WARBURTON GETS TOASTED

When I was wee you used to be able to buy tickets for the Hampden Boys' Gate at school sometimes. They weren't for the Scottish Cup or anything like that, but one time a few of us got tickets to see Scotland V England for 15p. (It was a while ago!) We were only ten and had a great time, even though Scotland got beaten. After the match there were scuffles outside but they didn't really amount to much. As we walked along Cathcart Road among all the drunk and dejected Scotland fans, a coach full of England supporters slowly tried to make its way through the crowd. A window on the bus opened and a beer bottle was flung out, fortunately smashing on the pavement without hitting anybody. Needless to say, cans and bottles were chucked at the bus and the back window was smashed. If mobile phones had been around back then it would have been easy for somebody to video what happened and blame all the 'Jawks' for attacking the bus. I imagine it's the same with that bus full of Sevco fans the Daily Record has seen fit to show us. I'd like to know what happened before the filming started!

And so, to the match itself. Warburton was his usual charming, gentlemanly self, giving Hibs no credit whatsoever for their win. According to him. Sevco were poor. Funny, that because it looked to me as if they were trying their best, which, unfortunately for them, wasn't quite good enough. They had practically all the possession in the match; the problem was that they couldn't do much with it against a well-organised, professional team. Meanwhile, The Peeppul are moaning that they should have had penalties galore. (Haven't they had enough bloody penalties already this season?) Neil McCann, of course, agreed about the first claim, which, if it had happened at the other end, would, of course, have been a dive.

I had to laugh at the commentator every time 'Waggy' got the ball. "WAGHORN!" he'd yell, as if to let us know we were about to see something special. He sounded genuinely surprised when Waggy didn't do anything much; after all, as he kept reminding us, Waggy was already on fifteen goals for the season. I mean, FFS, how many times? Seven of those goals were penalties, while the others were against part-time opposition! It's quite ridiculous when the media start to believe their own hype.

My daughter's boyfriend, and father of my yet-to-be-born granddaughter, is a Hibee and he's been telling me constantly how good a team Sevco have put together. On Sunday he finally admitted that I was right; they're a pile of shite that's been flattered by playing against amateurs. As was proven in the game against St. Johnstone, they're an ordinary bunch and wouldn't last five minutes in the Premiership; magic hats or no magic hats. And there's no more money, so they're stuck with all these stars manqués. (There's that word again!)

The agnivores have been taken aback by what's happened and are still to gather their wits together. Expect the attacks on Ronny Deila to intensify over the coming days; it's all they know. Speaking of which, I had to laugh at the ridiculous shite in the Daily Record, trying to make out that Kirk Broadfoot is innocent and James McClean is worse than Hitler. It's worth remembering that the Record mentioned nothing about the sectarian nature of Broadfoot's attack at the time. It's time something was done about this bias; everybody's either too scared, though, or they're on the side of the bigots.

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for: what does F.H.S.I.B. stand for? Well, it actually means, 'Fellow of the Honourable Society of Internet Bampots'. Tony Cassidy managed to get the 'Internet Bampots' bit, but, sadly, didn't get the rest of it. Portpower had a couple of goes as well, kindly offering his prize, if he won it, to Monti. Unfortunately, he hasn't won, so you'll have to pay if you want a copy, Monti!

Nobody got the right answer so, as promised, I'm choosing the best one to win the prize. Thomas came up with a clever one in 'Football, History and Shit, Internet Blogger', which sort of sums up my ramblings on here. Another that made me laugh out loud was 'Fucking Huns Still Inbred Bastards'. It was a tough choice but, luckily, the second one was by Thomas as well. So, Thomas, get in touch with your name and address - the prize is yours! I'm still formatting the bloody thing so it'll be a few days yet, but as soon as it's available I'll get your copy sent to you.

FOR SALE

Magic hat.

One careful owner.

£1 o.n.o.

Offers to: Mike Ashley Esq.