MAD AS HELL!

Have you ever watched the film 'Network'? It's great when Peter Finch's character gets his viewers to open their windows and shout out to the world in general, "I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!" That's what I was reminded of when I saw the mass outcry against the clear advantage given to Bisto FC by our esteemed SPFL authorities. Even without Turnbull Hutton, it seems the voices of football clubs and their supporters can make a difference when it comes to standing up against unfairness. It should have been done years ago! Still, better late than never.

There's still the matter of the play-offs to be sorted out; something else that the powers-that-be have royally screwed up. This time, though, there's no bias involved; just sheer stupidity. It seems never to have occurred to anybody that one of the contenders for the play-offs might be involved in the Scottish Cup final. The only solution appears to be to extend the play-offs into June. This will adversely affect Bisto FC and, of course, they're squealing like a goat at a masonic convention.

The old complaints are trotted out, "It would be absurd to extend the season if Hibs are not in the play-off final. In 2008, after the UEFA Cup Final, Rangers were forced to play four games in eight days all in the name of sporting integrity. Sporting integrity should be applied here." Aw, diddums! Celtic never had that problem in 2003. Why? Because they negotiated with other teams and brought games forward instead of letting them pile up. It probably never even occurred to anybody at Rangers to do this; the usual sense of entitlement meant that they expected the season to be extended to the end of July if they needed it. Next we'll be hearing all the shite about the 'tour of Japan'.

Nobody helped Celtic in 2003, least of all Rangers, who, along with the authorities, refused point-blank to shift an old-firm fixture, either forward or back. The same happened a couple of years later when Gordon Strachan asked for a game to be moved, leading to Jabba's infamous 'Who the hell do you think you are?' jibe. Why, then, should Rangers have expected any help from Parkhead way? Lawwell's 'Japan Tour' excuse was what is called 'diplomacy'. If it had been me, I'd have told them to 'fuck right off!'

Whenever The Peeppul go on about 2008 it always seems to escape their memory that the Scottish Cup final was put back for their benefit. You never hear them mention that one! Perhaps such a solution could be used again. This time, however, both finalists should be consulted!

And, right on cue, we've got Barry Ferguson in today's Record, moaning about how "Rangers might OF given Scotland a European trophy." Christ almighty, are there no editors at that paper? In the article, Ferguson gets his dig in about 'sporting integrity', even though nobody mentioned such a thing in 2008. He recycles all the pish about nobody 'helping' Rangers. Er...the SPL season was extended by four days and the Scottish Cup final was put back. What more did they want? If they were going to postpone matches then they only had themselves to blame when they had a fixture backlog at the end of the season. Presumably everyone else was to finish the season while Rangers' games were to wait until Barry & Co. were 'ready'!
(Update: somebody must have contacted the DR. That OF has been changed to HAVE.)

Incidentally, when did Rangers ever help any other team, or Scotland for that matter? On numerous occasions Rangers players couldn't play for the national team because of injury or illness. The undertakers and florists were on standby as it was touch and go whether or not they would make it. Then, miraculously, they would leap from their death beds to play for Rangers in midweek! And, yet, they expected everybody to bend over backwards to help them.

Rangers already had a long history of looking after themselves. During WWII every team in Britain lost players to the armed forces. Football was still played to keep morale up on the Home Front and new, smaller, temporary leagues were set up in Scotland. Every club struggled to put a team on the pitch but one club was able to field TWO full teams and win two separate leagues. No prizes for guessing which club this was, so I'll give you a clue: it starts with 'R', ends with 'S' and is filled with anger.

Speaking of 'Sporting Integrity', Ferguson might do well to remember that QOS were cheated in the Scottish Cup final, being denied two stonewall penalties as well as being kicked all round Hampden. And another thing, when is Barry going to pay back that 'loan' and help the creditors get paid? Aye, you picked the wrong horse when you climbed on that moral high one, boy!

I'm currently writing a follow-up to 'Clash of the Agnivores' and I've reached the point where Stan Collymore calls out the bigots. I avoided mentioning sectarian and bigoted singing in the first book, but it's hard to avoid this time. As part of my research I had a look at the 'Nil By Mouth' website. I couldn't believe what I was reading! I was particularly taken aback at the following:

"Widespread discrimination in entering employment, and certain established social networks, also fuelled tensions between the Catholic and Protestant communities in Scotland. Employment opportunities  were denied to people of both denominations on the grounds of the religious group to which they blonged (sic) or were perceived and prejudged to belong. Discriminatory recruitment practices were conducted both officially and unofficially and a name considered traditionally Protestant or Catholic, or whether a candidate attended a Catholic or non-denominational school, was sufficient grounds for many businesses to exclude people from employment."

I have sent an e-mail to 'Nil By Mouth' pointing out that, especially when discussing history, you can't make definitive statements like that without proof. There is plenty of proof of discrimination against Catholics, who were denied employment in the shipyards, the locomotive industry and anything to do with the railways (other than laying the tracks, of course!). Even in the 1970s it was a difficult task to get a job with British Rail in Scotland if you weren't able to perform the correct handshake! I know of no instances, however, where discrimination was practised in the opposite direction. I have asked 'Nil By Mouth' for their evidence. I'll let you know what their reply is.

Stewart Regan, meanwhile, has been banging on about how difficult it's going to be for Honest Dave to prove himself 'fit and proper'. Aye, right! Pull the other one - it's got bells on it! He really must think everybody's head zips up the back. We all know full well that it'll be a rubber-stamp job. Nothing must stand in the way of the progress of the Real Raynjurz Men! The fact that Paul Murray and his Brylcreem-Bounce hairstyle has been allowed to sit, unmolested, at the top of the marble staircase proves that the authorities will do what they always do when it comes to Ibrox teams: bugger all!

We also know what's going to happen if Bisto FC don't manage to win promotion in the play-offs. Suddenly those in power will decide that the fans' idea of three divisions, each with 14 teams, is the best plan after all. Of course, it'll be for the good of Scottish football as a whole, the way forward etc. etc. etc. 

Finally, I see some folk in Dublin have set up something called the 'Twin Strangers' project, looking for people that look identical, even though they're not related. I've found a few already.