BILLY DON'T LIKE IT LIVING HERE IN THIS TOWN

There's a school in East Lothian where the teachers all worked hard to introduce innovative new methods. They stayed behind after school, often well into the evening, to develop these ideas and they had to do a lot of planning to implement them in the classroom. The headteacher wasn't involved in all the work, except to pull everyone together now and again to see how things were going. At conferences and the like, however, it was the headteacher that told everyone about these wonderful new ideas. Everyone wanted to use them in their own schools so the teachers were sent round, after school of course, to introduce the new methods to other staff. Things went so well that the headteacher received all manner of plaudits, including being awarded an O.B.E. Teachers in East Lothian said the award stood for Other Buggers' Efforts.

A few years back there was an attempt by suicide bombers to blow up Glasgow Airport. Workers at the airport attacked the car the would-be bombers were in and overpowered them. Meanwhile, another worker, called John Smeaton, was on his break and stood smoking a fag while he watched his co-workers foil the attack. In TV interviews after the event, however, it was Smeaton that ranted and raved about how Glasgow wouldn't stand by and let things like that happen. Everyobdy now credits Smeaton for foiling the attack, while the real heroes are completely forgotten.

It's always the ones with the biggest mouths that get all the credit and acclaim. Look at Live Aid. There must have been hundreds, if not thousands, of people involved in organising that event but they're never heard about. Midge Ure, for example, did most of the organising and even wrote the Band Aid single. It's Bob Geldof, however, with his big, Mick-Jagger gob, that everybody remembers and it's usually made out that he did the whole thing single-handedly. Geldof seems to believe this himself and views himself as some great expert on world affairs. In this capacity, he brings his magnificence to bear on the independence debate. In the Daily Record he tells us all why we should vote NO and informs us how brilliant the Union is. If he's that enamoured of the Union, maybe he should go back to Ireland and see if he can persuade his countrymen to have a vote to join the UK. Surely they'd all listen to Sir Bob, wouldn't they?

It might have been a good idea for Geldof to do a bit of research before opening his mouth so he would actually know the facts. He's got previous for this kind of thing, though. Neither he, nor anybody else, bothered to do their research about the real situation in Ethiopia. It later transpired that there was no drought and that people were starving because the Ethiopian government was deliberately starving them as part of its war strategy. All Live Aid achieved was to feed government troops, make money for government officials and prolong the war. You'd think he'd have learned his lesson by now!

It appears that the same kind of thing has been going on at Ibrox, with everyone's attention drawn to a big mouth while being ignorant of what's going on behind the scenes. While Green was handing out cups of tea and being praised for 'saving Rangers' he sold the image rights to Ibrox to Mike Ashley for the usual sum of £1. There are rumours doing the rounds that the Rangers logo belongs to somebody else too. So, basically, if Bisto FC makes it through the season and somehow manages, by the grace of the match officials, to crawl into the Premiership, then there is a fortune to be made; unfortunately, none of it will be heading into Ibrox. Ashley already has a stranglehold on all the merchandise at the 'Rangers' shop and practically everything that leaves the shop, even the poly bags, carry the Rangers logo. That chateau in France is going to have some serious extensions built onto it, probably all made from marble! I wonder if there'll still be calls for Green to return on McMurdo's blog now.

To be honest, McMurdo and his disciples are far more preoccupied with the independence referendum. McMurdo is almost in tears as he tells us that we have to save the 'holy' land of Scotland by voting NO. It's Scotland's destiny to rule the world, apparently, although how it's supposed to do that when McMurdo and his fellow UKIPpers cut us off from the rest of the world I have no idea! The usual British Israelite bullshit is trotted out, with Scotland being a mixture of Jerusalem, Bethlehem, Medina, Mecca, Nauvoo and any other holy place you can think of. How a YES vote is going to make Scotland any less 'holy' is difficult to determine; McMurdo does nothing but waffle on the subject.

It's amazing how these Bettertogetherers accuse the YES campaign of living in the past, all tartan and William Wallace and then the likes of McMurdo expects us all to vote NO on the basis of fairy stories about Scotland being created by God for some special purpose. So that's what Heaven's going to be like: Orange Walks in perpetuity, constant Rangers matches, knuckles dragging through the clouds and daily renditions of The Sash. Hell is certainly beginning to look like the better option!

And yet another reason to vote NO rears its head with the news that Islamic fundamentalists have stolen eleven commercial planes in Libya. (How do you go about stealing a plane? You can hardly hide it up your jumper, can you?) Anyway, it's obvious where the intended target of these planes is going to be. When the YES vote wins on the 18th Scotland will be unprotected and wide-open to attack. On the 19th, commercial airliners are going to come raining down on us and there's nothing we will be able to do about it. It's obvious that Islamic fundamentalists will want to conquer this holy land of ours. Only a NO vote will ensure that these planes are blasted out of the sky before they reach us. Save us, England, save us!

Mr. Cut-and-Paste, WullieWontHe, one of McMurdo's disciples, tells us that UKIP are going to be holding a rally in Glasgow a few days before the referendum. They're keeping the venue secret until the last minute, just in case any left-wing terrorists turn up armed with a few dozen boxes of large-sized Free Range. Nigel Farage, of course, is going to be there along with party representatives from Wales and Northern Ireland. The event will be hosted by Arthur Misty Thackeray, the head of UKIP in Scotland. In case you haven't heard of this clown Thackeray, he's made quite a name for himself as a bigot and racist. Speaking about Glasgow City Council, he said that GCC stood for "Gays, Catholics, Communists."  Other comments include:

“You have to witness a Glasgow election count night to understand the extent of islamist influence within the SNP and Labour … last time out I thought we were contesting a seat in Pakistan.lol.”

He said that there was "more chance of winning the lottery two weeks running than getting an openly Rangers-supporting MSP into the chamber of the institutionally catholicised pretendy parliament .. lol."

Another rant accused Catholicism of being based on “fascist ideology” and that Glasgow had a “suffocating culture of anti-loyalism”

He has expressed support for the BNP and the EDL and said that he felt “very strongly” about upholding “hard-won freedoms”  

Tom Robinson, thirty-six years ago, quite succinctly expressed what these 'freedoms' were:

"Freedom from the reds and the blacks and the criminals
Prostitutes, pansies and punks
Football hooligans, juvenile delinquents
Lesbians and left wing scum
Freedom from the niggers and the Pakis and the unions
Freedom from the Gipsies and the Jews
Freedom from the long-haired layabouts of students
Freedom from the likes of YOU!"

Finally, could I take this opportunity to remind everyone that throwing eggs at lying politicians can cause serious alarm and mean expensive dry-cleaning bills. Other cost-effective items that can be employed include used tea bags with a tear, old salad vegetables from the bottom of the fridge and crisp packets filled with out-of-date milk!

 

"Wur comin' tae get yez if yez vote YES!"