SOMEBODY TELL THE REF

I see that Ronny Deila has been told that there will be 'consequences' if any players cause trouble. Presumably Kenny McDowall has been given the same warning about his 'stars'. But what about the referee? Isn't it about time that the man in the middle was warned about his behaviour causing trouble? Neil McCann was in the Daily Record yesterday going on about the game in 1999 when Hugh Dallas was hit with a coin and Celtic supporters tried to run onto the pitch. I remember vividly watching the game on TV and Dallas couldn't have been any more obvious about his bias if he'd run onto the pitch wearing a Rangers top. Every time Celtic broke through and went on the attack, Dallas blew his whistle and called the players back to take a free kick for some foul that nobody else saw. On the other hand, any time a Rangers attack broke down they were handed a free kick in a dangerous area. They even got a penalty for an infringement that only Dallas saw. His behaviour that day was a disgrace; and yet nobody ever pointed the finger. Instead, the Daily Record printed an article on the Monday showing that Celtic got as many free kicks as Rangers, with no explanation, of course, of the circumstances surrounding them. Hopefully we don't get a re-run of this performance this coming Sunday.
 
The Daily Record, meanwhile, is still doing its best to rile up The Peeppul. We've had nothing but stories of Celtic players, and ex-players, saying how Bisto FC is going to get slaughtered. We even had Chris Sutton, who usually doesn't have a good word to say about Celtic these days, opining that Celtic could win the game comfortably with their eyes shut. The DR has also been making sure that the truth about the new team is kept uppermost in the minds of The Peeppul. Ex-Celtic captain Boyd proved that he's no Uncle Tom by agreeing with the advert in the Sunday Herald. It is obvious what the Daily Record's ploy is: they're desperate to cause trouble, hoping that The Peeppul get violent, which will then be blamed on the Celtic support for refusing to acknowledge this new club as 'stull Raynjurz.'
 
Speaking of new clubs, some of The Peeppul are still desperately clinging to that stupid story about Celtic changing its name. They just don't understand. There is a country in Africa that has been called the Belgian Congo, Zaire and the Democratic Republic of the Congo, among other things. It has always been the same country, with the same borders, the same people etc. Only the name has changed. On the other hand, right up until the 1990s, Russia was a synonymous term for the U.S.S.R. Mention of Russia on the news etc. meant the Soviet Union. After the collapse of Communism in Eastern Europe the U.S.S.R split into a multitude of nations. Russia nowadays refers to the Russian Federation. Any use of the name Russia in reference to the Soviet Union occurs only in History books. And the same goes for 'Rangers'. They might insist on calling their new club by the same name as a dead club but is not the same club. Celtic, on the other hand, despite slight name changes, has been the same club since 1888. A rose by any other name would smell as sweet! Spraying scent onto a shite, however, does not turn it into a fragrant flower, even if you name it after one!
 
And the Ashley saga goes on. Imagine there's a man that finally divorces his wife and marries his latest in a long string of mistresses, after his wife finds out about his philandering and throws him out. The new wife would have to be extremely dumb, or extremely besotted to imagine that her new husband will never stray again. This is what McMurdo and all the other supporters of Ashley remind me of. They can already see what he's done at Newcastle; what the hell makes them think that he'll treat their club any differently? They honestly believe that he's going to throw all his money at Bisto FC, getting to the top of the Premiership and into Europe. So why hasn't he done that with NUFC? The simple answer is that there's nothing in it for him. He's all about making money, not chucking it down the pan to keep a team's supporters happy. He has already shown that all he wants is folk to buy his merchandise and a large advertising hoarding. UEFA has strict rules about advertising at stadiums so why would Ashley want to get Bisto FC into Europe?

McMurdo and his disciples are constantly banging on about how our footballing authorities and our media are terrified of a real billionaire being in charge of Rangers (sic) but why should they be? Some NUFC supporters probably thought their team would be challenging for top spot again when Ashley took over at St. James's Park. It didn't turn out that way and it won't turn out that way at Ibrox either. In reality, the SFA and the media are desperately trying to save the club they call Rangers. Unfortunately, the alternative to Ashley doesn't look particularly attractive either; a bunch that can't raise the money they claim they can, led by a convicted crook. Whatever way things turn out, the new club is, to use the term utilised by accountants, fucked! Hopefully, however, it'll limp on in some shape or form; it's non-stop entertainment!

'Smear and Fear' should be available on Amazon in the next couple of days. My book has already been submitted and is in process of being reviewed, so it won't be long now!

 Available soon in paperback and kindle

STOKING THE FLAMES

I always smile ruefully when I read how Celtic made heavy weather of winning a match. Take the weekend's game at Dingwall, where we are told that Celtic played well but struggled to make an impact against a determined Ross County defence and were lucky to come away with all three points, relying on a deflection for their solitary goal. Our beloved hacks have fairly changed their tune these days, eh? It was just a few years ago that whenever Rangers struggled in a game we were told that 'grinding out results' was the mark of champions. I wonder why they say different now!

Meanwhile, the hypocrisy continues as our media build up the hype for next Sunday's 'Old Firm' encounter. Keith Jackson is full of the joys, telling us how a once great sporting fixture has been reduced and is now just all about hatred. As per usual, he goes on with the old, 'one side's as bad as the other' crap, citing all of us 'card-carrying Bampots' as evidence. Obviously he hasn't actually looked at any social media or he would notice a huge difference. Celtic blogs are all about what will happen on the pitch, anticipating a goal-fest; the blogs of those supporting the Ibrox team, however, are a different matter entirely. There's nothing about football there; it's all about how Peter Lawwell put the boot into their club, how there's been a big conspiracy against them and how they will 'never forgive, never forget.' They're thirsting for vengeance for all these imagined wrongdoings and it has nothing to do with their new club beating Celtic!

Part of Jackson's evidence for 'being as bad as each other' is the advert taken out in the Sunday Herald - you know the one I mean! The report in the Daily Record about the advert showed why some folk felt compelled to get the truth out there. Apparently we're supposed to just take the word of Neil Doncaster, the SFA and Nimmo Smith that it's 'the same club'! We're meant to trust our football authorities after everything they did to get Green's new club into the Premier League and then Division One? Aye, that'll be right! And as for Nimmo Smith he was just saying what he was told to say and nothing more.

Of course, we're hearing how this advert is 'stirring up tension' and 'stoking the flames', almost as if excuses are being made in advance for the expected behaviour of The Peeppul. In essence, with all their rhetoric about the advert potentially causing trouble, they're practically issuing a licence to kill. If any Celtic fan ends up dead or seriously injured then the supporters that paid for the advert are going to get the blame. Contrast this with all the 'Nous sommes tous Charlie Hebdo' stuff of a couple of weeks back.

Speaking of hypocrisy, my book about the Better Together campaign should be on sale in the next few days. I've had a bit of bother with formatting but I think I've finally got it sorted. So watch here for more news.

"Ah don't unnerston what they Sellick suporters ur oan aboot. It's goat tae be the same club - thur wearin' Rangers jerseys, in't they? Ah mean, that seals it fur me!"

A KNEES-UP IN FRANCE

So Chateau Charlie finally got that knee seen to. It happened back in the days when he was still trying to suck up to The Peeppul. He doesn't like to talk about it but it involved a blindfold, a noose, a rolled-up trouser leg and a goat. It was after this incident that Charlie finally said, 'Fook this forra gemma soldiers!' and buggered off to France. 

He booked himself into a nice, private room in a nice, private hosptal, where he would receive the best care money can buy. And what's the first thing he sees when he comes round from the anaesthetic? The snivelling, grovelling features of Jim White, that's what! While still groggy he proclaimed his innocence and managed to put the boot into Dobbies current best customer as well. His knee is said to be doing well, while the aforementioned goat has a new career as several dozen packets of Findus chicken chow mein.

As I boasted the other day, it certainly looks like my thesis in 'Clash of the Agnivores' was right. The Peeppul don't want millionaires, billionaires or gazillionaires to run their new club; all they want are 'Real Raynjurz Men.' They chased Bill Miller, they chased Green, they chased Ahmad and now they're looking to do the same with Ashley. Unlike Green, however, it looks like Ashley doesn't give a damn. Not for him trips to Belfast, handing out cups of tea and making out that everybody's against them. He's there to make money and if they don't like it - tough! Paul Murray moans that Ashley hasn't connected with The Peeppul, so they want him out. A fat lot of good it did Green connecting with them, eh? No wonder Ashley keeps his own counsel.

It's a bit like when Fergus McCann was around at Celtic. Nobody was too happy at the time about what The Bunnet was doing at Celtic and The Peeppul feel the same about Ashley. There, however, the similarities end. I don't remember anybody running riot at Celtic Park, punching women and kicking hell out of old men. And now Sandy Easdale has had to call in the police because of online death threats and even letters. It seems his brother's house was already targeted; 'Get out' was spray painted on a wall. The most surprising thing about the targeting of the Easdales for me is the description of James Easdale's abode as a 'plush property in Greenock'. A plush property in Greenock? That'll stand out and be easy to find, then!

And it's not only The Peeppul that want the board out; the Daily Record is doing its bit for the cause as well. Keith Jackson tried to rip the pish out of Chateau Charlie, while we're told how much cash he took out of Bisto FC. We're told that Honest Dave apparently 'came to an agreement' with SARS, instead of the truth that he's a convicted criminal, and there's barely a mention of last Friday's violence. As I said in 'Clash of the Agnivores', this is all a consequence of The Big Lie. Since it's still supposed to be Rangers, then it needs Real Rangers Men in charge; even if they're the ones that caused all the bother in the first place!

McMurdo, meanwhile, is still fighting off allegations that he's in the pay of the Bisto Board. He shows his independence by telling us how Ashley made his millions "providing quality sportswear at affordable prices." But that's not an advert, mind! He's also still going on about the media being 'anti-Rangers' (sic). Where the hell does he get that idea from? He still doesn't get it, does he?

I'm just about finished editing and sorting the layout of 'Fear and Smear', so it should be ready soon. Watch out for the advert here!

"Why the hell did I choose last Friday to revisit Ibrox?"

SNOW FUNNY!

So...Friday. What the hell was that all about, letting the game go ahead? And what happened to the undersoil heating in the FIVE STAR STADIUM? Well, if you've only got so much for the meter then I suppose you have to choose: a snow-free pitch or floodlights. And then there was Madden. Probably he thought that a good layer of snow on the pitch was the only way to stop the Hearts team running riot. Throw in a yellow ball that's hard to see and you've finally got a Bisto V Hearts match where the Ibrox team have actually got a fighting chance! Madden finally had to abandon the game when 'Boydy' threw himself to the ground, looking for a penalty, and inadvertantly caused a snow tsunami, which cleared a good-sized area of the pitch that Hearts could play on.

Meanwhile, outside the Stadium of Shite, Listy Graham and Halloween Houston were rallying the troops for yet another anti-board demonstration. From the pictures in the Daily Record you would think it all passed off peacefully and all the paper had to say about the trouble was that police had arrested somebody for 'an incident'. And the ones inside Ibrox were just as bad as those outside; apparently a Hearts fan is in hospital, having been beaten up for singing and chanting. Je suis Charlie, eh!

I had to laugh at some of the comments on McMurdo's blog, 'This is not the Rangers (sic) way'. Er...Manchester, Barcelona, etc. etc. It's precisely the 'Raynjurz' way! And what's got them all so riled this time? Ibrox is going to be used for collateral for a £10m loan from Ashley. Cue all the mawkish stuff about a 'shrine' to 'The 66' etc. As McMurdo pointed out, getting in before me, shrines aren't supposed to be a Protestant thing. And yet they're out punching women and beating up old men because somebody's tarnishing their temple!

McMurdo bemoans the anti-Rangers (sic) media and SFA but, really, he's talking crap. The whole thing is all about getting 'Real Raynjurz Men' into the Blue Room, which, I can smugly announce, was the running theme of my book 'Clash of the Agnivores'. Where's yer Phil Mac Giolla Bhain noo? Finger on the pulse or what! Our media, our football authorities and many of The Peeppul themselves can't accept folk at the top of the marble staircase that aren't steeped in all the Orange, Billy-Boys shite. 

There is something that hasn't appeared to have occurred to all these folk that are championing a convicted criminal and his cronies taking over in the boardroom. Honest Dave and Paul Murray were on the board of the Oldco and, if they were to get their feet back under the table it opens up some interesting possibilities. If a phoenix (note the spelling, Daily Record!) company has the same directors, pursues the same business and has a name that sounds pretty much like that of the old company, it can, for the purposes of creditors seeking payment, be considered to be the same company. Maybe the face painter can get her name on the deeds instead of Mike Ashley!

And poor Sooperally is banned, under the terms of his 'Gardening Leave', from even setting foot inside Ibrox, which means he can't attend the Old Crocks match for Fernando Ricksen. Isn't it strange how the Daily Record and the Union of Fuckwits won't say a bad word against Sooper, even though he's siphoned off more cash than any of the 'spivs' they all complain about? Still, Sooper is already doing his bit to help his old pal Fernando. When last seen, Ally was getting off a plane in Amsterdam with a bag of John Innes Number 1 on his shoulder.

Ways for Bisto FC to raise cash No. 538. I saw in the Daily Record the other day that some model was posting topless pictures of herself on Instagram or whatever it's called. Purely in the interest of research and keeping up with new fashions, I had a look at the photos. What confronted me was an arse that wouldn't look out of place on a Grand National winner! My daughter tells me that huge arses are all the rage with everybody wanting an arse like Kim Kardashian, Nicki Menaj (?) and Desert Orchid. Now there's an idea for the club playing at Ibrox. There are plenty of huge arses there - Kris Boyd, David Somers, Sandy Easdale and Mike Ashley to name but a few. They could do one of those calendars...No. I'll stop there. I've just realised that you'd need a pretty strong, load-bearing wall to support such an item!

Finally, I've been posted missing quite a bit lately and this is due to putting the finishing touches to my new book. I've actually finished writing it but I'm in the process of checking all my sources and putting the references at the end. It's about the Better Together campaign and it's called 'Fear and Smear'. Hopefully it'll be available in the next week or so.

Allly strips off and shaves his legs for the proposed calendar.

THE TRAYNOR TRAIN TRAINERS *

Today is an historic day for the world of media and PR. It sees the launch of a great, new company: Level 5. You can learn all about it here. It's not only about PR; oh no! It's got a whole stable of experts and trainers from the spheres of media and sport. It is run by our old friend Jabba and I'm grateful to Hector for letting me know, otherwise I might have missed it. There are testimonials on the website but, strangely, none from his former employers at the Daily Record, BBC Scotland or Chateau Charlie. I wonder how many of his erstwhile colleagues will turn up for the launch. No doubt his old pal Leggat will be there; they usually have free booze at these events. Rather ironically, given Jabba's proclivity for selling himself for the odd lamb dinner, Level 5 is based in Blythswood Square!

Meanwhile another American has been run out of Govan. McMurdo is getting worried as Honest Dave and his ursine associates look as if they might be taking over. His only hope still lies with Ashley, who, he says is "hemmed in  by pointless SFA red tape". Really? I seem to remember that he voted against a new share issue, well before the SFA had anything to say on the matter. He obviously intended buying the shares that King & Co snapped up. This would mean putting nothing into the club, of course, except the continual drip-feeding of loans. Honest Dave and the Hair Bear Bunch will have to just stand back and watch this happening, unless they manage to reach that magic 51%. Otherwise the Easdales and their proxies will make sure there is no share issue, the only way, apart from Ashley's loans, that anyone can think of to keep the lights on. It'll end in tears!

Peter Lovenkrands is in today's Record saying that Bisto FC is going to cause an upset and beat Celtic. He says that "in an Old Firm (sic) game form goes out the window". What a load of pish! If Bisto does manage to win it'll have nothing to do with forms or windows; it'll be because, just like the old Ibrox team, they get away with murder and are given the usual penalty!

Apparently MSPs are debating on whether to adopt 'Flower of Scotland' as the official national anthem. Egghead Jim Murphy is calling for the public to be allowed a voice in this decision. (Suddenly he's all for democracy!) On this occasion, though, I agree with Murphy; there's no way I want that song being our national anthem! Back in the 70s all the Scottish football supporters used to sing it and wanted it to be played at the 1982 World Cup in Spain. Everybody else decried it and 'Scotland the Brave' was used instead. Everybody outside of football seemed to hate the song, that was until the rugger buggers sang it in 1990. Overnight it became respectable, though to me it was a joke, all that lot singing away about Scottish independence while voting Tory; they even had Princess Anne joining in. So, as far as I'm concerned, they can shove their 'Flower of Scotland'. I much prefer Tommy Scott's 'Scotland Forever'.

Now, I never thought I'd find myself saying this, but I think Phil Mac Giolla Bhain is being a bit of a hypocrite. He can't see the similarities between Charlie Hebdo continually mocking the Islamic religion and The Peeppul singing 'The Famine Song'. Sorry, Phil, but if you're going to champion unlimited free speech then you can't complain if somebody says something you don't like! Freedom carries with it responsibility; otherwise it's not really freedom at all!

Finally, I've nearly finished my book about the Better Together campaign. (Get your bank card dusted down, Monti!) It should be available soon. I could certainly do with reaching a wider audience and raking in more money. Does anyone know the name of a good PR company?


 * That's a pun on one of my children's books, by the way!

 A picture of the form going out the window.

JE SUIS PAS CHARLIE

I was on McMurdo's site a day or two ago and saw that a couple of the disciples were signing off with 'Je suis Charlie.' Bloody nerve, I thought; after all, they're ready to send death threats, bullets and home-made bombs if anyone so much as says that their new club is a new club. But the more I thought about it, the more I realised that The Peeppul 'sont vraiment Charlie'! The same attitude towards what is laughingly called 'Free Speech' permeates their ranks thoroughly. 

I went back to McMurdo's blog today and, to my shock and suprise, I found myself agreeing with him. Why the hell should any religion be condemned just because of the actions of a few? I can't stand the Orange Lodge but that doesn't mean that I condemn all Protestants. I don't agree with many aspects of Protestant doctrine but who am I to ridicule and belittle their beliefs? As long as they're not interfering with my right to believe what I want, then good luck to them. For all I know we might all end up at the Pearly Gates and find out that they were right all along!

Which leads me to the article today in the Daily Record by an ex trainee-priest, Alex Mooney. Of course, he's entitled to his opinion and if he believes that there's no such thing as God then, fine. What he doesn't seem to realise, however, is that his ridiculing of religion and contention that it has somehow been disproved and belongs in the Dark Ages, is just as overbearing and intolerant as the Jihadists he's attacking. Perhaps he wants us to live somewhere like Pol-Pot's Cambodia or North Korea, where people were, and are, killed for daring to believe in a religion? He mentions Saudi Arabia; maybe, instead of attacking religion, he should attack our Government, which supports a corrupt Saudi regime that finances Islamic fundamentalist terror groups.

And, speaking of Governments, we come to the biggest hypocrisy of the lot: David Cameron Tweeting,  "I've accepted President Hollande's invitation to join the Unity Rally in Paris this Sunday - celebrating the values behind #CharlieHebdo". What 'values' would those be? Why, free speech, of course! This from the same man that, only a couple of months back, was condemning so-called 'cybernats' for posting abuse on Twitter. It seems that 'free speech' is only allowed in certain circumstances!

This is also part of the hypocrisy behind the whole 'Charlie Hebdo' freedom of speech business. The depictions of the prophet Mohammed in this magazine were no less abusive than anything the 'cybernats' posted on Twitter. They received complaints galore and even death threats but they carried on regardless. Strangely, though, in 2009, when Jewish societies complained that an article appeared anti-semitic the writer was sacked by the magazine! You can read the whole story here. It would appear that some religions are not to be attacked no matter what. Islam, however, is fair game.

That's the thing about free speech; it comes with responsibilities. Just think what would happen if a newspaper in Britain used phrases like nigger, kike, bog-wog etc. and refused point-blank to back down when it received complaints, threats and the like. And who would be to blame for the trouble? Or what about the Loyalists that are currently nearly at arms over their 'fleg'? What would happen if Belfast Council decided to fly the Tricolour 365 days a year in place of the 'fleg'? And, again, who would be to blame?

Still think untrammelled free speech is the be-all and end-all? Well, what about the 'Famine Song'? Or 'The Billy Boys' for that matter? If there is to be no limit to freedom of speech then you can't complain about these pages from the Ibrox choir book! Which brings me back to where I started. You will read constantly on blogs that The Peeppul are all for free speech when it comes to their songs of hate. They are not so quick to support others having the same right, though. 

And this is the fundamental point about Charlie Hebdo. With free speech comes responsibility and part of that responsibility is to make sure that you are not causing offence just for the hell of it. The Charlie Hebdo magazine, unfortunately, did just that - going all-out to offend Muslims for no reason at all. Now, I'm in no way condoning what happened but the knee-jerk reaction from the press and public is actually quite frightening. Cameron is talking about giving the security services carte-blanche to do whatever they want, while there are calls for the insulting cartoons to be reprinted in our newspapers and to be shown on TV. It's as if folk are desperate to provoke a reaction from Muslims just in order to justify their own prejudices. 

I find it difficult to condone violence of any sort and am as shocked as anyone at what has happened. Sometimes, though, you can push people too far, as we saw in Ulster in the 1960s and 1970s. Perhaps it's time the West caught up with the modern world and realised that the days of obsequious natives calling you 'Bwana' and accepting any abuse you care to throw at them are long gone. If you're going to keep poking a stick into a wasp's nest, you shouldn't be surprised if some of them come out and sting you!

I copied this cartoon from Twitter. It speaks volumes.

GOLDILOCKS COMETH

Well, that's the Daily Record a lot happier now that 'Real Raynjurz Men' have managed to squeeze their way back into Ibrox. That shining example of probity and character, Honest Dave King has actually bought shares in the Rangers Inter-Galactic Super-Duper Holding Company, along with the Three Bears. But don't mention that phrase 'along with' too loudly; they're separate, nothing to do with one another, never even met each other before. The last thing they want is to be seen as acting in concert and then having to make a bid for the whole shebang!

While the DR and the Union of Bams are celebrating, McMurdo and the members of his brand-spanking-new Bazooka Joe Club are feeling distinctly down in the dumps. This was not what they wanted at all and it's as if Ashley has completely let them down. As if to rub their faces in it, the Record at the weekend barely mentioned the minute's silence for the 66 killed in the Ibrox Disaster. Instead, it chose to concentrate on Halloween Houston and his merry band holding a remembrance ceremony outside Ibrox. There's nothing like nailing your colours to the mast - and the DR's colours are red and black nowadays, rather than red, white and blue!

And, just like buses, you wait ages for a millionaire and then five turn up at once. A warm welcome to Mr Robert Sarver, the new name to enter this debacle. Apparently he's keen on Rangers (sic) and wants to buy the whole lot. We seem to have heard this song before and nothing whatsoever came of it. I don't expect anything to come of it now, either. We'll hear all manner of shite about this guy over the next few weeks and then he'll disappear as suddenly as he appeared and we'll never hear of him again.

Meanwhile, it was touch-and-go if there was going to be a club there for Sarver to buy. Sandy Claus has handed over a half-million loan to help out, secured on the money that'll be coming in from Brentford for Eusebio II. Somehow I don't think that's going to quite cover everything and Ashley will have to come to the rescue again with another million to keep the wolves away from the Blue Room. I note with interest that neither Honest Dave nor the Three Bears have offered to put their hands in their pockets to help out. I wonder why that is.

And while The Peeppul are still reeling from the car-boot sale of the most promising young footballer this side of the universe, it looks like Lee Wallace is on his way too. The BBC is currently setting up a special edition of Bargain Hunt, where the Bisto FC players will be put up at auction to see how much they can get for them. Don't expect any Golden Gavels to be handed out!

Extra evidence emerged today, if any were needed, that The Peeppul are lying or deluded about the football authorities having it in for their new club; in fact, the opposite is true. It turned out that a NI bill hadn't been paid on time (now there's a surprise) and if the cash wasn't forthcoming by midday today then HMRC would be going to court to get Bisto FC wound up. Sandy's loan, of course, saved the day. Neil Doncaster was quick to pronounce that no rules had been broken by Rangers (sic). Now there's another surprise!

It was only a matter of weeks ago that Livingston was fined and deducted points, not just for defaulting on tax payments but for failing to disclose the situation to the SPFL. Doncaster said at the time, "The tax default and reporting rules are an integral part of maintaining a fair league competition," It was a different story today, though! Apparently, the SPFL only discovered the situation at Ibrox in the papers this morning. This means, of course, that the folk in the Blue Room failed to notify the SPFL. Doncaster, however, had this to say, "On the basis of the information we have received we are satisfied there has been no breach of rule E20." I think somebody at Livingston should be demanding an explanation!

I promised myself I wouldn't but curiosity got the better of me. I finally watched 'Only An Excuse' on BBC iPlayer. I didn't think it was possible but the pile of shite is actually getting worse year on year. I was never much of a fan of Rikki Fulton but I'd welcome a repeat of 'Scotch and Wry' next Hogmanay rather than this unfunny crap. Is anybody else sick to death of those pathetic Frank McAvennie jokes? And that sketch about Pat Bonner was borderline racist. It's about time this pathetic, so-called comedy was put out to pasture.

Finally, I read on Phil Mac Giolla Bhain's blog that Channel 4 is planning a comedy set, believe it or not, in Ireland during the Great Famine. The knee-jerk reaction is to condemn it out of hand but quite a few folk have pointed to comedies like 'Blackadder Goes Forth' and 'The Cheviot, The Stag and The Black, Black Oil' as examples of how humour can work in highlighting tragic and emotive subjects. Reading further, however, it seems that what is planned is a version of 'Shameless'. I refuse to watch 'Shameless' on principle; it's a disgusting vehicle for blaming the unemployed for their own situation. I imagine that this new comedy, 'Hunger' is going to be the usual shite about lazy, feckless Irishmen cunningly getting the better of bumbling authority figures. If it is going to be as I suspect, then it deserves to be condemned fully.

"Where's ra burdz?"

Who gives a fuck!

STILL PEDDLING THE BIG LIE

I remember once, when I was about 13, one of my uncles came to our house on Christmas Day. His wife was dying of lung cancer at the time and his seven-year-old son was living with us. Anyway, like everybody else, we had the telly on in the evening. Morecambe and Wise or whatever was finished and the next programme came on, 'Carols from Kings' or something similar. My uncle piped up, "Aw, fur fuck's sake! Dae they need tae bring religion intae everythin'?" It's a pity he's not still around to say the same to McMurdo and his disciples.

According to one extreme bigot on McMurdo's blog, the Catholic Church is responsible for everything that Rangers has suffered and the new club is suffering. Not only that, but he/she/it also says,  "this attack has been happening slowly for a very long time; in fact, as long as the RC Irish came to our shores 150 years or so ago." 150 years...that'll be sometime in the 1860s then or, more probably, before. So Rangers was under attack before it was even conceived; that's surely taking things a bit far! He then gives us a quick, potted history of how it was the Catholic nobility that subjugated Ireland. I mean...I know it's a cliché, but for fuck's sake! They were all Catholics in the Middle Ages so his so-called history means nothing. William Wallace was a Catholic, as was Edward I, so which one was acting under instructions from the Vatican? The Habsburgs and the Valois were all Catholics and they hated each others' guts, frequently going to war to maintain their families' interests. So how does the Catholic Church figure in that? The fact is, only a complete moron would try to write history in terms of the Catholic Church manipulating everything! But, then, he is one of The Peeppul!

Speaking of History, I see McMurdo has released another e-book, called 'Scottish Football - Game of Thrones'. Merlin promises to reveal to us all in his book "the root causes of hostilities between Rangers FC and the rest of Scottish football." That'll be a short chapter, "Rangers' support was full of sectarian bigots. The club also received special favours from match officials and the Scottish football authorities, angering the fans and officials of other football clubs. The arrogance of Rangers even extended into not even being able to accept its own demise, pretending that a phoenix club is still Rangers. This arrogance, sense of entitlement and lashing out at all and sundry is hardly calculated to make friends among everyone else." What else is there to say on the matter?

I was actually going to purchase a copy of the book (it's only two quid) but you need a MasterCard, Visa or AmEx card to buy it and I don't have any of those. Considering who the tome is aimed at I'd have thought ginger bottles would have been more appropriate! Still, I'll persevere and see if I can get a copy; purely in the interests of research, of course - I promise not to laugh!

Meanwhile, Neil Doncaster, esteemed chief executive of the SPFL, has come out in defence of the Big Lie. He says:

"The member club is the entity that participates in our league and we have 42 member clubs. Those clubs may be owned by a company, sometimes it’s a Private Limited Company, sometimes it’s a PLC, but ultimately, the company is a legal entity in its own right, which owns a member club that participates in the league."

Now that's straight out of the Chateau Charlie Sevco Handbook. It's also a load of pish. When Fergus McCann bought Celtic was there any need for a transfer of licence? Similarly there was no need for any such transfer of licence when Ann Budge bought Hearts. So why was there a need to transfer Rangers' football licence if the recipient was still the 'same club'? Why was this 'same club' only allowed to join the European Clubs' Association as an associate member? They're all determined that we're going to swallow this Sevco shite, even though it's not true!

Doncaster continues, "It was put to bed by the Lord Nimmo Smith commission some while ago – it’s the same club." Er...that didn't put anything to bed, my dear Doncaster! Nimmo Smith may be a judge but he wasn't acting in that capacity when he made his judgment in this respect; he was hired by the SPL and had to work according to parameters set out by them and the SFA. He had no real room for manoeuvre or independent conclusions and even had to accept when Green and his new club refused to co-operate. The whole thing was a farce and a whitewash and nobody with any sense believes a word of it. Now, piss off, Mr Doncaster and do the job you're paid to do!

AN SFA SPOKESMAN ENDORSES WHAT DONCASTER SAYS

"It's the same club!"

(Squawk!)

"It's the same club!"
(Squawk!)

"It's the same club!"

(Squawk!)

"It's the same club!"
(Squawk!)

"It's the same club!"

(Squawk!)

"It's the same club!"

etc

etc

etc