Sooperally is worried about injuries. As Ian Black was stretchered off, Sooper was heard to say, "Aw naw! Who's gonny cripple...Ah mean defend robustly against...the Dundee Utd players noo?" With 55 players to choose from you'd think he would have no worries on the personnel front. And there's the mighty Raith Rovers to face in the Three-Brass-Baws Cup final before Sooper can even think about the Scottish Cup. Now whose bright idea was that? No doubt we'll get the same kind of calls we got in 2008, only this time it won't be the league they want extended till December; they'll want the Scottish Cup semis postponed sine die. As our old friend Jabba said six years ago, "Why shouldn't they be helping Rangers?" After all, it's the best thing for Scottish football for Bisto FC to win as much as possible, isn't it?
I see Ronnie and Reggie aren't letting things lie with this Sons of Struth character, Craig Houston, and he's being taken to court for libel damages of £200,000. Houston claims this'll bankrupt him. Surely he should have thought of that before he started saying things about the tax-dodging gangster? Although, apparently he didn't actually say the nasty things. He runs a Facebook page for the Sons of Struth and other folk have been posting bad words. He was ordered by the Krays' solicitor to sign a self-gagging order, which he refused to do and now he faces the prospect of helping pay the Ibrox wage bill for August. Come on, Houston, be a man! Do you think Bill Struth, after whom you have named your wee gang, would have taken this lying down? Do what he would have done. Invite Big Sandy for a wee boating trip to...er...clear the air! After all, you've been sticking your oar in quite a lot up to now!
And today comes the news that Massimo Cellino has been knocked back by the English Football League. Apparently he is not a fit and proper person to take over at Leeds United because he's a...whisper it...convicted fraudster. If he wants to buy a team he should come to Scotland; there's no bar on anyone owning a club up here!
Of course, this action by the English Football League is a cynical move on behalf of the 'Better Together' campaign. We are being brainwashed into associating England with integrity. We are meant to think, "Wait a minute! Oor country's lettin' aw manners-a crooks own Bisto 'n 'at. That's it - Ah'm votin' NAW!" We can, however, see right through their desperate ploys.
Sticking with the independence debate, I see the Daily Record's sweating blood over the news that the vote might be a lot more closely run than first thought. Of course, the DR has to have a wee dig, claiming that the SNP will be 'expensively' putting its case at its forthcoming conference. I take it, then, that the 'Better Together' campaign is being run on a shoestring budget? It would be interesting to compare costs.
McMurdo decided yesterday to pay tribute to Davie Cooper, who tragically died nineteen years ago. Yesterday was the anniversary of this sad occasion and I'm sure everyone will agree that it was a shock for such a young man to die like that. He was a skilful player and was a loss to the game.
McMurdo, however, as always, takes things into dark corners. He says of Cooper:
"When I hear the Rangers man term bandied about loosely today, I often think of Coop. He had an uncanny knack of sniffing out phonies, particularly in relation to Rangers allegiance."
Now, what the hell does that mean? What is a 'phoney' in this context? I suppose it must tie in with McMurdo's previous assertion that Rangers (sic) supporters are chosen by God. (I'm not joking, he did say that!) I assume that a 'phoney' is somebody that claims to support Rangers/Bisto but is not a Protestant, a Unionist and a Loyalist. Ticking one box is not enough; it has to be all three. So somebody that wears a Rangers scarf is not a proper Rangers/Bisto supporter unless he is going to vote 'NO' in September, knows all the words to Derry's Walls and is willing to take part in the Rickets Walk every summer. And that's how McMurdo wants to remember Davie Cooper?
I see in the Record that some of the Celtic 'WAGS' have been posing without make-up as part of the campaign to raise awareness of, and raise money for, cancer charities. No doubt the partners of other teams' players will follow suit. My worry is, though, that this type of thing is usually emulated by the fans, with the papers, the DR especially, more than willing to publish the results. Can you imagine all those Bisto Belles showing off their morning faces in the DR? It'd put you right off your cornflakes.
Finally, a heartfelt plea to buy one, or more, of my books, if you haven't already done so. I might be hearing from the Krays' solicitor soon and I'm going to need a helluva lot of 26 pences if I'm to stump up £200,000!
"Hiv you been sayin' things aboot me, fanny baws? Ah'll take every penny you've goat an' yer knackers an' aw!"
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