The truth is actually much more prosaic. Remember two seasons ago when Bisto FC managed to beat an SPL team in the League Cup? Coincidentally, the team was Motherwell, which was, and is, managed by 'Wrang-Door' McCall, an ex-Ibrox stalwart. Like any team that has an ex-Ranger involved, Mothewell have had a strong tendency to lie down when playing against an Ibrox team. Sooperally should know all about this; during the twilight years of his playing career he signed for Kilmarnock, whose manager had to replace Sooper with another striker when the fat one point-blank refused to even try against Rangers. So it was a foregone conclusion that any team managed by Barry Ferguson wouldn't exactly break into a sweat when visiting Ibrox. Even if he was manager of Barcelona Bisto would win against them!
Meanwhile, in the Daily Record, it's a case of another week, another billionaire. We've had them beating the drum for Honest Dave King and Mr. Sorearse, the American; now it's the turn of Mike Ashley, the owner of Newcastle United. Of course, the Union of Fuckwits are up in arms about it, as they seem to be about everything. They're all worried, apparently, about not being allowed into Europe due to the rules about an owner being prohibited from having two clubs in the one competition. And, of course, after the magnificent showing against Clyde, Bisto FC is obviously going to get beyond the group stages of the Champions League in 2017. Being the sticklers for obeying the rules that they are, The Peeppul don't want anything like that to happen, do they? It's all a load of shite anyway. Can anybody remember the last time the Daily Record was right about anything like this?
Staying with the Record, the execrable Keith Jackson has managed to outdo himself. Monday's article had the following headline: "Sporting integrity? It would have been sheer lunacy for Celtic to hand Legia Warsaw a free pass to the Champions League". The piece, however, was not about how Celtic had done nothing wrong and how the whole thing was Legia's own fault; this is Jackson we're talking about, after all! The whole article was nothing more than a veiled attack on Celtic and Peter Lawell.
Jackson's contention is not that Celtic SHOULDN'T have bowed down to pressure from Legia and begged UEFA to let the Polish team go through; it's more an argument that, going by past record, Celtic WOULDN'T do such a thing. He cites how Celtic weren't happy about efforts to extend the season, to help Rangers, in 2008 to 'prove' his point. He omits to mention, however, that nobody was happy about Rangers receiving special treatment, especially QOS, who weren't even asked about putting back the Scottish Cup final. Nobody even considered such treatment for Celtic in 2003! The filthy Jackson goes all out to tarnish Celtic and overuses the phrase 'Sporting Integrity' in order to demean it. The more this guy writes, the more stomach-turning he becomes. Can't Bisto just hurry up and give him a job and stop him from annoying the rest of us?
The Easdales have annoyed the hell out of the Union of Fuckwits by looking into buying Ferguson's Shipyard in Port Glasgow. They've been in touch with the adminsistrators to do some kind of deal to try to save the place and the jobs it provides. If they're on the level then this move should be applauded by everyone; most folk with money couldn't give a toss about saving jobs or the local community. Listy Graham and his cronies, however, are only concerned about Bisto FC. 'If they kin spend money oan shipyerds then surely they should bae spendin' it oan Raynjurz furst?' As usual, all The Peeppul care about is their new team; jobs, communities, people's lives don't matter in the slightest. They, however, don't see anything at all wrong with this stance.
You'd think that The Peeppul would be happy about what the Easdales are doing. If, as they all hope, there's a NO vote then what are they going to do if we're dragged into another war with no shipyard to run to? If the Easdales succeed in saving Ferguson's then Ibrox should abandon their 'Armed Forces Day' and have a 'Shipyards Day' instead. They could invite all the shipyard workers in boiler suits to celebrate the dead team's contribution to WWII.
There's far more than that to worrry about, however, for the denizens of Govan. Never mind their dead team, or their new team, or their fantasies about Celtic receiving 'state aid'; what they're really shitting themselves about is being nominated for the Ice Bucket Challenge. Having an avowed aversion to both soap and water means that they're scared to go online or outside. That'll be why there were hardly any of them at Ibrox the other night!
I see a certain Max Clifford is putting his company into liquidation. Apparently he thought his wife would run it but, instead, she's dumped him and set up her own company. Understandable, given what he's been banged up for. When he gets out, however, he can start all over again and pretend liquidation never happened. I'm sure his old mate McMurdo will persuade his disciples that it's the same company!
Yvonne Hama. There's a name that you'll never see in our mainstream media. You'll have to stick with the good old Internet Bampots on this one. Oh, wait, the BBC website reported the story as well - wonders will never cease! If you haven't already heard of her go and Google the name. It's a major embarrassment for the Bettertogetherers.
And another embarrassment for the NO mob comes in the Daily Record. Amazingly, they think it actually harms Alex Salmond and the YES campaign. It seems that folk have had to be sent for private treatment in Scotland because the NHS couldn't cope. How the hell can the Scottish Government be blamed for this? Yes, the Scottish Government gets a hand-out budget from Westminster but there are restrictions on how they can spend it. The situation with the NHS is happening NOW, under the status quo that the DR wants to maintain. If they were really worried about this sort of thing then they'd be advising us to vote YES. The fact that they aren't just shows that they couldn't care less!
A brace of Govan beauties line up for the first heats of Miss Ibrox 2015.
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