It seems that the stress of all this has finally sent Merlin over the edge; his brain, such as it was, has broken big time. He's actually trying to justify all the money that Ally and his merry men have been bleeding out of Bisto FC. "Rangers (sic) manager and players should be paid much higher than other teams." "Quite frankly, if you play for Glasgow Rangers (sic) you should be paid handsomely." What the hell is he on about? Maybe if they did play for Rangers you could see the point; but they don't!
Even some of the Peeppul couldn't believe what Merlin was coming out with so he was back today, ostensibly to explain what he was on about but, really, just spouting more of the same. Basically his argument is that if you spend like a big team and behave like a big team then you are a big team. And therein lies the problem. If Green had just admitted right at the start that his new team was a new team, then everything would have been fine. I argued this point in 'Clash of the Agnivores' (which would make the perfect Christmas gift!). Pretending that it was still Rangers raised expectations and meant that they had to keep spending big money on players to keep up the pretence. And that was money they couldn't afford.
Bisto FC is like one of those sad, old American women you get, who put themselves through starvation, punishing physical exercise and plenty of surgery in a vain attempt to hold back the march of time. They must stand in front of the mirror, only held together by staples, sellotape and hope, thinking that they're still young and desirable. Some of them have had so many facelifts that they have to shave the pubic hair off their chin! And they honestly believe that everyone else thinks they look young and desirable as well; it's all part of their delusion. And Bisto FC is the same; they think that if they put their fingers in their ears and pretend nothing has happened and keep spending as if they're still Rangers then everyone will believe they are Rangers. Anybody that does believe that probably thinks Janice Dickinson, Mickey Rourke and Pete Burns still look as good as they did thirty years ago!
And the Big Lie has come back to bite Bisto on the arse in other ways. It's still the same club when they're claiming money for Charlie Telfer but a different club entirely when they were to pay compensation to Neil Alexander. And it's the same with the SPFL wanting the fine for the EBTs; it's a different club. They'd be perfectly happy, however, to take the second-place prize money for 2012, even though the old club cheated its way through that season and admitted it. They obviously want the best of both worlds; BDO is, however, on the case!
Meanwhile Kevin Kyle has thrown a spanner in the works with his revelations about Sooperally's way of signing players. Apparently a player and his agent would name a sum and Ally would negotiate upwards instead of down! There were players on £400,000 a year while they were in the fourth tier, with bonuses on top. Supposedly this profligacy has been stopped but has it really? With all the uncertainty around what salary Sooper is on and whether or not he's actually taken a wage cut, it means that The Peeppul can't believe a word that's coming down the marble staircase.
It's notable how the Daily Record are so obviously on Sooper's side; after all, he's well in with Honest Dave King and the like, folk that the DR and the Union of Fuckwits would love to see taking over at Ibrox. The story of the wee wummin accosting Sandy Easdale, calling him a sleazebag and saying, "Ally’s the only honest person in that place – dedicated. Not like you, only there for the money." might make good copy but surely even she must realise what a load of shite it is. Sooper's taken more money out of the place than anybody else; he's certainly had a lot more than Easdale. And if Kevin Kyle is to be believed, he's helped others to plunder the place as well. The AGM is going to be a hoot!
It seems Mark Hateley has been creeping about, asking Bisto players questions about what Sooperally does with them during training. Sooper has fallen out with Hateley over this and they're not speaking to each other. The DR reported Sooper saying that they'll sort it out over a drink or something; no doubt Ally will whisper something into Hateley's ear. That renowned football expert and raconteur extraordinaire, Barry Ferguson, lets us know that Hateley's behaviour is not on. A manager should be left to get on with his job without any interference at all. But, my dear Barry, what if said manager is utter shite?
Finally, recent events have reminded me about my days as a teacher. In a primary school you're beset by petty squabbles day-in day-out and most of them aren't worth bothering about. Usually I'd just deal with things by making a joke out of it, getting both pupils to laugh and that was the end of the matter. There was no point in carrying out big investigations, as a I saw some teachers doing; it was a waste of your time and the class's time and the two pupils involved would usually end up the best of friends again by the end of the day. Sometimes things were more serious and you had to find out what had actually happened and maybe even inform the headteacher or get the parents in. One thing I would never, ever do, however, was take one child's word over another if there were no other witnesses. It didn't matter what had happened or who the two children were. You might even, in your heart of hearts, believe one child's version; but I would never act on that basis alone. It just wouldn't be fair, would it?
MARY WELCOMES THE THREE NOT-SO-WISE MEN FROM GOVAN
"WTF? Mould, Frankingers and...what the hell am I meant to do with all these Sevco shares?"
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