First off he compares the Union to a marriage and an old-fashioned marriage at that! Bill Smith gets married to Alice Jones and they become, not just Mr and Mrs Smith, but Mr and Mrs BILL SMITH. (Did he not used to be a DJ on Radio Clyde?) That'll be one of those old marriages where the bride promises to love, honour and OBEY; the kind of marriage that your granny would have got herself trapped in. I remember old dears in the 1960s and 1970s, once their children had grown up, patiently waiting for their husband to pop his clogs so they could get their lives back. Once the old man was safely buried it was bingo, holidays and nights out all the way. Most of us, thankfully, have moved on from then.
McMurdo's simile about the old-fashioned marriage might explain one thing about the Union that constantly gets up people's noses. Let's go back to the time of The Enlightenment. David Hume, and others no longer spoke of Scotland but North Britain; something McMurdo would no doubt approve of. Isaac Newton and other figures of the Enlightenment in 'South Britain', however, still spoke of England. Remember Nelson's famous signal at the Battle of Trafalgar? 'England expects...' No mention of Britain, even though it had existed for nearly a century by that point. Even in recent times there is a tendency to say 'England' instead of Britain. Have you ever heard anyone mention the Queen of Britain? The Queen of the UK? Nope. The Queen of England is what we usually hear.
To take McMurdo's analogy further, it seems as if Ms Scotland was expected to become Mrs England in this old-fashioned marriage. Not only was it old-fashioned, it was an arranged marriage, with a handsome dowry paid to the aristocratic 'fathers' of the future Mrs England. Like in the old days, Mrs England might go out to work but Mr England would take charge of all the money, handing Mrs England a small sum for housekeeping. She would struggle to feed her children on this hand-out while Mr England went out drinking and living it up. Now, however, it is the 21st Century and we've had Suffragists, Suffragettes, Women's Lib and Feminism. Mrs England is not taking any more shite. It's time for a divorce. Mrs England is leaving, going back to her maiden name of Scotland and using her own money for her own children!
McMurdo then goes on to the real insanity. Apparently the Union is 'God-ordained' and 'our monarchs are anointed to rule over us as a UNITED Kingdom.' God-ordained? So God went about bribing Scottish aristocrats? I think this is to do with the crazy, and completely discredited, doctrine of British Israelism. This has been shown to be a bucket of keich time and again, but that hasn't stopped the Orange Order still indoctrinating its members with it. This kind of pish belongs in the Nineteenth Century when rich megalomaniacs like Cecil Rhodes thought that it was the destiny of Britain to rule the world. That might have sounded normal back then; nowadays Rhodes would just be a villain in an Austin Powers movie.
And so we come to the monarchy. McMurdo loves to bring this up to get The Peeppil onside: 'Thur tryin' tae get riddy wur queen!' Again its a load of Craig Whyte. The monarchy is completely separate from the Union. Scotland and England shared a monarch for over a hundred years before the Act of Union and there's nothing to stop this still being the case if Scotland becomes independent. In fact, if Scotland becomes independent then we'll still have a queen and it would take an act of parliament, probably backed up with a referendum, to get rid. I've no time for kings and queens but I'm realistic enough to know that if we become independent then we're still stuck with this mob, despite McMurdo's scare stories.
Today McMurdo changed his mind and decided to start blogging about Bisto FC again. Even here he demonstrates that he is not quite the full 5p. He says:
"One of the things we must all come to understand is that just because someone wears a Rangers (sic) scarf, it doesn’t make them a bluenose and I am convinced, along with other bears whose judgement I trust, that our fanbase has been infiltrated for the express purpose of damaging our great club."
So who are these 'infiltrators'? I think we can all guess at who he's talking about. Surely such paranoia, coupled with a belief in a fantasy world and a firm conviction that he is right in the face of imagined enemies is grounds for being sectioned? At the very least some kind of counselling is called for.
He then links the Unionist cause with Bisto FC. "So far the enemies of the club have ensured it has not been the potent force for Unionism it would have been in this independence battle." Perversely, McMurdo is constantly going on about the Green Brigade, saying that politics have no place in football. It seems, however, that what he really means is that politics that he doesn't agree with have no place in football!
Why all this subterfuge? Why can't he come straight out and say why he's really so desperate to avoid Scottish independence? The English have got no more time for Ulster's Loyalists than they have for the Republicans. I think I'm correct in my portrayal in 'Torrent' of everybody in Westminster sighing deeply whenever a DUP member stands up. The Loyalists are terrified of losing their tenuous link to England through their friends in Scotland; this is what drives all of The Peeppil's pro-Union rhetoric, including McMurdo's.
McMurdo and his disciples also speak of Bisto FC as the 'Queen's XI.' (Oops! I'd better not use Roman numerals!) I doubt very much, however, if Auld Lizzie wants anything to do with them after they stole money from her tax man, among hundreds of others!
Finally - you know what's coming - get those bloody books bought! And don't try to pretend you can't read; you're reading this, aren't you?
A READING FROM THE HOLY GOSPEL ACCORDING TO MERLIN
21And Merlin spake unto his disciples, saying, 'Verily, verily I say unto ye. Ye shall obey your monarchs, even though they be adulterers for they are ordained by God.'
22And he also did say, 'Beware of Tims in Huns clothing for they shall pervert ye and lead ye into liquidation.'
23And his disciples were sore afraid and did cry, 'Master, should we not vote YEA in September.'
24And Merlin did answer, saying, 'There will be much wailing and gnashing of teeth if ye do vote for independence. Follow the prophets, Eddie Izzard and David Bowie into the path of righteousness.'
"Did ye know that Ah'm ordained by God, by the way? Ah know ye're dyin' tae meet ma weans, so come doon an' Ah'll get ma maw tae gie ye a knighthood."
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