PLOOKY YOOFS

Mark Warburton seems to be going in the opposite direction to Sooperally and is getting a bit carried away with his youth signings. The latest lad that hasn't started shaving yet is Jordan Gibson. It's always worth doing a bit of light digging and the Bromsgrove Standard provides some edifying reading. If, like me, you'd never heard of Bromsgrove it's in Worcestershire, not too far from Birmingham. The local team, whence Gibson comes, is called Bromsgrove Sporting, which tells you all you need to know. Wee amateur teams always give themselves tongue-in-cheek, grand-sounding names, like Glasgow's Red Star Belgrove and, my favourite, the gay bar's women's team called the Lesbian Lions. Our media are saying that he played for Alvechurch FC (?), which is a bit confusing. Whatever.

Apparently the lad "suffered setbacks at West Bromwich Albion, Stoke City and Wolverhampton Wanderers" and was beginning to think he was never going to make it as a professional. There are no details about these 'setbacks' but young Jordan himself explains about Stoke; apparently he "had to leave because of transport issues." That could mean anything, but probably the local bus drivers believed he was too young to be traveling unaccompanied. It no doubt proved to be too embarrassing for the boy for his mammy to go to training with him.

The u18s coach, Trevor Carter, was instrumental in getting the boy noticed by Sevco scouts. As Jordan says, "He knew what I wanted to achieve and he knew the scout was watching me, so he played me every week even though the team was mostly second years." So Jordan was running around, towering above a team of 13-year-olds? No wonder he looked impressive!

And other exciting signings are afoot. There's Reece Wabara, who's related to Mark Walters and whose grandfather was a Nigerian international. Not that that says much, my da spent twelve years in the army but I'm the last person you'd trust anywhere near a tank! And somebody called Andy Halliday, who apparently was a youth player at Rangers but was deemed not good enough. Warburton's also looking to get Harry Winks on trial from Spurs. Winks's Wikipaedia page tells how in his one game for the first team he managed six accurate passes! Alan Stubbs will be shiting himself!

The new season will see the disappearance of the bedsheets so the smell of pish is going to be replaced with the stench of Oxy 10 and Clearasil. Meanwhile, it looks like John Eustace has hobbled off into the sunset so Warburton is going to need somebody else to build his team round. It's either going to have to be the Cuprinol Man or Davie Weir is going to have to get his boots on again. Somebody's going to have to be in the changing room to comfort all those crying weans when they get beaten week after week.

Meanwhile the draw has been made for the Petrofac Training Cup, the trophy all Celtic fans are raging about because Celtic will never win it. Just like last year, Sevco are going to be playing Hibs in the first round. This time, though, it's at Easter Road on the 25th July. What's that old saying...men against boys...literally!

And the Daily Record, as usual, can't help having their little digs. They've got a story about John Guidetti, jumping about and singing after Sweden beat Norway 4-1. They go on about him being 'hyper' and 'bonkers'. Maybe he should have punched and kicked an opposition player instead. And then comes the punchline: "Makes a change from his little ditty he performed during his time in Scotland, for which he got a slap on the wrist from the SFA." Piss off, Jackson!

I'm currently editing and putting the finishing touches to my new Sevco book, so it won't be long now!

 "I wanted to find out everything I could about my new club, so somebody suggested I order a copy of 'Clash of the Agnivores' and there's a new book coming out as well. I can't wait!"

FREEDOM COME, FREEDOM GO

About twenty-odd years ago I was doing supply teaching in Glasgow. I spent a week in one school where I went round different classes to let the teachers out to write their forward plans. They were still trying to get used to the new 5-14 curriculum so each teacher got help with doing their plans using the new format. Anyway, in one class all the pupils had Maths to do; all I had to do was supervise them and help anybody that was stuck. There wasn't really much for me to do since they all seemed to know what they were about so I walked around, marking their work as they went along, just to check they were okay. I got to one girl and she had done no work at all; all she had in her jotter was a list of names. She explained that this is what she normally did; she would write down the names of anyone that had been talking to give to the teacher at the end of the lesson. Needless to say, I wasn't happy and was even less happy when I asked her to do the Maths work to discover that she hadn't a clue; she was the only pupil in the class that couldn't do the work. Of course, I told the teacher what I thought of this and reported it to the head teacher.

It wasn't the clyping that got me; it was the fact that the teacher was allowing that girl to learn nothing, while using her to keep the class in line. The teacher was wasting the girl's valuable time; time she was supposed to be using to learn. Equally scandalous is the news that Scottish Labour has just wasted a lot of time compiling a clype list of their own. This was all over Twitter yesterday and, if true, will make Scottish Labour even more unelectable. The list, apparently, runs to 51 pages and contains the names of SNP members that have said bad words to Labour supporters online. Can you imagine the time that took? Every online name that posted anything unsavoury would have to be investigated to find out their real name. Then that name would have to be checked against a database of SNP members. A whole team must have spent ages doing this and it shows that Scottish Labour has completely lost the plot. I wonder if Chris Graham was brought in as a consultant!

It also shows up the sheer hypocrisy of our media. While constantly condemning so-called 'Cybernats', the Daily Record yesterday had an article by a guest writer, supposed Marxist, Mick Hume, telling us how ridiculous it is that somebody is sent to prison for singing the 'Billy Boys'. Rather generously, he says that the song is 'awful and offensive' but that The Peeppul should have the freedom to sing it if they want. He quotes Voltaire on this but, to be honest, I don't think Voltaire had a crowd of knuckle-dragging morons in mind when he came out with his famous saying. Besides, I wonder how far Mr Hume is prepared to take this.

What if I go and stand outside a mosque, or some neighbourhood full of black people and hold up a banner saying, "Niggers go home!"; would Mr Hume support my right as a free individual to do this? What about turning up at a LGBT rally, shouting about "Poofy bastards"? Or what about some Islamic fundamentalist telling a crowd that all Western infidels deserve to die or speaking in support of those that hijacked the planes that crashed into the World Trade Centre buildings? I'm sure Mr Hume's middle-class  'Marxist' sensibilities would baulk at the idea of allowing such 'freedom of speech'. And yet, he's perfectly willing to allow anti-Catholic and anti-Irish bile to continue unabated.

What Mr Hume should be writing about are the circumstances in our country that say that you can't attack sectarian and racist abuse without attacking the victims of said abuse as well. It's hard to blame the Scottish Government for their Offensive Behaviour at Football and Threatening Communications (Scotland) Act; any attempt to tackle the real problem will be met with death threats and violence. The whole culture in this country makes anti-Catholic and anti-Irish abuse acceptable, which means anyone trying to tackle it faces having to pussyfoot around in a two-faced fashion. Just ask Nil by Mouth!

Perhaps instead of quoting Voltaire, Mr Hume should look to the words of another philosopher, John Donne, who said, "No man is an island." Like it or not, we all live in a society and everyone in that society needs to be looked after. As well as calling himself a Marxist, Mr Hume also calls himself a libertarian, which is a complete contradiction in terms. Libertarianism is an extreme right-wing philosophy, espoused by many rich people in America. These people don't want a society at all. They want no health service, no welfare state, no pensions, no free schooling and, above all, no taxes. They don't want laws either. Essentially they want to do whatever takes their fancy with no consequences. Anybody else, of course, is free to speak out against them in this paradise, as long as they don't mind being beaten up or killed by the paid lackeys of the rich. Meanwhile, these rich individualists will pay minimum wages, shoot anyone they don't like and even indulge their sordid passions with children if they feel like it. Is this the sort of 'freedom' Mr Hume wants?

Another article in the DR, by John Niven, pretty much argues the same point. Flags don't kill people, guns do, he says. He doesn't seem to understand that the flag, symbol or whatever is what's important to the ones doing the killing. The Islamic fundamentalists that shot all those folk in Tunisia didn't just pick up guns for no reason; they would have been chanting stuff about Allah, wrong-headedly believing all the indoctrination they've received that God wants them to kill people. It's the same with those idiots in America with their Confederate flag; many of them believe that they're descended from the tribes of Israel and have been chosen by God to rule the world. And they're not alone. You can read the same shite on McMurdo's website and on sites aligned to the Orange Order. Meanwhile their flag/fleg means everything to them.

No, flags don't kill people but they provide the justification. Anyone flying a Confederate flag outside his home in South Carolina is effectively showing his support for the Charleston murderer; in fact, he's providing some kind of justification. This is exactly the same as ISIS providing a justification for slaughter with quotes taken out of context from the Koran. The UK flag was used as justification for natives around the world being mown down with machine guns; in some ways it still is.

The old 'Je suis Charlie' argument is wheeled out again to show us all how armed terrorists are trying to undermine freedom of speech. That freedom of speech, however, was used as a cover for the magazine to print all manner of offensive and racist insults. Oh, but 'sticks and stones' and all that. Pish! When one of its cartoonists dared to draw something offensive to Jews he was immediately sacked. Why? The answer is obvious. In Nazi Germany such offensive cartoons were used to dehumanise Jewish people, making it perfectly acceptable for them to be violently attacked. Charlie Hebdo didn't want to be responsible for encouraging anti-Semitism. It was perfectly happy, though, to encourage attacks on Muslims by dehumanising them!

Folk that scream about 'freedom of speech' are usually hypocrites, being the first to whine and moan about encouraging terrorism. The papers that shout loudest about 'freedom of speech' are the exact same papers that call for Abu Hamza to be hanged/shot/deported. But, hey! That guy's encouraging folk to kill people! And what the fuck do they think the morons singing about being 'up tae wur knees' are doing? Our media will tut-tut about violent attacks on Catholics but surely such attacks are okay - after all, it's not real people being attacked, just Fenians! The same thing used to happen to Jews/blacks/gays etc. etc. In some places it still does.

And while the DR indulges all these calls for 'freedom of speech' they're also saying how we need a proper debate about independence in Scotland. The only thing holding back any intelligent debate, however, is all those 'Cybernats' with their online abuse. Surely the Record's not suggesting we curtail these people's freedom of speech?

Lastly, I see the farmers of Orkney and Shetland have had a terrible year and are worrying about making ends meet. They're going on about demanding that the Scottish Government does something to help. Er...weren't this lot the ones banging on about wanting to stay with Westminster? Why aren't they asking their friends in London for help? Probably because they know what the answer will be! Here's a suggestion about how to deal with a bad harvest:

HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF SHITE

It's a long story, which I won't bother recounting here, but in her 3rd and 4th year we sent our daughter to a fee-paying, all-girls school. As usual at these schools, you're expected to fork out for every piece of equipment but, knowing my daughter like I do, I never ran out and bought stuff straight away since she was notorious for not sticking at anything. When she joined the hockey team I didn't even bother to buy a hockey stick, which was just as well since she only played three games and then got fed up.

Anyway, one of the games she played in was against another girls' school. One of the girls from that school was quite a dirty player, tripping people up and shouldering them so hard that they ended up face down in the grass. My daughter being what she is decided to retaliate and sent the girl sprawling in the mud with a well-timed shoulder. There was a sharp intake of breath from everyone on the field and my daughter was substituted quickly before she was sent off. It was then that she discovered what she had done wrong: "You can't do that - don't you know who that is? That's JK Rowling's daughter!"

Like mother, like daughter it seems. I don't know how Rowling behaved on a hockey pitch but she seems to suffer from the same syndrome as her progeny: I'll do and say what I like but start yelling if anybody dares to answer me back. That's what she seems to be like on Twitter; she makes snide comments about the SNP constantly and is actually quite nasty to anyone that pulls her up for it. If they have the nerve to reply in kind then she starts screaming about 'Cybernats' to the papers and, similar to what happened with her daughter, everyone's there to point the finger - "You can't say that to JK Rowling!"

Nicola Sturgeon gets dog's abuse on her Twitter account, as do Charlotte Church and lots of other folk. I've had a few 'Cyberhuns' have a go at me as well. If you're going to stick your neck out and state your opinions then you have to expect that there are folk out there that are going to disagree with you. Unfortunately, not all people have been blessed with a decent education and the most coherent, and intelligible thing they can write is something along the lines of, "Fuck you, ya fanny!" It's hardly anything to get upset over. It's when you start getting death threats or when things get libellous that you need to call in the law. Both Nicola Sturgeon and Alex Salmond received online death threats and, in Salmond's case, one bam even tried to carry it out, but nobody seems concerned about this. It appears that threatening to strangle Nicola Sturgeon is nowhere near as bad as calling JK Rowling a "fud". But...but...but...it's JK Rowling!

I've enjoyed reading Rowling's books but the whole Harry Potter series is imbued with a sense of Noblesse oblige that I found frankly nauseating. Contrast Harry Potter, from an old, aristocratic wizarding family, and his caring attitude towards the fawning elves etc. with the uncaring parvenus, the Dursleys. It's like Dickens's novels, harking back to some imagined bond between the aristocracy and ordinary people that was broken by the evil industrialist middle class. Rowling is like some old imperialist, to whom we natives are supposed to bow and scrape and be grateful that she's deigned to live in our country. We're supposed to agree with everything she posts online from her Merchiston enclave, saying, "Yes, Bwana!" If we don't then, apparently, we're anti-English. Most of us are just scum anyway, coming from the background of the folk that the Dursley's were going to force poor Harry to mix with when they intended to send him to - gasp! - the local comprehensive! A fate worse than death, indeed!

Meanwhile, the DR has taken the opportunity to lambast Nicola Sturgeon for the abuse meted out by the so-called 'Cybernats'. Isn't it funny how the sectarian and racist singing and chanting by the Huns is never the fault of Sevco, who, it appears to me, have done relatively little to stamp it out; in fact, it seems to be encouraged if anything. And, yet, Nicola Sturgeon is supposed to take action because somebody said a bad word to JK Rowling! So when individuals post abuse on Twitter it's a 'concerted campaign' but when thousands get together to sing 'The Famine Song' or about being 'up tae wur knees' it's 'a minority of fans'.

Staying with Sevco and I see that Rob Kiernan is no longer 'a journeyman'. Now, according to Level 5...I mean, the Daily Record, he "has served one of the most far-travelled apprenticeships in British football". For God's sake; do they honestly expect folk to swallow this guff? They're even saying that his "days of wanderlust are over", as if all those loan spells were his idea! Surely even The Peeppul aren't thick enough to believe this shite? Then again...Monti - insert catchphrase here:

I'm swithering about my new book about Sevco. I've reached the present day so should I just wrap things up or wait to see what else happens? I'm at about fifty-odd thousand words at present so it would be a slightly shorter (and cheaper, Monti!) volume than Clash of the Agnivores. If I stop now it should just take a couple of weeks to edit and format and then it would be ready. Or maybe I should just wait to see what Ashley's going to do next or how the season-ticket sales go. Shit. I'm in two minds here. What do you think?

At least I've got the main part of the cover ready, as I unveiled on Mick's blog yesterday. So I'm raring to go!

HE LOVES A CLUB WITH A HAPPY ATMOSPHERE

Jabba and his mates at Level 5 are working overtime to try to make Warburton's signings and targets seem like fantastic coups. First up there's Rob Kiernan, who the compliant Daily Record tells us had other clubs after him and Warburton had to "beat off competition from English Championship sides" to get him. Unfortunately, they only seem to be able to mention one English Championship team but, still, Warburton managed to sign "the 24-year-old despite attention from Birmingham City". Er...is that the same Birmingham City that knocked him back because he failed his medical? Meanwhile, Warburton says that every day is like Christmas to Kiernan. That'll be because after practically every match he hangs up his stockings, along with the rest of his kit, since he's off to another club!
 
And then there's Danny Wilson, who has inexplicably left Hearts to join Sevco. Rather petulantly, he told reporters,  "It's my life and I don't have to justify myself to anyone." He was then heard asking his agent if that cheque had cleared yet. It really does defy logic why anyone would want to hand in their notice to a club on its way up to go to a gang of proven losers. There's also the usual shite about Celtic being interested in him. How many times have we heard that one over the years when somebody sells their soul to Ibrox?
 
And last, and by every means least, we have John Eustace, who has been released by Derby County. I wonder if the serious injury to his knee and the fact that he hasn't kicked a ball in anger since January has anything to do with that. As Eustace himself told the Derby Telegraph, "If I am fit, I am definitely looking to play next season". Oh dear. That doesn't sound too promising, does it? And yet, according to the DR, "The 35-year-old is also being chased by Leeds and Sheffield Wednesday". I bet he is. Chased right down the street with half-bricks bouncing at his heels and told not to come near their doors again!

Warburton says he's "looking for quality and value" but it looks like the same tactic of signing up mercenaries, old-timers, crocks and no-hopers that Sooperally had. I think it's called crossing your fingers and hoping for the best. Hilariously, the Daily Record also bangs on about how Warburton is going to "whittle down hundreds of transfer targets". The Sevco manager is insistent that he will only sign those that are "desperate" to come to Ibrox. That'll be an easy whittling job, as he phones round, getting mostly the same answer, "Naw", "Naw", "Naw", "Get tae fuck", "Naw", "Naw", "How much wull Ah get?". Hey, Weiry, we've found one!

Meanwhile, the DR and its chums in the Labour Party have got some bloody brass neck going on about the 'privatisation' of CalMac ferries. The only thing I understand is that, by law, services need to be put out to tender and there's nothing the Scottish Government can do to escape that fact. Perhaps the DR should put more effort into exposing the scandal of our hospitals and schools that are going to be in debt to private companies for many years due to the stupid policies of the Labour Party, both in Holyrood and Westminster. Most NHS trusts can't afford extra doctors and nurses because of having to pay off mortgages and being tied up in onerous contracts for cleaning and catering. Like I said, necks of solid brass.

The Record also has an article 'sponsored by Ineos' telling us about all the benefits of fracking. It's worth noting, though, that any tax revenue from these operations will go straight to Westminster, as the Smith Report made clear. Strangely, I haven't heard any more about fracking operations in the South of England; maybe it's too over-populated. It's also worth noting, however, that all the shale gas in Scotland lies beneath the Central Belt between Glasgow and Edinburgh. So if you live there and you voted 'NO' you can watch your children die from poisoned water and your house collapse around you, secure in the knowledge that at least the Scottish Government is getting not a penny out of it!

Mark Warburton yesterday.

"See you, Jimmy!"

MEESA'S DOING WALKING AWAY

The world of football is in mourning today. Don't worry, nobody's died. It's the news that Bilel Mohsni is about to give up playing football altogether that has everyone grief-stricken. No more will we see those long, lanky locks bouncing on his shoulders as he passes back to the keeper with such force that the man has to scramble to stop it going into the net. Never again will we see a punt up the field that ends up hitting one of the pishy bedsheet brigade outside the stadium. We'd better change the subject; I'm filling up here!

It seems that The Peeppul are less than chuffed at the marquee signing made by Warburton from Wigan. It appears that they're not impressed with the guy's history of playing everywhere and staying nowhere. That failed medical at Birmingham is a bit worrying as well. And if you think that section of The Peeppul is unhappy, you should read McMurdo's Mob's 'Rangers (sic) Supporters Loyal' website - they're all ripping up their ST renewal forms and are vowing never to return. Meanwhile the new Sevco MD, Stewart Robertson, says that the 'wheels are in motion' for more signings and The Peeppul should expect to see some new faces in the coming week. I think it's new faces in the crowd they need; have you seen the pusses on those ugly bastards?

The Peeppul are ubiquitous in the papers at the moment. There's a picture of one Hunnette, trousers round her ankles, pishing on a street in Aberdeen. How do I know it's one of The Peeppul? Easy. Who else would do such a thing? QED. There was another Hunnette in the papers earlier in the week trying to breed with a dog! Still, I suppose it makes a change from them doing it with their brothers. And now there's a story about thousands of 'stinkin' people in Harthill. Oops. My mistake. The story is about Newarthill, where there's black water coming out of the taps that nobody can use. Such a thing would never happen in Harthill; nobody knows what the water is like there because they never turn the taps on or even flush the toilet!

JK Rowling, meanwhile, is making quite a name for herself in the arsehole stakes. Her latest gripe is to take issue with a newspaper article that claims there's no anti-English sentiment in the SNP. She's whining and moaning about no English people being asked. Even a Tory has called her a liar, saying he's never experienced any anti-English feeling in Scotland. Isn't it strange how Labour and its supporters are the ones lying and stirring up this shite? Anyone would think they were scared!

THE TWELVE DAYS OF SUMMER

On the First day of Summer, Mike Ashley sent to King:

A big bowl of Monti's ice-cream.

On the Second day of Summer, Mike Ashley sent to King:

Two wealthy gardeners

And a big bowl of Monti's ice-cream.

On the Third day of Summer, Mike Ashley sent to King:

Three gagging orders

Two wealthy gardeners

And a big bowl of Monti's ice-cream.

 

 

On the Fourth day of Summer, Mike Ashley sent to King:

Four Newcastle duds

Three gagging orders

Two wealthy gardeners

And a big bowl of Monti's ice-cream.

On the Fifth day of Summer, Mike Ashley sent to King:

Five ugly Huns

Four Newcastle duds

Three gagging orders

Two wealthy gardeners

And a big bowl of Monti's ice-cream.

On the Sixth day of Summer, Mike Ashley sent to King:

Six thousand unsold jerseys

Five ugly Huns

Four Newcastle duds

Three gagging orders

Two wealthy gardeners

And a big bowl of Monti's ice-cream.

On the Seventh day of Summer, Mike Ashley sent to King:

Seven 'Rangers' badges

Six thousand unsold jerseys

Five ugly Huns

Four Newcastle duds

Three gagging orders

Two wealthy gardeners

And a big bowl of Monti's ice-cream.

On the Eighth day of Summer, Mike Ashley sent to King:

Eight court cases

Seven 'Rangers' badges

Six thousand unsold jerseys

Five ugly Huns

Four Newcastle duds

Three gagging orders

Two wealthy gardeners

And a big bowl of Monti's ice-cream.

On the Ninth day of Summer, Mike Ashley sent to King:

Nine Sevco shares

Eight court cases

Seven 'Rangers' badges

Six thousand unsold jerseys

Five ugly Huns

Four Newcastle duds

Three gagging orders

Two wealthy gardeners

And a big bowl of Monti's ice-cream.

On the Tenth day of Summer, Mike Ashley sent to King:

Ten-in-a-row for Celtic

Nine Sevco shares

Eight court cases

Seven 'Rangers' badges

Six thousand unsold jerseys

Five ugly Huns

Four Newcastle duds

Three gagging orders

Two wealthy gardeners

And a big bowl of Monti's ice-cream.

On the Eleventh day of Summer, Mike Ashley sent to King:

Eleven pishy bedsheets

Ten-in-a-row for Celtic

Nine Sevco shares

Eight court cases

Seven 'Rangers' badges

Six thousand unsold jerseys

Five ugly Huns

Four Newcastle duds

Three gagging orders

Two wealthy gardeners

And a big bowl of Monti's ice-cream.

On the Twelfth day of Summer, Mike Ashley sent to King:

Twelve days to pay up

Eleven pishy bedsheets

Ten-in-a-row for Celtic

Nine Sevco shares

Eight court cases

Seven 'Rangers' badges

Six thousand unsold jerseys

Five ugly Huns

Four Newcastle duds

Three gagging orders

Two wealthy gardeners

And a big bowl of Monti's ice-cream.

STUPID, STUPID

I don't know any big supergroups these days, if there are any, and, rather than make an arse of myself, I won't even try to name one. I think once you get to a certain age then current music is none of your business anymore; it's not made for the likes of me anyway! Imagine you were a guitarist and had built up a good reputation appearing with various bands and as a session musician. The Rolling Stones/The Who/The Clash (delete where appropriate) are going on tour and contact you to play with them. Also going on tour is the Abba tribute band Bjorn Again and they want you to play with them as well. Which one would you choose? I think most normal people would make their excuses to Bjorn Again! Not The Peeppul, though! How else to explain the abuse they've been giving Chris Sutton? As Monti always says, stupid, stupid Huns!

And down Ibrox way it looks like things are just carrying on the same way as always. The Daily Record is all excited about Mark Warburton's first signing, Rob Kiernan, a defender, from Wigan Athletic. Of course, as far as the DR is concerned, he's the best thing since...no, I think there's been enough of that! As usual, however, the ones at Sevco don't seem to understand the phrase, 'caveat emptor'. The 'small print' in the article shows that. In one part he's described as a "much-travelled defender", which obviously means that either he can't settle or nobody wants him. There's also the small matter of Birmingham City, for whom he played on loan last season. Birmingham were going to sign him permanently but "the Blues had cancelled the move following concerns over his medical." Sevco then "immediately stepped in with a bid which has been accepted by the Latics." Oh dear! Monti! We need your catchprase again!

As Shaun pointed out yesterday, Warburton hasn't really got a lot of experience being a football manager. He was appointed at Brentford in the middle of the 2013-2014 season and one of the players, Alan McCormack, said that "a change in management often means a new man bringing in their own staff and own ideas, but he (Warburton) has kept it pretty much the same, just making one or two changes." In other words, he didn't actually do much. Brentford got to the Championship but the fact that they were ready to let Warburton go even though they got into the play-offs for the Premiership in 2015 doesn't say much for him. In reality, he's pretty much an untested, unknown quality. But not to worry; Mr Dignity has already offered his services if Warburton needs any help or advice. So if Warburton wants to know how to sign a cheque, he knows who to ask.

I've noticed that a couple of specimens of Hundom have been in the news, getting away with being filthy bigots and complete cunts as usual. First, was the fat git that abused the SNP guy selling the Big Issue. He's got previous for hate crimes but, instead of being banged up in 'The Big Hoose', he's been given community service. Maybe he used the same plea that woman used that killed somebody after going through a red light and whined about being too fat to go to prison. The next was a couple of Hunlings, making sick jokes about that girl that collapsed at a party. Again, they've got previous, doing the same thing about a baby that had been murdered. Nothing was done about them then and I wouldn't hold out much hope of anything being done about them now!

Lastly, I remember back in the 1980s, somebody at a tutorial at university asked me if I would sign their form to set up a Jewish Society. You needed so many people to sign up to get a society affiliated to the Students' Union and you'd get a small amount of funding as well. The girl told me that there weren't enough Jews at the university to sign. I thought there would be no harm in it and didn't think about it too long. My decision was made all the easier by the girl flashing me a large smile and a good view of her knockers as she leaned over the form. So I signed and that was the last I ever heard of it.

As far as I know, the Jewish Society signed up with the Students' Union, got their one-off grant and had a good piss-up; and the best of luck to them. If, however, this group had been out on campus making Zionist noises, burning Palestinian flags and the like, I'd have been straight over the SU office to demand that my name be removed forthwith.

It's the same thing now with the way Westminster is trying to pish all over the Scottish electorate. The Daily Record were all for 'The Vow' and even did their best to claim 'credit' for it. To me, it was a deciding factor in many people voting 'NO'. So why aren't they up in arms at the efforts to twist and mangle their precious 'Vow'? I was glancing through their website yesterday and, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted the words 'vow', 'truth' and 'expose'. At last, I thought; they're actually going to say something. It turned out that the headline really said, "Katie Price vows to expose 'truth' about Peter Andre when pair FINALLY meet in court". That, I suppose, sums things up.

And where's Gordon Brown disappeared to? Didn't he say he "would ensure the commitment given by the leaders of the three main Westminster parties is adhered to"? And didn't he say, "These are men who had been promise makers, and they will not be promise breakers, and I will ensure that these promises that have been made are upheld"? So where the hell is he? Come on, Mr Brown, don't be shy! You weren't so backward in coming forward in September, were you?

Sevco proudly parades Warburton's second signing:

Gael Bigirimana

PANEM ET CIRCENSES

So that's it, McCall's arse is oot the windae and Sevco have a new manager. I promise - no bread jokes; scout's honour! Already the agnivores are in overdrive about how it's all going to be different now and Sevco are going to be 'back' in the top tier before we know it. It all seems pretty familiar; remember the 'Le Guen Revolution' that was going to steamroller all opposition? That worked out well, didn't it! They never learn. And already the new manager is looking to waste money by signing Danny Wilson. Why the hell he thinks the club needs the services of some crappy 80s band is beyond me!

Both Warburton and Weir have been banging on about 'value' and 'youth' (Davie Weir going on about 'youth'? WTF?) so I suppose they'll be trying to offload Kenny Miller. Oh, wait; Miller's got a two-year contract and you know how Sevco feel about honouring contracts! That's what's funny; no matter who they manage to get on board the circus train they're still stuck with all those losers drawing hefty salaries while they pick the skelfs out their arses. Never mind...whatever it takes, eh?

What happened to the vote count for the EGM? We were told that it would be announced today; what's keeping them? It's not as if they're having to count thousands of individual ballot papers or anything. Maybe it's bad news and they didn't want to cast a shadow on the news about their new manager. Then again, maybe they're counting every individual share certificate of the voters; I wouldn't put it past them.

Meanwhile, a couple of revolting stories in the DR, just to let us all know that they're still the lowest of the low. First up we have Keith Jackson going on about Martin O'Neill 'whinging'. Of course, O'Neill will be used to this approach to him in the Scottish media. If that had been Rangers playing Porto in Seville in 2003 we'd never have heard the end of it; but, because it was Celtic, Porto won fairly and squarely and O'Neill was a 'whinger'. Now, twelve years later, they're still at it. Have a read of Jackson's disgusting article here. O'Neill actually says nothing that any other manager clinging to a slim chance might say. According to Jackson, though, O'Neill is playing the victim. Even when O'Neill mentions the Georgia result, Jackson has an unfair dig, saying, "O’Neill even managed to moan about how he’s been hard done to by the Georgians." It's enough to turn your stomach.

The other story is all about Paul Gascoigne and his infamous imitation flute-playing exploit. He's saying that he received a death threat from the IRA and had to check under his car for bombs and board up his windows in case of shootings. And nobody noticed this? If this had really happened, the Daily Record would have had pictures of the boarded-up windows and would have been screaming to the high heavens about it. This alone suggests that the story is a load of utter pish. For another thing, I'm no expert but I don't remember the IRA ever issuing a death threat before killing somebody; they just did it. Everybody knew that the repulsive Ross McWhirter was making himself a target but I don't remember him receiving any threats beforehand.

The reason for this specious tale is all too clear; it was those evil Irish Republicans that drove Gascoigne to drink. It says in the article, "The 48-year-old now regrets trying to wind up the crowd at Parkhead by mimicking Orange walk marchers playing The Sash." From the context it's clear that Gascoigne is not sorry in the slightest for his sectarian antics; it's all about that IRA threat, which was about as real as his flute. He no doubt did receive some kind of threat, which the police investigated and probably found that it came from some angry bam in Glasgow. Immediately after telling us about this distressing period in Gascoigne's life, the DR goes on to say how Gascoigne "has battled mental health problems and alcoholism since hanging up his boots." The implication is clear: it's all the fault of the IRA. In a few years' time we'll be reading how the IRA drove Gascoigne to the bottle on Sevco forums, if they're still around, followed by the word 'FACT'.

The Sevco support isn't exactly known for being any kind of brains trust but sometimes, just sometimes, one individual emerges with more than one brain cell. That's how evolution works; he'll probably pass his brains onto his children and, within a couple of generations, the family will all be Celtic supporters. Away back in the primordial swamps all of our ancestors probably slithered about shouting "Wee arra peeppul!" Anyway, this particular individual, posting on Rangers (sic) Supporters Loyal, has noticed something in the small print of his season-ticket renewal form. Apparently, if you choose to give your bank details in order to pay in four instalments they're automatically going to use your bank details to renew your season book for 2016-17. This guy has actually worked out, all by himself, what the probable reason is for this. He imagines that it's a "way for Kingco to assume 2016/17 prospective/assumed income to demonstrate a viable business to prospective investors and/or the city for ISDX purposes e.g. “look all these supporters have signed up for the next two seasons”?" And you know what? He's probably right!

Finally, hands up if you were incensed about that story where the woman lied to swindle money from the state. She scammed benefits of £30,000 over four years. Shock! Horror! Meanwhile there's a big family of foreigners in London costing us millions upon millions every year. Isn't it about time our media started to highlight that bunch of chancers?

"I think we need to be clear that, despite what Mr King has said, we don't have a lot of dough to throw about. So we're not looking for prima donnas; just good players that want to earn an honest crust and want a slice of the action. We need to ensure we end up on top this season, not sandwiched between two other clubs. Hopefully, next May, we'll end up being the toast of the Championship!"

I know, I know. But come on...it's too hard to resist!

A BUSY WEEK

God, that was some week! I've not had much time for blogging since I've been writing the second volume of the Sevco Saga. I've reached the present time so I've had to stop to see what's going to happen with Ashley's court case; I think I can safely say that this book's going to be longer than the first one! It's going to be hard to decide at which point to end it.

So Campbell Ogilvie EBT has gone, Honest Dave's about to be dragged through the courts and that EGM turned out to be a complete and utter waste of time. The best stuff, though, has come from King himself, going on about front-loaded warchests and the like; we seem to have been here before. And he wants to sell 45,000 season books! The biggest crowd at Ibrox last season was just over the 43,000 mark, so who the hell is he kidding? Even back in the 'glory days' of the 1990s The Peeppul never forked out for that many season books and the large uptake in 2012 was mainly down to the cheap price; even then many of The Peeppul fiddled things to buy juvenile tickets! That 5% increase on next season's price probably had the defibrillators in every ambulance in Scotland working overtime.

Then he's banging on about spending 'whatever it takes' to get Sevco winning the Championship and then challenging Celtic in the SPL. He qualifies that though with, 'The funding figure of what will be required is based on a number of things outwith our control. It would depend on our ability to renegotiate the commercial arrangements, the level of season-ticket uptake, whether we repay the £5million loan.' That doesn't make sense. Those things he goes on about affect the figure available, not the figure required. Of course, the agnivores and The Peeppul are lapping it up. Talk about gullible. Even when he says that he and the rest of the Real Raynjurz Men will pump money in if there aren't enough season tickets sold, if it's needed and if they can't sort things out with Ashley, nobody questions what he says. It all sounds a bit iffy to me.

And he's still going on about a share issue. How the hell's he going to do that with no market? The man isn't half full of shit and The Peeppul, like some misbehaving dog, consume every bit. How are they going to set a share price? The idea of using ISDX is still being tossed about, as if it could possibly happen with no NOMAD and no chance of showing 18 months-worth of capital; unless, of course, The Peeppul step up and buy those 45,000 season tickets. That's never going to happen either so the game's a-bogey before it even starts.

What was the point of that EGM? Ashley called it to ask questions of the board but then didn't bother to attend or send any representatives to pursue the points. Instead, it looks like he's going to take them all to court and he would hardly engage the services of a top barrister just to get an injunction, would he? It'll be interesting to see what the outcome of the vote was at the EGM and what Ashley's going to do next. There's information out there but, unfortunately, I don't understand a word of it. There's stuff about skeletons or something, which sounds to me more like a ghost train than a court case. Maybe Halloween Houston and Big Scary Fucker, Mark Dingwall, are involved somehow.

I see professional arsehole David Starkey has surfaced again to have another go at the SNP. Apparently the Saltire is the same as the swastika and the kilt is the equivalent of lederhosen. If he was any kind of historian at all he would know that lederhosen have long been national dress in parts of Germany; the kilt, on the other hand, has been around for less than 200 years. The real Highland dress was a huge, wraparound concern; the modern kilt was invented by the English. All the tartans too were invented in England in Victorian times. It's all a load of pish and the ones you're most likely to see in this faux Highland get-up are middle-class, rugby-supporting Tory voters and Highland lairds with weird names. Another historical point that Starkey seems not to know about was that the Nazi Party, certainly in its early years, was full of right-wing, xenophobic homosexuals, who believed that they were superior to ordinary folk; people exactly like Starkey, in fact! What a tit!

The Daily Record is announcing that a 'Dream Team' of Mark Warburton and Davie Weir will be unveiled today as the new management team at Sevco. It will be interesting to see how Warburton copes without the Croesus-like riches available in England, even in Division 1. Oops! I forgot...whatever it takes! Davie Weir will be looking to top up his old-age pension and maybe buy himself a top of the range zimmer frame.

Finally, a message to Brendan; I figured out how to do it! If you look over at the top of the right-hand column, you'll see that you can now sign up for e-mail alerts. Thanks for the info and I hope to God it works!

"I'm really looking forward to working at Sevco. I spoke to Sooperally and he told me how you get paid a fortune for putting any old shite on the pitch and then they put you on gardening leave for the rest of your contract, on full pay! My begonias have been looking a bit crap lately, so it'll be great to have time to tend to them. As Sooper says, you can be raking in a packet for just raking in dead leaves!"

FIFAS AND FIFERS

The SFA has finally decided to cut ties with Qatar; a case of stable doors and bolting horses. Simon Barrow, of the Scottish Football Supporters Association, said: "The voice of fans who do not want football to be a blood sport has been listened to." As the wee neds used to say on Chewing The Fat, "Naw it hisnae!" For ages they refused to heed everybody going on about the human rights abuses in Qatar but now, suddenly, they're all concerned. The real reason, of course, is that they're shitin' themselves.

FIFA doesn't run in isolation; all the FAs of the world are involved, voting on committees, electing officials and taking backhanders. If there's corruption at the top then you can be damned sure that there's corruption throughout. The Irish FA has already admitted to taking hush money and there are probably sphincters quivering worldwide while shredding machines work overtime and money is quickly transferred into other accounts. We already know about corruption in our FA in Scotland and you can bet everything you own that they'll have had their hands in the FIFA till as well. The last thing they want is investigators at Hampden; God knows what other secrets the G-Men might uncover!

Speaking of corruption, it seems Sevco are going to announce their new manager this coming Friday. Hands up if you think it'll be Stuart McCall - after considering other 'top' candidates, of course! Paul Murray gave the news to the annual  meeting of the North American Rangers Supporters Association in California. One hopes that the attendance at this meeting was better than that for the OrangutanFest in Glasgow yesterday!

Despite the weather, the Orange Order has tweeted the following, "Congratulations to the Glasgow Orange for a great Orangefest today. Over 10,000 people were recorded entering the event throughout the day". Pictures of the event and eyewitness accounts, however, tell a different story. In fact, there were probably more people at WeirFest at Balmaha, celebrating the life of Tom Weir!

It seems that only the hardiest of bigots turned out to stand in the pishing rain and get blown from one side of the square to the other. They were entertained - if that's the right word - by Lambeg drums and funny wee men from Northern Ireland shouting about how there will soon be too many Catholics in the Six Counties and how the Church of Scotland is betraying everybody with its sinful ecumenicalism. You can just imagine the Homburg hats vibrating above those red, shaking jowls! I don't know what remedies they propose for their problems; maybe the King Herod solution for all those Catholic babies and another Church Disruption is what they're looking for.

As for The Peeppul staying away in droves, the fact is that most of them aren't interested in listening to all this 'Protestant' shite! You get these wee Homburg men standing on a makeshift dais at Glasgow Green after the Twelfth parades, banging on about Whores of Babylon and Papist conspiracies. They usually have to dodge a barrage of empty beer cans and the odd Buckie bottle as the drunken revellers want to have an alcohol-fuelled sing-song, not listen to some boring, old cunt! If the weather had been better then they'd have been there, providing their own 'entertainment' on the peripheries of George Square. The bad weather meant a lack of 'fun' and if they wanted to be harangued by somebody in a dog collar then they'd go to church, wouldn't they? At least, that's what they think happens at church; none of them have ever actually ventured in to find out!

The rank-and-file of the Orangutan Order tend not to be the brightest lights on the Christmas tree. They don't want to hear explanations, or histories or anything; they want slogans, chants and easy-to-learn songs. I've seen a few pictures of parades where I've recognised folk that I taught at some time. I always remember them as the ones that never had a pencil, never practised their reading and that used to sit in the classroom, eyes glazed over, not knowing where, or even who, they were.

I recall one lad, sitting in a music lesson where the peripatetic music teacher was talking about instruments in the orchestra. His head only lifted, and his finger removed from his nose, when he heard the word 'flute' being mentioned. He was quite indignant when the teacher explained that the instrument he was learning to play (he was 10 at the time) wasn't a flute, but a fife. He sat muttering about her not knowing anything; he'd been told it was a flute doon the ludge and that was that!

I wondered how he was going to manage learning an instrument since he had trouble with the two-times table and couldn't spell the simplest of words. Even learning to play by ear would probably present difficulties. He seemed pretty determined, though. That was years ago. I recently spotted him on a Facebook page. He wasn't playing a flute, or a fife for that matter. He was battering hell out of a Lambeg. I guess things didn't work out too well with the fife!

Lastly, botanists are ready to unveil the latest addition to Earth's flora - the Sevco plant, Sevconis sevconis zombilius. You can read all about it here. 

P.S. I see I've been removed from Celtic News Now. Was it something I said?

"And we want to know, Lord, how long we have to put up with all this shite. Why is the Bogside still standing? Why isn't Garvaghy Road opened like the Red Sea so Your people can walk through? Why haven't You made all the Catholic women in Ulster barren? Why is it pissing down on Your people in Glasgow while Spanish Catholics are basking in sunshine? It's not on, Lord. I'm beginning to think, Lord, that you're a bloody Papist! And before anyone says, it wasn't me that died; it was the holding company!"

DISPELLING THE MYTHS

The Scottish Orange Order has this to say about itself on its website, "We are an organisation of people bonded together to promote the ideals of our faith." Er...isn't that how you would describe a church? What ideals do they mean? It really is difficult to understand what the hell these folk or on about. To be honest, I don't think they quite understand either; they're making it up as they go along.

Really, what 'faith' are they on about? You'll here them saying "Protestant" this and "Protestant" that, when, in reality, the word 'Protestant' means absolutely nothing anymore. I've heard some of them refer to the 'Reformed' faith but, again, this has pretty much lost all meaning since there is no such thing as a homogeneous 'Reformed' faith. Calvinists would throw their hands up in shock if they walked into a Lutheran church and saw the statues of the Virgin Mary and confessional boxes. And then there's their belief in transubstantiation of the Eucharist - shock! horror! Meanwhile, both the Lutherans and the Anglicans don't hold to any doctrine of predestination, while the Anglicans are great believers in the use of ceremonies. Both Lutherans and Anglicans, however, would be welcome in the Orange Lodge; so what are the criteria for membership?

From what I've read, anyone that joins the Orange Order has to declare that he is a Christian and has to declare his adherence to the Nicene Creed, especially the doctrine of Trinitarianism. In this sense, it might seem to be an umbrella group for the members of the various 'Reformed' churches, who might have all manner of different doctrines but all hold to Trinitarianism. Perversely, though, this is not the case. Since the days of the Reformation even more churches have sprung up, not all of them Trinitarian. Strangely, members of these churches have been accepted into the Order. I, personally, have known members of the Jehovah's Witnesses and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons), both Unitarian churches, who were members of their local Orange Lodges. It seems that the doctrine of Trinitarianism isn't that important after all.

Okay, we are left with the Orange Order being an umbrella group for Christians that don't agree with the doctrines of the Catholic Church, even though those disagreements are not always the same. As McMurdo puts it, "The right of the Orange Order to (be) strongly at odds with Roman Catholicism in terms of doctrine and theology is not a licence to be bigoted towards Catholics but it IS a right and freedom which should never be tampered with." Fair enough, but let's compare it with another Christian, so-called 'Protestant' organisation - the Boys' Brigade. I joined this organisation in the 1960s and nobody cared that I was a Catholic. I was made welcome at the monthly 'Church Parade' service at the local Church of Scotland and attended the Sunday School before going to Mass on my way home. Nobody lectured me about the 'faults and superstitions' of the Roman Catholic Church or tried to indoctrinate me with any 'Protestant' soteriology. We learned Bible stories, discussed the right way to behave as a Christian, did art work and learned songs. My being a Catholic was never an issue. Can the Orange Order claim to be as tolerant?

One area of tolerance where the Orange Order is, perhaps justifiably, proud is that it has always been open to Jews. In fact, Jews have played a prominent part in the Orange Order for well over a century. But wait a minute here. Isn't the Orange Order supposed to be a Christian organisation? This puts things in an entirely different light. So, really, the Orange Order is not purely a 'Protestant', Christian organisation; so what the hell is it?

As we've already seen, it's okay to join the Orange Order if you're a Unitarian, believe in transubstantiation, are a High-Church Anglican that believes in ceremonial worship, are a Mormon that eschews belief in Monergism and believes that you get to Heaven on your own merits or even if you happen to be a non-Christian. In fact, many members of the Order and its associated bands have never seen the inside of a church and I've known members that have never even been baptised. It seems that it's okay to be a Heathen as well!

So, all we're left with is that practically anyone can join the Orange Order, no matter what your beliefs; unless, of course you're a Catholic. This, apparently, is the only prerequisite to being an Orangemen. And they claim they're not bigoted! You'll hear them constantly banging on about Catholic schools and how a non-Catholic is not allowed to be a head teacher. That, they claim, is bigotry and yet their organisation bars nobody except Catholics but is, supposedly, an all-inclusive, non-bigoted, tolerant organisation. My arse!

McMurdo says that "individual lodges vary greatly in terms of what is acceptable and tolerated but it is fair to say that in general any open display of bigotry will get you booted out of the Order." The operative word there is 'open'. The members of the Orange Order are firm believers in the Eleventh Commandment! Of course, if a large number of them displays their bigotry in the open then that's okay. Being 'up to wur knees' or telling Irish folk to 'go home' is perfectly acceptable as long as it's a crowd doing it.

The Orange Order was set up as a paramilitary, anti-Catholic organisation and it still gives that impression. How else to explain the uniforms worn by the bands, some of which wouldn't have looked out of place at Nuremberg. And historically, the Orange Order has been a by-word for bigotry. They demonstrated vociferously against the Catholic Emancipation Act, the allowance of the Catholic hierarchy back into Scotland and, of course, the taking-over of Catholic schools by Scottish councils. And everyone has known them for their bigotry and nothing else. Why else would a British Prime Minister, known to detest Catholics, be called 'Orange Peel' by his colleagues?

So now this organisation, which has a history of opposing every extension of citizenship to Roman Catholics, does not allow Catholics as members and played a large part in denying the vote to Catholics in Northern Ireland is taking over George Square for something called 'Orangefest'. This is being touted as some kind of PR exercise, to let us all know the 'real' Orange Order and dispel the myths. If that's really the case, then why isn't it being advertised? There's no mention of it even on Glasgow Council's website! The word is being passed around on Orange websites and social media, which would tend to suggest that they only want 'their own' at the event. So it's not a PR exercise after all; it's just another bigoted display of supremacist ideology.

Somebody asked me yesterday how we target the councillors that let this fascist, Godless display go ahead. The answer is, we don't. What we do is vote against ever Unionist politician that stands from now on; clear out every one of the bastards!

Finally, I read an absolutely shocking piece of news today. Ron, Russell; how could you do it? The legendary Sparks have apparently made an album with the plagiarist pile of pish that's Franz Ferdinand! How heart-breaking is that?

Here's a Sparks classic for the Billy Boys:

JUST ANOTHER SATURDAY

It's been reported that Rafa Benitez is a disappointed man today. After signing on the dotted line for a three-year contract with Real Madrid, he is quoted as saying, "Why didn't anyone tell me the Sevco manager's position was available?" Of course, he'd have been up against some strong contenders, like Mark Warburton, Stuart McCall, Vitor Pereira and...anybody else that Level 5 can think of to feed to the agnivores. The Daily Record tries to sell it as "the manager race hots up at Ibrox", as if there are dozens of top candidates beating down the door. It's all shite, of course.

Sevco is skint, pure and simple, with the Sword of Damocles of Ashley's contract hanging over them; who in their right mind is going to want that poisoned chalice? Warburton has expressed nothing but flattering noises; he's probably just lined up the Sevco job in case nothing else turns up, which he pretty much implies in his interview with the DR. Pereira? If anyone in the Blue Room did contact him his laughter down the phone line will still be echoing round the marble staircase. The DR does this all the time and we can expect to see everyone from Alex Ferguson to Neil Lennon being linked with Sevco. They've got far more choice this time since there's no Barry Ferguson around anymore to limit the pool of potential candidates! We all know, of course, that next season we'll still be seeing Stuart McCall scrambling about on all fours to retrieve the ball in the technical area.

The DR later decided to give us a list of potential 'candidates', most of whom probably know nothing about it. Why the hell would Derek McInnes leave his post at Aberdeen, where he has a chance to compete for the Premiership title, to struggle in the Championship with a bunch of losers, has-beens and never-weres? As for McLeish and Advocaat, both require a bulging chequebook to achieve anything and Sevco is skint. If, indeed, Sevco is chasing round Europe for a top appointment then I'd imagine that mobile phones will be currently in the process of being switched off everywhere. Meanwhile, the weans will be told that if any strange men call the landline during the summer holidays, then they've just to put the phone down.

And the DR is praising The Peeppul for 'not reacting' to that 'shameful provocation' by the Mothewell fans on Sunday. They really think our heads zip up the back. Every year, without fail, the Motherwell supporters run onto the pitch at the end of their last home match and there's never any trouble that I've heard of. You never hear of other supporters being congratulated for not reacting to this 'provocation'. The way the Record tells it, the Motherwell fans were taunting The Peeppul and it could have ended up with a bloodbath if the 1500 Sevco supporters had 'retaliated'. Obviously they can't count at the DR; even the picture they have with the article shows that there were probably less than 200 of The Peeppul left at the end of the game, which probably explains why they didn't attack the Motherwell fans. And we're talking about supposedly grown men here, not wee boys in the playground, who use "He looked at me" as an excuse for punching somebody.

Some Hun put a video of the Motherwell fans 'rioting' on YouTube and, through the shaky picture, you can see all the 'Well supporters smiling and happy; not one of them looks as if they're wanting a fight. As for the mounted police turning up so promptly, they were probably there in case of one of The Peeppul's trademark riots. Instead of trying to build this incident up into something it wasn't, the DR would be better employed asking why no action has been taken against Sevco for the shameful scenes at Ibrox in the game against Hibs. I still maintain that their constant throwing of missiles influenced the match; at the very least the lack of a decent amount of added time should be queried.

The Record also considers this a good time to ask football supporters to give their ideas to be forwarded to the authorities. Do you think if we point out the corruption in the SFA, the constant pandering to The Peeppul and the desperate efforts made to get Sevco in the top tier, they'd bother to pass them on or even take notice of them? Stand by for the results in a few days' time - we all want an extended top tier with fourteen teams in it. You just know this is what they're looking for and The Peeppul, including the DR staff, will be putting in multiple entries at this very moment. If the SPFL does do such a thing then it's the end of Scottish football.

The biggest 'What The Fuck?' of the decade is occurring in Glasgow on Saturday. Glasgow City Council has given the go-ahead to a thing called 'Orangefest' to take place throughout the day in George Square. They're having speakers from Scotland and Northern Ireland (there's a surprise!) to give everybody an insight into the 'real' Orange Order. The most WTF thing is that this isn't a joke; it's really happening! What the hell were they thinking?

According to GCC they're not allowed to stop events "just because people don't like them". That's a load of pure and utter pish. Those of you as old as me will remember how, back in the 1980s, there were always rugby clubs throughout Scotland inviting South African clubs to come over here for matches. Our councils, including Glasgow and Strathclyde, were in the forefront of making sure these events didn't take place. The street where the South African Consulate was located in Glasgow was renamed 'Nelson Mandela Place' to get it right up the racists in SA. These councillors were all Labour through and through; so what's changed now?

It's not just that they've allowed this abomination to take place but allowing them to hold it in George Square is a kick in the teeth for the people of Glasgow, if not the whole of Scotland. They also held a civic reception for the filthy bigots in the City Chambers. Obviously this is a desperate attempt by Scottish Labour to get itself a new support base since they seem to have irrevocably lost their old one. I wonder if Jim Murphy will turn up wearing his Celtic tie? Maybe the members of Scottish Labour should read the crazed outpourings of PZJ and the rest of The Peeppul and they'd find out what they really think of GCC and Scottish Labour! They're on a hiding to nothing if they think they're going to get this scum voting for them!

They're taking over the square for seven hours, right at a time when tourists will be around, shoppers will be arriving at Queen Street Station from Edinburgh and other places and normal Glasgow folk will trying to go about their business. The area is going to be cordoned off, allowing only 2000 in at a time but we know there'll be hundreds of hangers-on loafing about outside the shops, the station and the City Chambers. We all know the police's special attitude to The Peeppul when it comes to drinking in public, so there'll be crowds of drunken bigots annoying everybody, or even worse. The boats over from Belfast will be filled to overflowing with the fuckers so anything could happen.

But wait, we can't call them bigots; they've actually got a Catholic speaking at their event and an Irish one at that! Before you get too excited, this Irish Catholic goes by the name of Ruth Dudley Edwards. I'm sure I wrote something about her in 'Fear and Smear'. Google her name and you'll find out that she's one of the worst kinds of sycophantic, arse-licking Uncle Toms in the whole British Isles. I think the charge of this being a bigotfest isn't changed any by the inclusion of this woman.

Everybody needs to sign this petition https://www.change.org/p/labour-led-glasgow-city-council-hold-gcc-to-account-on-orangefest-the-people-of-glasgow-say-no-more whether you live in Glasgow or not. This filthy display is hardly going to reflect well on our country. How is the world going to view us when our elected representatives allow the Scottish equivalent of the Ku Klux Klan to take over the centre of our largest city?

Lastly, I've been reading here and there that Auld Frau Saxe-Coburg Gothe has now officially been on the throne for 62 years. Hasn't anybody told her about Andrew's Liver Salts, or syrup of figs?

"Er...how come naebody's considerin' me fur the joab 'n 'at?"