Monday, 31 March 2014


Well, it's obvious that British Summer Time is here; the clocks went forward, we've got the central heating on and the rain's pishing down. Do you think when we become independent we can escape from the UK weather as well?

It's true what they say: you do learn something new every day. Today, for example, I learned that Bill Struth, natty dresser, champion oar-wielder and shipyard recruitment officer, had another string to his bow. It is well-known that Struth was a professional athlete, a middle-distance runner, before he entered the world of football. Apparently, he liked to amuse his friends with the story of how he once cheated to win a race because he needed the money. Not only does this show that it was always party time chez Struth, but it also explains a lot about the club that he moulded into his own image and likeness!

Another thing I learned, thanks to being pointed in the right direction by somebody on the Daily Record forum, is that Dave King is even more of a scoundrel than we gave him credit for. Allegedly he's been mixed up with a top crime boss and drug dealer in South Africa; one Glenn Agliotti. Agliotti had his fingers in a lot of pies and had more than a couple of corrupt government officials on his payroll. This guy makes the Easdales look like altar boys! Which is funny, since the ones that are calling the current Bisto board 'spivs' and 'crooks' are the very ones that want to bring Davie Boy in! So they think that the best thing for their new club is to replace possible gangsters with an even bigger one. That's Bisto Kids' logic for you!

Many folk say, 'I blame the schools,' but that might be more true than you think. There's an interesting post on today's McMurdo blog, which re-posts somebody's thoughts on education in America. Apparently schools in the US aim for getting their pupils to, at the very least, be able to read and understand about 50% of a newspaper. The McMurdo poster says that it applies to the current situation at Bisto but does not elaborate so it's hard to see the point he is trying to make. Of course, there's the usual bam interpreting it as only one of The Peeppil can: he says that RCs have failed to 'outbreed' Protestants so now they're going all out to 'out-educate' them. In other words, the fact that RC schools continually outstrip ND schools is all part of a Catholic conspiracy!

The truth, however, is more prosaic but altogether more sad. There are many problems to be faced by schools these days, not least of which is the disingenous misinterpretation of EU and UN declarations on children's rights by local councils. The EU and the UN both state that every child, no matter his or her background, is entitled to the same education. This, of course, means that provisions should be made for every individual to be educated to the same standard. In practice, however, councils see it as a money-saving exercise and dump all children into mainstream schools to receive the 'same' education. Children with severe learning, psychological and social difficulties are put into mainstream classes with no extra provisions, eating up teachers' time and also often causing disruption in the classroom.

But both RC and ND schools are faced with this problem, so the causes of the disparity must lie elsewhere. I have taught in both RC and ND schools in all different areas and they can all have their difficulties. In an affluent area you get doctors and lawyers turning up at parents' evenings demanding to know why their six-year-old hasn't sat his Highers yet! In deprived areas the problem is the opposite: quite often the parents either couldn't care less, since they got nothing out of school, or have so many problems that they simply can't cope. Although, again, these tendencies can be seen in both RC and ND schools. So, again, the differences lie elsewhere.

I am in a privileged position since I have worked in both types of school and can see one major problem in ND schools. In any school, primary or secondary, motivating the pupils is about 90% of the battle; many pupils are simply reluctant to learn. It is possible to motivate them by bribery, making lessons fun or skewing lessons to fit in with their interests. In all the schools I worked in I only encountered two types of children that absolutely refused point-blank to get engaged with learning no matter what.

One of these groups was Gypsy, or Traveller, boys. Traveller girls were always well-behaved and keen to learn everything; the boys, on the other hand, could not see the point no matter what you might offer in the way of learning. All they wanted was practical skills, at which, to give them their due, they excel, listening and acting on every piece of teaching you put their way.

The other group, unfortunately the larger, comprised those imbued with the WATP mentality. Even though football items were banned, they would turn up with Rangers rings, earrings, coats; anything, really to show their allegiance. As soon as you saw one of these children you knew you were going to have bother; not necessarily with discipline, but with teaching. The one thing that all these children had in common was their arrogance. They simply could not accept that anyone could teach them anything and they seemed to already 'know' that they were better than everyone else. In some schools these children were a minority, while in some areas they vastly outnumbered everyone else.

At a couple of schools the head teacher and, to a lesser extent, the teachers had just given up and educated the children on their own terms. Long-term supply teachers, like me, at one of these schools were shocked at the culture, where prowess at football was the only thing that mattered. Prize-giving at the end of the year saw medals and cups given out for attendance at football training, player of the year, highest goal-scorer etc etc. Children whose attendance and behaviour at school was exemplary and who were working hard got no recognition whatsoever. To make matters worse, the 'player of the year' had been in trouble with the police for threatening a teacher, while the 'highest goal-scorer' had also been in trouble for deliberately burning part of the school down! What message was this sending to the other children?

The other school was even worse. This school found it almost impossible to get and hold onto supply teachers. I lasted three months before giving up in disgust. I heard that one woman lasted all of five minutes! The culture in this school was one where the pupils were always right. When marking, I, and most other teachers, will concentrate on one thing that needs improvement. Putting a red pen through a whole piece of work and telling the pupil that it's utter shite is hardly an incentive to learn anything! This school, however, was reluctant to criticise anything. If you pointed out a tiny mistake and asked for it to be fixed, the pupil would storm off to the head teacher, who would return with the child and tell you off in front of the class for being critical!

The sheer arrogance of the pupils in this school was breathtaking. They felt that they could do what they liked with impunity; unfortunately, they were right. Their whole attitude to the teacher, and life in general, was one of 'Who the hell are you to tell me anything?' I checked a few of the test papers in the school, wondering why, on paper, the pupils seemed to be doing fine when, in reality, they were way behind where they were meant to be. It might or might not surprise you to learn that the tests were atrocious. There was no way they should have passed their writing, while on the reading and maths tests you could see where an original answer had been rubbed out and another put in its place. I believe this is called cheating!

So my message to the Bisto Kids is this: if you want your children to do well at school perhaps you should take a look at the attitudes your are imbuing them with. Then again, perhaps you think that being educated and thinking for oneself might negate the whole ethos of Orangeism!

Anyway, enough of the polemic and back to the nonsense. Today's Daily Record has the astounding, earth-shattering story of Leigh Griffiths, in a pub before yesterday's game, leading the singing about Hearts, mocking them! Shock! Horror! Griffiths, in case it escaped the DR's attention, happens to be a Hibs supporter and slagging off Hearts comes with the territory. This is called football rivalry. I remember years ago John Peel saying, at a time when his beloved Liverpool weren't doing that well, that all he had left was hating Man Utd! This is normal. Everywhere in the world supporters of one team hate and slag off their rivals. Only in this country could it be construed as something unsavoury.

And why? To make excuses for The Peeppil, of course! The Billy Boys, and other cheerful ditties, have been heard on numerous occasions at Division 2 and now Division 1 grounds everywhere with not a word said. Now, if you chance to point this out, the cry will be, 'Aye, but look whit Leigh Griffiths dun!' The Bisto Kids play along, one of them even calling it a 'Hate Crime'! For God's sake!

Then we've got Michael Mols, toeing the DR line in slagging off the Bisto board and offering the services of all the ex-Rangers players as scouts! A better plan would be if they all paid back those 'loans' they got. Still, maybe it'll work, eh?

"Hi there, son, those're some impressive skills you've got there. How would you like to play at the best, most famous football club in the whole world?"

"Well...I've already got Barcelona, Real Madrid and Bayern Munich fighting for my signature."

"Never mind those fly-by-nights, son, come and sign for a real, record-breaking, world-class team with a global fan base. The Famous Glasgow Rangers."

"Never heard of them, mister. What can they offer me?"

"Well, you'll be playing at a stadium full of asbestos, in front of a crowd that'll sing songs of hate about your religion and they rely on pay-day loans every month to meet the wage bill."

"What's not to like about that; where do I sign?"

And, finally, the story about Pastor Joe Nwokoye, Marvin Andrews's pastor, based in Kirkcaldy. This maniac blames all the world's ills on same-sex marriages. Floods, fires, murders, economic disasters, the lot are all punishments from God for tolerating gay people in our midst. He says that in Old Testament times these folk would have been stoned to death. It is with obvious regret that he says, “We can’t do it now because Jesus Christ is a merciful God."

Merciful God? Then why the hell is he punishing everybody else for other people's 'sins'? As McMurdo says, you can see how Protestantism has promoted freedom, equality and tolerance everywhere, eh?

"Och, Ah'm bored. Thur's nuthin' tae dae up here, sittin' aboot wi' angels 'n' 'at. Mibby Ah'll dae sumthin' tae theym doon there. Aye, but Ah'm a merciful God, so Ah canny. Och, tae fuck wi' it - Ah kin dae what Ah like; Ah'm God. There's a flood fur yez ya shower-a bastards. That'll teach ye tae let aw they gay folk walk aboot!"

Sunday, 30 March 2014


All we keep hearing from the Bisto Kids and our 'disinterested' fourth estate is how there is no competition any more in the Premiership. Since Rangers crawled up their own arse and died, leaving behind nothing but a turd that tries to pretend it's 'stull Raynjurz,' it's been said constantly that our top division is a 'one-horse race' and that 'we need Rangers back.' Since Rangers are dead then it's unclear how the hell they're going to 'come back'. 'Haw, Jesus! Get doon aff yer dinosaur a minute, wae've goat a joab fur ye!'

Anyway, you can just imagine our impartial reporters asking this question constantly to Neil Lennon. Finally, yesterday, he caved in under the pressure and said, "...we don't really have, what you would say, a credible opponent at the minute." So what is the response of The Peeppil to Lennon avoiding any antagonistic replies? Why, he's being disrespectful to the other teams in the Premiership, of course! If he had claimed that there was competition then you know they would all be calling him a liar, or worse. Their hatred really knows no bounds!

Speaking of hatred, I see that the Heid-The-Baw that posted a picture of Neil Lennon, riddled with bullet holes, on his Facebook page and called him a 'dead man walking' has been chased out of Northern Ireland. David Craig was at a UDA event and posted pictures of it, including men wearing balaclavas, on Facebook. This triggered a police investigation into the event. The UDA is not very happy about this, claiming that it was a band competition.  A band competition with balaclavas? I take it Ready-Brek Commercial chic is the big thing in Belfast this year! Craig also, apparently, knicked booze from the event. So where is he hiding out? In this little country of ours, of course! Another reason to vote YES -  it will break the connection some folk in Scotland have to these gangsters. Never mind, though, Mr Craig, Bill McMurdo's got you marked down for Heaven!

Hugh Keevins, the man whose picture makes him look like he's struggling with constipation, has a piece in today's Sunday Mail about Dave King's propaganda. Except it's not; it's the usual story about how the Old Firm rivalry is needed to boost our game blah blah blah. In essence, what Keevins is saying is that football in our country is not really about football; it's about raking in money by any means necessary. He does his usual hand-wringing bit about sectarianism but seems to be saying that it's a missing factor in our game. So, rather than Scottish football finding its level in the next few years and the likes of Aberdeen and Dundee Utd posing a viable threat to Celtic, Keevins is pining for the 'good old days' of sectarian singing and chanting, gang fights on the pitch, injuries to the police and innocent bystanders, our hospitals struggling to cope and wives being beaten hell out of because hubby's team lost!

This desire to get Bisto FC into the Premiership is getting desperate. They don't have the money, for God's sake; so what does Keevins suggest we do? Maybe the Scottish Government should set aside a special fund to be used at the Ibrox club's discretion? Or maybe Dermot Desmond should hand over revenues from Celtic? After all, it's Celtic's fault that Bisto was 'relegated,' isn't it? Let it go, Shuggy. The Old Firm is dead; long live the peace!

Remember all the fuss about the brilliant 'Zombie' banner displayed by the Green Brigade? It was hilarious, but, as usual, The Peeppil crawled out to complain about the gunman at the end; Auld Pishy called it 'terrorist-inspired'. Maybe the guy shooting the zombies wasn't the best of ideas but, then, somebody at Radio Clyde, Jim Delahunt I think, said that it was funny up until that point. He received the usual death threats straight after. So, in reality, the gunman wasn't the issue.

Anyway, what do you think of this: https://scontent-a-lhr.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/t1.0-9/10153209_719178818104099_1550667396_n.jpg I'm not posting the picture here in case I get any blame for it! A link to this picture was posted today on McMurdo's blog by one of his disciples. I don't know what kind of authority deals with this kind of thing but if you know, feel free to inform them.

Meanwhile, the Vanguard Bears are up in arms at the news that money could be taken from the Rangers Fans Fighting Fund (remember that?) to pay for Craig Houston's defence against Ronnie Kray, I mean Sandy Easdale. (I might need a bit of that cash as well!) The RFFF committee has already voted this proposal through, although the Vanguard Bears representative apparently fought tooth-and-nail to stop it. They're calling on the Bisto Board to step in. Good luck with that one. They also say that they will fight to stop the fund falling into the hands of any "nailed together 'new age' fans groups" so bang goes any chance of the unity that McMurdo's disciples are trying to cobble together. I suppose when your whole 'culture' is all about hatred and there's nobody else immediately to hand, it's inevitable that you're going to turn on each other. Maybe we'll be treated to the sight of umpteen different parades this July!

A rather more serious matter in today's Sunday Mail as they touch upon a story that is usually left alone, if not covered up completely. It's about the scandal of children taken into care and then forced to work as slaves, either here, in Australia or in Africa. Families were broken up; parents never saw their children again and some folk are still trying to find out what happened to their brothers and sisters. You can read the heartbreaking story of one family here: http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/scottish-news/secret-slaves-scotland-revealed-3300900

What really annoys me is that the BBC spent a fortune going to Spain to make a documentary about pretty much the same thing happening under Franco, when these atrocities were occurring on our own doorstep! Our media love to portray 'Johnny Foreigner' in the worst light possible; and if he happens to be Catholic, so much the better. We've had hand-wringing Holy Willies going on about Nazareth Houses and the Magdalene laundries, while ignoring similar, if not worse abuse in Britain. Unmarried mothers were sent to lunatic asylums in Britain until fairly recently, while the abuse suffered by children in the Channel Islands and elsewhere is enough to make the toughest individual weep.

It really turns my stomach and makes me want to fucking puke when I read holier-than-thou bastards like McMurdo and his associates preaching to us all about what happened in Spain, Nazareth Houses etc. They don't care about anyone or anything except to score points, no matter how disgusting a level they have to stoop to.

The fact that the British Government colluded in the abduction and forced slavery of these thousands of chidren is, to me, another good reason to vote YES come September.

P.S. Shaun Bhoy - haven't heard from you in a while. Are you okay? Get in touch either on here or by e-mail.

It has always taken balls to be a McMurdo-type Protestant. Especially when it's Season-Book time!

Friday, 28 March 2014


So Mr Blobby has confirmed what everybody already suspected: Bisto FC is skint and costs will have to be cut. This man is trailing no baggage and is only giving a realistic portrayal of the financial position at present. Many of the Bisto Kids, however, can't grasp the situation and are still calling for the board to quit and for King and his phantom millions to take over. Old Mr Blobby has got his work cut out for him, trying to explain to these Neanderthals that their new club, unlike their old one, has to live within its means.

This is the main problem at Ibrox: the fantasies about superiority and world domination won't go away. They simply can't accept that they are not a major force even in Scottish football, and even their old club was in top position through deceit, shady dealings and book fiddling. Rangers' dominance in Scotland was all done with smoke and mirrors; the smoke, however, has now cleared and the mirrors have shattered, leaving them with at least seven years' bad luck!

The fact that there is no money, even other people's money, to throw at their problems means that the old Walter Smith way of working is going to have to be abandoned. This means that, before too long, Sooperally's arse will be out the door. All he learned were the only two things that his mentor, Walter Smith, knew: punt the ball up the park and buy expensive players. What Bisto FC needs to do is to build for the future and they need a manager and coaching staff that can work with what they've got. It'll take time; a long time.

Even Barry Ferguson admits as much in today's Daily Record. A decent youth programme and scouting system are what is needed. The problem is that this is a completely new idea at Ibrox. How many 'stars' did Rangers have coming through the system? In the 'good old days' they relied totally on splashing out top dollar for proven, internationally-renowned players, even though they couldn't properly afford to do this. The days of EBTs and unlimited loans from the bank are gone, and with it the shortcut to success.

The Peeppil, however, cannot get this through their skulls and there'll be hell to pay if Bisto is not in the Premiership in August 2015. So we've got Mr Blobby trying to be realistic about how the club should be run and the fans demanding immediate success. Having to slowly work their way forward while Celtic wins title after title is a nightmare the Bisto Kids can't live with. And so any crook or conman that promises to throw money at the team is follow-followed with blind devotion. Even Sooper is caught up in this, demanding new players for an 'assault' on the Championship next season, instead of slowly building up a viable team.

As Mr Blobby says, this plan is totally unsustainable. Talk of 'ringfencing' season-book money doesn't help, as this is Bisto's main source of revenue at the moment. No reputable institution is going to lend them anything until they can prove themselves to be a long-term business. And another thing that nobody is mentioning: are they going to charge the same price for season books now that they're in the Championship? I doubt it. This is automatically going to reduce the number of season books sold; The Peeppil are well-known for having short arms and deep pockets. This will mean even more cuts, which, in turn, will have the knock-on effect of less paying customers if Bisto FC doesn't sweep all before them in the Championship. So even long-term, if things last, the outlook is bleak if you're a Bisto Kid!

Dave King is a total irrelevance in all this. Nobody on the board is going to dilute their shares just to let him in the door and it's doubtful that he's got the amounts he says he has even if they did. There seems to be some expectation that he'll throw millions their way in any case, even if he gets no return. There is also a squadron of pigs waiting to take off at Prestwick Airport. The Union of Supporters can greet and bleat all it wants; it's Mr Blobby's way or death.

So how does McMurdo respond to all this? That's easy. He just decides to ignore it and tell us instead of all the benefits that Protestantism has brought to the world. Apparently we have already been in the Rapture for the last few hundred years, with Protestants spreading joy, happiness, tolerance and freedom to every part of the globe.

"Protestantism went through the civilised world like a forest fire, setting the world ablaze and bringing life, light and liberty to millions. The Reformation brought mankind out of centuries of darkness, ignorance and oppression."

Is that right? Try telling that to all the peasants that were slaughtered because they thought Luther's message was setting them free. Tell that to the blacks of South Africa, who had to suffer oppression under the Presbyterian Afrikaaners. Tell it to the Anabaptists, who had to flee to America to escape persecution from supposed fellow-Protestants. Tell it to the millions that were kidnapped from Africa to work on the plantations in America and the West Indies. Tell it to the Catholics in this country that were not allowed a vote until the Nineteenth Century. And tell it to all the middle-class and working-class people that the Orange Order fought hard to keep the vote from.

"Protestantism is a wonderful thing, though hated and misunderstood by many.
From a spiritual perspective, it is the true evangelical faith – faith in a loving God and His Son who bled and died for our sins. Protestant theology teaches that man’s relationship with God and his salvation from the penalty of sin is by God’s grace alone. This, along with the doctrine of the immediate Mediatorship of Christ, absolutely shreds the religiosity of works-based ideologies and priestcraft."

A slight omission there. This 'loving God' has already decided who is to be saved and who is going to be flung into Hell, so even if you turn up at church regularly and have faith in this God, you might still end up in eternal damnation. Makes the whole thing seem pretty much a waste of time, eh?

"The Protestant Reformation gave the foundation of strength, courage and confidence that helped Britain build a mighty empire.
The weak, enfeebled state of our nation today reflects what happens when Britain abandons Protestantism."

Oh dear, oh dear! And I suppose this 'mighty empire' spread 'life, light and liberty' to all the subjugated peoples? On the contrary, the religious beliefs of the subject peoples were trampled underfoot. Witness the causes of the Indian Mutiny. And the lives of all those millions of people were made a misery; Indian industry was ruined, sending many into poverty, the Opium War secured a regular market for British drugs, while natives of every description were beaten and killed in the name of empire. In the 1930s, planes were used to strafe demonstrators in many places because they dared demand their freedom. And I don't need to elaborate at all on Ireland. Britain is hated and reviled throughout the world because of the way she treated her subject peoples. Through all the days of empire the British were secure in the knowledge that they were superior and everyone else was insignificant. I suppose you might say that this is a legacy of Protestantism's emphasis on 'The Elect' and the hopeless, predetermined misery in store for the majority of people in the world!

"And those who mock and hate Protestantism do so only because that very thing they hate gave them the freedom to."

Where the hell does he get this from? I don't hate Protestantism; I don't belive in it and can't accept its soteriology. That, however, doesn't mean I hate it and if other people accept it and believe in it, even from a position of ignorance, then good for them; I'll support to the death their right to believe in and practise whatever religion they want, as long as it is not hurting other people. What I do hate, however, is this idea that everyone else is wrong and should be pilloried, shunned and even excluded because they don't accept Protestant ideas. I don't hate Protestantism, or Protestants, but I do detest those Protestants like McMurdo, who seem to think they are God's chosen people and constantly display their hatred for everything and everybody that doesn't fit in with their world view. That's something that any decent individual would hate and I would imagine that it's something that God hates as well!

A short P.S. to McMurdo: there is a difference between theology and soteriology.  Roman Catholic theology and mainstream Protestant theology are exactly the same, stemming from the Nicene Creed. It is the soteriologies that are different, even though they both stem from the pen of St Augustine of Hippo.


"I say, missus, what a tattyfalarious day for getting one of the Sons of Struth, shoving a sword up his arse and saying, 'How's that for ring fencing!' Oh, Happiness, Happiness..."

Thursday, 27 March 2014


And so Celtic march on to a third successive title, which, of course, prompts the Bisto Kids to come out with their 'tainted title' pish. Even the Daily Record couldn't resist a little dig, saying that Celtic's title win was "...inevitable, with traditional rivals Rangers still battling back to the top flight following their descent into administration and then liquidation." By God, you can almost hear the teeth gnashing and see the tears of anger and frustration coming through every word of that!

No competition? Aberdeen, Dundee Utd and Motherwell are progressing apace and, given the financial constraints facing Scottish football, are going to get closer and closer to Celtic. In fact, I expect a serious challenge next season from both Aberdeen and Dundee Utd. The DR is desperately still trying to peddle the myth that Scottish football 'needs Rangers.' The only answer to that is straight from Chewing the Fat: Naw it disnae!

The only tainted titles around are the two-in-a-row won by Bisto. For one thing they shouldn't even be in the league and can only win by fielding expensive professionals against postmen, social workers and teachers. Even then they've relied on the referee for help in practically every game. You can't get much more tainted than that!

So our football league has every chance to settle down to what it should be. This is a small country and there's no need for splashing out on big-money foreigners to win domestic competitions. We should end up the way it was in the pre-Murray days, with every team in the top flight having the same chance at glory.

But wait, there's always somebody that has to spoil everything. I remember once in a P4 class I had, all the boys were daft on collecting WWF cards. They used to get a packet or two at the weekend and swap with each other to try and build up the whole set. It was a keen competition to see who could get there first. And then somebody had to ruin it all. One monday morning one boy, who up to then had had no interest in collecting the cards, turned up with a plastic presentation case containing the full set of WWF cards and some extras that were not even in the normal collection. He smugly announced that he had won. His mother had taken him out on the Saturday and bought him the collection case as soon as he saw it. As one boy said to him, what was the point? He'd put no effort into it and had just spoiled everybody's fun. Although I had to remain neutral, I couldn't help but secretly agree.

This is the scenario that the Bisto Kids want. For all they go on about 'competitive leagues' it's the last thing they desire. Just as happened under Murray they want to buy their way to the top. They're fawning all over King with his promises of massive cash injections. Not that it's going to happen; why would the current shareholders want to dilute their stake by issuing more shares just to give Sooperally more money? And for all King's bluster he hasn't shown one penny of his own cash yet, preferring to hide behind the season-ticket money of the gullible. The question has to be asked: has he actually got that much money left?

Keith Jackson certainly seems to thinks so and is beating the drum for the SA crook at every opportunity. The fact that many Bisto Kids are swallowing this whole shows how few brain cells they are carrying among them. Jackson is the man, remember, who told us that Craig Whyte had 'wealth off the radar'! Is it possible for folk to be really that gullible? I suppose desperation clouds the memory.

McMurdo is dead against King but even he is drawn to the spend spend spend mentality. He wants a 'rainmaker' that is going to bring loads of investment into Ibrox. Unfortunately, Bisto is a tainted brand. Nobody wants to do big deals with them and all Green's talk of major sponsorships and partnerships was just that: talk. Nothing really came of these imagined deals. The fact that Rangers went into liquidation and then came back claiming to be the same club will worry lots of potential business partners; do they really want to be associated with such callous disregard for other companies and other people?

McMurdo talks of retail opportunities, saying, "Rangers (sic) is a marketer’s dream playground". Quite how he makes that one out I don't know. There's a limit to how much cash supporters are going to fork out for framed blades of Ibrox grass or signed photos of Tore Andre Flo, so where else do they market these items? The 'worldwide Rangers support' is a myth, as has been shown time and again. So all they can do is target the existing market with new products. Rangers Blue Cheese anyone? Rangers Orange Juice? Rangers Jaffa Cakes? Kronenberg 1690? Derry Ice Cream? I'm sure you can think of others. God, that sounds like a Tam Cowan competition.

Which leads nicely onto the news that Tam Cowan is moving to pastures new. No mention at all of what he's going to do next in his final column. I asked on the online forum if he was perhaps taking up the old Jabba post at Ibrox. Now there's an idea. He could be head of communications and marketing! Just think of all those reviews of the new food products on the Bisto website. "This is not just food...this is Billy Boy food!" And he might even get to talk about the 'fitbaaaah' now and again.

There is a laughable piece on the Vanguard Bears website, where they're appealing for unity among the Bisto support. All this internecine feuding is apparently allowing their 'enemies' free rein. "On one side we have a gutless board who has stood by and allowed other clubs' officials, bitter and twisted politicians and the Rangers-hating media to besmirch our fans and smear the great name of our Club at every opportunity." Eh? When did all this happen? I must have been sleeping at the time. They call on everybody to remember that legendary oar-weilder and shipyard recruitment officer, Bill Struth to bring them all back together.

They also bleat that "our culture is being marginalised a little more each and every day". What 'culture' would that be? The hatred of Irish people and Catholics? The banging of drums and blowing of flutes to demonstrate their feelings of superiority? Some elements of 'culture,' like slavery, arranged child marriages, female genital mutilation and bigotry deserve to be marginalised and eradicated altogether. Try telling them that, though!

There we go and not once did I say that Sandy Easdale is a gangster. Damn!

"Hello playmates! It's your old pal, Big-Hearted Bill Struth here. Now, you shouldn't be fighting with each other. No. You should be like healthy, grown-up, busy, busy bees and get stuck into all our enemies. Remember, playmates, Hullo Hullo, we are the Billy Bees. Ayyyythenkyow!"

Tuesday, 25 March 2014


I was reading Phil Mac's blog last night and it struck me how some folk are still of the opinion that a YES vote will somehow lead to Scotland becoming some kind of Orange State with all of us suffering under a dictatorship run by McMurdo types. Others are falling for the scare stories of Better Together, believing that we would all end up totally destitute. It's time they started looking at the facts.

To take the economic arguments first, it's easy to see that they're nothing but a load of rubbish. We've been told that companies are queuing up to leave Scotland if it becomes independent. The fact is, however, that most companies these days are part of international conglomerates, which don't actually give a monkey's fart who is in power. Go to any country in the world and you'll find the shops stocked with Coca-Cola. Banks, supermarkets, electrical goods comapnies, computer games firms and even the television channels we watch are becoming more and more global. Step off a plane anywhere and whether the country is Communist, led by a Fascist military dictatorship, an autocratic monarchy or a democracy you'll meet people wearing Nike trainers, carrying a Nokia phone, drinking Coca-Cola or Pepsi and smoking a Marlboro. The streets will be filled with vehicles from all over the world and people will be travelling to work in factories, banks and shops with names that come from America, Germany and Japan. This being the case, why would any company leave Scotland just because it's become independent?

As to economic theories of how Scotland will perform; they're all bunkum. We've had Free Trade, Protectionism, Deflation, Keynsianism and Monetarism and none of them have worked. Economists are baffled when their ideas don't work and they have nothing new to offer. In other words, economic experts don't know their arse from their elbow. So why should we listen to them? Much better to concentrate on social factors, like how our country is being left on the scrapheap while the fat cats in London take more and more. Is that what you really want?

The Church of Scotland used to be the established church in this country, but lost most of its clout with the Union of 1707. The Disruption of 1843 showed how riven with dissention the Church was and it took a long time to heal the divisions. As far as the Church's politics go it used to be quite a bigoted organisation, even calling for Irish immigrants to be repatriated. Things have changed these days, though. The Church has apologised for its previous stances and, if anything, the Church of Scotland in the Twenty-First Century is a left-of-centre organisation, commited to ecumenicalism and equality in society. The Church of Scotland has moved on and attitudes towards it need to change as well.

Folk, however, point to the favours that Bisto FC got in being allowed into the league and in perpetuating the myth that it's 'still Rangers' as proof of an agenda in this small country of ours. We need to stay in the Union to stop this kind of thing happening, is the conclusion reached. My answer is, being in the Union hasn't stopped it happening so far, has it? This one-sidedness is all part-and-parcel of our society as it is right now. So how do we change this? Certainly not by maintaining the status quo! If our country is in charge of its own destiny then we'll all have a say in what goes on in it. If you don't like the way things are being run then vote for somebody else; and you won't need to worry about the selfish south of England electing Tory governments and negating your voice!

Have a read at McMurdo's website; the Orangemen are terrified of a YES vote. McMurdo is even resorting to threats of violence now if The Peeppil don't get their way. He's talking of enclaves breaking away from Scotland to preserve their 'way of life'. Even McMurdo admits that the idea is ridiculous, but he is far from happy at the idea of an independent Scotland. I have mentioned a few times on here why The Peeppil are so dead against Scotland breaking away from the Union; they don't want to abandon their brother bigots in Northern Ireland.

And there's another point: if we have independence there will be no more dinosaur jockeys moaning about Celtic in Westminster and the European Parliament, no more sad wee men in Belfast trying to stir up trouble for Celtic and no more snide complaints to UEFA. They would no longer have any connection to us and would have to address any complaints to the Scottish Embassy, who could then tell them to go fuck a brontosaurus!

The fact that the Better Together campaign has been a complete failure so far, with nothing but scare stories to offer, shows that they have no argument at all. The majority of people in this country do not think like McMurdo and his cohorts; just look at what happened when our football authorities tried to shoehorn Bisto FC into the SPL. If The Peeppil try to carry out McMurdo's threats of violence, nearly the whole country will be against them; they are nowhere near as powerful as they think they are. To get the majority of Scottish folk on the side of the likes of McMurdo there would have to be a scenario like the one in 'Torrent' (available now - just click the link MY BOOKS above!).

Somebody on Phil Mac's page said that he is a socialist and wants less borders, not more. A fair point and one that I, and many others, would agree with. Look, however, at the way politics are moving in England. Just read some of the articles in the English press, and the comments on their websites, and you'll see that the UKIP mentality is getting more and more strong. They all hate anything to do with Europe and blame immigrants for everything. Do you want to be dragged into this isolationism and xenophobia? You will be, no matter how much you hate it, if we stay with the UK. Personally, I would rather remain in Europe and an independent Scotland is the only way to guarantee this. Forget all the scare stories; the majority of European commentators are ready to welcome us with open arms.

McMurdo compares the referendum to the situation in Ulster before the First World War. The Liberal Pary was in power and, as they had promised for decades, they were trying to give Ireland Home Rule. There was also the little matter of an arms race with the Germans and war with the axis powers was looking more and more likely. The Ulster Unionists, however, cared nothing about the world situation; all they were concerned about was preserving their own superior status. Consequently, they began to import arms from Germany to fight against the British! So where would the Orangemen get their weapons from this time? Syria? Iran? The mind boggles.

A post on McMurdo's blog that is worth reading:

"It sounds like the traitors of our Union are up for it . The Sheridans and Galloways that were given freedom of speech by our forefathers , would destroy that same freedom and make sure our Country would become a stronghold for haters and traitors of our Union and our Protestantism .
The road to Rome and it`s Hateful , Criminal and downright despicable legacies is on our collective doorstep .
It`s time ” The People ” thought long and hard about using that vote , I know I would,"

The fact that Galloway is pro-Union is lost on this character; his bigotry and hatred means that he will not listen to anyone of Galloways's 'background'. And I have outlined before on here how the Orange Order fought against every extension of the franchise in Britain, so how his 'forefathers' gave us all 'freedom of speech' is beyond me. And the 'Protestantism' this hate-filled creature talks about has nothing to do with churches or Christianity; it's all about bigotry and hatred. In fact, it's not Protestantism at all; it's Orangeism. And as for traitors, surely folk that put their own selfish, narrow interests before the good of their country are the traitors? That's the type that wants you to vote NO.

Finally, let me apologise for the seriousness of today's blog, but it had to be said!

"We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills...no, not the Germans; the British - with German guns!"

Monday, 24 March 2014


I see Baby Dallas showed he was a chip off the old block by waving aside Brechin's calls for a penalty yesterday. Just to make sure they didn't get a corner either he cautioned the Brechin player for diving. Is there any other team on the planet that gets so much help from officialdom? And more to the point, is there any other team where professionals are playing against amateurs and still need this help?

Sooperally is worried about injuries. As Ian Black was stretchered off, Sooper was heard to say, "Aw naw! Who's gonny cripple...Ah mean defend robustly against...the Dundee Utd players noo?" With 55 players to choose from you'd think he would have no worries on the personnel front. And there's the mighty Raith Rovers to face in the Three-Brass-Baws Cup final before Sooper can even think about the Scottish Cup. Now whose bright idea was that? No doubt we'll get the same kind of calls we got in 2008, only this time it won't be the league they want extended till December; they'll want the Scottish Cup semis postponed sine die. As our old friend Jabba said six years ago, "Why shouldn't they be helping Rangers?" After all, it's the best thing for Scottish football for Bisto FC to win as much as possible, isn't it?

I see Ronnie and Reggie aren't letting things lie with this Sons of Struth character, Craig Houston, and he's being taken to court for libel damages of £200,000. Houston claims this'll bankrupt him. Surely he should have thought of that before he started saying things about the tax-dodging gangster? Although, apparently he didn't actually say the nasty things. He runs a Facebook page for the Sons of Struth and other folk have been posting bad words. He was ordered by the Krays' solicitor to sign a self-gagging order, which he refused to do and now he faces the prospect of helping pay the Ibrox wage bill for August. Come on, Houston, be a man! Do you think Bill Struth, after whom you have named your wee gang, would have taken this lying down? Do what he would have done. Invite Big Sandy for a wee boating trip to...er...clear the air! After all, you've been sticking your oar in quite a lot up to now!

And today comes the news that Massimo Cellino has been knocked back by the English Football League. Apparently he is not a fit and proper person to take over at Leeds United because he's a...whisper it...convicted fraudster. If he wants to buy a team he should come to Scotland; there's no bar on anyone owning a club up here!

Of course, this action by the English Football League is a cynical move on behalf of the 'Better Together' campaign. We are being brainwashed into associating England with integrity. We are meant to think, "Wait a minute! Oor country's lettin' aw manners-a crooks own Bisto 'n 'at. That's it - Ah'm votin' NAW!" We can, however, see right through their desperate ploys.

Sticking with the independence debate, I see the Daily Record's sweating blood over the news that the vote might be a lot more closely run than first thought. Of course, the DR has to have a wee dig, claiming that the SNP will be 'expensively' putting its case at its forthcoming conference. I take it, then, that the 'Better Together' campaign is being run on a shoestring budget? It would be interesting to compare costs.

McMurdo decided yesterday to pay tribute to Davie Cooper, who tragically died nineteen years ago. Yesterday was the anniversary of this sad occasion and I'm sure everyone will agree that it was a shock for such a young man to die like that. He was a skilful player and was a loss to the game.

McMurdo, however, as always, takes things into dark corners. He says of Cooper:

"When I hear the Rangers man term bandied about loosely today, I often think of Coop. He had an uncanny knack of sniffing out phonies, particularly in relation to Rangers allegiance."

Now, what the hell does that mean? What is a 'phoney' in this context? I suppose it must tie in with McMurdo's previous assertion that Rangers (sic) supporters are chosen by God. (I'm not joking, he did say that!) I assume that a 'phoney' is somebody that claims to support Rangers/Bisto but is not a Protestant, a Unionist and a Loyalist. Ticking one box is not enough; it has to be all three. So somebody that wears a Rangers scarf is not a proper Rangers/Bisto supporter unless he is going to vote 'NO' in September, knows all the words to Derry's Walls and is willing to take part in the Rickets Walk every summer. And that's how McMurdo wants to remember Davie Cooper?

I see in the Record that some of the Celtic 'WAGS' have been posing without make-up as part of the campaign to raise awareness of, and raise money for, cancer charities. No doubt the partners of other teams' players will follow suit. My worry is, though, that this type of thing is usually emulated by the fans, with the papers, the DR especially, more than willing to publish the results. Can you imagine all those Bisto Belles showing off their morning faces in the DR? It'd put you right off your cornflakes.

Finally, a heartfelt plea to buy one, or more, of my books, if you haven't already done so. I might be hearing from the Krays' solicitor soon and I'm going to need a helluva lot of 26 pences if I'm to stump up £200,000!

"Hiv you been sayin' things aboot me, fanny baws? Ah'll take every penny you've goat an' yer knackers an' aw!"

Saturday, 22 March 2014


Anyone that was a student in the 1970s and 1980s will remember avoiding Rothman's and Consulate cigarettes. It was well-known that they were owned by a South African company and buying them was tantamount to supporting apartheid. Woe betide you if you took your fags out in the students' union and you had one of these types! Some folk avoided Marlboro as well, taken in by an urban legend that the company financed the Ku Klux Klan. On the other side of the political spectrum, Havana cigars are still banned in the USA and many Americans refuse to buy anything from China. It's always been the case that folk want to know who is providing their goods and services. Nowadays it's to do with ethics; Fair Trade and avoiding companies that use child labour are the main concerns.

Another concern for most people is when there are secret investors in a company. Usually the reason for this secrecy is that the investors are mixed up with organised crime or other undesirables. A football team is unlike other companies; not only do you hand over your money but, in most cases, you are handing over your heart as well. All the more reason, then, why you would want to know who is actually running the show.

Which is the case just now at Bisto FC. Many want to know who the shady figures are behind Blue Pitch and Margarita Holdings. They could be gangsters (ahem!), crooks from the Far East, terrorists or even, God forbid, the Vatican Bank or Dermot Desmond! Bill McMurdo, however, feels that nobody has any right to know and should just doff their caps and hand over their season-book money no questions asked. It's quite a strange stance to take; then again, maybe not.

No matter what you think of Presbyterians and some of the bigotry they've been involved in in the past, not just in Scotland but, most notably, in South Africa, the fact is that they have had a major effect on democracy. They might have excluded others but the rank-and-file members of these churches had a major say, and especially a vote, in how their churches were run at a time when the vast majority of them had no voice in local and national politics. No matter how you feel about the doctrine of these churches it would be churlish to deny the impact they have had on our democratic system. It is no accident that Scotland was a major player in the foundation of the Co-operative Society and the Labour Party. The likes of the Covenanters ensured that radicalism could take root easily in Scotland.

The Orange Order, on the other hand, was always a major force for preserving the status-quo. Throughout the Nineteenth Century Orangemen fought against any extension of the franchise, even when they themselves would get the vote. So there is a double influence in Scottish Protestantism: the radicalism and democracy of the Church of Scotland and the forelock-tugging, non-questioning respect for authority of the Orange Order. It seems that McMurdo and his disciples fit rigidly into the latter camp. Freedom to demand answers to major questions appears not to exist in McMurdo's vocabulary.

Conversely, he then castigates Glasgow City Council in his next blog for not allowing Celtic and Rangers (sic) tops to be worn when pupils are allowed to wear football tops for Sport Relief Day. What a disgrace, he says. He is, of course, being completely disingenuous. I worked at schools in Glasgow, both RC and ND and have seen first-hand the problems that can be caused when free rein is given. At one particular ND school there was a sort of culture of bigotry, which even extended to some of the staff. Kids paraded around in Rangers tops, Rangers earrings and anything else with Rangers on it. Of course one boy turned up with a Celtic jacket and received a severe beating for his trouble. The headteacher just gave the ones that did the beating a severe telling-off and it was business as usual. I have to say I never saw this at any other school; mainly because the wearing of football-related items was banned.

I have worked in schools in three different authorities and the rules are the same in them all: no football tops. To McMurdo's disciples, however, it is proof of how much Glasgow City Council hates Rangers (sic) and Celtic tops were only banned to try to make it look as if they were being fair! One of these psychos even tells about how he demanded that his child be allowed to wear a Rangers top at a 'Protestant' school. I'm a believer in doing away with denominational schools but not at the moment; not when there are folk like that ready to claim that only 'Protestant' schools are left!

Amazingly, McMurdo says the following:

"This year marks the 100th anniversary of the beginning of World War 1 where many lost their lives that we could be free. We look to maintain freedoms won by those who gave their lives in our nation’s past.
How sad that for wee kids in 2014 Glasgow, wearing your favourite team’s strip is not one of them…"

I think I've mentioned before that more than half of the men in the armed services in WWI were not eligible to vote; so what 'freedoms' were they fighting for? And it's a bit rich McMurdo banging on about freedom when he and his chums are all members of an organisation that has fought against freedom for centuries! If these folk are, indeed, Protestants, as they claim, perhaps they should start paying attention to what their church says instead of a gang of bigots in bowler hats!

The Daily Record had a story yesterday saying how 'disappointed' Neil Lennon is about how no clubs in England have been trying to tempt him south. He does not, in fact, say this but that doesn't stop the Bisto Kids infesting the page with their usual bile. The main reason, I would suspect, why Lennon hasn't been approached by any clubs in England is that they're too scared of what might turn up in the post were they to employ him. The postmen's union has probably made its feeling known on this matter as well!

Way off topic here, but there was a story in the DR about a couple caught having sex in a lift on CCTV. It brings to mind the brother and sister in Motherwell; remember them? Sorry for bringing back that horror! After seeing the picture of the latest couple, what occurred to me was: why is it always the ugly ones?

And finally, BOOKS! I'll say no more.

The latest shareholders meeting of Margarita Holdings

Friday, 21 March 2014


Quite a weird article in the Daily Record, which starts off telling us how a Dundee Utd fans' group has expressed safety concerns about going to Ibrox for the semi-final. It then goes off at a tangent, concentrating on the saga of the ticket allocation. So what are these 'safety concerns'? Are they to do with the travel, the stadium or the Bisto Kids? A Google search turns up no clues either so we're completely left in the dark. So unless a sudden mass phobia about road and rail travel has erupted in Dundee, the fans are either nervous about the effects of asbestos or the deserved reputation of The Peeppil for acts of violence. I know which one my money's on!

It seems that Green's influence on The Peepil has gone much deeper than we thought, even affecting their language. McMurdo calls the furore over ticket allocation a 'storm in a teacup', while Sooperally comes out with a really bizarre one. He says, "I do take on board we are playing a semi-final at Ibrox and that is not to everyone’s cup of tea". What does that even mean? That really takes the biscuit! (Sorry.)

McMurdo has a go at the Labour Party for promising to get rid of the Offensive Behaviour at Football Act. To him and his disciples Labour is just sucking up to their 'friends' among the Celtic support. Cue the usual crap about 'terrorist-supporting songs', shady deals between Celtic and Glasgow City Council etc etc. He says that the subtext of this promise is, “A giant mistake has been made. This wasn’t meant to be a law that makes criminals of those who say or do anything offensive to the PUL community.” So, at last, we have one of The Peeppil admitting that the songs sung by a section of the Celtic support is only offensive to the 'PUL (ie. Orange) Community.

There is nothing intrinsically flawed about the legislation; the main problem lies in its implementation. While there is a clampdown on the minority of Celtic supporters singing proscribed songs, the massed choirs of The Peeppil go unmolested. Nothing was done about the disgusting singing and chanting at Berwick and there have been other occasions where the Bisto Kids have displayed sectarianism but not a thing has been done. A few bams are arrested and then let go when it comes to court, leaving the problem still staring us all in the face.

And now the story comes out about Aberdeen fans' banned card display at the League Cup final. Apparently, the sunburst pattern on their cards was an emblem of some obscure Irish Republican group in the 1850s! Who the hell would even know that? Of course, the paranoid Peeppil would be straight onto Google to see what they could find out to be offended by when the cards appeared on TV. And we can't have that, can we? I suppose the next step is go around destroying all the Art Deco buildings we can find since the sunburst is a recurring motif in such architecture. First on the list has to be the most well-known piece of Art Deco architecture in the world: the Empire State Building. I've been in it and can confirm that there are sunbursts to be seen. It so happens that the chairman of the Empire State Building committee, one Alfred Emanuel Smith, was also the first Roman Catholic to run for US president in 1928. Oh dear. It'll definitely have to come down!

So it seems that anything that can even be linked historically, no matter how obscure, to Irish Republicanism is to be banned. Singing about guarding Derry's Walls all those years ago, however, is perfectly acceptable! Strange business.

"The SNP and the Scottish Labour Party – two cheeks of the same anti-Rangers, anti-Protestant, anti-Unionist and anti-Loyalist arse," opines McMurdo. Now, being anti-Unionist goes without saying as far as the SNP is concerned but if the Scottish Labour Party is so inclined then why do the links that McMurdo provides lead to sites where Scottish Labout Pary MPs and MSPs are quoted and supported extensively as part of the 'Better Together' campaign?Anti-Loyalist? That all depends what a Loyalist is. In this context it obviously refers to those of an Orange persuasion; a gang of bigots that no decent person, whatever his or her denomination, likes or wants anything to do with.

The biggest lie is the 'anti-Protestant' claim. Who the hell, in this day and age, is anti-Protestant? This is the Twenty-First Century and the days when anyone actually cared are long-gone. The vast majority of Protestants want to just get on with their lives, as do most Catholics; religious wars are a thing of the past. Ecumenism is taking place among all churches, especially in the face of declining attendances and an increasingly secular society. Church of Scotland ministers preach in Catholic churches, while RC priests do the same at COS churches. Congregations meet together for combined services and church authorities work together to spread the Christian message. For real, church-going Catholics and Protestants hatred and being 'anti' are the last things on their minds.

The big fly in the ointment is the Orange Order, which preaches hatred of Catholics and the Catholic Church despite what the members and leaders of the Protestant Churches say. If you attack the Orangemen at all they twist it and try to make it seem as if you are 'anti-Protestant' just as the KKK deflect attacks by calling them 'anti-white.' It really is time that this irrelevant organisation, whose members are stuck in a time warp, was outlawed.

One of McMurdo's regular contributors, a man that constantly refers to himself in the third person, goes further even that McMurdo himself. He speaks of an 'apparent Anti Protestant testament which exists, not only in this land, but the world over.' Now that's what you call paranoia! The strongest nation in the world, as anyone would agree, is the United States of America. That country is in the grip of a struggle at present with right-wing, religious fundamentalists trying to take over the state. Said fundamentalists are insinuating themselves into every aspect of the state, even at a local level. Ordinary US citizens are increasingly worried about what is going to happen to their country if it falls into the hands of these fanatics. Of course, it goes without saying that these characters happen to be Protestant. The rest of the world is worried too; what if these lunatics get their hands on 'The Button' and decide to 'cleanse' the earth? Maybe that's what McMurdo's disciple is on about. Perhaps he's desperate for these folk to get into power and wipe everyone else out! My big worry is about the day that these fanatics realise that they and Islamic fundamentalists want exactly the same things. God help us all then!

Striker Federico Macheda's contract at Manchester United runs out this summer and it seems that there are quite a few teams keen to sign him. Surplus to requirements at Old Trafford, Macheda has been out on loan for a while now but with no sign of a permanent deal yet. The Daily Record says that both Celtic and Rangers (sic) are looking for the guy to put his X at the bottom of a contract. Since Macheda will be a free agent then it's entirely down to him what he's looking for. The fact that he hasn't secured a deal with the clubs he's been on loan to would suggest that he has hardly set the world alight and probably needs some kind of showcase if he wants to progress. Assuming that nobody in the English Premiership wants him then he might go for the Championship. Then again, he might think that, with Celtic, he has a chance to show what he can do on the European stage. And then we come to his other option.

What kind of showcase is he going to get at Bisto FC? Being turned over week-in, week-out by other teams, relying on the referee to come to the rescue, listening to (what I would assume to be) his religion mocked at practically every match and ending up with a hacking cough due to asbestosis. Doesn't sound too great, does it? Then again, it wasn't that long ago that Macheda was hauled before the beaks for homophobic comments made on Twitter. Obviously the man has some issues with bigotry. Perhaps he'd find Ibrox more attractive after all!

Finally, make these words into a sentence:


"Salagadoola mechicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-boo
Put 'em together and what have you got -
A huge, world-wide conspiracy against Rangers (sic)!"

Wednesday, 19 March 2014


Bill McMurdo managed yesterday to confirm what most of us have long suspected: he's one bead short of a Rosary! In a tirade that even David Icke would cringe at he urges his disciples to vote NO, not for economic or other prosaic reasons, but for reasons to do with a history that belongs more on a shelf of the library at Hogwarts than the Bodleian.

First off he compares the Union to a marriage and an old-fashioned marriage at that! Bill Smith gets married to Alice Jones and they become, not just Mr and Mrs Smith, but Mr and Mrs BILL SMITH. (Did he not used to be a DJ on Radio Clyde?) That'll be one of those old marriages where the bride promises to love, honour and OBEY; the kind of marriage that your granny would have got herself trapped in. I remember old dears in the 1960s and 1970s, once their children had grown up, patiently waiting for their husband to pop his clogs so they could get their lives back. Once the old man was safely buried it was bingo, holidays and nights out all the way. Most of us, thankfully, have moved on from then.

McMurdo's simile about the old-fashioned marriage might explain one thing about the Union that constantly gets up people's noses. Let's go back to the time of The Enlightenment. David Hume, and others no longer spoke of Scotland but North Britain; something McMurdo would no doubt approve of. Isaac Newton and other figures of the Enlightenment in 'South Britain', however, still spoke of England. Remember Nelson's famous signal at the Battle of Trafalgar? 'England expects...' No mention of Britain, even though it had existed for nearly a century by that point. Even in recent times there is a tendency to say 'England' instead of Britain. Have you ever heard anyone mention the Queen of Britain? The Queen of the UK? Nope. The Queen of England is what we usually hear.

To take McMurdo's analogy further, it seems as if Ms Scotland was expected to become Mrs England in this old-fashioned marriage. Not only was it old-fashioned, it was an arranged marriage, with a handsome dowry paid to the aristocratic 'fathers' of the future Mrs England. Like in the old days, Mrs England might go out to work but Mr England would take charge of all the money, handing Mrs England a small sum for housekeeping. She would struggle to feed her children on this hand-out while Mr England went out drinking and living it up. Now, however, it is the 21st Century and we've had Suffragists, Suffragettes, Women's Lib and Feminism. Mrs England is not taking any more shite. It's time for a divorce. Mrs England is leaving, going back to her maiden name of Scotland and using her own money for her own children!

McMurdo then goes on to the real insanity. Apparently the Union is 'God-ordained' and 'our monarchs are anointed to rule over us as a UNITED Kingdom.' God-ordained? So God went about bribing Scottish aristocrats? I think this is to do with the crazy, and completely discredited, doctrine of British Israelism. This has been shown to be a bucket of keich time and again, but that hasn't stopped the Orange Order still indoctrinating its members with it. This kind of pish belongs in the Nineteenth Century when rich megalomaniacs like Cecil Rhodes thought that it was the destiny of Britain to rule the world. That might have sounded normal back then; nowadays Rhodes would just be a villain in an Austin Powers movie.

And so we come to the monarchy. McMurdo loves to bring this up to get The Peeppil onside: 'Thur tryin' tae get riddy wur queen!' Again its a load of Craig Whyte. The monarchy is completely separate from the Union. Scotland and England shared a monarch for over a hundred years before the Act of Union and there's nothing to stop this still being the case if Scotland becomes independent. In fact, if Scotland becomes independent then we'll still have a queen and it would take an act of parliament, probably backed up with a referendum, to get rid. I've no time for kings and queens but I'm realistic enough to know that if we become independent then we're still stuck with this mob, despite McMurdo's scare stories.

Today McMurdo changed his mind and decided to start blogging about Bisto FC again. Even here he demonstrates that he is not quite the full 5p. He says:

"One of the things we must all come to understand is that just because someone wears a Rangers (sic)  scarf, it doesn’t make them a bluenose and I am convinced, along with other bears whose judgement I trust, that our fanbase has been infiltrated for the express purpose of damaging our great club."

So who are these 'infiltrators'? I think we can all guess at who he's talking about. Surely such paranoia, coupled with a belief in a fantasy world and a firm conviction that he is right in the face of imagined enemies is grounds for being sectioned? At the very least some kind of counselling is called for.

He then links the Unionist cause with Bisto FC. "So far the enemies of the club have ensured it has not been the potent force for Unionism it would have been in this independence battle." Perversely, McMurdo is constantly going on about the Green Brigade, saying that politics have no place in football. It seems, however, that what he really means is that politics that he doesn't agree with have no place in football!

Why all this subterfuge? Why can't he come straight out and say why he's really so desperate to avoid Scottish independence? The English have got no more time for Ulster's Loyalists than they have for the Republicans. I think I'm correct in my portrayal in 'Torrent' of everybody in Westminster sighing deeply whenever a DUP member stands up. The Loyalists are terrified of losing their tenuous link to England through their friends in Scotland; this is what drives all of The Peeppil's pro-Union rhetoric, including McMurdo's.

McMurdo and his disciples also speak of Bisto FC as the 'Queen's XI.' (Oops! I'd better not use Roman numerals!) I doubt very much, however, if Auld Lizzie wants anything to do with them after they stole money from her tax man, among hundreds of others!

Finally - you know what's coming - get those bloody books bought! And don't try to pretend you can't read; you're reading this, aren't you?


21And Merlin spake unto his disciples, saying, 'Verily, verily I say unto ye. Ye shall obey your monarchs, even though they be adulterers for they are ordained by God.'
22And he also did say, 'Beware of Tims in Huns clothing for they shall pervert ye and lead ye into liquidation.'
23And his disciples were sore afraid and did cry, 'Master, should we not vote YEA in September.'
24And Merlin did answer, saying, 'There will be much wailing and gnashing of teeth if ye do vote for independence. Follow the prophets, Eddie Izzard and David Bowie into the path of righteousness.'

"Did ye know that Ah'm ordained by God, by the way? Ah know ye're dyin' tae meet ma weans, so come doon an' Ah'll get ma maw tae gie ye a knighthood."

Tuesday, 18 March 2014


So finally the dream has ended for Albion Rovers, who can thank a cheating referee, backed by the masons at the SFA, for being put out of the cup. It was obvious that they would have no chance on a Monday evening, running onto the pitch after a hard day's graft while the Bisto players had massages and lunched on foie gras peeces. It seems that the favours will forever be bestowed down Ibrox way, no matter what the name of the team playing there.

Bisto have had 'the luck of the draw' so far (Aye, right!) and have only had to play part-time teams all the way through. Against Dundee Utd there's no chance and it's bound to be just a damage-limitation exercise. But wait, the semi-final is being played at Ibrox, which, of course, gives Bisto FC home advantage. Dundee Utd are incensed about this, and rightly so. Sooperally and Hugh Keevins ask why they have waited until now to complain; why didn't they complain in October when the venues were chosen? The fact is, however, that they did, indeed, complain, especially since Celtic were the favourites and were odds-on to be in the final at Celtic Park. Keevins is supposed to be a journalist and yet he misses an important point like this!

Here's what was said in October of last year: "For me, it would probably have been more sensible. If we weren't in it or Celtic weren't in it, then decisions could be made in terms of taking a home advantage away. It might have been better to hold on but we are where we are." That wasn't Jackie McNamara speaking, it was good old Sooperally! He's another one with a short memory.

Quite apart from the venue, the ticket allocation leaves a lot to be desired. I could be wrong but I'm sure Hampden is always split fifty-fifty for the Scottish Cup final. I seem to remember Rangers and Celtic fans complaining about empty seats and how they should have been re-allocated to them. Now, however, the SFA has decided to change the rules. Bisto are being allocated a whopping 75% of the tickets! Dundee Utd have only been alocated 13,000. So they've got to play Bisto at Ibrox in front of a crowd mostly composed of baying Bisto Kids. That hardly seems fair. What's next; Baby Dallas to referee the game? No doubt United will get at least one man sent off and a penalty or two for Bisto is a given. It seems the powers-that-be in the SFA are still working for the benefit of only one team in Scotland.

The Bisto Kids, of course, don't care how they got there; cheating is in their blood. They seem to think they've actually achieved something, instead of having it handed to them on a plate. And they go on about tainted titles! They think they've got bragging rights and are boasting about being in the semi. The word 'semi' is plastered all over the Daily Record forum. In fact, there are so many semis you'd swear you were in among a crowd of teenage boys at a Miley Cyrus concert! Hopefully Dundee Utd do the business and put them back in their place.

It looks like Dave King has been given the bum's rush and been told by the board to piss off. He's still moaning in the Daily Record about how the board is treating the fans badly but he just sounds madder than ever. Can you imagine shopping online at Tesco, then phoning them to demand they put up the store as security over your payment? Essentially that's what King's insane plan boils down to. He thought he could go in and bully the board but obviously had too high an opinion of himself. He's more used to ducking and diving behind the scenes to fleece the tax man and others and was obviously no match for Ronnie and Reggie when it came to the intimidation stakes. It's like Del Boy challenging Frankie Fraser to a square go!

Staying with the DR, that fine, upstanding organ of truth, they have a story today about poor Colin Hendry. He was physically attacked two years ago by an erstwhile friend and has only now got the court to award him £100 compensation. His daughter too received a punch during the brawl. All very sad until you read the article. Apparently Hendry was skint when his wife died and the friend loaned him £85, 000 for the funeral. (That must have been some funeral!) Afterwards Hendry was declared bankrupt and so didn't bother to pay the money back. No wonder the guy went mental! Hendry, after going bankrupt, was still living in luxury in Lytham St Annes and was out at a restaurant when his friend attacked. Sounds a lot like Hendry's old club. This of course begs the question; why didn't Hendry just get an EBT loan like his team-mates?

This expensive funeral reminds me of the guy that spotted a funeral procession going along the street. Behind the hearse was a man holding two huge Dobermans, while about three hundred men traipsed slowly behind him. Thinking it must be somebody famous and well-loved in the coffin, the guy approached the man with the dogs.

'Who's in the coffin?' he asked.

'My wife,' the man with the dogs replied.

'My God, she must have been popular! How did she die?'

'Well,' said the man with the dogs, 'she nagged day and night and finally my dogs had enough and ripped her to pieces!'

'Jee-zuz!' said the guy. After a few moments thought he added, 'Any chance I could borrow your dogs for a couple of days?'

'Sure!' answered the man with the dogs. 'Join the queue!'

Back to the DR (It's all in the Record today!) and their clinging to the 'Better Together' pary line is getting increasingly desperate. Yesterday they had a full article about Eddie Izzard, the unfunny comedian, asking Scotland to 'Stay with us!' At the bottom of the article they mentioned a few names of celebrities that support independence. That's what they call balanced reporting! Interestingly, the celebrities they're going on about at length that want us to vote 'No' seem to be English! They're also completely irrelevant; a poor excuse for a comedian and a has-been pop star. The celebrities that support independence, on the other hand, are all Scottish and far more popular than the nay-sayers. Will the Daily Record now do an article on each of the following: Frankie Boyle, Biffy Clyro, Midge Ure, Annie Lennox, Kevin Bridges, Alan Cummings, Elaine C Smith, Brian Cox and Irvine Welsh? Or does the mere mention of their names constitute a lack of bias?

No doubt you'll be getting sick of me going on about my books. There's one easy solution - go and buy one! Once I see my sales equal the number of hits I get on this blog then I won't mention it again. So it's over to you!


"That's for no' givin' us enough tickets!"
"That's fur no' changin' the venue!"
"That's fur that bastard Albertz puttin' me in hospital an' gettin' a penalty fur it!"
"That's fur yer auld team signin' Capucho!"
"An' that's fur bein' a buncha cheatin' fuckers!"