INTERVIEWS

Congratulations to Bisto FC for a convincing win over Airdrie last night. Convincing? Well, you could say that. The help given by the man in the middle almost convinces me that it is, in fact, the 'same team'! It's pretty pathetic, really, that a highly-paid team of professionals need the help of the referee to beat teachers, plumbers and schoolboys. Onwards and upwards, eh?

Despite the cost of this team it's obvious that it's nothing but a collection of clunkers, led by a manager that doesn't have the first idea what he's doing. There's no way in hell that this collection of misfits will do anything of note in the Championship. Even Ally himself says that he needs a new team. Still, if they're going to get two penalties in a game or opposition players sent off at the drop of a hat they might just manage to get into the top six. Promotion, however, will be another matter.

McMurdo's site was full of the joys of Spring. "54 + 2" is the cry. It doesn't take much to bring the feel-good factor to the Bisto Kids, especially since there's usually not much to smile about. I noticed that one cynic with more than one brain cell asked if they are now supposed to just forget about what happened on Sunday. He suspects that Ally will now be left alone to blunder on regardless.

For some reason Bisto and Jack Irvine have parted company 'by mutual consent.' Usually that means there was a falling-out and we'll have to wait until somebody digs up the story to find out what really happened. Unfortunately this means that we'll probably never know. Our media are hardly renowned for digging too deeply into matters Ibrox, are they?

The spirit of Irvine is still hanging around, though. Apparently a few anti-board characters have been receiving legal threats and visits from the police. Included in the recipients of these threats is one Chris Graham. Maybe he should re-post his 'Enemies of Glasgow Rangers (sic)' blog and put himself on it. And they'd better all watch themselves now that Irvine's gone; certain members of the board might decide to use different tactics. Chris Graham and his ilk won't 'do walking away' with no kneecaps!

So where to now for Bisto FC? Who's going to handle the spin? Interviews are apparently already being held:

"Well, Mr Leggat, you've hardly been a friend to the board. Why should we trust you to promote Rangers?"

"Ah'm well-known fur changin' ma mind aw the time. It aw depends what Ah've been drinkin'!"

"Alright, Mr Leggat. Don't call us, we'll call you."

"But ma auld Presbyterian granny..."

"Next!"

"Right, Ms Hopkins, what makes you feel that you're qualified to represent Rangers?"

"Well, nobody likes me. I don't care."

"That's a good start. Can you tell us a bit more about yourself?"

"I hate fat people, dole scroungers and tax dodgers."

"Next!"

"Well, you've certainly been a staunch supporter of the board, Mr McMurdo. What more can you bring to the job?"

"There won't be any need for spin. Once I inform people that we are God's Chosen and that it is our destiny to take over the world and rule it in peace and harmony they'll soon see that they're all wrong."

"Next!"

"And how will you approach selling Rangers to a world-wide fanbase, Mr Campbell?"

"I'll ask questions in the House of Commons about Celtic's finances and make sure that everybody in Europe know that Celtic fans are nothing but bigots."

"But is there anything positive you can bring to Ibrox?"

"I've got a troupe of tap-dancing velociraptors that can provide half-time entertainment."

"Next!"

"Next!"

"Next!"

"Welcome, Mr Novo. Now what can you do for Rangers?"

"I said no!"

"Yes, we all know the story and good propaganda it was too. But we need some new material."

"I said no!"

"I told you, Mr Novo, that's not enough. What more can you do?"

"I said no!"

"Aw fur fu...Next!"

"And how would you go about promoting Rangers, Miss Flanagan?"

"I'll get me tits out!"

"Next!"

"Erm...er...eh...sorry mate. Next!"

"This is just getting ridiculous. Next!"

"Sorry, Mr God but we don't think you've got what it takes to represent the Famous Glasgow Rangers."

"But Ah'm the wan that made the world an' everythin' in it!"

"That might well be, but you didn't make a very good job of it. Our team has to run out and play on green grass every week. Why didn't you make grass orange or blue?"

"Er...the thing is, Ah'm a Celtic season-ticket holder."

"Next!"

"Tell us a bit about yourself, Mr Cameron."

 

"Well, I paid out loads of money to get friends on Facebook and I think that taxes are too high and we need to encourage companies by not taxing them to death. There's also a specific qualification you need to be Prime Minister and First Lord of the Treasury in this country, which I'm sure will go down well at your club."

 

"Mister, you've got yourself a job. Welcome to Ibrox!"