THE TRAYNOR TRAIN TRAINERS *

Today is an historic day for the world of media and PR. It sees the launch of a great, new company: Level 5. You can learn all about it here. It's not only about PR; oh no! It's got a whole stable of experts and trainers from the spheres of media and sport. It is run by our old friend Jabba and I'm grateful to Hector for letting me know, otherwise I might have missed it. There are testimonials on the website but, strangely, none from his former employers at the Daily Record, BBC Scotland or Chateau Charlie. I wonder how many of his erstwhile colleagues will turn up for the launch. No doubt his old pal Leggat will be there; they usually have free booze at these events. Rather ironically, given Jabba's proclivity for selling himself for the odd lamb dinner, Level 5 is based in Blythswood Square!

Meanwhile another American has been run out of Govan. McMurdo is getting worried as Honest Dave and his ursine associates look as if they might be taking over. His only hope still lies with Ashley, who, he says is "hemmed in  by pointless SFA red tape". Really? I seem to remember that he voted against a new share issue, well before the SFA had anything to say on the matter. He obviously intended buying the shares that King & Co snapped up. This would mean putting nothing into the club, of course, except the continual drip-feeding of loans. Honest Dave and the Hair Bear Bunch will have to just stand back and watch this happening, unless they manage to reach that magic 51%. Otherwise the Easdales and their proxies will make sure there is no share issue, the only way, apart from Ashley's loans, that anyone can think of to keep the lights on. It'll end in tears!

Peter Lovenkrands is in today's Record saying that Bisto FC is going to cause an upset and beat Celtic. He says that "in an Old Firm (sic) game form goes out the window". What a load of pish! If Bisto does manage to win it'll have nothing to do with forms or windows; it'll be because, just like the old Ibrox team, they get away with murder and are given the usual penalty!

Apparently MSPs are debating on whether to adopt 'Flower of Scotland' as the official national anthem. Egghead Jim Murphy is calling for the public to be allowed a voice in this decision. (Suddenly he's all for democracy!) On this occasion, though, I agree with Murphy; there's no way I want that song being our national anthem! Back in the 70s all the Scottish football supporters used to sing it and wanted it to be played at the 1982 World Cup in Spain. Everybody else decried it and 'Scotland the Brave' was used instead. Everybody outside of football seemed to hate the song, that was until the rugger buggers sang it in 1990. Overnight it became respectable, though to me it was a joke, all that lot singing away about Scottish independence while voting Tory; they even had Princess Anne joining in. So, as far as I'm concerned, they can shove their 'Flower of Scotland'. I much prefer Tommy Scott's 'Scotland Forever'.

Now, I never thought I'd find myself saying this, but I think Phil Mac Giolla Bhain is being a bit of a hypocrite. He can't see the similarities between Charlie Hebdo continually mocking the Islamic religion and The Peeppul singing 'The Famine Song'. Sorry, Phil, but if you're going to champion unlimited free speech then you can't complain if somebody says something you don't like! Freedom carries with it responsibility; otherwise it's not really freedom at all!

Finally, I've nearly finished my book about the Better Together campaign. (Get your bank card dusted down, Monti!) It should be available soon. I could certainly do with reaching a wider audience and raking in more money. Does anyone know the name of a good PR company?


 * That's a pun on one of my children's books, by the way!

 A picture of the form going out the window.