JABBA THE AGNIVORE

'ASA VICKTRY, SO IT IS!'

The Sun has let us all know about a leak from the Advertising Standards Authority, which says that they have decided that Trigger's Brush FC can go on advertising itself as 'Scotland's Most Successful Club.' Predictably, the Brushers see this as another 'victory.' They see it as an official confirmation that the club they now follow is still Rangers.

The Advertising Standards Authority, however, is not a powerful organisation and does not have hundreds of thousands of pounds to expend on any kind of 'independent inquiry!' In this instance they just asked Trigger's Brush FC to provide backing for their claim. Of course, TBFC were hardly going to admit that they are a new club, were they? They sent 'evidence' in the shape of their membership of the European Club Association and Lord Nimmo Smith's pronouncements on clubs and companies. The ASA had a look, shrugged, realised they didn't really give a flying fuck and decided that the advert could stand.

What the heid-bummers at Ibrox probably didn't mention is, just like with the SFA, their membership of the ECA is associate only; they have no voting rights. And the Nimmo Smith judgment was a triumph of legalistic gobbledegook. How is it possible that a club can have double contracts, enabling them to sign players they otherwise could not afford, and yet be gaining no sporting advantage? The whole judgment was a great example of how to write screeds and screeds and yet say practically nothing!

It's a strange business all this holding-company stuff. Everybody seems to have just accepted at face value the story that Green and his associates bought Rangers. Even the European Club Association talks about Rangers going into administration and Green buying them over; no mention at all about liquidation. Then the ECA lets us know that 'Rangers' is now just an associate member - because they went into liquidation! This is the kind of doublethink that helps Trigger's Brush peddle its myths.

As everybody knows, but pretends not to, Green bought the assets of Rangers from Duff and Phelps in some dodgy, back-door deal. It was after this that all the guff about holding companies etc came about. Of course, if things were that simple then it begs the question: why wasn't the club just transfered to another 'holding company' in the first place? Why go through all the bother, not to mention the expense, of looking for a buyer, going into administration and then going into liquidation? The answer is simple: they're talking a load of Craig Whyte! It's a new club, no matter what anyone says!

The desperation of Trigger's Brush FC to somehow prove they are Rangers is shown in what they say about the ECA's judgment. Apparently, when Green 'bought the club' he also bought the club's 'goodwill,' which includes its history. I have to say that 'goodwill' is never something I have associated with Rangers, but I digress. Now this would all be true if, in fact, Green had bought the club but he patently did not. Is 'goodwill' one of the assets? If the liquidators decide that the deal between Duff and Phelps and Green was not only unethical but against the law there might have to be a re-sale of the assets. Asda might buy the stadium and the car park, while somebody else buys Murray Park to build houses. Can somebody buy the 'goodwill'? The way things have been spun then Dermot Desmond could buy it and put Celtic's titles into treble figures! It just shows how ridiculous the whole thing is.

Loony Leggat, meanwhile, continues his one-man campaign against Imran Ahmad, blaming him for absolutely everything. The story now is that Green was Ahmad's front man! He also, like many others, is adamant that Trigger's Brush FC should not join any SPL 2, using the Brushers' favourite word at the moment, 'cabal.' He suggests an instant return (?) to the top flight, an abject apology and the prize money for finishing second last year.

As Green has said in one of his more lucid moments, TBFC have never been in the top flight! As to an apology, an apology for what? Were all the rules to be broken just to suit one team? Given their complete arrogance throughout their troubles it is obvious that this is exactly what the Brushers expected. And maybe it escaped their notice but Whyte cheated last year. They can squeal all they like about Whyte alone being to blame but the fact remains that he withheld PAYE money to keep the team going. Many of Rangers' games in season 2011-2012 should be adjusted to be three-nil defeats due to this cheating. In this case there is no prize money due whatsoever. Besides, if they are the same club, and, as they seem to think, due any money due to Rangers, then it stands to reason that they are also responsible for paying Rangers' debts!

In all the talk of cabals and Rangers being kicked when they were down, the Brushers forget one major point. They say that the rest of Scottish football should have been helping them. But where was this help in 1994? Was Rangers at the forefront in trying to put plans in place to help Celtic out of its financial difficulties? So why the hell should anyone have been breaking their backs to help Rangers?

Anyway, I'm still waiting for David Murray to turn up, deus ex machina, to 'fix' things at Ibrox. The whole convoluted plot lends itself to this kind of climax and it's no more outlandish than Leggat's ravings about Ahmad running the whole show. After all, Mr Dignity is back and there are calls for the return of Alastair 'Noddy' Johnston, inter alia. It's a small step from there to Murray making a comeback! Maybe Leggat's right, with the added twist that Murray has been pulling Ahmad's strings!


Is it just me, or is there a certain similarity between these two?

A bit of 'Just For Men,' some fake tan and Bob's your uncle!

Mark my words: Murray's coming back!