SOOPER DISNAE KNOW

If Sooperally learned one thing from his mentor, Auld Mr Dignity, apart from lumping balls up the field, it's how to fudge the issue. Auld Dignity was a master at it; "I didn't see the incident," "I couldn't tell you what happened, I was looking elsewhere" etc. Sooperally, however, took it to extremes in his Q & A session in the Daily Record.

'Where did the money go?'
'Ah don't know.'
'What about the redundancies?'
'Ah don't know.'
'Will you be signing new players?'
'Ah don't know.'
'Have you spoken to Graham Wallace?'
'Ah don't know.'
'What's your name, Ally?'
'Ah don't know.'

Why they even bothered to print it is a mystery. Sooper was equally 'intrigued' about the hooliganism on Monday evening. "Ah jist heard a few bangs," he said. I wonder if those bangs were fireworks going off or the sound of seats being broken. At any rate, he was hardly going to come out and condemn the Union Bears when he'd been standing saluting them on Saturday, was he? Probably he was in among them, scarf round his face, giein' it laldy with the bigotry. Any seats broken by him, however, would be purely accidental; they don't build them strong enough to hold an arse like that!

Speaking of Monday night, the papers are still doing their best to spin the old 'bad as each other' bit, even though the Sun had to apologise for the five-year-old picture of the ski-mask-wearing Celtic fan. And somebody managed to wake Vincent Lunny up to look into the whole thing. Apparently he's going to write to Celtic, Bisto FC and the Glasgow Football Association to demand explanations. Bisto FC will probably get Sooperally to send back the reply, "Ah don't know." Given Lunny's track record, and that of the SFA, all they'll want to know is - was Neil Lennon there? If so then obviously he's the one to blame. A hefty fine and a ten-match ban; that'll sort everything out.

MSP Graham Pearson, a former 'top cop' is demanding to know why the cops didn't get stuck in and drag out the troublemakers. A more pertinent demand might be why the police escorted the neds into the ground in the first place. Surely even the thickest of rozzers could see that a crowd, all dressed the same and with faces covered, which had organised on social media to meet at Bridgeton Cross, was intent on causing trouble? The police escorted this bunch along London Road while the neds sang their usual songs about being up to their knees in blood. They were then allowed into Celtic Park without so much as a cursory search. If anything, I'd say the police were complicit in the trouble!

Speaking of troublemakers, I see a certain Billy Paterson, a Bisto shareholder has demanded to have a look at the books under the Companies Act. He was at first told where to go but, when he threatened to involve the police, Bisto caved in and gave him permission. I don't know what the hell he's going to do with the information; there are strict confidentiality laws in place that will prevent him from discussing his findings with anyone. Maybe they're all going to go in, one at a time, to peruse the books and then meet up and just nod and say, "Knew it!"

Meanwhile, I see that Robert Snodgrass might be leaving Norwich if they get relegated and decide to cash in on him. Celtic would be interested but Snodgrass says that he won't let his heart rule his head. He loves Celtic but wants to play at the 'highest level'. You can understand his reasoning and good luck to the guy. It does beg the question, though, if Snodgrass is snubbing Celtic, the Scottish champions, so he can play at the 'highest level' what does that say about those players that have signed for Bisto FC? Lack of ambition and money-grabbing are two phrases that come immediately to mind! What do you think, Ally?
"Ah don't know!"

IT'S KARAOKE TIME AGAIN

WITH JOHNNY ROTTEN McCOIST!

 

Right! now
ha ha ha ha ha...

Ah um an antichrist
Ah um an anarchist
Don't know what Ah waant
But Ah know how tae get it
I waant tae destroy loads-a seats

Cos Ah waant tae be the UB
Nae dugsbody

Ah'm gonnae be in the UB
It's comin' sometime an' mibbee
Ye'll see mae doon it the Broomloan staun'

Wi' a pish-stained blanket in ma haun'

Cos Ah waant tae be the UB
In the city

A-menny wyes tae get what ye waant
UB is the best
UB is the rest
Fenians ur the enemee
We ur the UB

Cos Ah waant tae be the UB
It's the only wye tae be

Is this Bisto FC
Or is this 5088
Or is this RIFC
Ah thoat it wiz the Raynjurz
Or jist another money drain
Jist another gravy train

Ah waant tae be the UB
An' Ah waant tae be the UB

An' Ah waant tae be the UB
(Know what Ah mean)
An' Ah waant tae be in the UB
An' get pissed, destroy!

SMOKE GETS IN YOUR EYES

The Daily Record was in orgasm mode today, reporting on the trouble at last night's Youth Cup final between Celtic and Bisto FC. They do their usual finger-wagging and head-shaking, while all the while revelling in the whole thing. Smashed seats, flares, bangers and sectarian singing is all great, sensationalist stuff to sell to the readers and the DR takes full advantage.

Fortunately, or perhaps unfortunately for the DR, there were only 8,000 at the match, so things could have been a lot worse. No doubt there were many at the game that were interested in watching it, but there seemed to be a large contingent that was only in attendance to indulge in a hate-fest. The police were out in force, which meant that things were not as bad as they could have been.

The big problem, as far as the Bisto Kids on McMurdo's blog are concerned, is that their mob seem to be being blamed for the whole thing. The fact is, however, that the Union of Bears were the ones smashing up seats and setting off fireworks. Apparently they had organised to meet up to cause trouble at Bridgeton, but the police were ready for them. They were escorted all the way to Celtic Park and a sinister bunch they looked, all dressed in black with their faces hidden with scarves.

I've read a few posts on blogs from Bisto supporters that couldn't get peace to watch the game for all these wee neds jumping about all over the place. Maybe that's why the pictures in the papers mostly show Bisto Kids causing bother: because they were the ones doing it!

McMurdo desperately tries to blame the Green Brigade, while he and his followers are spunking over a picture of a Celtic supporter, wearing a ski mask and holding a flare. This picture was posted on the blog last night and, to their minds, is worse than any vandalism and hooliganism by the Bisto Kids. They've e-mailed the papers, demanding to know why this picture wasn't published and accusing the press of bias. One newspaper did publish it: The Sun, no doubt sent it last night by some fair-minded member of The Peeppul. There's only one problem with the picture: it was actually taken FIVE YEARS AGO! It shows just how desperate they are.

Considering how skint Bisto FC is at the moment, will they be able to afford the bill for all those broken seats? Mind you, they'd probably welcome it. It appears that if they go into administration after Saturday then that will count as being in the closed season and mean that they start their campaign in the Championship with a 25-point deduction. (That'll teach them to pretend to be 'the same team'!) No doubt the bill from Celtic would be cited as forcing them into administration, which means that they can all go on blaming Peter Lawwell for everything. Maybe last night's destruction was a deliberate ploy!

According to the DR, the Bisto Kids were singing their songs of hate from the word go, although a Celtic fan started it by letting off a smoke bomb! Strangely, these smoke bombs are let off at matches throughout the world without comment and are considered harmless. "But they kin trigger asthma attacks" screams one Bisto Kid. Well, only certain kinds can do that. I remember after that game at Motherwell, where Celtic fans let off smoke bombs and broke seats, one guy contacted the Daily Record phone-in to say that he was a regular at Fir Park, with his grandson, and the Celtic smoke bombs triggered the wee mite's asthma. Strangely, though, Motherwell fans had been letting off smoke bombs for weeks and this guy never phoned in to complain. It seems that only green smoke triggers asthma attacks!

Honest Dave, meanwhile had the sheer brass neck to demand that the police be sent into Ibrox! This from a convicted criminal; they've no shame at all, these Peeppul! He sets out a list of points he wants addressed, which, essentially, amount to a pile of shite. He's not in South Africa now, so he'd better watch; unless he wants to wake up with a cuddy's heid on his pillow!

And the board itself lurches from crisis to crisis. Phil Mac has revealed that HMRC are back at Ibrox, looking into Bisto FC's accounts. This might possibly have something to so with the multiple contracts Phil was hinting at on Twitter. Don't tell me they're at it again! Sooperally, meanwhile, manages to keep a straight face while saying that his players are not to blame for all the money disappearing. He also says that he's 'intrigued' about where all the money went. Have a look at your own bank balance, Sooper, and that'll give you some idea!

"Ah'm pyoor intrigued, so Ah um, 'n 'at, by the way. Where did aw the money go? That's what Ah waant tae know. Ah mean, 67 million quid, 'n 'at. That's a loata money, so it is! It makes ye wunner what's been gauin' oan 'n 'at. What's that? Ma salary? Naw, Ah'm jist here tae talk fitba' 'n 'at."

A PEEPPUL DIVIDED

Keith Jackson nails his colours firmly to the mast in today's Daily Record by calling for the resignation of Mr Blobby. Reading through his article, it's easy to see whose side he's on in this war of words and season-book money. The current incumbents at the top of the marble stairs he calls, "this broken board and its mysterious off-shore backers". On the other hand, he says, "Dave King continues to sit in a corner on a bundle of cash – money which those running Rangers seem determined to resist at all costs." So there we have it; he's on the side of Honest Dave and his Union of Fuckwits.

The Union of Fuckwits also call for Blobby's resignation, especially after the polis have been called in. I've been thinking about that over the weekend and which pish-stained alky has previous for running greetin' to the 'Bizzies' if anybody even looks at him the wrong way? It's everybody's favourite blogger, posted MIA for months now, Auld Pishy, Loony Leggat himself. He's the man that got alarms installed and round-the-clock police protection because somebody sent him a nasty e-mail. And which 'honest' individual is he rumoured to be doing PR for? You see? It all starts to fall into place.

McMurdo, as usual, sides with the board no matter what. "Another story in the Rangers(sic)-hating media," he says. "A notoriously Rangers(sic)-hating outlet" he calls the Daily Record. That'll be news to all the arse-lickers down at Central Quay! Apparently Honest Dave and his backers are out to destroy Rangers (sic). Strangely, that's exactly what those on other blogs accuse the board and Merlin of. Given this big split among The Peeppul, what the hell are they going to do during this year's annual Rickets Walk? Maybe they'll organise two separate walks and fight it out to see who marches on the Sabbath!

A big rumour doing the rounds at the moment is about Sooperally's multiple contracts. According to Phil Mac he's definitely on more than one contract and his wages are just as astronomical as ever. This is bad news for the Bisto Kids but share prices in Greggs have gone through the roof. And staying with Sooper, a lot of complaining was to be found on McMurdo's blog at the weekend due to the would-be manager's behaviour after the match at Ibrox. Apparently he made a bee-line for the section where the Blue Order had been shouting about sacking the board and stood and saluted them! So we've found the fifth columnist!

Meanwhile Fraser Aird, one of Bisto FC's youth players, has decided to play for Canada instead of Scotland. The choice was made easier since Canada offered him a full cap. Do you think we'll now hear The Peeppul singing about Aird, calling him "that wee traitor"?

Even more bad news for The Peeppul. It appears that £8m has been seized under Proceeds of Crime laws. That's the first bit of Mr Blobby's investment plans fucked then!

And I see that Max Clifford, good friend of McMurdo's da, has been found guilty of eight indecent assaults on teenaged girls. Do you think Merlin will devote as much time on his blog to this pervert as he did to Savile, or even Cardinal O'Brien? After all, he, and the rest, are only concerned about the kids, aren't they?

I hear the Easdales have been looking into diverting the Clyde over to the stadium. Not, as you might think, to cleanse the Augean Stables of the board room, but to build a moat. They'll need one to keep out the Requisitioners, Rebels and assorted Rat-arsed Ragamuffins that are bound to start descending on the Big Hoose.

Still, it'll all come out in the wash. And it's all Peter Lawwell's fault anyway, isn't it?

"Naw, Ah widnae trust emdy oan that board, so Ah widnae. The best thing yez kin dae is pit yer season-ticket money intae Honest Dave's trust fund. Ah mean, c'moan, what've yez goat tae lose? An' mind an' mention ma name when yez sign up so Ah kin get ma commission money!"

MR BLOBBY GETS PROBED

So the truth is out. The firm that deals with the debit and credit card payments for Bisto season books had already demanded security away back in January, a month before Honest Dave started up his madcap scheme. So the ones that are getting the blame on Rangers (sic) Media aren't to blame after all. It's standard procedure for a company to demand security when the company it's dealing with is in financial bother. After all, the previous incumbents at Ibrox proved that they can't be trusted to honour a debt.

Speaking of trust, the Daily Record yesterday asked who The Peeppul were going to trust: Mr Blobby or Honest Dave. By God, that's a hard one! Amazingly the Daily Record still seems to be behind Honest Dave, even though news has emerged that he's in bother again for not paying taxes in South Africa. This guy wouldn't be allowed to take over a stall at the Barras, never mind a football club; and yet the DR still keeps beating the drum on his behalf. I suppose it's hard to give up fealty to the old 'succulent lamb' board!

And today we're told that the police are probing Mr Blobby. Sounds painful. Apparently a shareholder in the club/company/sooper-dooper holding company or whatever it says on the certificate has accused Mr B of misleading shareholders at the AGM in December. This shareholder, a banker called Phil Maher, has grassed up Mr B because he told shareholders that there was enough money to see the club through until May. As it turned out, there wasn't and Bisto had to get loans from the Easdales and some other shareholder, both secured on Edmiston House and the Albion car park, to help with 'cashflow issues'.

The Bisto board says there is no case to answer and they're probably right. The loans in question were called 'emergency loans'. That's the thing about emergencies; you don't see them coming, otherwise they wouldn't be emergencies, would they? So the police will probably ask a few questions and then drop the whole thing.

I'm willing to bet that Mr Maher is one of Honest Dave's supporters; a 'rebel' that didn't get his own way in December. This complaint is probably just mischief-making, like the Derry Dinosaur Jockey's complaints about Celtic to the Chancellor of the Exchequor and the European Commission. Like the EC, the police are duty-bound to look into it; but that's as far as it'll go.

All this sniping, however, won't do the club any good. Shit sticks and this story might persuade others to sign up with Honest Dave's scam...er...I mean, scheme. This, of course, will starve Bisto FC of much-needed funds and then the new share sale will kick in. Not that anybody else will have the chance to buy these shares; they're just going to sell them to each other for a penny each. No doubt Sooperally will make sure he pockets a decent-sized amount!

Despite all that's gone on, McMurdo still thinks that the Report is realistic in its assessment of Bisto FC winning the Premiership by 2017. I think he's been reading too many of those books of his! With no planned income stream and no line of credit, how the hell are they going to do this? The simple answer is that they aren't. It's just another way to get the gullible to hand over the readies by feeding their fears over Celtic winning title after title. As The Peeppul have shown time and again, they'll believe anything!

The demise of this new club and the closing of Ibrox for good looks more inviting than ever after the comments I read yesterday on some of the blogs. The Bisto Kids were calling Peter Lawwell every name under the sun. Why? Because he laid flowers among all the other items left in tribute to Sandy Jardine! They see the same disgusting hate and bigotry in others that they see in themselves and so assume that Lawwell was only there as a PR stunt. And they wonder why folk don't like them?

A related point was made on McMurdo's blog. I must point out that McMurdo himself disagreed with these contributors, but, then, he did allow them to post their bile in the first place. These posts concerned how the 'history' and 'traditions' of Rangers (sic) were being sold down the river by allowing an Irish Catholic to play for the team. Not only that, but - gasp! - somebody actually blessed himself after scoring a goal! Get the torches and pitchforks ready! When you read this kind of thing you realise that The Peeppul still haven't moved into the 18th Century, never mind the 21st! The sooner they disappear the better.

"Hello, playmates! It's yer old pal, Big-Hearted Bill Struth again. Now what's that I hear? Irish Catholics playing at Ibrox? My God, me old canary will be turning in its grave! I mean, what's the world coming to, eh? What next, eh? Votes for women? Slavery being abolished? People eating foreign muck instead of a good, big bowl of porridge? Get it sorted! Ayyyyyyyyyyyyyythenkyeow!"

To all the new readers of my blog, perhaps you'd like to take a look at my latest book, which is for sale on Amazon. It costs £6.75, but the Kindle copy is only 77p. Mick, on Bampots Utd, has run a couple of promotions for it and everyone that has read it seems to have enjoyed it. But don't take my word for it - here are the reviews I've got on Amazon:

5.0 out of 5 stars torrent review 13 Mar 2014

By brendan

Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase

I decided to download this book onto my kindle as it was only 77p but i was pleasantly surprised by how good a read it was, it has many twists and turns to keep you interested, i think this new writer is one to watch and i look forward to downloading his other books. ***** B.teehan

 

5.0 out of 5 stars 5* great intro to Pat 8 Mar 2014

By Mr I Ferguson

Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase

Great book, well written, it flows along. I like reading new authors to give them a try and have found one who has managed the art of keeping the reader's interest.

 

5.0 out of 5 stars A brilliant wee book 9 April 2014

By shaun

Format:Kindle Edition

A brilliant wee book it grips you from the very start and every page there after is a new twist to the story every time I thought I had it worked out the author Pat Anderson added a new twist to it .One of the best books I have read in a long time I will be definitely looking out for Pat Anderson in the book shelves

 

5.0 out of 5 stars Must read! 19 Mar 2014

By James

Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase

This is an absolute classic, fast paced and full of action. I really couldn't write a review good enough to do "Torrent", justice. This is a must read and Pat Anderson is the real deal, feckin brilliant stuff!

 

4.0 out of 5 stars thoroughly enjoyable 16 April 2014

By Charlie Miller - Published on Amazon.com

Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase

With the upcoming Yes/No referendum in Scotland quickly approaching this little political thriller is not so very far off from reality

Thank you for writing it and I look forward to reading some (perhaps all) of your other novels

 

 

If you're interested, just click on this picture to go to the Kindle page:

 

 

 

 

 

 And here is the link to the paperback copy:

 

Torrent paperback

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A WASTE OF TIME

120 days for that? What the hell was the point? They've spent too much money and they need more. I could have told them that in one day for a fraction of the cost. Apart from that, the report really doesn't have that much to say.

Apparently all the money was frittered away by 'previous boards'. That would suggest that the current board is the epitome of financial probity and frugality; and yet, they're all ready to award themselves bonuses! And has there been any word yet about Sooperally's pay cut? So much for a new plan.

There is also the small matter of the team. Apparently, insane, costly contracts were given to the players and they can't get out of these. The only possible answer would be voluntary administration but no mention of this is made in the report. All Mr Blobby can do is hope. Some of the contracts are up this summer, so, presumably, they won't be renewed.

Have they finally learnt their lesson? Are they going to put a halt to the profligacy and live within their means? Don't you believe it! The report still follows the old line about world domination and winning everything going. In three years' time they are going to win the Premiership. That's it. No ifs, buts or maybes. So how are they going to do it? Well, Sooperally is going to be given money to strengthen his squad. And so it all starts over again.

So where is the money going to come from to give to Sooperally to piss away, I mean strengthen his squad? Mr Blobby's got it all worked out. They're going to need £30m over the next three years. And it's all going to come from investment and sponsorship deals and the like. In fact, all the same shite that Green was saying 18 months ago. Get on the phone to Adidas and the Dallas Cowboys!

The truth is that Mr Blobby's report is just one big joke. Can you imagine going to a bank for a business start-up loan on the basis of a plan like that? 'We're going to get £30m worth of investment over the next three years. We'll get it form different sources. What sources? Well...I don't know. But we'll get it. Definitely. As Mr McCoist would say, Abslootly!' The bank manager would throw you out on your arse.

Apart from the so-called plan for taking over the Universe, the report is just the usual Ibrox fare: blame everybody else. The idea of blaming the previous board for wasting all the money is disingenuous to say the least. I'm not totally sure how these things work but I would imagine that if you're using the proxy of major investors then they call the tune. Blue Pitch and Margarita Holdings have been there from the start, and the Easdales are still using their proxy, so surely a lot of the blame rests with them? Anyway, as long as the gullibles buy the season books, who cares?

The other deflection of culpability comes with the news that the company that processes debit and credit card payments has pulled out, meaning that The Peeppul will have to actually go in person and pay for their season tickets in a oner. I don't know if Zebra finance, the company that lets you pay in monthly instalments is affected, but it certainly looks like it. So if any supporters want a season ticket then they might have to take out a bank loan!

The debit and credit card company obviously see, as anyone can, that Bisto FC is in seriously deep shit. They asked for Ibrox to be signed over as security (that sounds familiar) and, of course, the board refused. Well, considering that nobody seems to know who owns it they could hardly do otherwise! Mr Blobby and the board decided that the best move would be to blame Honest Dave and his mad scheme for this. Now we know why Paul Tyrrell was brought on board; that idea was obviously his.

So Bisto FC is going to have enough money to conquer all but if the Bisto Kids don't buy their season tickets now, then the games a-bogey. That makes sense! And yet the normal ways of buying season tickets aren't available. Bisto has extended the deadline to May 16th so if you're phoning Wonga expect the lines to be busy from now until then. For the sake of Bisto FC they'd better all hope that Wonga will extend a loan on the strength of a Giro!

"Well, that's it, we're fucked! But don't worry, we'll still be in Europe in three years' time!"

WHY ARE WE WAITING...

And so, everyone waits with bated breath. What will Mr Blobby's 120-day review tell The Peeppil? I think they, and everybody else already know: Bisto FC is skint. The Gravy Train is going to be stopped, unless they get rid of the excess baggage. Even then, Honest Dave and his hole-in-the-wall gang are ready to try and take it over. No matter what, Sooperally is not going to get a war chest and the Fat Penalty Taker will either stay at Kilmarnock or go to Gorgie.

Quite why it needed 120 days to sort through this mess is a mystery. Surely it should only take a few hours at Regulo 5 to get the books done? Probably, though, it's like when somebody is going to get their house repossessed; instead of putting it on the market they'll hang on and hang on, hoping for some miracle to arrive. Mr Blobby no doubt had the same thoughts. They've probably spent any budget they had during those 120 days on lottery tickets and scratchcards, praying that things might change before the bad news had to be broken.

Sooperally is still banging on about budgets to buy players. It just shows how out of touch the guy is, or maybe he's been told to keep things positive until the season books have been sold. Some mugs are still taking what he says at face value. Colin Stein is in the Daily Record today begging Boyd to come back to Ibrox, as if they'll be able to afford him. They'll have a fight on their hands anyway; it seems all the big clubs are after him. There's Bisto and then there's...er...Hearts. It must be heartening for the Fat Penalty Taker to know that the two most skint clubs in Scotland are after his signature!

Sandy Easdale, the one that's on the football board, not the company board, (though why a club that's not a company but run by a holding company requires a board is a mystery - but we won't go into that again!) spoke to BBC Scotland today (I thought they didn't speak to them) essentially saying, "Wur fucked! Yez need tae buy they season books now!" It looks, though, as if the majority is buying nothing until they see this review. Even then they might run a mile.

Easdale also says, "I would say that in 140 years, the club's gone into administration once; I don't think it would survive a second one." Oh no! Here we go again. So the club went into administration? So what was it that went into liquidation? (Oops! We're not supposed to mention the 'L' word) Anyway, as I said earlier, we won't go into all that again. Suffice it to say that things are not looking too great. Hopefully Ibrox is well insured, just like that state-of-the-art team bus, if you know what I mean!

I found a wee article tucked away in a corner of the DR website, where Stewart Regan is asked about the situation at Bisto FC. In a rare moment of actual journalism, Regan was asked if Bisto had submitted the annual accounts, which are needed for secural of their licence. Regan's answer was, “I am not aware of that situation at the moment, so can’t comment on it” That'll be a 'no' then. Regan also said that he'd had no recent communications with Rangers. A new Ouija board might be the answer there, Stu!

Bisto has also appointed a new PR guy, one Paul Tyrrell. This character has a reputation for being confrontational, which doesn't bode well as far as Mr Blobby's review is concerned. Tyrrell is more 'truculent bam' than 'succulent lamb,' so obviously the Bisto Board is getting ready for a square go.

Meanwhile, the situation for the Better Togetherers is getting desperate. They've wheeled out Gordon Brown to argue a 'positive' case for the Union. Unfortunately this just descended into the usual scare stories about benefits, pensions and not being able to watch the BBC. It's also a bit of an own-goal as many of us still remember the filthy, racist slurs against Brown, during the last election, in the very newspapers that are trying to now persuade us to vote 'No'.

McMurdo is just as desperate as he sees his 'Biblical Kingdom' about to disintegrate. So what is the big attraction of keeping the Union as far as he is concerned? Well, first off, there's the stuff about the Queen being descended from King David. But what difference will that make? She'd still be Queen of Scotland. Ah, but the SNP is determined to turn this into a...gasp...republic! There is no other adjective more guaranteed to strike terror into your average Orangeman, than republican! So that's him preached to the converted; what about the rest of us?

Well, it seems that somebody heard from somebody that heard from somebody that overheard an SNP member say that they would be getting rid of denominational schools in an independent Scotland. Well, I don't know about you, but that's me convinced. A 'No' vote it is then! Now what the hell's a pig doing perched on that tree branch?

In a desperate bid to raise more funds, Sandy Easdale takes over John McCririck's old job on Channel 4 Racing.

I TOT I TAW A COUP D' ÉTAT!

The Daily Record is still beating the drum for the SFA, telling scare stories about how our top teams are going to 'steal' all the money intended for grassroots development. George Peat is screaming from the rooftops and everything is geared towards telling us that we're going to lose 'our' SFA.

The fact is, though, that the SFA has shown itself, time and again, to be not fit for purpose. It's been around for 141 years now and what, exactly, has it achieved? Bugger all, as far as I can see, apart from providing sinecures for a few old fogeys. Football development? They're still in the Dark Ages.

I remember when I was at primary school we would all be invited to what were laughingly called 'football trials.' We would be split into two teams of about thirty-a-side and a game would be started. Most of us didn't know what the hell we were doing and even if you managed to get the ball it was soon taken off you by somebody else, probably from your own team. Tackling was out of the question, as some big ned would come charging down the field, telling anyone that got in his way to 'Fuck off'. If you knew what was good for you, you followed his advice. Unsurprisingly, that ned was picked for the school team along with some others, while the rest of us were unceremoniously told to piss off.

That was the thing back then in the 70s; nobody ever actually taught you to play at football. Unless you had a dad, an older brother or some other close relative who had the time and the inclination to teach you, you were on your own. Just think of all that talent that was missed out on because nobody could be bothered to actually take young lads at school at teach them how to kick a ball!

When I was a teacher in the 90s and into the new century, I discovered that things hadn't really changed very much. I was running football training at my primary school and was determined to make it an inclusive affair; everybody was welcome, boys, girls, those that knew how to play at football and those that did not. I had to pay for my training at the SFA, where they emphasised Sport, Fun and Athleticism. It looked like I was doing the right thing in encouraging all the children to take part.

And then I had a visit, during football training one week, from the SFA's Regional Youth Development Officer. Rather than give me some tips or help me to better teach the children how to play, he had a look at them all, said, 'He looks a good wee player,' and signed up one boy to come to training for the regional team. This 'good wee player' was actually a bit of a thug and I had to eventually ban him from my football training for threatening the rest of the children. (Oh, and he never made the regional team.)

Contrast this with how the SRU approached things. A trained coach was sent into every primary school to teach, during PE time, a new game called Non-Contact Rugby. Everything was started from scratch; the pupils were taught how to throw the ball, how to carry the ball, how to play as part of a team and the rules of the game. All the pupils enjoyed it and some went on to join local clubs, maintaining an interest in rugby even after they had left secondary school. All I could do was look on in despair.

The SFA did nothing to bring association football to schools. If they had implemented a programme like that of the SRU they would have found many kids eager to take part and learn as much as they could. All that was offered was for teachers and wee men in puffy jackets to pay to do courses. Some of these courses cost a fortune too! Meanwhile inter-schools competitions were organised by teachers, unlike the Non-Contact Rugby tournaments, which were organised by the SRU and overseen by their coaches. The teacher that ran the football in our area turned out to be a paedophile and was probably just doing it to see kids running around in shorts!

The SFA hasn't shown itself to be any better when it comes to being involved in the professional game. Referees are forbidden to speak to the press, which means that they can't explain controversial decisions. This can work to the detriment of match officials but also to their advantage, since they can essentially do whatever they like without having to explain themselves. New technology is anathema to the SFA and they'll fight tooth and nail against any innovation, usually without explanation.

There is also the little matter of perceived bias. For years this was put down to paranoia but who can forget the Jorge Cadete/Jim Farry affair? Who can forget either the so-called 'shame game' where Rangers players acted like thugs and neds, even pushing police officers about and Sooperally whispered something in Neil Lennon's ear to try to start a fight. Who was punished? Only Neil Lennon!

It's interesting to note that it's the Bisto FC supporters and cheerleaders that are against this supposed takeover. Of course, they want rid of Stewart Regan, who they blame for a lot of their misfortunes but that's it. No doubt the thought of losing Campbell Ogilvie EBT, the last bastion of bluenosedness in our football authorities, fills them with mortal dread. So, of course, they're going to see it as another conspiracy, just like the ones that led to them being put into Division 3.

But why stop at just one conspiracy when you can have two? Thus works the mind of McMurdo! His second conspiracy is all about the referendum for Scottish independence. Apparently the incompetence of the Better Together campaign is all down to the fact that they weren't actually trying! According to McMurdo, deals have already been done to implement independence with
Better Together just going through the motions of a 'ghost campaign.'

As McMurdo points out, the Tories would benefit enourmously from Scottish independence, probably being elected to run what's left of the UK indefinitely. He's also right that it would be to UKIP's advantage, although they're not involved in Better Together. But what would Labour have to gain? Why would they commit political suicide like this? And yet, Labour has been probably the most visible aspect of Better Together; and a complete arse of it they've made too!

The real truth is that McMurdo and his ilk are getting frightened by the polls showing that YES and NO are virtually neck-and-neck. I don't trust polls myself but many folk do and the latest must make terrifying reading for those working on behalf of the Ulster Unionists. Make no mistake, this is where the NO campaign in Scotland has its roots.

Like all right-wingers the world over, the Unionists KNOW that they are always the good guys and have God on their side. When things aren't going their way, they're willing to go to any lengths necessary to win, including cheating. Look at the cheating that went on to get George W Bush elected in 2000. On the other hand, if they do lose, they always conduct a smear campaign, accusing the other side of cheating. Desperate Republicans in America have accused Obama of everything under the sun, including not even being an American. The same situation applies over here.

They're using the same logic, if you can call it that, that they used to blame everybody else for Rangers' demise; only this time they're getting the excuses in early. It looks entirely possible that the YES vote might clinch it, so they have to be ready with all the pathetic accusations of cheating. If anything, though, it makes the YES campaign stronger and shows that the Unionists are running scared.

Of course, those in Westminster might be planning some kind of master stroke. Remember last year some folk were arrested, supposedly dissident Irish Republican terrorists? What happened to that story? We've heard no more about it. Just a couple of days ago, however, a cache of terrorist equipment was removed from a flat in Edinburgh. Those that have read 'Torrent' will see where I'm going with this. Maybe the tide will turn for the Unionists yet; after all, we already know that they'll stop at nothing and are capable of anything.

"What? D'yez think Ah need tae kid-oan Ah'm an arsehole? Listen, it wiz aw sincere. Ah'm a real arsehole an' proud-y it!"

CDO (THAT'S OCD FOR SOMEBODY THAT'S OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE)

I've heard it all now. McMurdo yesterday came out with a statement that sounded like Jabba during his final days at the Daily Record, or even Auld Pishy when he had a couple of dozen too many. According to our old friend Merlin, the amalgamation of the SPL and the SFL into the SPFL was all a plot against Rangers (sic)! Apparently Bisto FC was ready to take the lead among its 'new friends' and form a completely separate league. Like that was ever going to happen!

So what's got McMurdo's knickers in a twist? It's the story that the SPFL are looking for more representation on the SFA. Of course, the Daily Record has started all the scare stories about takeovers and how grass-roots football will suffer. Gordon Waddell was most outspoken on this point. Isn't it funny how they're all concerned about grass-roots football all of a sudden? When David Murray was flooding our game with expensive imports we were constantly being told how great this was for Scottish football. That turned out well, didn't it?

Our media also seem to have discovered that there is life outside the top tier. After years of telling us how the top teams, especially the seemingly-rich Rangers under Murray, should be running our game they've now changed their minds. What is important now, apparently, is the bread-and-butter, salt-of-the-earth minor teams that play in front of crowds of a couple of dozen a week. Something has obviously changed to make the lower leagues much more attractive; I wonder what it could be?

McMurdo, of course, sees this latest development as another in a long line of measures to isolate Bisto FC when it gets 'back' to the top. This is doubly delusional. The first delusion is that there's a huge, Lawwell-led conspiracy against Bisto FC. The second is that Bisto FC is actually going to be in the top tier any time soon. It's time that The Peeppil joined the rest of us here in the real world.

There was an interesting article by Glen Gibbons in the Scotsman at the weekend, outlining the major obstacle standing in Bisto's way. Of course, The Peeppil have him down as a 'Raynjurz-Hatur' so will largely ignore what he has to say. The gist of his argument will be familiar to all of us, as many of us Bampots have been pointing this out for ages. It's the fact that The Peeppil just cannot accept reality. Instead of letting their new club build up gradually they insist that it's the same old club and are demanding the same success it had before. They can't see how unrealistic this is.

Gibbons doesn't mention it but the problem runs deeper than this; it's all to do with their singular obsession. This has fired everything that's happened to them and is happening. It really stuck in their craw that Celtic had won the European Cup. Their misguided sense of superiority couldn't handle this fact. They wished, nay demanded, that their own club emulated this feat. They have done their best to diminish Celtic's achievement, claiming that it was easier then, that there weren't as many teams in it etc etc. No matter what they said, however, they knew the truth and it hurt. David Murray was driven by this hurt and anger and destroyed the club in trying to equal, or hopefully outdo, what Celtic had done.

This obsession is going to destroy their new team as well. They might talk of 'tainted titles' but they know, in their heart of hearts, that nobody outside of their own clique actually believes this. There will be no asterisks next to Celtic's titles and they will qualify for Europe, albeit via prelimary rounds, every time they win a title. This is the nightmarish obsession of The Peeppil. Sooperally has already given voice to these fears. As such, they cannot concentrate on building a new club for obsessing over Celtic.

The only possible way they can stop Celtic is by either pumping massive funds into their own team or destroying Celtic. There are already desperate attempts to do the latter, by recourse to fantasies about 'state aid' etc. The former is what is driving some of the Bisto Kids into the arms of Honest Dave King. Either way, they're going to get nowhere. Even their current level of spending is unsustainable and is going to have to be cut back if the club is to survive. So they've got a stark choice: concentrate on their new club and accept that it is going to take a long time to get it anywhere near the level of their old team. Or they can continue to obsess about Celtic and kill off their new club in the process. We'll soon see what's more important to them: loving their club or hating Celtic.

And it's a big happy birthday to the City of Rome. Legend has it that Romulus founded his city on this day in 753BC. It also happens to be the birthday of everyone's favourite author. I'm not quite as old as Rome, but I'm not a kick in the arse off it! Oh, and I think it's also the birthday of some royal or other!

Meanwhile, I'm currently working on a new book, based on this blog, telling the story of how our media have struggled to keep up the illusion of 'the same club.' Watch this space.

"Wull yez hurry up an' get they season books boat. Wae've goat bills tae pye, ye know!"

POTY TIME

It's been a bit quiet the past couple of days. We're all in a state of limbo, waiting to see what happens when the 120-day review comes out; though, according to Phil Mac, we might never get to know its full contents. There's that code of silence again! Honest Dave hasn't made any new attacks on the board and McMurdo has had to content himself by making the same point over and over again. It's probably the calm before the storm.

There has been good news for Hearts fans, as it looks as if the club is safe. Though why any club should be frightened of liquidation these days is beyond me. Then again, not every new club will get a helping hand and everyone falling over themselves to pretend it's the 'same club,' will they? Michael Gannon, in the Daily Record, might want to watch what he's saying. He says that the Jambos came 'close to oblivion.' That won't go down too well in certain quarters. If liquidation = oblivion, then that means that a certain club died, doesn't it? Oh dear. Mr Gannon had better keep an eye on what's coming through his letterbox.

A point of note about the Hearts situation is how they're all talking about rebuilding, cost-cutting and living within their means. Their main concern is the survival of the club and if that means a couple of seasons, or more, in the second tier then so be it. You get the impression that even were they to fall right down the leagues they wouldn't care; as long as the club survives. Contrast this with the prodigality at Ibrox, where the only concern is stopping Celtic from winning too many titles; if their own club gets obliterated in the process then so be it. Another thing worth noting is that the Hearts fans haven't blamed anyone else for their predicament and they haven't turned Romanov into some kind of bogey-man as has happened with Craig Whyte. They could teach The Peeppil a thing or two about dignity.

Sooperally, meanwhile, decided to give the singing a rest and try a bit of stand-up comedy instead. He says that it doesn't matter which league Bisto FC is in, it'll be a 'massive achievement' if they go the full season unbeaten. It's the way he tells them! Amid the laughter and derision one Bisto Kid spoke up for Sooper on the DR phone-in. Rangers (sic) can only play what's in front of them, he whines. That's funny; the same goes for Celtic and yet The Peeppil insist that the Premiership title is 'tainted'!

And the nonsense continues with the PFA Player of The Year nominees. Bisto FC has three of its players in contention for the Division 1 prize. How much of a joke is that? So these guys have impressed everyone by struggling against part-time amateurs! And yet, as soon as even one Celtic player gets nominated for the Premiership award the cries of 'tainted' will be heard. Mind you, it's hardly surprising that it's all Bisto players being nominated in Division 1. The awards are being sponsored by Cheque Centre, a payday loan company. They're probably paying Bisto back for all the business they've brought their way!

Like Auld Pishy did with Imran Ahmed, McMurdo is getting fixated on Honest Dave. Every day he goes over the same old ground about how untrustworthy King is. Today he describes King's conduct at 'ungentlemanly'. What century is he living in? I suppose it's all part of the myth of the 'dignified gentlemen' that have always been in charge at Ibrox; all brogues, suits and Masonic keyrings. Even when they were bashing the back of somebody's nut in with an oar it was all done in a dignified manner!

I see that there was a banner at Ibrox the other night, saying 'SFA + SPFL Corrupt to the Core.' Now I know that the majority of the Bisto Kids are like the Epsilon caste in Aldous Huxley's Brave New World, but it would be interesting nonetheless to hear some kind of explanation for that statement. As far as I can see the only corruption shown by our footballing authorities in recent years has been in turning a blind eye to fraud at a new club, allowing this new club to jump the queue into the leagues, entering into secret, five-point agreements with this new club and ignoring bigoted singing and chanting among this new club's support. Surely The Peeppil aren't calling for something to be done about all this? Then again, when you're about as bright as a 5 watt bulb I suppose anything's possible!

And an update. I've just been on the Daily Record site and seen who's in contention for the Premiership Player of the Year and Young Player of the Year. There's no arguing with the nominations for Young POTY; Dundee Utd's lads have been playing out of their skins while Stevie May has been a revelation. Three Celtic players have been nominated: Commons, Van Dijk and Forster. And then comes the fly in the ointment; Kris Boyd. Kris Boyd? I haven't actually seen him play this season but he must have come a long way from being the Fat Penalty Taker at Rangers! In my mind's eye I can still see him, puffing his way into the box and flying at the keeper with his studs showing. Maybe he's turned over a new leaf and I'm being too hard on him but, to be honest, he was never much of a player of any year!

How about a joke to finish with, since there's nothing much else to talk about? A man goes into a pub with a dog and insists that the brute can talk. He bets all the incredulous customers and the bar staff £20 each that his dog can actually speak. All the twenty-quid notes are slapped down on the bar and the man takes a wad from his pocket and covers all the bets. He lifts his dog onto a seat and asks it a question.

"Who was the best goalkeeper the Scotland team ever had?" he asks.

"Ruff!" the dog replies.

"Aw, get tae fuck!" everybody shouts.

The man gets a good hiding for trying to cheat everyone and he and his dog are thrown out onto the street. The man is tending to his cuts and bruises when the dog turns to him.

"I suppose they all think it was Goram!" it says.

Sooperally celebrates winning this year's Britain's Got Talent trophy.

THE SOUND OF SILENCE

Mick put some great links on his site yesterday, all of which are worth a read. http://bampotsutd.wordpress.com/2014/04/15/bampots-utd-review-of-todays-articles-and-a-quick-refresh-of-the-pending-liquidation-thats-looming/
I especially liked James Forrest's piece on the 'On Fields Of Green' website, where he shows that all the financial problems of Rangers and Bisto are down to the WATP mentality. I have argued the same frequently on here; they simply cannot comprehend that their club is not one of the big players anymore.

The same kind of mentality is evident in  the Better Together campaign. One of their main arguments is that an independent Scotland will no longer be at the top table of world powers, as it is within the UK. They don't seem to be able to grasp that the UK is only at the top table through sufferance; it is only there courtesy of hanging onto America's coat-tails. Who can ever forget the sight of Tony Blair running at George W Bush's arse like a lapdog? That is the reality of the UK's position in the world. It's like the boy at primary school that swaggers about because everybody's scared of his big brother. He knows, however, and so does everybody else, that as soon as his big brother disappears to secondary Little Brother is going to get his cunt kicked in.

The UK is the laughing stock of Europe, where everyone can see what the truth is. For years Charles De Gaulle vetoed Britain joining the Common Market because it would bring US influence with it. Similarly, Bisto FC provokes nothing but laughter, swaggering about in it's deid da's old suit, trying to pretend it's still got the same power and influence he had.

When you get older your memory starts to play tricks on you and you remember things that never actually happened, or happened to somebody else. Such is the case with 'Mr Celtic Land Deals' PZJ, who posts every day on McMurdo's blog. He recently recounted a story from his childhood when his father chastised him for letting an 'outsider' know what he thought about Rangers. I think he's a bit confused there: what he's really thinking of is Don Vito Corleone speaking to his son, Santino. Still, he's right about one thing: the culture of 'Omerta' runs deep within The Peeppil.

Maybe it's the legacy of all those Ludge meetings, or it might go even further back than that. John Knox, for example, did such a job of wiping his traces that it's virtually impossible to find much information about him prior to the Reformation in Scotland. His time in Geneva has to be discovered second-hand from other observers and the same goes for his participation in the attempt to set up a Reformed church in England during the short reign of Edward VI. As for any information about when he was a Catholic priest, there is nothing out there at all.

The same goes for Ibrox. Did Jim Torbett have anything to do with Rangers Boys' Club? Was a Unionist terrorist murdered on the marble staircase? Was John Chalmers involved in child abuse? There are hundreds of questions that could be asked from what happened on that boat trip to who owns the deeds to Ibrox. You'll never get an answer, though; the culture of silence will see to that. Our media too is compliant in this. For example, I never knew that Rangers was found guilty of criminal negligence after the Disaster of 1971. I had to rely on one of our celebrated Internet Bampots to find that one out!

Even now our media tries to cover things up. The Bisto Kids might complain that there's nothing but negative stories about their club, especially in the Daily Record. This, however, is not the full story. In all the so-called negative stories concerning Ibrox there's always a silver lining. At the moment it's all about how 'Honest' Dave King will save them. Not one member of our Fourth Estate has actually told us anything approaching the truth about what's going on at Bisto FC; not until everybody has already discovered the facts from the Internet Bampots!

Meanwhile it's business as usual for the Bisto team as they beat Forfar 3-0 in the league. The normal tactic, if you can call it that, was employed of waiting until the part-timers were tired before being able to score. The first goal didn't come till the 68th minute! We've already seen what happens when they come up against full-time opposition so they're totally Donald-Ducked come next season. Probably their only chance of any kind of victory is if they draw Motherwell in one of the cups; I'm sure 'Wrang Door' McCall would oblige as usual!

"So you want to be a referee? Well, I've got contacts in the SFA and I'll see to it. One day, and that day may never come, unless you're in charge of one of our matches, you will be asked to do a favour for me."

TAK' THE HIGH (COST) ROAD

Sooperally has a good greet in the Daily Record today, saying that he doesn't know if his team is good enough to win the Championship. Stop worrying about it Ally. I can tell you now: thur no'! I think, though, that it was meant to be a rhetorical question as he starts going down his usual path of needing new players etc etc.

He doesn't seem to realise that all he's doing is building up problems for the future if he goes down this particular road. Somebody needs to sit him down and tell him, "Look, son, I know your mentor, Auld Dignity, taught you the only thing he knows - keep spending. But those days are over. There's no money! Maybe, instead of scrabbling about looking for players to sign during the summer, you would be better served going on some kind of coaching course. After all, it's patently obvious that you haven't got a bloody clue what you're doing!"

When Bisto FC started up in 2012 they should have been looking to build from the bottom up. As a new club they should have been looking to cut costs, live within their means and slowly work their way to the top. Instead, they decided to pretend that they're 'stull Raynjurz' and huff and puff about getting 'back' to the top in the shortest time possible. The consequences of this are already evident as they have to take on payday loans to meet the wage bill and any new equipment will have to be procured from Bright House.

The penny has finally dropped, in that cavernous arcade that each Bisto Kid has for a skull, that their club is skint. Instead of demanding that their club lives within its means, however, they support Ally in his quest for more and more money to throw away on players. Or rather, they don't support Ally anymore, but they do think his plan is pyoor jeenyus, so it is. Which is why they're all desperate to believe in 'Honest' Dave King. He's a millionaire, isn't he? He loves the club, doesn't he? And so they choose to ignore the fact that King has short arms and deep pockets, is a proven liar and is a convicted thief.

The scheme that King has come up with is the most lunatic piece of nonsense ever; a plan that even Charles Ponzi wouldn't touch with a bargepole. Give your season-ticket money to a thief to hold in a bank account; what happens then? King surely knows that the Bisto board is not only unwilling but unable to hand over Ibrox and Murray Park as security; nobody even knows who owns them and Craig Whyte has a claim still being assessed. So the whole mad plan is a non-starter. What, then, is King up to? Maybe a quick shufti at his past record in South Africa will answer that one!

McMurdo, as usual, is on the board's side. He talks of 'war' but does not use the analogy of armies but ships. This is pretty apt since the players at the old club were renowned for running to the shipyards whenever war was declared! He says that watching the unfolding story at Ibrox is like watching an old war movie. I know exactly which movie he's talking about: Private's Progress. If you've seen it you'll know what I'm getting at; if you haven't, I can heartily recommend it.

Meanwhile there are all manner of rumours flying around. Phil Mac tells us that Sooperally was looking to do 'walking away' and presented the board with his desired compensation package. Unfortunately for Sooper, the cry was No Surrender. There's also a story about the Ibrox Nomad making a statement to the Stock Exchange. There's nothing yet on Phil Mac about it, but we should keep our eyes and ears open.

I'm also keeping an eye on that new blog I told you about, the one imaginatively titled, 'We Are Rangers (sic)'. I decided to do as the writer asks and 'Leave a comment.' It was, however, moderated out of existence. So, like McMurdo, he only wants comments that agree with what he says. He's got the old mantra on top of his blog, saying, 'No-one likes us, we don't care'. It's pretty obvious, though, that he does!

This one's especially for Mick, over at Bampots Utd

BYE BYE SHUGGIE

And another one bites the dust. Hugh Keevins, the Man Who Would Be Jabba, has retired. I actually saw this a few days ago on the internet, where it had mentioned that he had written his last piece for the Daily Record. I forgot to say anything about it here but I was pleasantly surprised that he had decided, unlike his erstwhile sports editor, to leave with a bit of quiet dignity and without leaving a bitter tirade for a swansong. I forgot, however, that he writes a weekly column for the Sunday Mail.

He decided yesterday to go out on a low. Although not quite in the same league as Jabba's farewell, he still managed to have a couple of nasty wee digs, especially at Celtic. "...if you’re reading this Peter and Neil, it was always business and nothing personal." That's funny; from what I remember it was entirely personal and completely unjustified. Maybe we should give him the benefit of the doubt and call it a senior moment.

Of course, he has to toe the usual line about how the game of football in Scotland is going down the drain. He wrote his first column for the Sunday Mail in 1997 when, according to Shug, everything was wonderful and "the game was vibrant." Really? He seems to forget that, even then, Hearts were in trouble. During the Nineties Wallace Mercer (remember him?) tried to implement a merger between the two Edinburgh clubs because both clubs were in financial trouble. We had the 'Hands of Hibs Campaign.'

It was also the time when the seeds were sown of Scottish football going into financial meltdown. The 'vibrancy' he talks about was all money-led and, as we now know, Rangers dominance was funded with other people's money and by downright fraud. All the other clubs almost ran themselves into the ground trying to keep up. Of course, Oor Shug, like all our other so-called sports journalists in Scotland, can't bring himself to state the truth. Rangers nearly brought Scottish football to its knees and now, with them out of the picture. all the clubs are trying to get back to normality and live within their means. Even though the 'Armageddon' they all prophesied would happen without Rangers failed to materialise, the likes of Shug just can't let it go. They can't even bring themselves to see the evidence right in front of their own eyes. The Big Lie takes precedence over everything!

Shug also has a wee go at Leigh Griffiths. He says nothing, however, about the bigoted and racist singing at the 'neutral venue' on Saturday. He does make passing reference to the singing of 'the bigots' but, as usual, this is in the spirit of 'both as bad as each other.' In fact, I was unaware of it, but I discovered yesterday that Keevins was one of the ones downplaying 'The Famine Song,' calling it banter and equating it with Celtic supporters remembering the Famine. Disgusting doesn't begin to describe it.

With all that's happened I've changed my mind from my initial, knee-jerk reaction to Leigh Griffiths's singing. There was no racism involved, just crass stupidity. This is in stark contrast to the sing-song at Ibrox, which, unfortunately, wasn't the first time this has happened with no condemnation.  Where was Vincent Lunny? Too busy trying to think of more charges he can throw at Leigh Griffiths!

When I was a teacher you constantly had to be aware that you were a role model. You had to hide the fact that you smoked, not doing it where the children might see you, and if you were going for a drink you had to make sure you were well away from where any parents might see you. If you've read The Crimes of Miss Jane Goldie you'll also know that going on holiday is a nightmare, as you're constantly worried in case your pupils turn up at the same resort, ruining any chance you have of letting your hair down.

Footballers are being held up these days as role models as well and being told to watch what they're doing. This, however, is hardly fair since footballers, with only a few exceptions, are not the brightest lights on the Christmas tree! I always remember at school the excuse for not doing homework, 'Ah wiz at trainin' fur the under-15 B team.' Such folk didn't bother to learn anything because they were 'gonnae bae fitba' playurs' when they left school. For most of them it was a delusion and you felt like shouting at them, 'You're in the B team, ya dick! Does that not tell you something?' Some of them, though, actually do make it, but that doesn't make them any less thick!

Like with all the bigots at Ibrox, education is the only answer. If the SFA expect professional football players to be role models, then they're going to have to teach them how. Legislation is useless when you're dealing with folk that are just not that bright. When teenagers are signed up to be developed by football teams, that's when the SFA should be stepping in with courses, teaching these teenagers what is expected of them in society, what is acceptable and what is not. Nobody wants to spoil a young man's fun, but they have to learn a bit of responsibility and discretion. How are they supposed to learn if nobody bothers to teach them? After all, I'm probably more intelligent than a lot of football players and yet I was taught about behaving as a role model at college, rather than having to figure it out for myself!

Meanwhile, Sooperally decided to have a go at his players for the defeat on Saturday. He seems unwilling to accept any responsibility, even though the buck ultimately stops with him. He signed these players. He supposedly coaches them, although when you watch them running about the field without a clue you wonder if they actually do any training. He also sends them onto the pitch without a decent plan to work to, if they're working to any kind of plan at all. Still, if you're raking in the highest wage in Scotland for producing this pish then you're laughing all the way to the bank.

When a team is losing a match it's normal to change one or two of the players and try a Plan B. Even before the substitute strips off, the manager will sit for ages, going over what the player is to do, and where. Fingers are pointed around the pitch and at a clipboard, the manager talks at length while the player nods his understanding. Finally, the numbers are held up and the new player runs onto the pitch, telling different team-mates what the new plan is and what different positions they are to take up. A Bisto substitute has to make do with a bit of paper shoved in his face and a quick pat on the arse from Kenny McDowell, while Sooperally stands around with his arms folded. Onwards and upwards, eh?

'Honest' Dave King is still trying to stir the shit, denouncing the Bisto board for revealing that he actually expressed his unwillingness to put his own money into the shambles. I don't know why he's so upset; it didn't take a genius to work that one out. Will the Bisto Kids still hand over their money now that this has come out? Probably. After all, Richard Gough told them to!

I saw something on twitter from Phil Mac about an emergency meeting of those connected at Bisto, Laxey, Margarita etc. It'll be interesting to see what's going on. Stay tuned to Phil' blog.

Finally, I had to laugh at somebody on McMurdo's blog, spouting the usual pish about 'Catholic conspiracies' and how The Peeppil are being marginalised. He says that it's time there was a political pary for the 'PUL (ie Orange) community'.  Doesn't he know that there's already one in existence? It's called the BNP.

"Eh? What? Ah cannae hear ye! Ah'm a bit deef, ye know! Bigoted singin'? Naw, Ah didnae hear a thing. Wait a minute...Ah kin hear somethin' noo! Thur's sumdy ten miles away in a bedroom singin' Roll of Honour."

THE CHOSEN PEEPPIL

It has to be said that Dundee Utd were less than impressive yesterday. I suppose that happens when you're facing sub-standard opposition. Bisto FC ran about like headless chickens and it put DU off their stride a bit. It reminds me of when I used to go to a chess club when I was fourteen. I could play chess but wan't very good; I had no idea of strategy. I played a game against a man that was a Scottish champion and he had a tough time of it. As he told me afterwards, it was one of the hardest games he had ever played; he was completely baffled about my tactics. Just when he had me figured out I'd go and do something completely different. The truth was that I had no idea what I was doing and it left him totally confused. You could see the same confusion among the Utd players, which is why, despite the scoreline, they made heavy weather of it.

Another memory came back while I watched the match. I was reminded of that infamous game between Celtic and Rangers when Hugh Dallas was hit by a coin. It was obvious throughout the game where his allegiances lay but it was shown afterwards, from match statistics, that we paranoid ones were totally wrong. Celtic got far more free kicks than Rangers so, obviously, there was no bias. This did not take into account, however, the way Celtic players were never allowed to play on when they had the advantage; they were constantly called back to take free kicks, giving Rangers the chance to re-group and defend in numbers. The same thing happened yesterday. When defending, Utd always had a couple of players ready to attack on the break. They never got the chance. They were pulled back every time to take a free kick just outside the goal area. Again, though, the statistics won't show this.

It's beginning to dawn on the Bisto Kids just how bad their team actually is. McMurdo is scathing about them, while only one or two of his contributors are pleased, thinking that Bisto actually outplayed DU! Apparently, Sooperally thinks the same thing, which speaks volumes. This bunch is going to need a lot more than compliant officials to get them out of the Championship next year.

I wonder if Vincent Lunny was at the game yesterday. And did he have his ear trumpet with him? When Bisto managed to score The Peeppil woke up and the songs of hate came pouring out. Not a word was said about it by the commentator or by the Daily Record. Will we hear of anything being done about this? Or will it simply be ignored as usual? If it's the latter case then it will certainly make me think again about my reaction to the Leigh Griffiths business.

It was the usual pish from the commentary team yesterday, saying that Rangers (sic) were looking to appear in their 52nd Scottish Cup final. Funny, I thought it would have been their first appearance, and only their second cup final overall. As usual, the Big Lie takes precedence over the truth.

It harks back to what I was saying in my last blog. What is the club and what is the company? What, exactly, was Duff and Phelps trying to flog to Bill Miller, Bill Ng or even the Blue Knights? Were they all vying to buy some kind of holding company, while 'the club' could be stolen out from under them at any time? It's up there with some of the great mysteries of the world. Except, really, there's no mystery about it; it's all been fraud, pure and simple.

I was thinking today about something I mentioned on this blog a good while back. It's about stolen goods. If I receive, or buy, something stolen, even unwittingly, there's no chance of me keeping it or being reimbursed when the long arm of the law identifies the true owner. It's the same with money. If I'm paid with stolen money then I've got a fight on my hands trying to be paid when this stolen money is taken from me. So what about the money Craig Whyte allegedly defrauded Ticketus out of? This was used to pay off Rangers' debt to Lloyds TSB. Shouldn't the bank have to hand this money back?

It's obvious why our authorities haven't gone down this route. If a bank was chasing after its money, especially an amount running into millions, it's not going to be put off by stories of holding companies etc. If the powers-that-be at Ibrox are claiming to be the same club then they would be chased through the courts for this cash. The only way they could avoid paying up would be to admit that they're a new, different club. And we can't have that, can we? Much easier to make Ticketus forlornly chase Craig Whyte for their cash.

A spanner might be put in the works, however, when HMRC finally get a proper judgment about the money they're owed. Do you think they'll be happy to just go along with the Big Lie? More likely they'll pursue the current regime for their cash, exposing the fraud concerning 'holding companies' and the like. The only way Bisto FC could escape is by admitting that, legally, they are a new club, with only two years history on the clock.

There is, however, another way that Bisto FC could avoid all this pain and misery. If Scotland were to become independent then the whole tax organisation, from the bottom up, will need to be reformed. HMRC would have no jurisdiction in Scotland and would have a hard job pursuing their claim. Maybe McMurdo etc should be encouraging The Peeppil to vote YES!

Speaking of which, the SNP have confounded their opponents by refusing to get drawn into some of the petty, personal attacks used by Better Together. Alex Salmond has emphasised that this is a vote for democracy, rather than a vote for him, while Nicola Sturgeon has pointed out that Scottish Labour could enjoy a renaissance in an independent Scotland. This is the fundamental difference between each side of this debate: the YES campaign argues about all the positive benefits of independence while the NO lot can only come up with pathetic scare stories, all of which have been proven to have no basis in fact.

The true mindset behind Unionism is easy to find if you look for it. On McMurdo's blog, on his introduction page, he has a huge sign, shouting, "ONE NATION - No!! to separation. Keep Scotland British." At the bottom of this command it tells us that it was produced by some website called 'britainawake.com' This is the usual battle cry of the extreme right wing, from Mosley, to Thatcher and even (the real) Hughie Green in an embarrassing display on Opportunity Knocks! This particular website, of course, is no different.

They outline their aims as, "We are a group of people with one purpose: to see the glory of God engulf the British Isles." That sounds familiar. It's the same kind of thing that the Ku Klux Klan comes out with in America. Their website also links to something called the 'British Church.' Searches for this 'church' proved to be unfruitful, but they are kind enought to set out the 'Church's' beliefs on their website. A huge part of these beliefs involve British Israelism, one of the mainstays of the belief system of the Orange Order. It is also evident in the USA, among 'churches' aligned with something called 'Christian Identity.' Members of this mob see their Anglo-Saxon descent as meaning that they are part of the lost tribes of Israel. They are fanatically racist and have been involved in terrorist outrages against blacks and jews. They are also closely linked with the Ku Klux Klan!

This is hardly the kind of thing that is going to have people flocking to stand up for the Union, is it? No wonder they can't come up with anything positive; their whole idea of the Union is based on a pile of ignorant, racist mumbo-jumbo. No wonder they have to resort to scare stories and personal attacks!

Back to Bisto FC and The Peeppil have been handed a dilemma. The current denizens at the top of the marble staircase have already sent out season-book renewal forms, even though they haven't said what the price of these season books is yet. So anyone sending off their direct-debit mandate could be in for a helluva shock when the money comes out of their bank account!

On the other hand, they could always subscribe to 'Honest' Dave King's 'trust fund'. Richard Gough has come out in support of this madcap scheme, saying that he's going to be one of the 'trustees'. (I wonder if that was Auld Pishy's idea!)

So either they hand over the weans' shoe money for a bunch of fat salaries and for Sooperally to piss down the drain, or they give their cash to a convicted crook to look after, with no guarantees. Aye, it's a tough life when you're a Bisto Kid.

Finally, was the pitch narrowed? I don't know. What I did notice, though, was the amount of passes wide that were overhit and ended up going out for a throw-in. Even some of the Bisto passes ended up this way. I wonder what could have caused that!

"What um Ah gonnae dae? Ah waant tae haud oanty ma big pye packet so Ah waant aw the mugs tae buy thur season tickets. But aw ma pals ur in the King camp so Ah shood waant the mugs tae pit thur money intae thon trust fund. But that might pit us intae administration ur even liquidation. Stull, then ma pals could buy the place cheap. But wid they keep a useless bastard like me oan iz manager? What um Ah gonnae dae? Cups? Who gie's a fuck?"

IT'S KARAOKE TIME!
WITH ALLY 'MEAT LOAF' MCCOIST

Mibby wae kin talk aw night
But that's no' gettin' us naewhere
Ah've told yez evryhin' Ah possibly kin
An' stull yez aw complain it's no' fair

An' mibby yez kin greet aw night
But that'll nivver chinge the pye that Ah get
The boos ur gettin' worse an' worse each week
But thurz nae wye yez kin make mae leave here
Ah'll be here rakin' in aw the cash
It shows yez aw how little that Ah care
Ah'm tired-y words an' Ah'm too hoarse tae shout
An' Ah've been eatin' pies that long
Ah'm cryin' pyoor grease noo insteed-y tears
An' aw Ah kin dae
Iz keep oan whisperin'
Yez aw waant (aw waant)
Trebles (Trebles)
But therz nae wye Ah'm ivver gonnae win thum
But don't bae sad (Don't bae sad)
'Coz wan oot-y three's no' bad
Noo don't bae sad
'Coz wan oot-y three's no' bad