JABBA THE AGNIVORE

COME OUT, COME OUT, WHEREVER YOU ARE!

There's trouble at t'mill and Jabba is nowhere to be seen. He is meant to be Director of Communications at Rangers but he doesn't seem to be doing much in the way of communicating. And who, or what, is he directing, other than his own huge carcase in the direction of the bank? He wound up his days at the Daily Record with a scatter-gun dig at everybody and then started at Rangers by threatening all and sundry; so what happened? His supposed expertise is needed now more than ever; and yet he's conspicuous by his complete absence!

Green is getting more and more outrageous and somebody needs to stop him. Certainly it provides great amusement for the rest of us but, as far as I know, that's not supposed to be his job! His latest pronouncements have had everyone cringing with embarrassment. 'Ee, when I were a lad there were none' o this PC nonsense an' I still use the same terms nowadays.' What the likes of Green calls 'PC' the rest of us call good manners and decency. He might hanker for the days of The Black and White Minstrel Show and racist jokes on The Comedians but the rest of us have moved on a lot since those days! He obviously loves living in the past; no wonder he went down so well in Belfast!

Quite apart from his cringeworthy racism there is also the matter of Green's 'Ratner' moment. Of course, he is entitled to his opinion of the current Rangers team but it is not the best idea in the world to let everybody know what that opinion is! He is right, of course, but he is also wrong - this is the best team his New Rangers have had since it's the only team they've had! 

Then there's his revelations about his dealings with Craig Whyte. He would have been better to keep his mouth shut and let everyone laugh at Whyte. Nobody believes anything that Whyte says, no matter what 'evidence' he claims to have. Why did Green feel the need, therefore, to more or less confirm what Whyte was saying? His boasts about swindling Whyte are crass and stupid and have served no purpose other than to put himself in a negative spotlight.

I honestly can't see Whyte getting anywhere with his threats but others might be interested in these recent revelations. I have said repeatedly that there was something dodgy about the way Duff and Phelps disposed of Rangers' assets and it looks as if I was right. Whyte's claims, and Green's admissions, will leave the liquidators, BDO, no choice but to look into the matter. Nobody else got a chance to put in a bid for the assets, which is totally against Company rules and Duff and Phelps's remit to act on behalf of the creditors. Green might find the assets taken from him and then properly put on the market. Since BDO have to act in the interest of the creditors this might mean that other, non-football-related companies could be in with a shout. Govan could get a new Asda with a fancy facade and it will be all the fault of Green and his big mouth!

And Green's not the only one mouthing off. Sooperally has dragged the Ibrox in-fighting into the press. He is making threats as well, saying that he'll walk if he doesn't get enough money to buy players and if there is any interference in his role of identifying and buying new players. I've seen a few misquotes in the papers but, in essence, Sooperally is not a happy bunny! He is also publicly disagreeing with Green over the 'worst Rangers team ever' business, as well as claiming that the Third Division championship is title number 55, which Green categorically says it is not. The whole house of cards seems ready to come tumbling down!

Which again begs the question of what Traynor is doing. Surely, as Director of Communications, he should be keeping a rein on what is coming out of Ibrox? Or is his position just a sinecure with no responsibility whatsoever? If it is a bona fide job then why is he doing nothing? The answer is obvious: he doesn't know what to do in these circumstances! Traynor has always been full of piss and vinegar, ready to lash out at anybody that doesn't agree with his mindset. Celtic had no right to ask for help in their UEFA Cup campaign, Fergus McCann had no right to take Farry to court and, of course, the Blessed David Murray was an innocent dupe in the Craig Whyte business. In fact, can anyone remember Traynor having a decent word to say about anyone, apart from Murray? He was expecting the Nimmo-Smith enquiry to remove titles from Oldco Rangers and had his poison pen poised to start spewing bile at everyone. The fact that the title stripping didn't happen pulled the rug out from under him. He has no idea what to do now! All the man is good at is hatred and he has nobody at the moment against whom he can direct it!

The useless Jabba will probably be in Green's firing line and won't be in a job by the end of this year. He has burnt his bridges as far as working for another newspaper is concerned so what will he do? His only recourse will be to start writing a bitter blog, like his friend Loony Leggat. He will see out his twilight years writing bile about Green, as well as all those he sees as 'Rangers haters!'

On a different matter, spare a thought for Satan. How bad must it be to have Thatcher suddenly foisted upon you? Even Lucifer doesn't deserve to have to put up with that evil woman!

P.S. Loony Leggat has decided to put a different slant on the Green/Whyte business: it's all the fault of the Daily Record! He then comes out with the funniest line ever, even though he does not mean it to be. Talking about Di Stefano and Whyte, he says they are: 

'...deluded fantasists, who seem to live their lives in their own wee, bitter, twisted and warped minds.'

Talk about pots and kettles! Oh, and I've taken the liberty of correcting Leggat's dreadful spelling and punctuation!