THAT ALEX MARSHALL MOMENT

Well, it's a bit harsh on Legia Warsaw but them's the breaks. Unlike in Scotland, the European football authorities believe in the rule book. Contrary to how some of our esteemed hacks are painting it, Legia were not 'kicked out'. If a team cheats then the game they cheated in is changed to a 3-0 win for their opponent. That was all Celtic needed to see them through. If, however, Legia had scored one of those penalties then they would be through to the next round. So Celtic, although being soundly thrashed over two legs, are through to the next round. And there's even better news than that - The Peeppul are fuckin' beelin'!

McMurdo says that if UEFA is so concerned about rules then they should be looking into what happened to 'Rangers'. Is he joking? Does he really want an impartial agency investigating all the cheating and lawbreaking that the Ibrox clubs have been allowed to get away with? Separating parts of a company during administration, backstairs deals with Charlie Green and trying to pass themselves off as the same club. At the very least, UEFA would tell them that they can no longer call themselves 'Rangers'.

But, then, according to McMurdo and his disciples, Bisto FC would not be treated fairly by the corrupt UEFA. Apparently the whole world of football outside Ibrox is corrupt! They're claiming that what happened with Legia would never happen with the likes of Real Madrid or Barcelona. UEFA want to make sure the big teams make it through to the group stages. 'Rangers' of course would be shat on from a great height while Celtic have things fiddled to get them through. So finally they admit it: Celtic is one of Europe's big teams while their own team is a nonentity!

I was thinking of abandoning the name 'Bisto FC' thinking it was no longer appropriate, what with Graham Wallace going round the doors in London asking for gingies. Then comes the news that Philip Nash is being paid £1000 a day plus travelling expenses. And that's not all: the Daily Record is running a story that Charlie Boy is coming back with the financial help of the 26th richest man in the world. He's going to offer 20p a share, which I doubt anybody is going to take. Failing that the plan is a loan of £10m secured on Murray Park. It sounds like a load of Craig Whyte to me; why would somebody with wealth of the radar, sonar, microwave and satellite want to invest in a new team that's dying on its feet? Considering the DR is also running a story about Mr Blobby running to Honest Dave King for investment adds to the air of desperation emanating from the Record. 

Meanwhile HMRC is looking to appeal the last decision, which largely went in Rangers' favour. Of course, all The Peeppul claim it's a waste of time as the money won't be able to be recovered from the new club/company/lodge/whatever. Strangely, though, it's a different story when it comes to Charlie Telfer. Suddenly they're due the money back that they spent developing him for all those years! Brass neck doesn't even begin to describe it. 

Robbie Neilson set the cat among the pigeons by revealing that his team has been training 10 v 11 as he knows what it's like at Ibrox. He was quite diplomatic about it, saying that the big crowd at Ibrox can sway the referee instead of coming straight out with the truth. Bisto player Richard Foster is obviously a fan of Jabba since he comes out with the following, “There are times in any one game you think you’re hard done by but over the course of the season it evens itself out. There are times you get decisions you don’t deserve. But you make mistakes as a player, you make mistakes on the pitch as a referee. That’s what happens in football." Aye, right! Has he been paying attention the past two years?

Just imagine the scenario if there's a NO vote come September. We'd be tied to Westminster as the south of England votes multiple UKIP members into Parliament. The Tories would have to make a deal with them and the upshot would be a referendum on leaving Europe. Can you imagine the reaction if there's a letter passed around, signed by Bono, Julie Delpy, Penelope Cruz, Jean Reno and assorted aristocrats from Germany, Austria and all those tiny European states? They'd be told, in no uncertain terms, to piss off and mind their own business. And yet we're faced with the exact same thing with a gang of English actors, toffs and assorted nobodies telling us that we're 'Better Together'. 

Do they really think we're going to be swayed by spoilt brats like Kirstie Allsopp and Helena Bonham-Carter? There's names all over the petition prefaced by 'Sir', 'Lord', 'Baroness' etc. And then there's Sting! I mean, Jeeeezzuzz! The only name I was surprised to see there, out of those I've actually heard of that is, was Jo Brand. I wonder if she bothered to look and see what names she was putting hers next to. At any rate, like the proposed Orange Walk in Edinburgh, this petition is practically guaranteed to sway the undecided into voting YES!

I see the denizens of Newton Mearns are up in arms over Glasgow Council's decision to fly the Palestinian flag over the City Chambers. They Glasgow Jewish Representative Council are complaining that this show of support for the beleaguered Palestinians will create religious tensions. No it won't. What will create religious tensions is this stupid complaint, openly equating being Jewish with being Israeli. A spokesman said that a few Jewish organisations have already received abusive phone calls. I don't know about you, but I'd rather receive an abusive phone call than have my children blown to bits!

These phone calls are obviously from idiots that can't distinguish between being Jewish and being Israeli. So what does the Jewish Representative Council do? Why, come out moaning and greeting and making excuses for Israel; in effect, blurring the line between Jewish and Israeli. Then again, there's every chance that the phone calls came from moronic members of The Peeppul (and there are plenty of those) who got mixed up and thought that Cohen in 'Never Mind the Quality Feel the Width' was the Irish one! (You'll need to be at least my age to get that one!)

Finally I had to laugh at The Peeppul making comments about the teacher that had a lesbian affair with one of her fifteen-year-old pupils getting a job at Celtic. That'll be the teacher from the Royal MASONIC School for Girls in Hertfordshire! So that's another Mason they want to send to Celtic for nefarious purposes that they'll subsequently try to blame Celtic for? Bloody cockroaches!

P.S. The Peeppul's opinion on the new Compliance Officer appointment, courtesy of Do The Bouncy: "His name, TONY McGLENNAN, He is a Solicitor, I dont want to read too much into a name, but this seems like a job for the bhoys".

Graham Wallace secures some much-needed investment.