JABBA THE AGNIVORE

ERRZI BIG ISSUE!

As usual in the Daily Record a headline belies the content of the column. 'Charles Green on the backfoot for first time as fans are slow on uptake of Gers shares,' says the headline, preparing you for a story of how things are going pear-shaped for old Hughie. A superficial reading of the subsequent report might lead you to think that Jackson is actually being negative about Rangers. A more careful study, however, reveals the same old cheerleading dross.

Predictably Jackson starts off with the usual buttering-up of Green. 'Green has won over the hearts and minds of a support,' 'His straight-talking charm offensive has been a thing of beauty' and other vomit-inducing phrases let us know that Jackson has not come to bury Green, but to praise him. It also shows that beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder. Describing Green's blame game and sucking up to the bigots as a 'thing of beauty' says a lot about Jackson!

Then we come to the issue at hand, if you'll pardon the pun: Green's flogging of shares in his illegal enterprise. Apparently he's got '£17m worth of reasonably blue chip institutional investment' in his flotation. I wonder if that's in the same dimension as the signing of world-class players and the deal with Adidas? Would any respectable investors throw their money away into a venture that might end up being dragged through the courts by liquidators? Somehow I doubt it.

Just like the last time there was a share issue at Ibrox the Peeppell have decided to keep their hands away from their pockets. This time, however, you can hardly blame them. For all the bravado of '140 years of history' etc there is still an air of uncertainty over Green's club; will it still be in existence this time next year? There is also the little matter of those that did buy shares last time round: they are now worthless. Is anyone going to take the chance of the same thing happening again? Buying bricks, seat debentures; Rangers fans have been fleeced more than anyone else so they have every right to be careful with their cash, no matter how vocal they might be in their support of Green.

So how does Jabba II view this impasse? Easy. He puts a spin on it straight from Traynor's book:

'When 10,000 Celtic supporters raised £9m between them in 1995, they were doing it to save their club. That was the message from Fergus McCann and the response was quite staggering.

If Rangers supporters fall way short of that kind of sum, they can expect to be told about it by their neighbours. Over and over.'

In other words: you'd better buy some shares or the Taigs'll laugh at you! Nothing is more calculated to appeal to the Rangers fans than this assault on their pride. Will it work? God knows. Such an appeal is nothing short of desperate!

A last word about one or two phrases in Jackson's column. Apparently Green had a block of shares 'ring-fenced' for supporters. That's an unfortunate turn of phrase, redolent of Craig Whyte. I wonder if we'll get anything 'front-loaded' now! Speaking of Whyte, Jackson sums up this year as Rangers' annus horribilis. 'That’s Latin for Craig Whyte,' he says. It's just a pity that Green didn't have more of an anus horribilis, then the likes of Jackson might see fit to remove their tongues!

Green lets his new media director know that dinner's ready.