JABBA THE AGNIVORE

WHEN JEW KNOW THE HISTORY!

I hope they had somebody ready with a mop and bucket at the Daily Record offices yesterday. The floor must have been in some mess with Mark Hateley's heart bleeding all over the place on behalf of Sooperally! Nobody in the whole world has suffered like Ally has suffered and yet his 'cheeky-chappy' smile is still in place! Mind you, I don't remember any cheeky-chappy smiles when he was whispering in Neil Lennon's ear! Get that mop and bucket round here, I think I'm going to be sick!

It's not the first time we've had to suffer all this vomit-inducing, sycophantic rubbish about how hard it's been for poor Ally! Funny, I can't remember the same sympathy being extended to Lou Macari in 1994! There was also a distinct lack of sympathy shown toward Neil Lennon when his life, and the lives of his family, were being threatened. Lennon managed to guide his team to second place in the SPL, only narrowly missing out on winning, while having to deal with this serious threat hanging over him. Unbelievably, he was not even in the running for manager of the year in 2011, some newspapermen suggesting that Walter Smith deserved it! And yet, we've all to feel sorry for poor, old Sooperally!

Over at Ibrox things are really hotting up. They still can't get rid of Malcolm Murray or Phil Cartmell and Brian Stockbridge, the man who looks like the cannibal killer in the film Sin City, is clinging on as well. Chris Morgan is not getting onto the board. All of which means that Blue Pitch Holdings have failed completely to gain a stranglehold. Unfortunately, this has opened the door for the Kray brothers to get a presence in the boardroom. And The Laxative - Colin Kingsnorth - is still to arrive. The comedy show doesn't look like stopping any time soon!

I mentioned, a couple of days ago, the nonsense about the British Royal Family being descended from King David and the Jewish Patriarchs. Bill McMurdo decided yesterday to post the whole story, for our education and edification. Amazingly, he presents this pseudo-historical guff as fact! He says that everybody used to be more aware of this 'history' than they are nowadays. That'll be the same as how everyone used to know that God made the world in six days, the Sun, planets and stars orbited the Earth and all animals were created just as they are!

These kinds of stories usually remain on the lunatic fringe but, occasionally, do make it into the mainstream. This is not the only case of people claiming descent from the Israelites. Ethiopians have long seen themselves as the 'lost tribe' and one of Haile Selassie's titles was Lion of Judah. The Rastafarians, from Jamaica, have also adopted this mantle and see themselves as having been taken from their true homeland in Africa into exile in 'Babylon.' The Mormons make similar claims about Native Americans, who are supposed to be descended from a band of wandering Israelites. They surely can't all be right! Probably none of them are!

Reading any of these pseudo-histories usually poses more questions than answers. According to the story put forward by Bill McMurdo, then the ancient Irish followed the Jewish religion, had the Ark of the Covenant, the Stone of Destiny and King David's harp in their midst and were visited by such luminaries as Jeremiah. Why, then, by the time the Romans came along, was the place full of big, hairy-arsed, head-hunting savages? The Romans considered Hibernia, like Caledonia, to be not worth bothering about. Surely if Ireland was home to an ancient, sophisticated civilisation then the Romans would have made contact? It only shows what a load of nonsense it all is!

The internet has given a home to many fanciful stories purporting to be history and Holy Grails, Illuminati, supposed blood-lines and all manner of secret societies abound. Even otherwise intelligent people are taken in by this shite! It's like the Flat Earth Society and the folk that claim the moon landing was a hoax; they present very little in the way of proof and their stories collapse when confronted by the facts.

Of course, it's not the first time that people have been taken in by such stuff. Have a look on Google for the Scots poet Ossian, who was called Scotland's Homer. Portraits were painted depicting him, music was writted to interpret his stories and Napoleon found him such an inspiration that he carried a book of his poetry with him at all times! And it won't be the last time folk fall for this kind of thing either. Even in this day and age there are people that can't understand what a football club being liquidated means and who cling to the belief that the club they follow is the same one as the one that died!

Meanwhile, a spokesman for the Orange Order in Scotland said yesterday, 'Ah don't mind aw this Jewish stuff but don't fuckin' tell me Ah'm descended frae the Irish!'

'If the Ark goes to Dublin we will follow on...'