WHO WORE THE WIG?

As Phil Mac Giolla Bhain is constantly telling us, Bisto FC is a loss-making business with no line of credit. It makes you wonder why anybody would want anything to do with the place. Of course, there's money to be made, especially with the much-vaunted 'onerous contracts'. The terms of some of these contracts are straighforward, like Ashley's merchandising deal, while others are nothing short of bizarre (see here).

Meanwhile the plot thickens in the Lukasz Zalukas assault. The consensus is that the two thugs involved were Dundee Utd players. I don't get all this 'can't be named for legal reason' shite; remember the business with the Elvis impersonator? There was no compunction then in naming the culprit straight away, eh? I remember as well how The Peeppul were all over this story. Not that they were being bigoted or anything you understand; they were solely concerned about justice. Strangely, they're all quiet about this story.

They're also quiet about another story. Usually they're screeching like that woman on The Simpsons, "Won't somebody please think of the children!" It seems, however, that this condemnation of child abuse only occurs when it's Catholics, or the Catholic Church, involved. None of them have a thing to say about the appointment of Fiona Woolf as chair of the inquiry into child abuse by establishment figures. This woman is close to Leon Brittan, who is under suspicion for not only being involved in abuse but for helping in the cover-up. This appointment is a shameful decision and a slap in the face for the victims. Let's see if McMurdo and his cronies deem it worth mentioning!

Back in my teaching days I threatened to wear Celtic-Crest contact lenses one year if Celtic won the league. One Rangers-supporting colleague was actually quite disappointed when I didn't; she thought it would have been a great laugh. I don't think senior management would have seen it that way, though. I made my own decision not to do it; yes, it would have been a laugh, but not very professional!

Which brings me to the story in the DR and elsewhere about the trainee teacher sent home because of all her tattoos, including a huge one on her neck. Understandably, the school wasn't too happy about the woman's tattoos, which are all over her arms and most of her body. I know tattoos are quite trendy these days, and have been for a while but there has to be a line drawn somewhere; a school is hardly going to allow you to teach there when you look as if you've just come out of Cornton Vale!

There are certain lifestyle choices which are inappropriate to particular jobs. If you want to be a professional footballer, for example, you can hardly be out at the pub every night and coughing your way through 40 Embassy Regal a day. If you're the receptionist for a business, you can hardly sit with torn denims, a green mohawk and piercings all over your face. And an ex-pupil of mine was turned down when she applied to be an air hostess because she has a tattoo on her wrist that is too difficult to cover up.

As a teacher, too, there are appropriate and inappropriate ways of behaving. I had to go without a fag all day so that the pupils wouldn't see me smoking. And can you imagine how parents would react if the teacher had a half-bottle of whisky in the desk drawer, so as to enjoy a tipple once the brats had gone home? It's the same with clothing and adornments; you're hardly going to win the respect of pupils if you dress like you're trying to be their pal. Most schools would go nuts even if a teacher turned up in a pair of jeans, which makes the school's reaction to Lydia the Tattooed Lady completely understandable. This would be the same in any school in any local authority.

The school where this happened was in England, so of what possible interest could it be to folk in Scotland? The DR lets us know immediately with its screaming headline, "Trainee teacher sent home from Catholic school because of 'inappropriate' tattoos." If you actually read the story there is nothing particularly 'Catholic' about the school's reaction and the school said nothing about the tattoos being 'inappropriate'; they simply wanted the tattoos covered up! The headline is simply fodder for The Peeppul and is another example of the DR trying to stir up sectarian hatred.

Back to Bisto FC and Ways To Raise Cash Part 3. Why don't The Peeppul go out door-to-door on Halloween and see what they can collect? All that loose change would soon add up and Sooperally wouldn't say no to a pile of apples, sweeties and monkey nuts. The real beauty of this idea is that none of them would need to go to the expense of buying a mask. And if they're shy then they can put those pish-stained bedsheets to good use again. Simply wrap the sheet around your head and body and you've got a ready-made ghost! For added effect, paint a Rangers crest on the front of your costume and you can go as your deid team! And you've got the added bonus of inhaling pish all evening; after all, given all the stuff you believe from the MSM you obviously love the smell of pish!

Lastly, I see the paperback version of my book has been reduced to £5.86 for some reason. Now you've got even less excuse not to buy it! And the Kindle version's only £1.54!

Paperback version here.

 

Kindle version here.