JABBA THE AGNIVORE

THE FUNKY GIBBON

It was extremely remiss of me in my post on Sunday not to extend birthday felicitations. As I'm sure you are aware it is an important date and an extremely important birthday. No, I'm not talking about her; I'm talking about Rome. Tradition has it that Romulus founded his city on 21st April 753 BC. So, a belated happy birthday, Rome! I share my birthday with Rome so I should have remembered. The fact, however, that I'm getting nearly as old as the Eternal City provides me with an excuse for my forgetfulness!

Speaking of Rome, one of the most famous historians to write of the Eternal City is Edward Gibbons. His 'Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire' still sets a standard to which historians, and other writers, aspire. His voluminous work, however, did not, and does not, go down well with everyone. One of the main reasons he sees for the Roman Empire's decline was the introduction of Christianity as the state religion. The old Roman religion was pretty adaptable; new gods were welcomed into the pantheon, while it was easy for folk living in the far-flung corners of the empire to associate their own gods with those of Rome. The arrival of Christianity, however, meant a religious intolerance that had never before existed in the Roman Empire.

Which leads me nicely onto a similar argument that I've encountered on some Trigger's Brush FC blogs. The contention of some posters on these blogs is that all Oldco Rangers' problems can be traced to Graeme Souness. So what, exactly, was Souness's crime? He signed Catholics! According to these heid-the-baws all the ills of Rangers are down to the abandonment of the principle that Rangers was, first and foremost, a Protestant club! Like Gibbon, they ignore all the economic realities to maintain this ridiculous argument. Rangers was apparently 'diluted' by allowing 'theym' into its hallowed environs. 'This is not bigotry, but tradition,' says one of these deranged creatures. The scary thing is that there are probably many Trigger's Brush FC supporters that agree wholeheartedly with this opinion.

Anyway, the latest revelations from down Govan way are hardly going to fill their hearts with joy. The Sun tells the tale of Trigger's Brush FC having to tell the wee, diddy Stock Exchange that they lied in their prospectus. They had said that Green was not a director of Sevco 5088 when, in fact, he was. They have also revealed that Sevco 5088 was a subsidiary of 'Rangers.' Now is that the original, Oldco Rangers, or the new The Rangers International Sooper-Dooper Global Brand Holding Company Ltd? Either scenario presents its own problems.

If Sevco 5088 was a subsidiary of Oldco then that means that the phoenix company was directly associated with the old company. Under Company Law a phoenix company is not allowed to use the name of the old company if owners or officials of the old company are involved in the new one. Effectively this means that calling the team 'Rangers' or even 'The Rangers' is totally illegal. It also means that the whole thing was a sham to avoid paying creditors; again, this is totally illegal under company law.

If, on the other hand, Sevco 5088 was a subsidiary of The Rangers International Super-Dooper Global Brand Holding Company Ltd then there is serious fraud to be investigated. The Rangers International...etc...etc is the name adopted by Sevco Scotland. Now, Green said that he transferred the assets from Sevco 5088 to Sevco Scotland, now known as The Rangers International...etc...etc, which was supposed to be a different company. Now, however, it emerges that Sevco 5088 was, in fact, a subsidiary of Sevco Scotland. Still with me? This means that, no matter how anyone spins it, Craig Whyte was still involved as a director of Sevco 5088. So the Newco got a licence to play in Scotland under false pretences. It also throws up a problem in determining who actually owns the assets. BDO could still arrive and sever the whole Gordian Knot by taking back the assets and doing what should have been done in the first place: selling the assets to the highest bidders to pay off the creditors. I wouldn't hold my breath, though!

All of those currently huddled within Ibrox must have known about all these shenanigans, despite their protestations to the contrary. No wonder Traynor has kept his mouth shut recently! And I certainly don't expect the SFA to take action any time soon. The folk at Hampden are far too busy listening to Celtic matches to find out if Neil Lennon is using any bad words to even think about looking into the tangled business going on at Ibrox. As usual they will just look the other way and whistle nonchalantly and await the outcome of the 'independent inquiry.'

The 'independent inquiry' has been handed over to Pinsent Masons, an international group of legal experts. Unfortunately Pinsent Masons have their own problems at present, being under investigation by the FBI for possibly being involved in a multi-million pounds fraud. The company Deloitte is also involved in the 'independent inquiry.' This company too has its difficulties, being involved in investigations over money laundering among other scandals. I suppose this sums up how Trigger's Brush FC goes about its business!

Meanwhile Donald Finlay must have heard somebody mention his name as a possible new CEO of Trigger's Brush FC. The lawyer of choice for the discerning bigot employs an impressive verbosity while saying practically nothing. Despite his legal training he probably has as much understanding of what's going on at Ibrox as the rest of us! He does make one throwaway comment that is obviously intended to endear himself to the 'Loyal' :

'But to see them (Rangers) reduced to playing in the Third Division was heart-breaking, wrong and unnecessary.'

In other words, 'It's all everybody else's fault!' I wonder if that's him throwing his hat into the ring! Either that or he's getting excited that July is only three months away. Yes, that's right, the time is nearly upon us when the rickets sufferers of Scotland and Northern Ireland subject us all to their unique style of marching. Will they have their usual swagger this year? Or will they follow Jabba's example and hide, knowing that the whole of decent society is laughing at them?