BREAD AND CIRCUSES

While I was trying to find a stream to watch the game on Tuesday, Windows suddenly crashed. (Bloody Windows 10 again!) I had to re-install Windows, things were that bad. The upshot was that I missed the match and didn't find out the score until yesterday morning. As my daughter would say, in her usual, ladylike fashion: What the actual fuck?

By all accounts Celtic were shite but I have to question the effect of that disallowed goal I've read about. There's nothing more calculated to put a team off its stride than some bastard of a referee showing bias. Footballers are only human, after all, whether they're amateurs or professionals. Jock Stein used to get his players fired up with the knowledge that the referee would be against them but it's harder to do nowadays. Ever since Rangers died, the instances of match officials being biased against Celtic have been a lot fewer, which means, of course, that today's players aren't used to it.

What pisses me off, though, is the way that Celtic managers are always too scared to actually point the finger of blame anymore. The Huns, and their friends in the media, have been peddling the old myth of 'always cheated, never defeated' so much that it's become hard for a Celtic manager to put the blame where it belongs. The manager of any other team would be able to point to 'that cunt of a referee' costing them the match; but not a Celtic manager. It's just another aspect of the 'culture' of our country that we've all come to know and love.

There were 'Celtic supporters' on the Daily Record hotline, blaming Deila for his poor tactics and man-management and looking for him to be shown the door. I've put those words in inverted commas because I'm always suspicious when so-called Celtic supporters start talking about the need for a bigger league and how we need 'Rangers' to provide competition. And then we have the agnivores. Strangely, it was only a couple of weeks ago that the media were telling us how good a team Malmo was and how they'd seen off better teams than Celtic. Now that they've managed to knock Celtic out they're suddenly no better than a pub team!

Of course, the Huns think it's great, since they can only enjoy European football vicariously. I read one character I know of on Facebook, laughing and joking and posting 'funny' videos. It strikes me, however, that a grown man in his forties, whose role in his local flute band is that of majorette, has no right to laugh at anyone! Still, I suppose they're all hyped up with their club standing on the brink of winning three cups as well as the Championship.

Meanwhile, the Sevco juggernaut keeps thundering on, with a resounding victory against the mighty Airdrie, or whatever their real name is. Their 5-0 victory, however, is a far cry from Rob Kiernan's predictions of the fantastic scores we can expect from Sevco this season. Did you read that shite? I don't know what it said in the physical Daily Record but the online edition had to be changed. In the morning, the article had Kiernan claiming that Sevco was perfectly capable of scoring 25 goals in a single game. Yes, you read that right - 25 goals in one match! By the afternoon this had been changed to 9 goals in one game. Even that is stretching things far more than just a bit. They're certainly getting carried away with themselves.

While the Sevvies are still going on about Celtic 'downsizing', their own club is doing a bit of cost-cutting of its own. That's Darren McGregor let go and now Darius Zaliuska has followed him out the door, which seems a rather drastic path to go down. It looks like they're getting rid of players on permanent contracts to replace them with ones that are on loan. So not only are they relying on loans to keep the club afloat, they're now going to rely on loans to put a team on the pitch! It hardly seems like a good strategy. Those wunderkinder they've got playing for them just now will all be gone at the end of the season, while Superman, aka Gedion Zelalem, is only there until January. What does Warburton do then - bring in more loan players? It'll end in tears, I tell you!

Warburton's successes seem to be causing a bit of friction over on Rangers (sic) Supporters Loyal. It looks as if some of them are quite prepared to swallow the Level 5 lamb now and the arse of John James is already halfway out the window. That mighty intellect, PZJ, has decided to throw the weight of his massive brain into trying to show that all is well at Ibrox. After his resounding failure in getting the European Commission to investigate Celtic (a Catholic conspiracy, of course) it just shows how gullible the Huns are that they're prepared to believe him now. It appears that a few successes against part-time opposition and a dodgy result against Hibs have been enough to get McMurdo's Mob onside with King!

The Sevco manager also seems to be having an effect on our supermarkets. I happen to like Warburtons bread, but I'm choosy about the size of slice. Your average Warburtons white comes in three sizes; Medium, Toastie and Thickest. The Medium is a bit of a misnomer, as it is not so much sliced as shaved; it's like dipping a Communion wafer into your soup. Thickest is the best, giving you good chunks of bread. Toastie is somewhere in between. It's getting well-nigh impossible to find a Thickest loaf anywhere; the other two are hardly worth buying. Since Sevco's new manager came to town the sales of Warburtons bread has rocketed. I was only half-joking when I explained to my wife what has probably happened. The factory and wholesalers have probably noticed that in many areas of Scotland customers are only buying Medium and Toastie and leaving the Thickest on the shelf. No doubt they've decided that it's not worthwhile to supply supermarkets with Thickest loaves anymore. Incidentally, the Medium comes in a blue wrapper, the Toastie an orange one and the Thickest comes in green. I might have been joking but my wife thinks I'm onto something!

Finally, and entirely unconnected to anything, did you see the crappy one-liner that won 'Best Joke' at the Edinburgh Fringe? "I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It's Hans free." I mean, for God's sake; that's what folk consider funny nowadays? They're obviously easily pleased. It's not a patch on the good old standards, like this one:

Bill and Ben were in bed. Bill goes 'Slubbalubbalubba!' To which Ben replies, 'Bill, if you really loved me you'd have swallowed that!'

Boom! Boom!

The only cup any Sevco player will touch this season.

Smell the jockstrap!

BOTTLE MERCHANTS

It's a sad, sad day at the top of the marble staircase. Grown men are in tears and Paul Murray's Beau Brummell hairstyle has been plastered flat with snotters as he attempts to comfort others while fearing for the future himself. It's news that has put the whole existence of the new club in jeopardy. Barr's has announced that, after the 31st December this year, you can no longer get 30p back on a gingie. How the hell is Sevco going to raise that money they need to prove to the ISDX markets that they've got working capital?

On a note more pertinent to the rest of us, does this mean that the price of a glass bottle of Irn Bru is going to come down in January? After all, that 30p deposit is included in the £1 price. (A pound, for God's sake. I remember when it was 8p for it and 2p back on the bottle!) No doubt the price will remain the same, even though it's sheer robbery. Another lot that'll miss the deposit money are Glasgow bus drivers. At the terminus there were always weans around asking if they could 'look for gingies' on the bus. Those days will soon be gone and drivers will have to either go round with bottles rolling up and down the aisle of the top deck or clean the buses themselves.

Back to Sevco and it looks like the future greatest footballer of all time, Gedion Zelalem, might be going elsewhere. There are three English Championship clubs looking to take him on loan as well and he and his dad have gone back to London to think it over. What's to think about? The lad claims to be ambitious and wants to develop himself to be as good as Zinedine Zidane. Now, what's the best way to go about that? A) Play among the big boys in the English Championship. B) Play against teachers, social workers and firemen in the Scottish second tier. Obviously the boy's got a lot to consider. Warburton sells playing for Sevco by claiming that loan players will get to play in front of 50,000 crowds; he fails to mention what the crowds will be at the likes of Recreation Park! But you take your time, son and think hard.

A rather strange article in today's Record. Steven Naismith, who now plays at Everton, apparently buys match tickets out of his own pocket and gives them away to the unemployed. Now that is certainly to be applauded and is a great story by itself. Weirdly, though, this is tacked on almost as an afterthought. The headline, and main point of the article, is that Naismith would rather leave Everton than spend most of the season on the bench, which could put his chances of being picked for Scotland in jeopardy. Well...duh! It's hardly news, is it? Unless, of course, there's an ulterior motive behind this article. Can you think of any recently-signed player that the sports hacks in Scotland are claiming has given up the chance of a first-team place week-in, week-out, in order just to warm the bench at another club?

Meanwhile, in politics, the Record has decided to throw in its lot with Jeremy Corbyn. They support his stance on fighting austerity, eliminating the need for food banks, getting rid of Trident...Wait a wee minute here; we seem to have heard all these policies before somewhere. That's right - they're all policies advocated by the SNP, a party that the Record told us not to vote for; we were meant to stick with the Blairite Labour Party to save us all. The two-facedness of this paper is unbelievable, especially when it comes to other reasons for supporting Corbyn.

"In Scotland, they’ve allowed the SNP to practically exterminate them (Labour) – despite a record of talking left but failing to deliver left-wing policies." Eh? Gordon Brown, the erstwhile hero of the Record, anyone? "Tony Blair’s Labour government achieved many great things, including for Scotland." Like what, for instance? Devolution - I'll give you that one, but there are also the massive debts left for NHS trusts to pay off for the next century because of involving the private sector. But Corbyn, apparently is going to fix everything.

That fact is that the Labour Party has been veering to the right ever since Neil Kinnock refused to support the miners in 1984. The reason for this is plain; the party had become unelectable in the south of England, where most voters live. This is still the case with a left-leaning Labour Party. The Record might point to the crowds flocking to Corbyn's meetings, but the same was true back in the days of Michael Foot. The crowds, however, didn't translate into votes come election time and the same will be true in 2020.

Scotland and the south of England have been drifting further and further apart for over thirty years and Scotland has been voting for the traditional Labour Party for most of that time. The Record, and others, still don't seem to understand that what appeals to Scotland does not appeal to London and the Home Counties. Corbyn would probably do well in Scotland, and in the north of England and Wales for that matter, but he will be complete anathema to the southerners. Unfortunately, a political party can't be all things to all people so Labour would have to choose between success in its traditional heartlands or success in Westminster; the last thirty-odd years have shown that it can't have both. Since the party will go with the majority of voters then the Blairite creed is here to stay. With Corbyn as leader there will be a much bigger split than there was when the Gang of Four went off to form the SDP. The political landscape has changed and the only way Scotland will get the government it wants, and needs, is to go it alone.

Finally, Annie Brown is usually one of my favourite columnists. She has a down-to-earth, no-nonsense approach that takes no prisoners. Today, however, I feel let down. She attacks the Catholic Church in Scotland, calling its apology to the victims of abuse 'too little, too late'. She then goes on to blame the Church for a rape victim not getting an abortion in Paraguay and for not dishing out condoms in parts of Africa to stop the spread of HIV and AIDS. Now I don't want to indulge in 'Whatabootery' here, but the Catholic Church is not the only religious institution facing allegations of child abuse. The Jehovah's Witnesses, among others, are facing investigations as well. This, however, seems to escape everyone's notice in Scotland, as is the fact that the Catholic Church seems to be the only religious institution facing up to the problem. As for the rape victim in Paraguay, that was a matter for that nation to decide, not the Church. Other countries can be equally draconian when it comes to abortion; Northern Ireland is a prime example. As for the situation in Africa, the Catholic Church, just like every other church, faces the dilemma of not wanting to be seen to be encouraging sexual permissiveness. I doubt that any other church is advocating the use of condoms; but only one church is demonised.

Isn't it funny how when it comes to sectarianism and bigotry our media always go out of their way to show that they're balanced in their views? 'One side's as bad as the other' is the mantra and they can never condemn organisations like the Orange Order without dragging other folk into it. And yet, when it comes to attacking the Catholic Church it's a free-for-all, even though other churches are just as 'guilty' of the accusations hurled at it. Homophobia, being anti-contraception, being anti-abortion and even child abuse are all portrayed as 'Catholic diseases'. Perhaps our society, and especially its media, hasn't moved on as much as it seems to think!

"Please ensure you get your gingies in before the cut-off date!"

And lest ye forget:

Available in paperback and Kindle at Amazon

 

 

 

P.S. Can I recommend a film to everyone that I hadn't seen in years, but have found on YouTube. If you've never seen it, don't let the name put you off. My old man wouldn't watch it and missed one of the best comedies ever!

 

 

 



HUNS AND EVEN MORE HUNS!

I like to go on Amazon now and again to see if there are any new reviews on my books. The other day I came across this one about 'Clash of the Agnivores':

 The usual message from a Hun that twists its own logic back upon itself. First the mainstream media is complicit in covering up child abuse at Celtic, so obviously can't be trusted; then he derides positive comments about the book by saying that it's 'not what the mainstream media would write'. So, in the space of a couple of lines, the mainstream media has gone from untrustworthy co-conspirators with Celtic to the only ones where you can find the truth. He then quotes his granny (is this Leggat, by any chance?) in saying that he 'blames the schools'. I wonder what school this cretin went to. One thing's for sure; I didn't teach him. I would at least have taught him that if you write something it needs to make sense!

Still, even a moron can ignite some spark in those of us with more than one brain cell and so I started to think: why not? It's about time somebody laid this particular ghost to rest and silenced all the filthy Huns spreading lies and slander. Even if I decided against writing it, there was no harm in doing a bit of preliminary research. That's when I discovered something: it looks like there has been a cover-up and somebody has gone to a lot of trouble.

First of all there's Torbett himself. Some places call him a 'Rangers-supporting Protestant' and even a 'Freemason'; while others claim that, although born a Protestant he was brought up a Catholic. He was involved in some business that made trophies and I've seen him variously described as the owner, the chairman, the manager and the general manager. I've even read him described as a millionaire in some places. All this stuff, however, seems to be conjecture. It's impossible to find any details about his background or adult life. I find this strange for the main figure in such a high-profile case.

Then there's his involvement with a Rangers Boys' Club. Again, this is conjecture as no details can be found. In fact, no details whatsoever can be found about Rangers Boys' Clubs in the 20th Century. It's as if the idea never occurred to anyone connected to Rangers until the year 2000. I've read in a couple of places that Barry Ferguson was a product of a Rangers Supporters Association Boys' Club, which is the only reference I can find to the existence of such an organisation prior to the start of this millennium. Strangely, The Peeppul are always banging on about 'their history' but this piece of it seems to have vanished. Maybe Charles Green bought it and threw it on the fire, eh?

The whole 'BJK' pish is based around the word of one individual: Hugh Birt. One Sevco site speaks of 'Hugh Birt’s 25-year crusade has been to unmask perverts like Jim Torbett.' Really? If he knew all about it then why didn't he contact the police? He was asked this in court and claimed that he did not 'have enough evidence'. Now that's a load of crap. According to him he had boys and their parents complaining to him so he had plenty to take to the police, whose job it is to find the evidence. He was also questioned about his relationship with Torbett when the latter returned to the Boys' Club in 1986. He admitted that he worked closely with Torbett and had a good relationship. This, however, wasn't followed up. Birt supposedly had a meeting with Kevin Kelly and Jock Stein and quite a few places claim that the 'minutes from that meeting have vanished'. Birt claimed the meeting took place in his car; so why would there be minutes? Something smells here.

Looking for information about Hugh Birt brings one up against a brick wall as well. Did he have some kind of grudge against Celtic or Jock Stein? Any searches only throw up his involvement in Torbett's court case, usually on some Hun website, the story of the NHS taking his prosthetic legs off him and the odd photograph of Celtic players. Only the constantly-regurgitated account of his evidence in court lets you know that he took over as head of the Boys' Club.

Google these days has the caveat that some results might have been removed due to the 'Court of Justice of the European Union (CJEU) decision on the right to be forgotten'. Anyone can apply for their name or organisation to be removed from search engines, making it difficult for us nosey bastards to find anything out. There's a touch of the 'Ministry of Truth' about all this. I'll keep digging and see if I can turn up anything. If I can't then the old-fashioned means of research will be blocked as well. I can't see anyone at Ibrox or Hugh Birt helping me with my enquiries, can you?

Meanwhile those world-beaters from Govan march on with a 5-1 drubbing of the mighty Alloa at Recreation Park. But wait, what's that word there in amongst the gushing praise of the Record's match report. Penalty? Now there's an unusual event in a Sevco match! But with a score like that it wouldn't have made any difference. Then again, it came after Alloa had had the nerve to equalise, and put Sevco back in front. Not that I'm accusing anybody of anything...I mean, far be it from me to put a dampener on the world-class performance of this 'revolutionary' team.

And I see that Labour, in the shape of Glasgow Council, have buggered things up again. All the furniture from the Commonwealth Games that was supposed to go to the needy has been left to rot in warehouses in Renfrew. The stuff was supposed to be handed out last September so what the hell's been going on? The Glasgow Housing Association, who were in charge of the furniture, claim that only some has been ruined. A spokesman said, "All items damaged are fully covered through insurance". Now I wonder into whose pocket that insurance money will go. I also wonder how long it will take for the Daily Record to find some way to blame the Scottish Government for this scandal.

Speaking of which, there's some kind of stooshie going on about a chandelier in Bute House. Apparently there are suspicions that it was looted from a German house at the end of WWII. Investigations are under way and, no doubt, the SNP will be blamed for this as well! To my mind, though, there shouldn't be any investigation, unless there's an indication that the chandelier was originally stolen from some Jewish person's house, in which case it should be returned to the original owner. Otherwise, I say, 'Fuck them!' Rich Germans got even richer under Hitler's regime, usually at the expense of the slave labour of concentration camp inmates and prisoners of war, including soldiers from Britain. (Except for the officers, of course, who sat about with nothing else to do but dig tunnels!) So, once again, I say, 'Fuck them!'

While we're on the subject, I take it the museums in London are going to return all the treasures looted from Egypt? And what about the Elgin Marbles? We could go back even further and demand that Venice return all the art treasures it looted from Constantinople. Somehow I doubt anyone will be looking into these cases any time soon. A more worthwhile investigation would be into the Swiss banks that held the gold melted down from the fillings of extermination camp victims and whether there are any German families still living off the proceeds. Or what about industrialists like the directors of IG Farben, who used Jewish slave labour and made huge profits from the production of Zyklon B. The company was broken up after the war but the directors, after a derisory term of imprisonment, were returned to their directorships in the new companies. Like I said, 'Fuck them!'

"Returnen sie meinen light fittings! Schnell!"

Remember:

Available in paperback and Kindle at Amazon


P.S. Sorry for this big empty space here. For some reason I can't get rid of it!



BUSTING WITH ANGER

It's beelin' time for the Huns again. For all the ridiculous statements about never wanting to sign him in the first place, it's obvious that Scott Allan going to Celtic is hurting them. And they don't even have the consolation of still believing that this is some kind of interim measure until he can sign for Sevco; he's signed up to a four-year contract at Paradise. All that's left for them now is hatred and bile and the usual, disgusting comments about Jock Stein.

The agnivores are none too happy either. Derek Johnstone was apparently expressing the hope on Radio Clyde that Allan fails his medical. His buddy, Gerry McCulloch, has been on Twitter with his own particular brand of bile:

"Celtic PR :"Peter, Ronny's talking to the media again today, we need something to shift the focus from Collins" PL: "Hand me my phone""

"So the focus quickly shifts from a disappointing result for Celtic? Mmmm."

That was when he, and the rest of them, were still clinging onto the hope that Allan was going to say, "No". That didn't happen so he's got a different story now to help the Huns nurse their anger and hatred:

"Apparently Rangers (sic) were happy to pay Scott Allan same wage as Celtic. Hibs just wouldn't sell and player had to get out."

Now there's a cartload of manure if ever I smelt it! Are he and the rest of the agnivores honestly going to try to make out that Hibs have just acted out of sheer spite? They really need to take a closer look at what Sevco was offering. They might well have offered Allan a hefty salary; they were obviously doing everything they could to unsettle him. But what was Hibs going to get out of it? You can just imagine Paul Murray making his bid to Rod Petrie, "275,000 big ones, mate. You can have a hundred nicker now and the rest when we win the Champions League. I can't say fairer than that, can I?" He then spits on his hand and offers it to Petrie.

It seems that everybody is well pissed off that their bullying tactics against Hibs didn't work. Our media went out of their way to try to force their hand but they refused to give in. The agnivores don't forgive too easily, so we can expect nothing but negativity about Allan from here on in. Meanwhile Sevco have been left with egg on their faces, especially given Honest Dave's promise that he would fork out 'whatever it takes'. Then again, we still don't know if the bids for Allan were serious or if it was all just a ploy to rattle Hibs. Still, that settles all the arguments about the unwritten part of Allan's contract. He has now signed for a 'bigger club' instead of one that finished below Hibs in the league.

The lack of transparency at Ibrox these days (ironic, since King rode in on a promise of being open) is reminiscent of the days when David Murray held sway. And speaking of Murray, the similarities between him and Michelle Mone are remarkable. Murray got a knighthood for being a successful businessman and now Mone is getting a seat in the House of Lords for the same reason. Nothing particularly untoward about that; except for the fact that both have actually been abject failures in business. Both of their businesses went, if you'll pardon the pun, tits up. Mone was fortunate enough to offload her company while the taxpayer is still paying for MIH's mess.

I think I've mentioned before that I know somebody that worked at MIH and his job, along with others, was to continually shift money around the bank accounts of the various subsidiaries of MIH, making it look as if they were all in the black. The reality was that things were bad and Murray relied on loans to keep things going. It's now emerging that Mone was in the same situation with her company. Then there were the EBTs. Both Mone and Murray misused these trusts. They were meant to be used for bonuses; Mone and Murray used them to top up wages.

Then there were the products. Murray sold a fallacy of European success, casinos and hotels, topped with mint sauce. Mone sold a fallacy of big, firm breasts, which would turn out to be a huge disappointment when the woman took the bra off to reveal a pair of withered, spaniel's lugs that reached to her knees. In both businesses it was all about tits and cups.

As more facts are uncovered about Michelle Mone it seems that her pose as a rich, successful business tycoon is all smoke and mirrors. She supposedly bought her ex-husband out for £24m; which now turns out to be a grossly exaggerated figure. And despite apparently being as rich as Croesus, Mone's properties in Scotland were, and are, mortgaged to the hilt, while her plush London pad is rented. The way she is being sold is exactly the same as the way the agnivores built Murray up as wielding power over some great, profitable financial empire. And why stop at just comparing her with Murray? I keep waiting to hear that she has 'wealth off the radar'.

And it seems that the comparisons with Ibrox are neverending. While Honest Dave goes all out to fleece the Peeppul, Milady Mone is going down the same route, selling diet pills to the weak and desperate. She also shows a propensity for paranoia that is straight out of the Sevco rule book. When questioned about her use of EBTs and loans, her reply was, "Typical SNP supporters!" That's right, because the Herald have been on the side of independence for years now, eh?

Meanwhile, in the real world, it's getting too easy now for plots to be seen everywhere. The latest is a hole in Cilla Black's fence, which has led to stories of gangs of thieves ready to pillage her English home during her funeral. Luckily the hole was spotted in time and the evil plot has been foiled. Supposedly, the hole was 'professionally made', leading the family to suspect thieves. That's one trade I've never seen in the phone book; a professional hole maker! Seriously, though, why would a gang of 'professionals' make a hole days before it's needed, crossing their fingers that nobody finds it? With the right tools you can be through any kind of fence in minutes, which suggests that the whole story is a load of cack!

And we're also being told about a plot to murder Auld Lizzie. I mentioned a couple of days ago about SKY's 'sting operation' to entrap Islamic extremists. A couple of 'journalists' set up a social network site and pretended to be interested in organising a jihad. "Emdy oot there waant tae kill some infidels?" Amazingly, we're supposed to believe that they were contacted, not by deluded nutjobs, but by top ISIS agents that the CIA have been after for ages. So the CIA can't find them but a couple of folk from SKY have got their address and postcode!

These top ISIS people told the SKY folk about the plot to kill the Queen and even about who was involved. The police have now 'rounded up' a wee lassie in Glasgow, who, supposedly, was going to kill Hurmadge with a home-made device. Never mind, hen; just pretend you're a Hun and Donald Findlay will be at your side to argue that you suffer from terminal stupidity and that your device would never hurt anybody!

Lastly, I wonder if Halloween Houston is going to condemn all the Huns expressing the hope that some terminal illness shows up in Scott Allan's medical.

Michelle shows her business brains and the talent she is going to bring to the new Government enquiry team. She might have her knockers but she also has plenty of support and is determined to nip any criticism in the bud. She is looking forward to her new role and claims that she is going to help lift poor people out off their self-imposed misery and separate the potential entrepreneurs from the workshy. "Lift and separate, that's what I'm going to do," she says, "cross my heart!" To her critics she says, "I'm still going to keep abreast with what's happening in Scotland and I look forward to the day when the voters pap the SNP out. So suck on that!"

 

 

And there are even more diddies to be found here:

 

 

Available in paperback and Kindle at Amazon

LET'S HAVE A PARTY!

Before I say anything else I'd better remember to mention the Celtic News Now app for iPhones. I promised Mick that I'd plug it a couple of days ago but I forgot all about it! Unlike my books, this app is free - so there's no excuse for not downloading it, even if you don't have an iPhone! There's a campaign to get it to the top of the app charts, which everyone can help to do by downloading it. (Obviously you don't install it if you're not downloading to an iPhone or iPad.) And remember, it's free, so even the most tight-fisted among us can do their bit. Just follow the link below:

http://www.celticnewsnow.com/news/help-the-celticnewsnow-app-reach-the-top-of-the-ios-charts/121749/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=FacebookFeed

You'll need to download iTunes and set up an account but this also is free and extremely painless. Once you've downloaded the CNN app you can easily remove iTunes from your computer in the Control Panel. Even though you're not using the app it'll still show up that you downloaded it and help it up the charts. So, go on. It only takes about ten minutes to do the whole thing.

N.B. When installing iTunes, make sure you untick the boxes that make it the default player for audio files.

And now, on with the show...

In the early 19th Century the British Government employed spies to keep an eye on possible insurrectionists. These characters were paid by results, i.e. arrests, so it was in their interests to make sure that conspiracies actually happened. The best way to do this was by inciting groups to take part in illegal activities and then informing on them. The most famous example of this was the Cato Street Conspiracy of 1820, which was a plot to assassinate the government in one fell swoop. They were going to burst into a dinner, armed with pistols and grenades and slaughter everyone there. They would then incite the people to rise up against their oppressors. Unfortunately, the whole idea had come from a police informer, who even provided money to buy weapons, and the dinner party was a complete invention. Most of the conspirators were hanged, one was sent to Australia for life and the agent moved onto his next money-making scheme.

The reason I mention this is that the same kind of thing seems to be happening nowadays. The police and security services are on red alert over a supposed plan by UK jihadists to kill the Queen at this weekend's VJ Day commemoration. Hundreds, if not thousands, are expected at the event so there could, potentially, be unprecedented deaths and injuries. The problem is, however, that this information comes from a 'sting' by SKY news. Journalists set up fake accounts and fake social media sites to 'entrap' terrorists. There is a very fine line between entrapment and incitement but in a situation like this legal niceties go straight out the window.

Agents provocateurs can only operate in a climate of fear; a climate that, in the early 19th Century, they helped to engender by 'uncovering' rebellious plots. It would be interesting to see everything that was discussed on these fake sites and discover if the SKY journalists were actually encouraging jihadists to plot some kind of attack. The other possibility, of course, is that the 'jihadists' are just as fake as the SKY accounts and sites. Perhaps nobody is planning any kind of attack whatsoever. Even if the 'jihadists' were real, that's still no guarantee that they're planning, or even capable of, a high-profile, terrorist attack.

When the VJ Day commemoration is over you won't hear a thing about 'false alarms' or 'incorrect information'. Instead we'll be told that our police and security forces were up to the task of thwarting these evil, Islamic terrorists. It looks like documentary maker Adam Curtis is correct; our government keeps itself in power by feeding us information about terrorists, from whom they are there to protect us!

And it's not just in the field of international terrorism that agents provocateurs are active. It was fairly obvious that such characters were active during the independence referendum and the general election. It's more than probable that all the 'Cybernat' abuse on social media was orchestrated at Thames House in London. Everyone scoffs at such suggestions as if such a thing weren't possible, but it was a different story when comments appeared on Twitter, bearing Kezia Dugdale's name, using the anniversary of the Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombings to advocate having nuclear weapons. Suddenly it was entirely possible and we were told that her account had been hacked. So if somebody that doesn't like, or agree with, Dugdale can do it then what's to stop MI5? It's not as if they haven't done such things before!

The real desperation at Westminster and/or Thames House is now being shown by the ridiculous announcement of a 'new political party'. Apparently the SNP can't be trusted to deliver independence so 'somebody' has started a new party, called the 'Scottish Independence Party'. It all sounds a bit suspect to me! The Unionist media, of course, are all over it, hoping that this will lead to a split in the independence vote, while Unionist comments in the newspaper forums are derisory to say the least.

Supposedly this new party has been founded by a character called Coinneach Mac Eachain. I Googled this name and found that references to it had mysteriously disappeared. There was a YouTube account in this name but it has been deleted and there's no trace of him on Twitter or Facebook, which is strange given his apparent devotion to the cause of independence. The website and Twitter accounts of the Scottish Independence Party mysteriously vanished almost as soon as they were put up. So what the hell's going on?

The website scottishindependence.com earlier today had extracts from the SIP site; extracts that were far more interesting and telling than those in the newspapers. There was stuff about SIP not having baggage like the 'nationalist' tag of the SNP and promises were made that 'fundraisers' would help with the cost of candidates' deposits. I intended to provide a link to this article but it has disappeared as well. This time, though, there is nothing sinister in the disappearance; instead it has been replaced with a STOP PRESS article. It appears that the SIP and its website are the responsibility of an old friend; one Alistair McConnachie.

In case you've forgotten about McConnachie, he's an ex UKIP member, who was kicked out the party for denying the Holocaust. He's also a friend and hero of Bill McMurdo, who used to provide a link to McConnachie's pish on his blog. McConnachie goes around giving talks to thick Orangemen about how British folk are descended from the Israelites and how we all need to stay in the Union to fulfil God's great plan for the Scotland. It's the usual shite that's fed to Orangemen in the guise of history. He's certainly the last person to want to set up an independence party.

Like I said at the start, it looks like we've still got agents provocateurs working against the ordinary people. The big question is: who's paying them?

Remember to get your copy at Amazon

and please remember to write a review.

 

IT'S ALL ABOUT THE TITS!

I mentioned education yesterday and how it's a waste of time even having schools and teachers in an area if there's nothing for children to aim for. Somebody at Westminster must have been thinking along the same lines and they've appointed somebody to look into the motivational problems in deprived areas. Unfortunately they've been reading too much Ayn Rand and think the answer to everyone's problems is to turn them into entrepreneurs. And the person they've picked to investigate the obstacles in the way of all these budding businessmen and women is none other than Michelle Mone.

On paper Mone seems like the ideal person for the job; her narrative of growing up in a slum tenement in the East End of Glasgow, leaving school at 15 with no qualifications and working hard to build up a business is inspirational to say the least. It is also a load of shite. Let's start off with the slum tenement. When I was wee my family lived in a crumbling, old tenement on Castle St, with no bathroom and a shared cludgie on the stairhead. My grandparents also lived in a similar tenement on Baird St, and my auntie and uncle lived in one just off Royston Road. Another auntie and uncle lived downstairs from us and there were other relatives scattered around Royston and Roystonhill. In the mid-Sixties we were all moved to better housing; we went to Castlemilk, my granny and granda moved to Sighthill and other relatives went to the new high-rise flats in Roystonhill. By the end of the decade all our old tenements had been cleared away.

It was the same in other areas, so by the time Michelle Mone was born, in 1971, there were very, very few of these types of tenements left. I find it hard to believe that she grew up in a tenement with no bathroom; unless her parents actively went out and sought one! Being born in 1971 also had certain advantages, or disadvantages, depending on your point of view. In 1973 the school leaving age was raised from 15 to 16. I was born a full ten years before Ms Mone and I certainly couldn't leave at the age of 15. I stayed on for Fifth Year and there were quite a few folk that were forced to stay at school until Christmas because their sixteenth birthday fell too late. How Michelle Mone managed to leave at fifteen, then, is beyond me. If anything she would have been one of the ones forced to do half a Fifth Year, her birthday falling in October.

It's all just part of the narrative to make Mone's rise seem more spectacular than it was. The way her story is projected it's as if she grew up in the 30s and 40s instead of the 70s and 80s. So, anyway, she left school with no qualifications, ended up pregnant, got married and then struggled and strived until her innate entrepreneurial spirit kicked in; right? Wrong! Yes, she became pregnant when she was 18 and got married. Her husband was the son of an anaesthetist and would not be short of a bob or two. On a side note, her husband was a Catholic so Mone converted to Catholicism. Rather patronisingly, her support of Celtic dates from that time; because that's what Catholics do, isn't it? And so she settled down to domestic bliss.

In her twenties, Mone decided to enter the world of work for the first time. Having left school with no qualifications, she lied on her CV to make herself look educated. She landed a marketing job with Labatt, the brewer; the interviewers were no doubt impressed when she turned up in person, all teeth and tits. Marketing is one of those jobs where you don't really need a lot of skills; just a ruthless streak. Anyone that has watched 'The Apprentice' will know that, essentially, it's all about taking all the credit when things go right and pinning the blame on somebody else when it all goes wrong. Mone must have been more ruthless than most as she ended up the head of Labatt's marketing in Scotland after just two years. Her success in this job is evident from the fact that we all now drink nothing but Labatt beer. Er...no. In fact, she ended up being made redundant.

She then had one of those famous moments when an idea struck her; a bit like James Watt and his kettle. She started up a company to design and make a new, more comfortable but figure-enhancing bra. Again, this has been mythologised as a wee wifie sitting at home, needle and thread in hand, struggling to make a prototype. The truth is probably more prosaic and there would have been a team working on the design. The rest, as they say, is history, and Mone became a successful businesswoman, with the story always being that she did it all on her own. Her autobiography reinforces this, with the added tale of a controlling husband, even though it is doubtful she would have got anywhere without him. In 2010 she was awarded an OBE, which, in most cases, stands for 'Other Buggers' Efforts'. The myth, however, has stayed intact and Mone even makes money giving 'motivational speeches'.

She is quoted as saying, "My philosophy is that it does not matter where you are from, what education you have, or if you are from an affluent background or not, you can make it if you work hard, set your goals and never give up." It also probably helps to have a good pair of tits, with which you can get yourself a husband with money to make it all possible!

Sycophantic Unionists are falling over themselves to congratulate Mone on her new appointment, saying how wonderful she is and how she is going to have a huge impact on all the deprived areas of the UK. The narrative now is that Mone was chased out of Scotland by 'envious' SNP supporters, who can't stand to see anyone succeed in life. One comment in the Scotsman stands out:

"Mone creates jobs and wealth for a country. Sturgeon puts business out of business and costs you your job. Michelle creates a taxable wealth, Sturgeon creates a wealth of taxes!"

Precisely how Mone 'creates jobs and wealth' for Scotland is a hard one to fathom since all her manufacturing is outsourced to China. Even if the stories of her lingerie being made in sweatshops by underpaid and badly-treated workers are untrue, the fact remains that Mone is not providing jobs for anyone in the UK, let alone in Scotland. Nor is she remotely interested in doing so. Like every businessman or woman she is only interested in making money for herself. Fair enough, and good luck to her, but please spare us the lie that she is some kind of philanthropist!

There was a review of Mone's autobiography by Lianne Gutcher in the National. Ms Gutcher says:

"However, the book is somewhat light on the nitty-gritty of running a business. When the firm nearly goes under because the factory in Portugal cannot keep up with demand, a manufacturing expert comes in and moves production to Hong Kong. But the reader gets no insight into how supply chains work or the financials behind that move."

I would imagine that the book is 'somewhat light' on these matters because Ms Mone has no understanding of them. She might bleat that being an entrepreneur is the 'loneliest job in the world' but the fact is that she was not on her own. Her husband was intimately involved in the business, but his contribution is played down completely as part of the myth. When things were going wrong, Mone had to call in an expert and it would be interesting to discover how many other people were responsible for actually getting the business up and running. We only ever get to hear one side of the story; Mone's.

I remember at my school back in 1977 a girl wanted to do Higher Physics. The teachers weren't having it; Physics was a 'boys' subject'. Her parents had to fight tooth-and-nail with the education department to get her into the Higher Physics class, but she got to do it. That story should be an inspiration to girls, as should the stories of other girls around the world that have struggled to gain a decent education. Michelle Mone, on the other hand, offers a different kind of message to girls in deprived areas: forget brains, education and qualifications - blond hair, a pretty face and a big pair of tits are the real stepping-stones to success.

Remember to get your copy in paperback or Kindle.

Available at Amazon

TREATING EVERYONE THE SAME

I wonder if anybody else remembers season 1998-1999. Sooperally and Ian Durrant had left Rangers and Kilmarnock 'swooped' and signed them up. I distinctly remember one match in particular that this pair played in. It was at Rugby Park against Rangers and both McCoist and Durrant spent most of the game making a pig's ear of every pass, every tackle and every shot at goal. This was especially true of McCoist, who had made such a goal-scoring impact at Kilmarnock that he had been recalled to the Scotland squad. That day, however, he couldn't do anything right. All of his shots at goal were howlers, going nowhere near and on a few occasions he did something that he normally never did: he passed instead of shooting. Eventually the disgusted Killie manager replaced him; but it was too late.

That was my first direct evidence that the stories about ex-Rangers players not trying against their old team were, in fact, true. More evidence appeared on Friday when Steven Thompson deliberately fired a penalty kick way over the crossbar. It looked more like an attempt at a conversion in rugby rather than a shot at goal. It was an utterly shameful occurrence and I hope Thompson is severely reprimanded for it. He's supposed to be the St. Mirren captain, for God's sake!

And so the hype goes on, with Sevco set to win every trophy going. It has to be asked, however: if they're that great, why do they need to cheat? And cheating it is; what else can you call the way they unsettled Hibs and one of the players of the old team deliberately missing an easy chance against them? Not that you'll hear anything negative in our media.

It looks like all opposition is to be crushed, with journalists being banned for saying the least thing. Chris McLaughlin, for example, only mentioned three arrests for sectarian singing and all hell broke loose. 'It was the prominence given to it,' moaned The Peeppul, even though it was hardly the main story on the BBC website. But nobody is supposed to mention The Peeppul's songs without bringing Celtic into it. Halloween Houston had the gall to say on Sportsound, "We just want to be treated like everybody else." In that case, get your rancid new club the fuck out of our league and work your way into it like every other team has to!

That Sportsound programme was a joke, with none of the presenters properly prepared. Tom English couldn't say why Jim Spence had been banned by Dundee Utd, even though it was obvious that Houston would bring this up. There was also the point when Houston brought up the death threats aimed at Scott Allan. The response should have been, "A fucking Hun preaching about death threats? That's a laugh! And what about your group beating up an old man at Ibrox? And you going about frightening the weans with a fizzog that belongs in a Hammer film?" But, no. It seems that, despite their much-publicised boycott of Ibrox, the BBC lot are still munching on that lamb.

And still on that Sportsound programme, why the hell was Stuart McCall on it? He contributed bugger all, except to make a wee, snide comment when they finally got around to mentioning that there were European games coming up during the week. All McCall had to say on the matter was, "Good luck to Aberdeen!" No 'Good luck to both our teams,' eh? And, of course, our agnivores weren't entirely happy when Celtic got through. They couldn't wait to quote the Qarabag players, accusing Celtic of fouling and diving and even blaming their own pitch! Yes, it was a nil-nil draw but when Rangers used to get games like that in Europe it was called 'grinding out a result'. With Celtic it was reported as nothing but a crashing bore. We've even had Gordon Waddell telling us that Qarabag aren't up to much; again, diminishing Celtic's achievement. What was that about 'being treated like everybody else'?

Meanwhile, away from football, our media showed their hypocrisy in other ways. Remember all the furore about Cecil the lion? Not that I'm on the side of that American dentist; he deserves all the shit he's getting. But then we had the hilarious tale about a video on YouTube with a guy giving a seagull a chip covered in extra-hot sauce. The brute had to rush off to gulp down water and probably has permanent damage to its throat and gizzard, if it's still alive. But does this evil bastard get castigated? Not a chance! Oh, wait! He's an ex-serviceman; a 'hero'. Well, that makes a difference, doesn't it? Maybe next time he'll post a video of himself doing the same to a child and we can all get a bigger laugh!

And now we've got the ridiculous story of Spain 'violating UK sovereignty' by going into the waters around Gibraltar. This wasn't the Spanish equivalent of Galtieri sending an invasion force. It was Spanish police chasing drug smugglers! How dare those greasy Dagoes harass British entrepreneurs like that! It's always the same; our media is forever greeting about drugs but when a foreign country dares to arrest British smugglers it's a different story entirely. We're meant to shed tears for the smugglers as they face life imprisonment or even death. I suppose it doesn't fit with the accepted narrative of evil, black foreigners poisoning our youngsters.

Kezia Dugdale is back in the Record, trying to blame the Scottish Government for the fact that children from poorer backgrounds don't do as well at school. So what did Dugdale's party do when it was in power? It changed the curriculum again, forcing teachers to re-learn everything instead of getting on with the job. It's well known that you can change the curriculum all you like, employ the best teachers, throw money at the schools etc. but it won't make a blind bit of difference. It's all about ambition and aspiration, which has completely vanished from poor areas.

Both the children and their parents see education as a waste of time and it's hard to argue with them. Not everyone can go on to university or the like so what does an education get them? Employers won't pay a living wage, employees are given short-term contracts so they're not entitled to protection and working tax credits are being done away with. The Tory Government is determined to withdraw from European laws that protect employees while they harass folk on sickness benefits to take any crappy, low-paid job that's going. And what, pray, is Dugdale's party doing about this? Not a fucking thing. They're all sitting on their hands, abstaining from voting and see the SNP as the enemy instead of forming some kind of alliance against the Tories. So don't lecture us about education, Ms Dugdale, since your own party is doing all it can to ensure that many pupils and parents are right in seeing it as a waste of time. Oh, and by the way, which party was it that saddled councils with hundred-year mortgages on schools built by the private sector?

Finally, R.I.P. to the great George Cole. As Alastair Sim's protégé he appeared in many classic wartime and post-war comedies, like the St. Trinian films. He could also do serious drama, which you can see if you watch 'The Last Lonely Man' on YouTube. He is probably best-known, and most fondly remembered, though, as Arthur Daley in 'Minder', which was like an older version of his Flash Harry spiv character in St. Trinian's. His passing also leaves something of a quandary. When somebody finally gets round to making a movie of the Rangers/Sevco saga, who the hell can they get now to play the part of Charles Green?

P.S. The reason why I've disappeared for a short while is that I've been trying to get to grips with this Windows 10. Easier to use my arse! The new internet browser, Edge, is certainly faster but is only any use for reading things. I've had to revert to Explorer in order to write this. I see that updates are downloading so, hopefully, there's some improvement to this piece of crap.

Available on Amazon.

 

Please remember to write a review on Amazon!

A WILDE IDEA

Away back in 1895 Oscar Wilde took the Marquess of Queensberry to court for libel. Queensberry had been spreading rumours about Wilde being a homosexual and even left a badly-spelled card at Wilde's club, calling him a sodomite. Wilde's friends all tried to persuade him not to go ahead but he was determined. The defence QC, one Edward Carson (yes, him), ripped Wilde to shreds and even threatened to produce male prostitutes that had had sex with Wilde. Of, course, Wilde had to drop the case, was subsequently arrested and ended up doing two years hard labour for gross indecency. He later died penniless in France at the age of only 46.

If David Grier, Paul Clark and David Whitehouse, of Duff and Phelps, have any friends perhaps those friends should talk them out of taking the BBC to court for libel. What happened to Oscar Wilde should stand as a warning to anyone attempting such a course of action when they have things to hide. The BBC has far more resources than the Marquess of Queensberry ever had and there is a lot easier access to information these days than there was 120 years ago. Any decent QC will make mincemeat of this trio and they could end up doing longer inside than Wilde did. After all, the three of them are due in court themselves to answer criminal charges of fraud. They're skating on very thin ice here.

Grier was involved in Craig Whyte's purchase of Rangers; we don't know (yet) how deeply others at Duff and Phelps were involved. At the very least they should never have handled the administration and there are huge question marks over the legality of the way they went about that little exercise. Administrators are supposed to act in the interests of the creditors but Duff and Phelps, or, at least, their three employees, manifestly did not. Separating the company the way they did was calculated to defraud all the creditors; it is also illegal. And yet, nothing was done about it and a blind eye was turned. Then there was the sale of the assets. Again, no consideration was given to the creditors as some backstairs deal was made to hand over the assets to Charlie Boy for just enough to cover Duff and Phelps's bill. I believe this sort of sharp practice is illegal as well. Again, however, everybody looked the other way.

Do these three clowns really want their actions put under a magnifying glass in open court? The fraud charges against them and Whyte will probably be swept under the carpet so as not to embarrass some of the bigger players in the scandal. The libel case, however, is another matter entirely. The best, in fact the only, way to fight against a libel case, just as it was 120 years ago, is to show that you were telling the truth and that it was in the public interest to do so. The BBC will dredge up all manners so there will be plenty of quivering sphincters at the moment from Govan to France and Monte Carlo! I think this libel case will just quietly disappear before it reaches court!

Meanwhile, it looks like Level 5 has taken custody of 'Ze List' and has started taking 'revenge' already. Chris McLaughlin of the BBC and Graham Spiers have been banned from Ibrox, just because The Peeppul don't like the things they say. It's not like when Keevins was barred from Celtic Park; the stuff he came out with was tantamount to libel. They don't like Chris McLaughlin mentioning arrests for sectarian singing or Spiers going on about it in his columns. As somebody on Twitter mentioned, Sky Sports showed statistics for 'Rangers' that showed that they had only won two league titles. Somehow, though, I can't see Jabba and his colleagues trying to take on the Murdoch empire!

The BBC has decided to support its employee and is boycotting Ibrox completely. Time to get those pishy bedsheets out again for another march down to Pacific Quay; that'll show them! How long the boycott will last is anybody's guess; there are plenty of agnivores at BBC Scotland that won't take this news too well. I don't know if any other media will join the boycott but one thing's for certain: the Daily Record won't. Any attempt by the Record to boycott Sevco would result in mass Hari-Kari in the Sports section. (And, yes, I'm aware that it's not really called Hari-Kari, but it sounds better!)

Chick hears about the BBC boycott.

And don't forget!

Available at Amazon