BIG BATTALIONS

Well, I certainly got the wrong end of the stick when Auld Pishy was going on about 'Neutrals'. I thought he was talking about McMurdo and his followers but it turns out he was talking about the Vanguard Bears. He blames them for convincing The Laxative to change his mind about which side he was going to support at the AGM. I think maybe he overerestimates the power of this group; then again, maybe not. The Vanguard Bears are known to have been forging links with Loyalist terrorists in Belfast. Perhaps they've been learning persuasion techniques!

The Vanguard Bears are a secretive bunch, whose society you can't join unless a current member nominates you. This makes sure that the 'wrong sort' don't get a (left) foot in the door. They claim to be fighting to uphold their 'traditions'. Exactly what those traditions are they don't say but they seem to involve marching about banging drums and blowing flutes and keeping 'The Fenians' in their place. What other 'traditions' do they have?

Anyway, back to Auld Pishy. If truth be told, the 'Sons of Struth,' as the ones moaning about the Bisto Board call themselves, don't number a lot more than the Vanguard Bears. A few wee neds waving their mammy's best bedsheet about with writing on it does not make a mass protest. Pishy, however, talks of 'big battalions' protesting. I think, in his drunken haze, he's heard the hordes singing 'The Sash My Father Wore' and thought they were singing something about 'Sack the Board'.

Meanwhile the Bisto Kids are still wanking themselves silly over their belief that Celtic are in financial trouble. The Footballtaxhavens website keeps feeding this fantasy, which nobody seems to give any credit except fot the Bisto Kids. Oh, I tell a lie; the story has been picked up by one newspaper, if you can call it that. UK Column is a conspiracy-filled rag, edited and mostly written by a guy that was kicked out of UKIP. He hangs about on the fringes of the Tory Party and, if the stuff he writes is anything to go by, on the fringes of sanity. He believes that the whole of Europe is involved in a big conspiracy to destroy Britain. He is also a firm believer in British Israelism. That sounds familiar, eh? He's hardly what you'd call a reliable source!

Speaking of British Israelism, Mystery History McMurdo has a deserved go at Pishy on his blog, as well as relating the story that one of the Requisitioners approached the Krays offering to call off the campaign, such as it is, if he was allowed onto the board. Apparently the Krays told him where to go. The regulars on McMurdo's blog all join in having a go at 'The Rebels,' some of them wanting them banned from Ibrox.  

Incredibly, one of them quotes a Paul Weller song, which was sung by The Jam, called 'Standards.'

"We make the standards, We make the rules, if you don’t abide by them, you Must be a Fool. We have the Power to control this whole land, you never must ? our motives or plans."

Paul Weller was lampooning the Establishment and how they'll do anything to hold onto their privileged positions. Amazingly, this particular Bisto Kid doesn't seem to understand this and is quoting Weller to justify 'The Peeppil' in their insane sense of superiority!

They're also celebrating Celtic crashing out of Europe, which is understandable given they have nothing much to cheer about in their own back yard. The way they celebrate, however, is risible. 'We are The Peeppil' and 'Mon the Gers' make it sound as if their team actually knocked Celtic out and not Milan! I think their 'resounding victory' over the mighty Arbroath has gone to their heads!

And they're all beside themselves with glee over the James Forrest story. This story has grown and grown since it first surfaced. At first Forrest had forgotten to zip up his flies when he came out of the toilet. Then the story was that he had gone for a pee in an alley and was caught by the police. Now, all of a sudden, it's indecent exposure and sexual assault. It'll be interesting to see where this one goes! The main concern of the Bisto Kids is that the Daily Record didn't allow comments on the story so they were unable to post their usual bigotry and bile. It's a wee shame, so it is!

Finally, the most hilarious comments from the Bisto Kids are that their troubles are now behind them. The Requisitioners have failed, the Sons of Struth have fallen overboard and the Krays are getting themselves quite comfortably ensconced. The truth is, however, that the big troubles are yet to come. The money is running out and what money there is will soon be fought over when The Laxative unveils his usual scheme of demanding dividends for shareholders. Remember, The Laxative runs a hedge fund and all his investors will be looking for a return sooner rather than later. Trust me, The Laxative will soon get to work and the shit will hit the fan big time!

"Geeza job! Go on! Geezit! I can do that! Go on, Geeza job!"