Chris Sutton was in the DR yesterday banging on about how more money needs to be spent for Celtic to mount a challenge in the Champions League. To be honest I think he's being unrealistic, as are all the others that are demanding that Peter Lawwell loosens the purse strings. We need to waken up and realise that we just don't have the money to compete with the big boys and a run in the Europa League is probably the best we can hope for. Parsimony has been the order of the day at Celtic Park for many years, with a short exception, and it'll probably continue in that way.
You only need to look at the ridiculous situation with television money to see how big the disparity is. A team finishing in the middle of the English Championship actually gets far more than the team that wins the Scottish Premiership! Gates are down due to the economic climate so there aren't unlimited funds available. Yes, it sticks in the craw when Celtic are beaten by a team like Legia but throwing money at the problem isn't the answer.
I remember when Martin O'Neill was given money to spend, splashing out £6m for Sutton and building a team that got through to the Europa League final. To be honest, though, I'm not the only one that thinks O'Neill was overrated and things pretty much fell apart when Larsson left. He spent more money than any other Celtic manager before or since and yet we hardly made a dent in the Champions League. I always felt that Gordon Strachan was the better manager, working to constraints not suffered by O'Neill. And yet Strachan won three titles in a row; something that O'Neill didn't manage. He also got Celtic to the knockout stages of the Champions League for the first time: not once, but twice!
Spending money to chase Champions League glory is a dangerous road to go down. If a team were to spend money like the big English teams without the resources to back it up then who knows what might happen! Oh, wait! We do know. Remember that team that used to play at Ibrox; the one that died trying desperately to emulate Celtic's European Cup win?
While The Peeppul gloat over the 6-1 thrashing by Spurs, their own team was beaten 2-0 by Championship club Derby County. The DR website had the story of both games. To be fair, they did point out that Tottenham played many first-team regulars, while Celtic's team was made up mostly of unknown youngsters. Not that The Peeppul bothered to read that! The Bisto game against Derby was apparently completely one-sided, but the DR reporter had his excuses ready:
"This was the biggest test of the Ibrox men’s pre-season so far, against a team that just missed out on a place in the Premier League last term."
and
"Derby fielded arguably their strongest possible line-up but McCoist experimented with his team three days before their first competitive fixture in the Petrofac Training Cup."
No excuses, however, can be made for the disgusting behaviour of Bilel Mohsni. He was sent off when he headbutted an opponent. The Daily Record, however, is more concerned about Efe Ambrose. "Celtic defender Efe Ambrose to dodge domestic ban despite seeing red for second time in four days" screams their headline. They bemoan the fact that the SFA is powerless to ban Ambrose because the referee in the Spurs game didn't mention the sending-off in his match report. The referee in the Bisto v Derby game has still to submit his report. Stand by for all the cries of 'No' fair!' if Mohsni receives a ban, even though Ambrose only tripped somebody while Mohsni should be hauled up for violent conduct.
The Record decides to run another of its pointless surveys on each of these stories. (I don't remember ever seeing any results from these surveys!) The way the questions are posed, and the choice of answers speak volumes.
"Is Efe Ambrose a liability who's not worth persevering with or a talented footballer who just needs to be more disciplined?
Liability - get rid
Needs more discipline - send him to boot camp"
"What action should Ally McCoist take against Bilel Mohsni after he was sent off against Derby?
Have a stern word
Fine him
Drop him"
So Ambrose is a liability for a couple of trips while Mohsni is to receive a 'stern word' for physically attacking another player! The stench of succulent lamb is still to be found at Central Quay.
Meanwhile, the DR has decided to counteract the 'feelgood factor' of the Commonwealth Games, which it has constantly banged on about, with a few, well-aimed, sleekit digs. Yesterday there was the story of an autistic man having a toy car snatched from his pocket and thrown in a bin by security. Strangely, the company running the security wasn't asked to make a comment. One individual replied on the forum, telling a different tale of the car being put aside to be collected later, the carer storming off without picking it up and the toy being disposed of after spending a couple of days in 'Lost Property'. He was completely berated and everyone seems to accept the story in the article as truth. You don't think anyone would make something like this up, do you? I mean, has anyone been complaining about the Games? Rather tellingly, the carer lives in Airdrie. Also tellingly is the fact that The Peeppul have been all over the story like a rash.
Phase Two appeared today. This time it's the security teams themselves that are hard-done-by. Apparently they've all to sleep in a tent, get fed nothing but a bag of crisps, have to pish twenty to a bucket and need to stand in the rain to get a shower. One guy is on bleating about the conditions he had to put up with. He didn't have to suffer them anymore after Friday, since he was sacked on that day. Well, he's obviously not got a grudge, eh? Weirdly, nobody at Glasgow Council or the Commonwealth Committee has ever heard of the company that this character says hired him. Somebody that works for the real security firm posted on the forum to claim that the DR story is a load of shite and that a lawsuit will be coming to Central Quay. Not surprisingly, this comment has disappeared. Also not surprisingly, The Peeppul are out condemning Glasgow Council, calling for an enquiry and thumbing down anyone that disagrees. Christ, we haven't even suffered Deacon Blue yet and already the DR is reverting to type!
I saw the other day that Ayr United decided to do a novel press release for their new away strip. They hired a topless model, who had the strip applied to her upper torso with body paint. It made a welcome change from some ugly big defender standing awkwardly while trying to look cool. (Though I could have done without all the tattoos the girl was wearing! Tattoos are things I still associate with dads and grandads.) I hope, however, that the idea doesn't catch on. No, I haven't tired of looking at buxom young females and I hope I never will; but there's a downside. I'll just say one word: Hunnette. I think you know what I mean. I don't want to describe the scenario any further; it's not an image you want haunting you for the rest of the week!
If you've been wondering where McMurdo and all his disciples have disappeared to, then wonder no more! I've figured it out. Did you see that story about the fissure that's opened up in the Tunisian desert, letting water flood through and creating a large, new lake? Locals have been flocking to it to swim and indulge in different water sports. To the dinosaur jockeys that McMurdo aligns himself with, however, this turn of events will have a different meaning. To those that argue that the Earth couldn't possibly be totally flooded with rainfall, the Creationists always answer that much of the water that Noah floated his boat on came from under the Earth. This new lake will have them all in a tizzy.
The coming of the End Days is an integral part of Fundamental Protestantism. One mob has 24-hour CCTV cameras operating on the Mount of Olives in Jerusalem, expecting exclusive coverage of Jesus's return. The Book of Revelation is full of strange events portending the End Days and, no doubt, that's what McMurdo and his disciples believe this new lake is. They'll be swimming about looking for Jesus as we speak. Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on your point of view, the Tunisian Government is warning people that the water is probably radioactive!
McMurdo leads his disciples through the new lake, praying all the while that Jehovah might smite all Celtic supporters, all Catholics and all Irish. In fact he wants anybody that doesn't agree with him turned into a pillar of salt. Jehovah's already got a stone tablet ready for him, with the words 'Fuck off' written on it.
P.S. Please, God, no dark revelations about Mike Smith. All my childhood and teenage memories have been sullied enough!
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