THE BIG JOKE NEW CLUB

In February 1933 the Reichstag, the German Parliament, caught fire and was almost burnt to the ground. Historians still argue about who was responsible but the fact remains that the Nazis did well out of it. Blaming the act on Communists, President Hindenburg was persuaded to declare a State of Emergency. This suspended civil rights and enabled the Nazis to dispose of opponents quite legally and withing the constitution. In fact, all the actions of the Nazis thenceforth could be argued to be legitimate under Article 48 of the Weimar Constitution. Anyone that thought otherwise would be quickly silenced.

We now apparently have our own version of this in Scotland. Our legal authorities looked the other way when the assets of Rangers were illegally sold to Charles Green. When the myth of the 'Holding Company' was started, nobody in either our legal or football authorities argued. The Big Lie was born. The new team was to be viewed as the old one and plans were made to shoehorn it straight into the SPL. It would be business as usual and the previous years' shenanigans would be airbrushed from history.

Only it didn't quite work out like that. The fans of other teams were outraged at this special treatment and demanded that their clubs deal with the new club appropriately. As it was, the new club was allowed to skip the queue into the SFL and joined the ranks of Division Three.

The Big Lie, however, had already taken root. This meant that, instead of the new club being allowed into the SFL, the story was that the old club had been 'relegated'. This was seized on in dramatic fashion. Folk like Jabba, saddened by the loss of the Establishment Team, grabbed onto this lie for grim death. Now it was not a case of Murray's hubris causing the death of Rangers; rather it was how badly 'Rangers' had been treated, having to endure the humiliation of 'relegation'.

We have already seen how the Bisto Kids react to any questioning of The Big Lie. Online attacks are made against anyone daring to say it's a new club, if you say any such thing on certain forums your comment is not allowed, and they all ran crying to the BBC Trust over statements by BBC Scotland journalists. Now they are all up in arms about a throwaway line by their favourite bête noire, Peter Lawwell, who made a joke comparing the new club to Rory Bremner impersonating Tony Blair! Bisto FC itself has reported the matter to the SFA and had this to say on its website:

“The Club are disappointed with the comments attributed to Celtic Chief Executive Peter Lawwell earlier today.

“Rangers Football Club, now in its 141st year, has a proud history which has been recognised by the football authorities and was noted in a recent SPL Commission determination.
“The Club will now take this matter up with the relevant football authorities.”

So nobody's allowed to question The Big Lie, even in jest! Strangely, the situation in 1994 is forgotten about. When it looked like Celtic would be going to the wall a wreath was sent to Celtic Park by Rangers, while the Daily Record hired a hearse to park outside the ground to provide a 'hilarious' photo. Sooperally has told how he was overjoyed and laughing when it looked as if Celtic would disappear. It seems that only those, and such as those, are allowed to have a sense of humour in this country.

One positive aspect is that Bisto FC might take their moans all the way to UEFA or even to FIFA. Both these bodies prefer not to interfere in the affairs of member nations' associations and will only do so if there is a serious complaint. They have therefore accepted the SFA's side of things as far as The Big Lie is concerned. If Bisto FC start stirring things up, however, they might find that the whole matter could backfire on them, with a full investigation of the machinations involved in getting the new club into the league. Bring it on, I say!

I discovered by accident a new money-making ploy by Bisto FC. They're offering supporters' clubs the chance to buy bricks on a wall at Murray Park! Each brick costs £150 and can be decorated with the supporters' club logo. And that's not all! Each supporters' club that buys a brick will also receive an A3 sized print of Sooperally, personally signed by the man himself! There are only 400 bricks available so they are expected to go fast. The print of Sooperally, which had to be A3 sized to fit him in, is intended to be framed and put on a clubhouse wall. It doesn't say if a structural analysis of the wall is advisable but I would take that as read!

Meanwhile, over on Planet Merlin, more and more of the Bisto Kids are coming to the conclusion that the problems at Ibrox are being caused by outsiders. The nonsensical suggestion that supporters of Scottish independence are stirring up trouble probably appeals to the flag-wavers among them. According to them, nobody would dare vote for independence if there was a strong 'Rainjurz'! They really do think a lot of themselves, don't they? One contributor offered the following (final) solution:

"Keep Scotland British; Export a timmigrant, for good."

Now if anyone was to say that about Pakistanis or Indians there would be an uproar. It seems, however, that anti-Irish racism is de rigeur and totally acceptable. After all, it's just banter isn't it? One side's as bad as the other etc. etc. etc........

Finally, I see that the ridiculous 'Friends of Scotland' has gone bust. This company received thousands from the Scottish Government in order to promote Scotland in the USA. Sean Connery started the thing to show his love for Scotland, even though he doesn't live here, likes to ignore Scottish fans when he meets them on the street and the sum total of his financial input into Scotland is supporting rich English students at St Andrew's University studying Art. The company is being wound up owing thousands of dollars. Given Connery's football allegiances, do you think some holding company will appear and the 'The Friends of Scotland' will continue as the same company?

Brian Stockbridge takes the new chairman out for a couple of drinks