The main things happening in Scottish football this week are Chateau Charlie taking Sevco to court to pay his lawyers' bills and Mike Ashley ready to do the same with the SFA for declaring a convicted crook 'fit and proper' to run Sevco. Those are the big stories; but not in the Daily Record. The big stories, as far as the DR is concerned, are the Celtic AGM, which actually doesn't take place this week and a man wanting a plaque on the exterior of Celtic Park to honour his grandfather, who was a star player for the Bhoys and who died in WWI. Apparently, big, bad Celtic won't put the plaque at the front entrance. If you read the story, though, you'll see that nobody has actually turned the request down; they're still looking into it. To read the DR's article you'd be forgiven for believing that any such plaque would be torn down by angry supporters, even though the DR knows full well that this is a pile of shite.
As for the Celtic AGM, we're given a 'tongue-in-cheek' account of what's going to happen. Fun is poked at the resolution to get the living wage paid; both at the fact that Celtic currently don't pay the living wage to some workers and to the probability that Dermot Desmond, with his majority shareholding, will simply brush aside anything he doesn't agree with. Of course, the AGMs of every other football club in the land, including that of Sevco, are run on a one-man-one-vote basis! And then we've got the 'obsession' with all things Ibrox, wanting titles stripped and an explanation of why Rangers were allowed to play in Europe in 2011. Strangely, the Record never reports on the ongoing, sleekit campaign to convince everyone that Celtic has been the beneficiary of state aid, even though this isn't just the work of some internet blogger; a whole political party is involved.
This supposed obsession is also the theme of Johnathan McFarlane, the Record's fat Sevvie blogger. In a desperate, and disingenuous, tirade he states that the EBT debate had 'jumped the shark'. This, of course, suggests that the debate is going nowhere, which is wishful thinking on the part of Johnahun McFatyin. 'Where is the rule about EBTs in the rulebook?' he demands, while follow-following the well-worn path of 'Hasn't our team suffered enough punishment?' What punishments? Neither the old nor the new club have actually been punished at all, apart from a fine that they refuse to pay. Then we've got the Uncle Tims, who seem to be lining up to absolve the old, dead club of all sins. All-in-all it's a rather disgusting little piece.
The Peeppul at large are grabbing at any straw that happens to drift by. (I read a comment the other day where somebody said that they're like a scarecrow wanking; they're clutching at straws! That's the kind of saying that deserves to be encouraged.) One of them on the DR forum said that the SFA accepted the registrations as-were at the time, so they can't later accuse Rangers of withholding information. That's really scraping the bottom of the barrel, that one!
Most of us, at some time or another, have probably signed on the dole, even if it was just during the holidays while at college or university. You literally did (and imagine still do) sign a declaration that you have done no work for the past fortnight. The DWP, or DHSS as it used to be, processed this and sent you your unemployment benefit, supplementary benefit, income support or whatever else it was called at the time. If it was later discovered that you lied on your declaration, you could hardly turn round and say that they have no case since they accepted your declaration. Only in the world of The Peeppul could this make sense.
All this desperate deflection, however, is going to do them no good. I've read plenty of Huns threatening to boycott all grounds, apart from Ibrox, if the stripping goes ahead. Seemingly, everyone's scared of losing the 'Blue Pound' so will cave in to these threats. If, however, nothing is done about Rangers' cheating, it's quite possible that the supporters of every other team in Scotland will decide that there's no point in it any more. If the blatant cheating of Rangers is ignored then what's to stop the same thing happening again with Sevco. So if our football authorities want to act out of purely economic considerations they're going to have to choose between some ridiculous 'Blue Pound' or the real money of the majority of football fans. It's an easy choice to make but, then again, this is Scottish football we're talking about!
Staying on the subject of tax dodging, this coming Friday sees the annual, televised gathering of Tax Avoiders 'R' Us, better known as 'Children In Need'. Bernadette Murray was voicing my words in 'Catalyst' and this celebrity back-slapping festival makes me sick to my stomach. It's an utter disgrace in this day and age that there's any such thing as children in need. It makes it even worse when you get mega-rich folk, who do everything they can to avoid paying tax, vote Tory and are, consequently, responsible for any children that are in need, get paid to tell us to put our hands in our pockets. They can shove their Pudsey Bear where the sun doesn't shine.
Finally, I was talking with my wife the other day about songs and rhymes we used to sing and chant back when we were children. I don't mean the 'Ally-Bally-Be' stuff; I'm talking about the ones we used to enjoy when there were no adults about. I can give a couple of examples. First a song that you probably recognise.
Diz yer maw drink wine, diz shay drink it aw the time?
Diz yer maw drink gin, diz shay drink it oot a tin?
Diz shay get a funny feelin' when ur fanny hits the ceilin'?
And my favourite rhyme:
Auld King Billy hud a ten-fit wullie
Ay showed it tae the wummin next door.
Shay thoat it wis a snake, so shay hut it wi' a rake
An' noo it's only five feet four!
There are probably dozens that I've forgotten and it would be good to hear them again, as well as ones that I never knew. There are plenty of books out there with shovin' yer granny aff a bus etc. but I think it would be a good idea to save these 'dirty' songs and rhymes for posterity. If you've got any, please send them to me at andersonpat43@gmail.com. Or you can even post them on here!
"What are you complaining about? The game was won fairly and squarely on the pitch!"
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