TIME TO MOVE ON, MR JACKSON

"Denials that Rangers live on today seem vaguely ridiculous. They’re still there, operating in the same stadium, wearing the same shirts, supported by the same fans." Thus spake Keith Jackson in his arse-licking piece in the Daily Record, where he desperately sought the approval of The Peeppul by saying how badly Rangers and Sevco have been treated. What seems 'vaguely ridiculous' to me are Jackson's criteria for assuming that Rangers isn't dead.

I remember Roger Moore on some chat show telling the story about the premiere of his first Bond film away back in the early 70s. His son was all excited when they got home, telling everybody about how he'd 'seen James Bond.' His father, of course, was touched until the boy announced that it was the 'real James Bond' he was talking about. He was, of course, referring to Sean Connery. Moore was dressed as Bond, with the same 'M', 'Q' and Miss Moneypenny but, even to his own son, he wasn't the 'real' 007!

Millions of visitors flock to Graceland every year to see the home of their idol. A sizeable amount of these people believe that the King faked his death and they actually go back to Graceland time after time to try to catch a glimpse of Elvis. I suppose that proves that he's not dead at all. Well, Keith Jackson would argue that it does.

Or what about all the bams that turn up at Stonehenge every year, wrapped in bedsheets and trying to make out that they're druids? Most of us would laugh at these clowns, especially when you know that the real druids worshipped nature and would hold their ceremonies in woods or near rivers. Not Keith Jackson, though. The fact that they all claim to be carrying out authentic ceremonies of an ancient religion is good enough for him. Delusion doesn't even enter into it.

"Aye, but the authorities aw say that it's stull Rangers!" Right, so if an authority backs a thing up then it must be the truth. People believe all sorts of weird shit and there are folk that are in authority ready to back up some of this nonsense. What about Area 51? What about the Loch Ness Monster? There are many folk that believe that talking to plants helps them to grow and flourish. There is no scientific basis for this but it doesn't stop people believing it. They've got no less an authority than the Prince of Wales to back them up. No doubt Keith Jackson can be found at home having a great conversation with a cheese plant over a glass of Baby Bio.

So give it a rest, Mr Jackson. Yer team's deid. Get over it! Denials seem vaguely ridiculous!

P.S. There's a family of Oranges at the end of our street, who've been up all night, drinking to celebrate their Protestant heritage. Seeing as they're all good Protestants, do you think they'll be turning up at church later?

Keith Jackson, ready for his night out to see Elvis Presley, Michael Jackson and Ian Dury all performing together at the Glasgow Apollo. June 2014. Clothes by Claude Alexander.