Christmas. It also means that every primary school has a chaplain; the local minister. What this amounts to is that what is called a 'Non-Denominational' school is effectively what everyone calls it - a Protestant school.

Most ministers that come into Scottish primary schools tend to focus on general themes, like prayer, living in a morally righteous way and praising God, as well as Bible stories. The same is pretty much true in RC schools. Doctrine seems to be something that nobody really wants to get into. For example, many Catholics don't know that the Church believes that Jesus had no idea that he was God or the Messiah; he read the Jewish scriptures and felt that he fitted the bill. It was not until he died and was resurrected that he remembered his real nature. Protestant ministers probably have more reason to avoid getting into doctrine; telling children that God has already made his mind up about who is going to Heaven and who is going to Hell would probably be counter-productive. To most children this would just mean that religion was a waste of time.

The Protestant doctrine of 'Double Predestination' is something that is not trumpeted much these days by the churches. I know members of the Church of Scotland that have no idea that this is a fundamental tenet of their church. It is a problem that Martin Luther saw straight-off; if people believe that they are already going to Heaven then why should they bother going to church or living the way the Church tells them? Equally, if they're bound for Hell and Damnation then they might as well enjoy themselves while they've got the chance!

The Church of England does not accept this doctrine and, back in the heady days of the Reformation, Desiderius Erasmus couldn't bring himself to accept it since it effectively did away with human free will. That's why Erasmus, for all his criticisms of the Church, remained a Catholic. I wonder if, nowadays, the Church of Scotland believes in it anymore. It hardly promotes the image of a just, kind, benevolent God, does it? If anything, it makes Him appear to be nothing more than a cruel, capricious brute. Interestingly, one of the doctrines of the Mormon Church is that such predestined salvation was Lucifer's idea, which was why he ended up being cast out!

To prevent his congregation backsliding into apathy about religion, Calvin promoted the idea of a Covenant between God and his Chosen People, the Elect, the ones whose place in Heaven was already booked. This was straight out of the Old Testament, which was why your archetypal 'Hellfire and Brimstone' Protestant preacher very rarely quoted from the New Testament: that particular part of the Bible had too many awkward bits about love, charity and caring about your neighbour! Being taught that they were God's Chosen inculcated a deep sense of superiority and entitlement among Presbyterians; one only has to look at the Dutch Reformed Church in South Africa to see the consequences.

Things have, thankfully, changed. I have been to many services in the Church of Scotland and the Free Church and the days of some bearded figure roaring at you from the pulpit are long gone. Nowadays the readings are from the Gospels and Christ's message takes precedence over lurid tales of Sodom and Gomorrah. But some folk seem determined to hold onto that sense of superiority and entitlement, along with the hatred and suspicion it engenders.

Having worked in both RC and ND primary schools I can say that there's not really a lot to choose between them. You get hard-working, well-behaved children in both types of school and you get children with, often severe, learning and behavioural difficulties in both types of school as well. There is one type of child, however, that you only get in the 'Non-Denominational' sector: the one brought up in an Orange household. I'm not talking here about folk that march behind the band once a year and shout 'Fuck the Pope' because they think it's expected of them as a Rangers supporter. I'm talking about your dyed-in-the-wool Orange type, who believes all the semi-literate, almost pagan, crap that you often see regurgitated on McMurdo's blog.

A child from such a family is almost impossible to teach. He already knows all he needs to know; he's one of God's Chosen and is superior to everybody else. Why should he bother with school work? After all, as his father says, school never did him any good. Every child I encountered that came from an Orange family had no interest in school and was often disruptive. When asked how he would manage when he left school he would answer, "Ma da'll get mae in tae work wi' him." And therein lay the problem; they are all still clinging to the old days of a funny handshake getting you a job and can't see that the world has moved on and left them behind.

And since they see the world in terms of a nod and a wink and the right pressure applied by a thumb, they think that everybody else is the same; hence the ridiculous belief that those of Irish-Catholic descent in Scotland have conspired to take over the country. The truth is rather more prosaic. What they call the 'PUL Community' is filled with ignorance and a lack of education; that's the reason why they can't progress or get themselves elected into positions of power. They've made a virtue out of being thick and their sense of entitlement has come back to bite them on the arse, making them angry and bitter. Our religious correspondent on McMurdo's blog continues:

"However the last true bastion of the RFC lets use the term cultural Proddyism, as it appears this is all there is left, has seen a sustained attack the likes of which we never be seen again as this attack will lead to the death of any form of Protest against Romanism if the RFC is allowed collapse in this country."

The lack of education screams at you from that little diatribe; what he means is that Rangers (sic) is the last bastion of Protestantism. It shows you what sad lives The Peeppul have. Most real Protestants no longer feel the need to label themselves as such; there's really nothing for them to protest against anymore. They call themselves Christians and don't feel themselves under persecution from other Churches; it's secularism and apathy that are the enemies. The Church of Scotland, among other churches, is looking for ways for Christians to cooperate and work together. There is no danger to the C of S from the Catholic Church and, equally, there is no danger to the RC Church from the Church of Scotland. At the very least there is a live-and-let-live approach.

Many of The Peeppul, however, can't see this. By all means it is healthy to have debates about doctrine, soteriology and the rest but that's not what they want. They don't want debate because they have nothing to debate with. They are not like Luther, nailing his Ninety-Five Theses to the Cathedral door for discussion; all they have to offer is unreasoning hatred. And they wonder why nobody, least of all the Reformed Churches, wants anything to do with them.

It is a sad reflection on them that they see their 'religion' not in terms of churches or theologians but in the vagaries of a football team. I suppose instead of Christ returning from the dead they believe that it's Rangers that managed that miracle! They're moaning that the death of their club will mean the death of their religion; and yet the pews in the Church of Scotland and other churches lie empty every Sunday. When Christ spoke about people gathering together in His name, I don't think he meant Ibrox, do you?

Sorry to be so serious for a change but these clowns really get on my tits!

STILL GREETIN'

I hope everybody had a good Christmas and that the relatives have buggered off home. Trust Bisto FC to end the year with another Fairy Tale. This time it's the Three Bears. Another bunch of clowns getting the Union of Fuckwits all excited with stories about taking over at Ibrox. Aye, £6.5million, that'll do it. Considering the club owes Ashley £3m and Sooperally is still to get £750k for exercising his green fingers then the six-and-a-half million isn't going to go very far. In other words, the whole thing is a complete and utter waste of time. Quite apart from them not having enough cash, there's the little matter of the share issue not happening. Still; a pretendy buyer for a pretendy club. Makes sense, I suppose!

The Daily Record was all over the story of Douglas Park, George Letham and George Taylor with their Walter Mitty takeover plans. Any possibility, no matter how remote, of Real Rangers Men returning to Ibrox and the DR sports boys get a bit overexcited. And they've still got Sooperally's back, as if he's been hard-done-by. They've got Kenny McDowall bleating about everything that poor Sooper has had to go through. (Try living with bomb threats, bullets in the post and being physically attacked in the dugout, pal!) McDowall says of Ally, "His concern was for people at the club rather than himself." That pish again! If he was that concerned he'd walk now and forgo his huge wage packet and pay-off so the wee folk at the club could be kept on. But no; he's got to hang on in there, draining every last penny he can get. And he cares so much about the club that he couldn't be bothered turning up at Easter Road on Saturday. Instead, he appeared at Scotstoun, looking like a scarecrow; he's obviously taking this 'gardening leave' stuff seriously!

If the Daily Record's reaction to recent events is predictable, so is that of McMurdo and his disciples. It's strange reading Merlin's blog these days; there's an air of resignation about it, as if they know the games a-bogey but don't want to admit it. They consoled themselves over Christmas by quoting scriptures and reminding each other that they're still God's Chosen; as Merlin said, "We are His people." I suppose it's a crumb of comfort in these times of travail for The Peeppul. At any rate, they appear to have lost faith in Ashley and are desperately looking for some succour from the Heavens!

Today McMurdo's back, ready to blame the supporters for not turning up, the team for being crap and, most of all, the Raynjurz-Haturz in the football authorities for knocking back Ashley. So let's see; when anyone said anything against Craig Whyte they were all out marching and dishing out death threats. When it all went tits-up it was the SFA to blame for 'allowing' Whyte into Ibrox. The same thing happened with Green. Now, when the SFA actually show some balls and stick to the rules they're in the wrong again. And McMurdo also goes on about "a complicit anti-Rangers (sic) media". That'll be the media that banged on about Peter Lawwell being on the SFA committee that blocked Ashley, effectively blaming him for the whole thing, eh?

His further comment that "This is not The Rangers we know. It is certainly not The Rangers of Waddell, Struth or Big Jock." gets to the real truth of their problem. McMurdo's right about it not being the Rangers of Waddell, Struth or Big Jock; it's not. In fact, it's not Rangers at all! And therein is where the difficulty lies. If they hadn't pretended that it was 'Stull Raynjurz' then they could have taken time to build a proper, new club. As it is, they continued in the old, 'Rangers' way - spend, spend, spend. So what the hell are they moaning about? They got what they wanted, didn't they?

As for the business of the SFA being 'Anti-Raynjurz', that's a load of shite as well. The only way that Bisto FC is surviving at all is with ad hoc loans from Ashley. Effectively the club is, to all intents and purposes, insolvent. And yet, it is being allowed to continue on its merry way with not a word of censure from the SFA, the Stock Market or the media. What the fuck more does McMurdo want?

It looks like the new club is finished and McMurdo and his minions know it. Apparently, though, they still see this as meaning the death of Scottish football. They really are deluded. Do they think Scotland is going to miss their new club, which, just like the old one, stands for nothing more than hatred and bigotry? A bonus would be that The Peeppul could disband, support other teams and maybe even join the rest of us in the 21st Century!

I was watching the Christmas edition of QI and I must say that I'm beginning to go off Stephen Fry. He's supposed to be an atheist but it seems that he doesn't like to disparage God or religion; unless, of course, it's the Catholic Church! My regular readers will know that I've got no drum to beat for the Catholic Church; nor, however, do I have any kind of axe to grind. If anything, the Catholic God seems to a more kind, good, reasonable and loving God than that put forward by most Protestant churches. And yet, Fry does nothing but blame the Catholic Church for all the failings off Christianity. This time he sneeringly called it the 'Romish Church'. He sounded more like some grand master of the Orange Order than an atheist. 'Orange Atheists' I call people like that!

A last small quote from one of Merlin's Minions:

"Rangers FC 1872 – Where are you?"

They're deid ya daft bastard!

Ashley responds to Park, Letham and Taylor.

"£750,000? Wait a fuckin' minute here..."

 

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL THE BAMPOTS!

Here's to more fun and laughter in 2015

sfa - please don't let them die! 

 

 

YOU TURN YOUR BACK FOR FIVE MINUTES...

Christ, you turn your back for five minutes and all hell is breaking loose at Ibrox as Sooperally plays wee games and the Big Lie finally comes back to bite them on the arse. BDO wants money, the SPFL wants money, Neil Alexander wants money and the SFA wants to know what Ashley's up to. The Daily Record sees everything as an excuse to go down the 'Real Rangers Men Needed' route again; while McMurdo and his disciples have got it down as a big conspiracy.

It seems that the stress of all this has finally sent Merlin over the edge; his brain, such as it was, has broken big time. He's actually trying to justify all the money that Ally and his merry men have been bleeding out of Bisto FC.  "Rangers (sic) manager and players should be paid much higher than other teams."  "Quite frankly, if you play for Glasgow Rangers (sic) you should be paid handsomely." What the hell is he on about? Maybe if they did play for Rangers you could see the point; but they don't!

Even some of the Peeppul couldn't believe what Merlin was coming out with so he was back today, ostensibly to explain what he was on about but, really, just spouting more of the same. Basically his argument is that if you spend like a big team and behave like a big team then you are a big team. And therein lies the problem. If Green had just admitted right at the start that his new team was a new team, then everything would have been fine. I argued this point in 'Clash of the Agnivores' (which would make the perfect Christmas gift!). Pretending that it was still Rangers raised expectations and meant that they had to keep spending big money on players to keep up the pretence. And that was money they couldn't afford.

Bisto FC is like one of those sad, old American women you get, who put themselves through starvation, punishing physical exercise and plenty of surgery in a vain attempt to hold back the march of time. They must stand in front of the mirror, only held together by staples, sellotape and hope, thinking that they're still young and desirable. Some of them have had so many facelifts that they have to shave the pubic hair off their chin! And they honestly believe that everyone else thinks they look young and desirable as well; it's all part of their delusion. And Bisto FC is the same; they think that if they put their fingers in their ears and pretend nothing has happened and keep spending as if they're still Rangers then everyone will believe they are Rangers. Anybody that does believe that probably thinks Janice Dickinson, Mickey Rourke and Pete Burns still look as good as they did thirty years ago!

And the Big Lie has come back to bite Bisto on the arse in other ways. It's still the same club when they're claiming money for Charlie Telfer but a different club entirely when they were to pay compensation to Neil Alexander. And it's the same with the SPFL wanting the fine for the EBTs; it's a different club. They'd be perfectly happy, however, to take the second-place prize money for 2012, even though the old club cheated its way through that season and admitted it. They obviously want the best of both worlds; BDO is, however, on the case!

Meanwhile Kevin Kyle has thrown a spanner in the works with his revelations about Sooperally's way of signing players. Apparently a player and his agent would name a sum and Ally would negotiate upwards instead of down! There were players on £400,000 a year while they were in the fourth tier, with bonuses on top. Supposedly this profligacy has been stopped but has it really? With all the uncertainty around what salary Sooper is on and whether or not he's actually taken a wage cut, it means that The Peeppul can't believe a word that's coming down the marble staircase.

It's notable how the Daily Record are so obviously on Sooper's side; after all, he's well in with Honest Dave King and the like, folk that the DR and the Union of Fuckwits would love to see taking over at Ibrox. The story of the wee wummin accosting Sandy Easdale, calling him a sleazebag and saying, "Ally’s the only honest person in that place – dedicated. Not like you, only there for the money." might make good copy but surely even she must realise what a load of shite it is. Sooper's taken more money out of the place than anybody else; he's certainly had a lot more than Easdale. And if Kevin Kyle is to be believed,  he's helped others to plunder the place as well. The AGM is going to be a hoot!

It seems Mark Hateley has been creeping about, asking Bisto players questions about what Sooperally does with them during training. Sooper has fallen out with Hateley over this and they're not speaking to each other. The DR reported Sooper saying that they'll sort it out over a drink or something; no doubt Ally will whisper something into Hateley's ear. That renowned football expert and raconteur extraordinaire, Barry Ferguson, lets us know that Hateley's behaviour is not on. A manager should be left to get on with his job without any interference at all. But, my dear Barry, what if said manager is utter shite?

Finally, recent events have reminded me about my days as a teacher. In a primary school you're beset by petty squabbles day-in day-out and most of them aren't worth bothering about. Usually I'd just deal with things by making a joke out of it, getting both pupils to laugh and that was the end of the matter. There was no point in carrying out big investigations, as a I saw some teachers doing; it was a waste of your time and the class's time and the two pupils involved would usually end up the best of friends again by the end of the day. Sometimes things were more serious and you had to find out what had actually happened and maybe even inform the headteacher or get the parents in. One thing I would never, ever do, however, was take one child's word over another if there were no other witnesses. It didn't matter what had happened or who the two children were. You might even, in your heart of hearts, believe one child's version; but I would never act on that basis alone. It just wouldn't be fair, would it?

MARY WELCOMES THE THREE NOT-SO-WISE MEN FROM GOVAN

"WTF? Mould, Frankingers and...what the hell am I meant to do with all these Sevco shares?"

WHAT WAS THAT STUFF ABOUT BUSTED FLUSHES?

Lord Randolph Churchill, the father of the more famous Winston, was, to my mind, a rather overrated politician. All he seemed to be able to do was bad mouth folk and use snide witticisms, which, of course, the papers loved. He honestly came to believe that he was the master politician that many thought he was and decided to force the hand of the Prime Minister, Lord Salisbury, to entrench his power even further. He handed in his resignation as Chancellor in December 1886, fully expecting Salisbury to take fright and offer him anything he wanted; instead, to his shock, Salisbury accepted it and Churchill was cast back onto the back benches. He had tried to be smart but was not quite as smart as he thought he was.

Sooperally is now trying the same trick but, like Churchill, the ones he is trying to out-manoeuvre are a lot smarter than him. Let's face it, Ally's not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but he probably thinks he's some kind of whizz-kid after the contract he managed to get himself. The highest wage in Scottish football and a fortune in penny shares were handed to him; but he forgets that he was in a position of strength back then. Now that everyone has seen how bad he is as a manager, he is hardly in the best position to force his will on anyone.

Sooper probably thought he'd played a blinder, leaking his resignation to the press, with the wee add-ons about him crying every night over those poor folk being made redundant. It makes you wonder who his agent is; David Leggat? Only somebody that was perennially pished would think that playing this kind of game was a good idea, especially against the sharks at the top of the marble staircase these days!

And, lo and behold, the board has responded in kind. A note to the Stock Exchange to tell them that not only has the fat fool given twelve months notice, but that his salary will be £750k for that final year. Now Sooper is the pantomime villain instead of the hero he tried to paint himself. Half of that obscene wage packet could have kept on all those that lost their jobs. Now, when the kids of one of those made redundant ask why Santa isn't coming this year, their parents can point the finger at the fat fucker that stole Christmas; the Anti-Claus!

The only possible way that Sooper can save face now is if he walks away immediately without taking a penny. He's tried to play with the big boys and lost dismally. He's like somebody that beats everybody in the house at Snap and thinks he can now join in a major, high-stakes Poker game. Well, it's back to you, Ally; what are you going to do now? I'd recommend folding because there's no way you're going to win. I certainly wouldn't call because they're not bluffing! Your standing with The Peeppul is at rock bottom and the longer you hang about the worse it's going to get. You'll be lucky to get a shag from Sue-Bo never mind Sue Barker!

Enola Gaye, aka Bomber, has predictably taken his mate's side. He says, "Ally has given fans so many happy memories over the seasons as a player and in the recent times where he has given them back-to-back promotions. He's had to put up with so much. He's had no support. The Easdales and others should hold their heads in shame." I don't know about you, but I'm choking up here. You'll have to excuse me a minute...

Meanwhile the SFA has finally shown some cojones and is hauling Ashley in to explain his position at Ibrox. You'll remember that they wrote to the nice man asking him to clarify things; well either he's just ignored them or they're not happy with what he's said. He's to appear before them at the end of January. No doubt the SFA's new-found testicular fortitude will vanish as soon as they have to face the man in person!

Good old Craig Whyte looks like he's going to be good value when he gives his evidence in court. Apparently he was warned by the police back in 2012 that his life might be in danger but he just shrugged it off, saying that nobody abroad cares about Scottish football or Rangers (sic). By God, that'll rile up The Peeppul no end! That's a double insult; after all, they are Scottish football, aren't they?

A message to Sooperally

INTO THE SUNSET...

So that's it. Sooperally's offski and, as Gary Ralston reports in the DR, he did it to "move the focus back on to mismanagement of the club".  Nothing to do with him being a shite manager, then! You've got to laugh at this stuff from a guy that supported every shyster that climbed the marble staircase. Then he goes on to shed crocodile tears for the poor staff that have been sacked just before Christmas, when even a quarter of his salary would have paid for them all. Are you going to forego your severance money, Ally, so they can have their Christmas party?

The thing about Sooperally is that he learned his managerial tactics from Walter Smith. Basically this involved spending loads of money and relying on the referee to help you out when things weren't going well on the pitch. So Ally's been spending money the new club doesn't have, while his hands are now so podgy that his thumb can't reach the second knuckle, so the widow's son's arse is out the window!

There's a load of pish doing the rounds about the board 'refusing to accept' his resignation, but the fact is that, like any job, he has to work out his notice. There is also speculation that Sooper is bluffing and looking to force the board to keep spending on his team. I find that hard to believe. I really doubt Ally's got the brains to work out any kind of clever strategy; you only need to look at his 'tactics' on the pitch to know that! Besides, if he's bad-mouthing the board to the likes of Gary Ralston it'll give his bosses the excuse they need to boot his corpulent carcass out the door without giving him a penny.

McMurdo, meanwhile, is on about the 'Raynjurz-Hating' press again. He still doesn't get it. The likes of the Daily Record have never made any secret of the fact that they want 'Real Rangers Men' at Ibrox and, like Listy Graham and Halloween Houston, they can't accept the current board as being 'Raynjurz'. Maybe somebody should send Merlin a copy of 'Clash of the Agnivores' for Christmas!

Back to Sooperally and he seemed to have plenty to say before handing in his notice. Apparently there is no way he could have won Division 3 with youngsters from Murray Park. He would probably spin this as showing respect to the part-timers in the old third tier but, really, what he is saying is that Murray Park has been producing nothing but shite! So much for the 'conveyor belt of talent' that Jabba used to tell us was going to come pouring out of this 'academy'.

And Sooper also had a go at Stephen Thompson over the Charlie Telfer money. I'm not the first to say it, but most of that cash should be going to BDO since it belongs to Oldco. If I were a Rangers creditor I'd be watching with interest and if Bisto FC keeps it all I'd have my solicitor straight on the case to get my money off them. It looks like they're pretending to be the same business now as well as the same club, which means that HMRC and the rest should be dragging them through the courts. They can't have it both ways. But, then again, this is Scottish football we're talking about, so maybe they can...

And, of course, the Record can't help themselves, giving us the 'Life and Times of a Legend'. They include the usual lie about Sooper winning the Golden Boot in 1992. There was actually no such award that year, so nobody worked out the co-efficients involved in playing in harder and easier leagues. Sooper scored the most goals, so the DR and others just decided to give a phantom boot to McCoist!

Sooper Santa gives The Peeppul an early Christmas present with the news they wanted to hear!

 

 

Meanwhile, famous members of The Peeppul, like Lulu, Marti Pellow and...er...Andy Cameron, have released a record to help Bisto FC. They're calling themselves Orange Baund Aid.



It's Christmastime; there's peeppul that are afraid
At Christmastime, we let in light and we banish shade
And in our world of plenty we can spread a smile of joy
Throw your arms around a hun at Christmastime

But say a prayer to pray for the other ones
At Christmastime
It's hard, but when you're having fun
There's a crowd outside your window
And it's full of hate and fear
Where there is no water flowing 'cos they haven't washed for years.
And the Christmas bells that ring there
Are the clanging chimes of doom
Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you
And there'll be no cheer down Govan way this Christmastime
The greatest gift they'll get this year is life
Oh, the Grim Reaper is nigh, he's sharpening his scythe
Do they know it's Christmastime at all?

Here's to you, raise a glass for ev'ryone
Here's to them, even though they're dirty huns.
Do they know it's Christmastime at all?

Ha! Ha! Peeppul
Ha! Ha! Peeppul

Ha! Ha! Peeppul
Let them know it's Liquidation
Ha! Ha! Peeppul
Let them know it's Deid Club time again

...AH THINK AH'LL GO AN' EAT WORMS.

McMurdo and his disciples have outdone themselves this time. They're all ranting and raving about how everybody, and I do mean everybody, has got it in for them. Mad Merlin himself goes on about the Raynjurz-Haturz in the media and how they're all turning on Mike Ashley now. Apparently it's all some big conspiracy against Unionism. He says:

"There are various possible reasons but one is that it suits certain people for the UK to be divided by the virulent forces of nationalism. Here in Scotland the massive Rangers support has been a strong bastion of Unionism and pro-Britishness for over a hundred years. Obviously for Unionism to be kept under this bastion had to be put out of commission – a feat achieved by the recent woes suffered by the club and its fan base."

To prove his point he offers as evidence the supposed agenda against Ashley in the Telegraph. I mean...the Telegraph? Why would one of the most right-wing, Union Flag-waving papers in the country want to split up the UK? I've had a look at the articles in question and what it was really about was a Newcastle-supporting journalist worried about what's going to happen to his team now that Ashley has found a new toy. If Bisto FC manage to qualify for Europe in any way, shape or form, where does that leave United? Spokesmen for United (i.e. for Ashley) got in touch to call the journalist 'a liar', which has prompted a back-and-forth argument. It's got nothing to do with Unionism or whatever.

All the disciples join in, moaning about everybody having it in for the 'Protestant Unionist Loyalist' community. In other words, they're pissed off because the Orange Order no longer rules the roost in Scotland. They go on about not only football but the EU, Ulster, the Labour Party, the SNP and even trades unions to push their twisted view that the whole country's institutions have been infiltrated and taken over by 'outsiders'; and I think we all know who those 'outsiders' are.

Whenever they mention the peace process in Northern Ireland they always put the words in inverted commas to emphasise that they don't see it that way at all. To their minds all that has happened is that they're having to capitulate to Republicans. They're like white supremacists in South Africa, to whom all the problems in the country are there because the 'blecks' have taken over. Their mindset doesn't understand the concept of equality; either they're in charge or somebody else is. Concession is capitulation, compromise is defeat; any attempts at improving things have to be on their terms or not at all. And they're the same in Scotland; if they're not running things then there's something seriously wrong with the world.

They just can't accept that the days when the Church of Scotland wanted to repatriate Irish Catholics and discrimination was acceptable are long gone. The heavy industries over which they held sway have disappeared; no doubt Thatcher was part of the conspiracy against the 'PUL Community'! Many of the trades unions in Scotland were dominated by Orangemen and Freemasons and that has gone as well. The Boilermakers Union was notorious in this respect and many of them fought tooth-and-nail against amalgamation with the GMWU. Nowadays there is no special treatment for those in the Ludge and they can't accept it; if they're not getting preferential treatment then, in their eyes, somebody else must be getting it. One of McMurdo's disciples claims to have resigned from his union because it's now just looking after the interests of 'theym'.

Meanwhile, the 'Raynjurz-Hating' media has 'proof' of how bad the Celtic supporters are. The Sunday Post had a picture, one picture, of a lavvy door spray-painted with something about 'The 66'. It claims that this was at Tynecastle, among lots of other 'evidence' it says it saw but doesn't bother to show. Strangely, a few years back when some of The Peeppul destroyed a toilet at Celtic Park, while the police watched and did nothing, none of our media thought it worth mentioning.

And the good old Daily Record let us know that the Rangers (sic) Reporters Trust released a statement expressing their disgust over Celtic and its supporters. All the DR did was give the RST's hypocritical opinion with no comment and, of course, there are still no comments allowed by your ordinary punter. Why the hell is this pile of shite given such prominence in a newspaper? I can only imagine that the request to publish it was accompanied by threats of some kind; it is the 'Rangers' way, after all!

The DR also told yesterday of how the police are now looking into Chateau Charlie's 'takeover' at Ibrox, or 'Charles Green's buy-out of Ibrox club comes under the spotlight' as the Record would have it. Now why would a part of the 'Raynjurz-Hating' media try to perpetuate the Big Lie? The truth emerges, buried in the article: '£5.5m purchase of the club’s assets in a deal with administrators Duff and Phelps.' The police are apparently looking into the whole shady business and hopefully we'll finally get to hear some semblance of the truth when it all comes out in court!

A final thought from McMurdo: "...you cannot dispute that Rangers are hated. Which begs the question: Why? Surely the answer couldn’t be just plain old bigotry? Not in 2014 Scotland, surely…?" I'm afraid the answer is 'Yes', my dear Merlin; everybody hates your bigoted mob, hanging around like the smell from a putrefying corpse when it is 2014!

"Who the hell does that Ed Miliband think he is, going on about Victorian work practices? Victorian times was when England was great and had an empire and it's time we brought those days back. England didn't become great by paying out decent wages, you know! What's that? Britain? Of course; that's what I meant! It's the same thing, innit?"

THE BOYS FRAE ALLOA

Again Bisto FC has shown just how bad it is with its defeat in the Petomaine Cup at the hands of Alloa, a team of part-timers, who had just finished a day's work before giving Sooperallly's mob a lesson in how to play football. All the more reason for Kilmarnock to feel utterly ashamed at their craven display on Sunday. Sooperally has refused to do 'walking away'; after all, those steak bakes won't pay for themselves!

There is, of course, much wailing and gnashing of teeth over in Merlinville but their main concern seems to be to blame Celtic for the sectarian hatred in Scotland. It appears that Ann Budge has been complaining about Celtic fans at Tynecastle on Sunday. According to her, they smashed seats and spray-painted walls; although, strangely, the police have no record of such vandalism. McMurdo and his disciples conjure up visions of Celtic fans running rampage throughout Scotland, citing Dens Park and Fir Park as examples. Remember the business at Dens Park? A few drunks pished themselves and started shouting and it was made out to be worse than a certain dead team's visit to Manchester. As for Fir Park it was only the week before the game in question that Motherwell fans smashed up another stadium; no doubt they were looking to deflect the blame onto somebody else. As for the carry-on in Amsterdam I think everyone outside of Govan knows what the real story there was. In other words, it's all pish and Budge is just trying to do a Charlie Green in sucking up to the bigots.

Again there's also a wee bit of deflection going on. Another moronic Hearts fan ran onto the pitch on Sunday, no doubt looking to achieve the same notoriety as his fellow clown that attacked Neil Lennon. Anthony Stokes, meanwhile, received the obligatory death threats when he dared tell Ann Budge about her own fans' bigotry. No doubt that'll just be a joke!

You've really got to laugh at the sheer brass neck of The Peeppul, especially since they're pariahs all over the known world. McMurdo even tries to resurrect the 'Cybernat' lie, making out that they were all Celtic supporters and that the Scottish Government lets Celtic fans away with murder. Tell that to the ones that have been arrested for singing 'Roll of Honour' while thousands of Bisto fans can be up to their knees with impunity! And I think the whole world could see which side was intimidatory in George Square the day after the referendum.

The appearance of Craig Whyte in court has got them all crawling out, bleating again about how Raynjurz wur the victimz in aw this. Maybe it's just me but I don't get it. For years we've heard rumours about the Kellys lining their pockets by claiming that crowds were less than they actually were. This has been promoted as Celtic cheating. On the other hand, other people's money was used by both Murray and Whyte to keep a team on the pitch. The club would not have won anywhere near what it did if it hadn't been for this cash signing players and paying under-the-table wages. So somebody allegedly takes money out of a club and that's seen as the club cheating, but somebody else swindles other people to put money into a club but that's seen as the club being cheated. No, I still don't get it. Maybe some kind soul could explain it to me.

And the Daily Record, about two days after everybody else, has discovered that Chateau Charlie had a horse called Ibrox running in France. He told the Record, or probably somebody else and the DR copied it, "The colours are red, white and blue — be in no doubt." Now, maybe I'm going colour-blind in my old age, but that certainly doesn't look like red, white and blue to me. He obviously realises that The Peeppul are still as easily gulled as they were when he was handing out cups of tea!

It looks like some of the other owners were taking the piss as well. 'Elusive Painter' could well apply to the midden that is Ibrox, while 'Dream On' sums up the hopes of The Peeppul that they're entering some kind of Golden Age under Ashley. And the number 14 horse seems to be named after Sooperally, though they've forgotten one of the letters in 'Dessert'.

It's rumoured that Charlie is going to run his cuddy at the Scottish Derby next year. Ayr racecourse have already secured the services of an SFA referee as steward and every beast that is in front of Ibrox will be shown a red card and disqualified before they reach the finishing line. Investigations are already underway as to how they can give the brute a penalty kick!

Finally, in honour of last night's game, I think it's time an old, old song was resurrected. I was actually taught this by somebody from Dumfries and it apparently stems from the 1920s or 1930s. Anyway, here we go:

Oh! We are the boys frae Alloa, wae drink yer beer an' wine.

Fur aw yer conversa-a-tion, yer cock's nae bigger than mine!

Wull tickle yer arse wi' a fe-eather an' paint yer baws wi' glue!

Oh! We are the boys frae Alloa, we are the Cumbie Crew.

Alloa - oo - oo!

 

 

An absolute classic, I'm sure you'll agree!

"What's this fuckin' referee playin' it? Only five minutes tae go an' nae penalty yit!"

DIVERS ISSUES

First things first: Craig Samson, Ross Barbour, Mark Connolly, Rory McKenzie, Sammy Clingan,  Lee Miller, Tope Obadiye, Josh Magennis, Craig Slater, Jamie Hamill, Alexei Eremenko, Robbie Muirhead, Chris Chantler and Manuel Pascali - hang your heads in shame!

I see Robbie Neilson has been moaning about the referee in Sunday's match at Tynecastle. If that was Celtic complaining all we'd hear is the 'always cheated, never defeated' mantra. He says, "We were in a game last week where two Rangers (sic) players were booked for tackles that were far worse than Morgaro’s." Maybe he should be questioning the referee at the Bisto FC game, where the Ibrox thugs got away with murder as usual, rather than having a go at a referee for a proper sending-off.

The Daily Record hotline, meanwhile, was inundated with calls denouncing Willie Collum and deriding John Guidetti for 'diving'. The usual wit and wisdom was on display, like this example of originality and clever sense of humour: "I hear Tom Daley was impressed by Guidetti’s performance." Laugh? I thought I'd never start! Neil McCann was doing the same on Sky, calling Guidetti everything under the sun. Considering the team McCann used to play for, he's got some brass neck!

Years ago, while still a teacher, I used to organise a staff v pupils football match once a year during the run-up to the summer holidays. The pupils team was mostly made up of P7s, who relished the chance to trip the teachers up and go in with some crunching tackles. The teachers gave as good as they got and I got sent off once by the janny for a sliding tackle. One of the teachers had gone to a fee-paying school and had never played proper football before; he had been forced to play rugby, which he'd not been that keen on. Being a lot younger and fitter than the rest of us, though, he actually did quite well and scored a few goals. One time he made it into the opposition goal area when one of the boys came sliding straight at his legs. Alarmed at an array of stainless-steel studs coming for his shins, the teacher tried to stop and pull out of the way. Of course, trying to suddenly come to a halt and jump sideways while still under the forward momentum of his run caused him to slip and fall. The janny, a qualified referee, immediately gave a penalty, since it was the lad sliding in with the cold steel that had actually caused the teacher to fall.

The same is true of the Guidetti incident. Brad McKay comes sliding in with his studs in the air, Guidetti tries to avoid a collision and down he goes. And what was it that, ultimately, caused Guidetti to go down? McKay and his studs, that's what. It's a penalty any day of the week and Neil McCann knows it. I wonder if he'd have been so vocal if it had happened at the other end of the pitch!

Meanwhile, the wheels continue to come off at Ibrox; they've even had to change NOMADS again. The Daily Record delights in telling us that the new NOMAD is called WH Ireland - shock! horror! Isn't it shameful that in this day and age this can be considered a headline? In no other country in the world would this name even occasion a second glance, but not here in Bigotland!

McMurdo and his disciples still think everyone else is to blame for their woes. One clown, for example, suggests the following:

"SDM gave us away to someone who not one bit of interest in the club. Then blended with the Baron of Cardowan’s skull duggery ….well the rest is history."

How, in God's name, can John Reid be held accountable for what happened at Ibrox? They're really clutching at straws!

Another comes up with an extremely familiar argument, which I seem to remember appearing over a year ago on a certain pish-stained ex-journalist's blog. I wonder if it's the man himself, trying to ease his way back onto our computer screens.

"Any thoughts on what you think the courts might order, if Whyte’s takeover was fraudulent and, therefore, not the legal owner?
Do you think it possible the courts could annul all subsequent actions, Administration, sale of business and assets, liquidation, etc.etc.?
In your opinion, do you think it possible that the courts could order all things be restored to a time prior to Whyte’s takeover? That is, the club and debts (minus the ‘big tax debts’ and debts run up by Whyte) being restored to David Murray?
Have you heard the thoughts of any others, on such a prospect?"

And Bobby Ewing steps out of the shower...

Staying with McMurdo's Mob, Mr. Cut-and-Paste is back, letting us all know about a charity that helps soldiers adjust back into civilian life. I remember seeing a documentary about how the US army trains its soldiers nowadays. Experts in psychology and psychiatry have been involved in new methods, which involve recruits being taught that they are not fighting an enemy, but defending the innocent. Such training is already proving its worth in that ex-soldiers can more easily adjust back to civilian life. Of course, this is not the case in Britain, where the old-fashioned way is still in vogue; turn them into killing machines and then throw them on the scrapheap when their usefulness is at an end.

It's really about time the UK Government faced up to its responsibilities. It's funny how Westminster is always skint but they can always find the money to clothe and feed all those men whenever a war comes along! If somebody volunteers to go into one of the armed services then surely they shouldn't have to rely on charity when things go wrong?

Which, of course, brings me onto Remembrance Day. I'm not going to go into all the poppy stuff again; I'm more interested in the story I read in the Daily Record the other day. Apparently a woman was made unwelcome at a Scottish branch of the British Legion's Remembrance Day commemoration and she was told that her son's name should not be on the local cenotaph because he died in a 'conflict' not a 'war'! Her son was in bomb disposal and died doing that particular job. I'd have thought there was nothing more heroic than putting your life on the line like that to save others; but, apparently, not. This war-worshipping business is really getting out of hand!

Finally, did you see that nonsense about Prince Harry and other celebrities telling their secrets to encourage folk in Africa with AIDS to come forward for treatment and not be ashamed of their condition. A sense of anticipation was engendered by the announcement that Harry's secret would not be divulged until the afternoon. What was he going to tell us? Maybe he's into some weird sexual practices, or he was born with congenital syphilis, or perhaps he was going to divulge the identity of his real father! Then again, maybe it was something simple like enjoying eating his own snotters or some such. And then his secret was revealed: he gets nervous when he has to speak in public. I mean...for fuck's sake! You can just hear those African kids now, "My God, here I am worrying about suffering from AIDS and the stigma attached to it, when poor Prince Harry gets nervous speaking in front of an audience! I never knew when I was well off! Now, where's that clinic?"

Allan Johnston is declared 'Manager of the Year' for letting Bisto FC through to the next round of the Scottish Cup.