BAWS AND JAWS

Yes, I know I'm a bit late in rubbing The Peeppul's collective nose in it, but he who laughs last and all that. Did you watch the Daily Record's video with the 'journalists' talking about Sevco's chances on Sunday? They all looked as if they were ready to burst into tears, especially the fat one in the middle. Did things not go according to plan, then, lads? Motherwell were supposed to lie down, like they always used to at Ibrox; but things didn't quite turn out that way. The professional way that Motherwell went about things certainly showed one thing: for all the plaudits he's getting, McCall is a shite manager and he's to blame for Motherwell finishing eleventh.

Stephen McManus said they were going to need 'balls of steel' but they showed balls that were made of tungsten instead, which they needed in the face of a cheating, Hun referee. The number of fouls the Sevco players got away with was unbelievable; they pushed, tripped, kicked and lashed out with elbows, right in front of Madden. No doubt we'll see the same happening at Fir Park so McManus and his team-mates are going to need gonads of solid diamond!

Meanwhile, The Peeppul seem to have found somewhere to buy Sevco shares. Those readers as old as me will remember folk that used to come round certain pubs in the 1980s, trying to sell stolen goods or porn videos. They'd come and sit next to you and offer you whatever they had to sell sotto voce. They never harangued you or wasted time trying to persuade you. If you weren't interested, they'd move onto the next table. That's what probably happens down the Louden these days. Billy will be having a pint and somebody will suddenly appear next to him, saying, "Awright, big man? Kin Ah interest ye in some Sevco shares?" Either that, or somebody will come in brandishing them, like the Sally Army selling the War Cry, and everybody'll hide in the lavvies!
 
And as the FIFA scandal rolls on, so does the hypocrisy of our media. Keith Jackson is next to line up to take a pop at Sepp Blatter, calling him shameless and questioning his leadership qualities. At least he needs to stand for election every few years, unlike a certain, equally corrupt, Campbell Ogilvie EBT, who has been handed a sinecure for as long as he wants it. Seemingly the investigation into corrupt FIFA officials was instigated by the IRS, the American tax people. Look at how the American authorities, justice department and media have been right behind these investigations and arrests. Compare it with our own country, where tax dodgers are allowed to flout company laws and HMRC are accused of victimisation!

The other big (ish) story in our sports media this week has been the love bite on Jim McAlister's knee. The way the papers go on you'd think McAlister played the rest of the match with his patella hanging down at his shin. According to just about everybody, it's an open-and-shut case with all the photos showing the incident; even though not one photo shows an exposed molar, incisor or canine. A much clearer open-and-shut case is the one McAlister will have to answer for racially abusing Ciftci. Nobody else heard any such abuse and the referee didn't mention anything in his report, but that's all by-the-by. The SFA beaks have already shown that all that is needed to prove you racially abused someone is the word of the supposed victim. So McAlister is effectively fucked, isn't he?

Can I be serious for a moment? I don't understand all the abuse Phil Mac Giolla Bhain's been getting for supporting the decision of the Irish electorate to allow same-sex marriages. I really don't get what the problem is. Those citing the Church should realise that there's no question of any church being forced to perform same-sex weddings. Any such marriages will take place in a Registry Office, a type of ceremony that the Church doesn't recognise as a proper marriage anyway. So what's the problem? And any reliance on the Bible is fraught with difficulties. Most condemnation is to be found in Paul's epistles, not in any of the Gospels. In fact, comparing the likes of Romans or Corinthians I and II with the Gospels is like chalk and cheese and shows what a nasty piece of work Paul actually was. I always think of him as being like one of those American, Fundamentalist Protestant preachers, who speak nothing but hatred while talking of God's love!

Then there's the disgust factor. Why? What the hell are you dwelling on it for? I remember away back in my plooky youth being embarrassed by the slightest hint of homosexuality on the telly. This was mainly inspired by the deep-seated fear that you might find yourself turned on by it. As an adult, secure in my own sexuality, I care not a jot what anybody else gets up to, as long as they're not hurting anyone in the process. Like most men my age I'm too concerned with wringing what's left out of my own dwindling sex life to get caught up being bothered about what other folk are up to! And I notice that all the outbursts of disgust seem to be confined to the idea of two men having sex; nobody seems to be particularly disturbed by the image of two women going at it hammers-and-tongs!

Back to the football and, like every other Celtic fan, I'll be cheering on Falkirk and Motherwell this weekend. Nobody likes a cheat! And I think congratulations are in order to the person on Twitter that had me in stitches by calling Stuart McCall 'Bea Smith'. That's the best doppelganger I've heard about in a long time. Judge for yourself:

Meanwhile, as The Peeppul are constantly telling us, 'It's all about the Sevco'. And it's true! The media have been full of choice stories about The Peeppul.

"Ah smell brains! They must bae Celtic supporters!"

 

 

 

Senga McHun gets ready for Ladies Night doon the Ludge.

A new species of human has been discovered by scientists. The species has been named Homo Billiboy.

THE BLYTHSWOOD BRASSERIE

I don't know what Blythswood Square smelled like back in its heyday as a red-light district but there's certainly a distinctive smell about the place now. Rather than being the recipient, Traynor is now dishing up lamb of his own, like some school-dinner wummin. And, by God, the agnivores in the press are consuming it by the ton. It's just like the old days, with the fawning over everything Sevco. Now it's Motherwell that's getting it in the neck.

It seems as if it's perfectly fair for Sevco to only hand over 900-odd tickets for Ibrox but it's the crime of the century for Motherwell to reciprocate. We've not heard one word about Sevco's intimidatory tactics, nor the disgusting, cheating display of both crowd and club against Hibs. Instead, all we're hearing about is the embarrassment of empty seats at Fir Park. So Motherwell have to have hardly any supporters at Ibrox but The Peeppul are supposed to get as many tickets as they want for Fir Park! The hypocrisy is staggering! Stuart McCall is quoted as saying, "from a bigger perspective, it was disappointing to see a lot of empty seats at Easter Road and it will be disappointing to see it at Fir Park." How the hell is he allowed to get away with this? Don't answer that; we already know.

Hilariously, the Record tries to make out that McCall will be torn in two when it comes to facing Motherwell. Motherwell under his watch was continually lying down to Rangers and the same happened the last time they met Sevco, shamefully, in the League Cup in 2012. This however, is not just down to McCall; the record of Motherwell against the oldco makes for embarrassing reading. Hopefully this mindset has disappeared from Fir Park but, as for McCall, he won't be torn at all; his loyalties have always lain with whatever club's playing out of Ibrox.

If Mothewell refuse to lie down (and I certainly can't see Scott McDonald lying down) we can expect to see the same disgraceful behaviour tonight that we saw against Hibs. And, once again, the stewards and police will stand by and let it happen. And, once again, our authorities will not do a thing about it.

Which, of course, leads me on to yesterday's big news about all those folk at FIFA being arrested. Nobody can argue that they didn't have it coming; the smell of corruption has been drifting all round the globe for years. Everybody sees it as good news, including, with their usual hypocrisy, the Daily Record. They reported fully on what was happening throughout the day and the mealy-mouthed opinions offered would make you sick to your stomach.

The Director of the FBI, James Comey, had this to say:

"A lot of these developing countries develop on the money they get from FIFA at grassroots level. The bribes come out of and reduce this money, which would otherwise fund soccer balls and pitches for kids."

Without even a hint of irony, the guys at the DR say, "Spot on James Comey. That's the crime that shouldn't be forgotten."

What about the stealing of money from the state; money that could have gone towards more nurses, more teachers, more doctors? And all just so one team could rack up nine titles in a row and desperately try to make a name for itself in Europe. Isn't that a 'crime that shouldn't be forgotten'? And while Sepp Blatter hasn't been arrested yet, the DR boys make it clear that they believe he should be. Any corruption charges should involve the top man and the DR implies strongly that Blatter is king of the kick-backs. So what about the esteemed president of our own football association? Shouldn't we be looking into his EBT and his involvement in the scandal that was Rangers? I won't hold my breath.

The parallels between the FIFA situation and the situation in our own country with regards to Rangers/Sevco are infinite. There are even guys in Zurich shaking bedsheets about - though they look a damn sight cleaner than any that we ever saw at Ibrox!

The DR boys also come out with this one:

"For years people have implored sponsors to do what is right and walk away from their ties with FIFA. Only now, with world football's governing body not just in a swirl of corruption controversy but having been swept through by the tornado of American justice, might we see that attitude begin to change."

Aha! So that's why it's taken ages for the SPFL to get a sponsor. No business wants to be associated with a body 'in a swirl of corruption controversy'. They still don't. That's why our football authority has settled for a cheap deal with a bookies!

Stewart Regan, meanwhile, has commented on the situation, saying that the SFA will vote for anybody that promises to remove the stuff on the FIFA website about Rangers dying in 2012.

Two quick updates on e-mails I have and haven't received. Firstly, I got an e-mail the other day from Mike Small at Bella Caledonia. It seems he's finally realised that he doesn't have my address. He now has it so we'll see how long it takes for me to get my books back. Secondly, I haven't heard anything further from 'Nil By Mouth' so I take it the guy's given up. It's weird how when they can't sustain an argument this sort just disappears.

On pretty much the same subject, I saw a report today about a Catholic church in Livingston being covered in anti-Catholic graffiti and various UDA slogans and the like. Obviously it's some of The Peeppul that are responsible for this. Have you ever heard of this kind of thing happening to a Protestant church in Scotland? I haven't. Actually, I haven't heard of this kind of thing happening before to a Catholic church either. Considering the way The Peeppul act and everything they get away with, it's surprising that this hasn't happened before now. And yet, 'Nil By Mouth' would have us believe that 'both sides are as bad as each other'. What a load of pish!

If you read this story you'll see that there's a lucrative career path open to Sooperally once the gardening gig's over. All he needs to do is persuade Sue Barker to... Actually, let's leave it there. It's not an image we particularly want to dwell on!

"Okay! Okay! We give in. It's the same club!"

 

 

 

 

 

MASONIC CONSPIRACIES

I had to laugh when I read Gordon Waddell's piece in the Sunday Mail about the upcoming Scottish Cup final. As a Falkirk fan (cough, cough), Waddell says that he'd be happy to see his team languishing in the Championship for the next ten years if they can win the Scottish Cup. It's all about the prestige, he says; it's the big sporting occasion, he says; money shouldn't enter into it, he says. Strangely, though, when it comes to Sevco it's about nothing but money and sportsmanship and prestige are pushed to the sidelines. How often have Waddell and his cronies bemoaned the decision to put Sevco into the Third Division in 2012? Never mind making sure the game is run honestly; our football authorities were committing 'financial suicide'. Sorry, Mr Waddell, but you're full of shite!

Speaking of money in football, it's generally accepted that FIFA is a by-word for corruption, with back-handers galore for Sepp Blatter and his pals. The stories about the organisation have been going on for years and Blatter & Co are even under investigation by the FBI. The Daily Record had an article yesterday with Michel Platini denouncing Blatter for desperately trying to cling onto power. All-in-all, nobody's got a good word to say about Blatter and FIFA. But, wait; something's changed. It's maybe time to reassess what we all thought about FIFA. They're maybe okay after all!

There was more than a hint of desperate triumph in the Sunday Mail article, which said, "DESPITE claims that Rangers are a new club, FIFA have stepped into the argument and insisted that Rangers are the same football club." Well, there you go; it must be true, then. The article continues, "FIFA have stepped into the Rangers argument by announcing the Ibrox side ARE the same club." So much for expanding on things, eh? Surprisingly, there are no real details about this 'statement' from FIFA; instead we are treated to a re-tread of Neil Doncaster's assertion that Sevco is, in fact, Rangers. The sceptical among us will already smell a rat.

The Herald has slightly more to say, quoting the FIFA statement: "In spring 2012, Rangers were placed into liquidation and relegated to the fourth tier of Scottish football. The 54-time champions overcame another obstacle on the long road back to the Premier League last weekend but, after winning two successive promotions in style, that final leap is proving a little more difficult." In fact, FIFA has made no such statement. It was actually part of an article in the FIFA magazine, written by Swiss writer Peter Eggenberger. So, really, it's only one guy, talking through his arse and relying on what he's read in the Scottish media.

The original statement by FIFA about Sevco is still there on FIFA's official website and, therefore, still stands: "Rangers’ perilous financial position had been an open secret but there was still shock when, after 140 years of history and a world record 54 league titles, the club was consigned to liquidation in mid-June. The Glasgow giants were subsequently reformed as a new company and granted entry to the Third Division, Scotland’s fourth tier".

Meanwhile, McMurdo and his disciples have found a new enemy; one you'll find hard to believe! A lot of it hinges on Level 5 being the PR mob of the Real Raynjurz Men. Apparently, Level 5 has got something to do with Freemasonry; even the '5' in the company's logo has a wee representation of the Mason's set-square. They're even seeing symbolic meanings in the date of Honest Dave's takeover! It seems King's plan involves selling everything off and starting up a 'New Rangers' with a new ground and everything. 'Level 5', it appears, has connotations with resurrection in Masonic lore. Well, they've already had reincarnation, so resurrection shouldn't be a problem!

Who'd have thought we'd ever see a section of The Peeppul blaming the Masons for their woes! One of them says, "we are being let down by our own". That's funny; they've spent years trying to tell us that the funny handshake brigade isn't full of Orange bigots and now, suddenly, they're 'our own'. Hopefully it's all true; it would be a more than suitable and apt ending to this saga.

I can't be the only one that's noticed the difference in attitude of our Fourth Estate to the ticket allocation at Easter Rd to that at Ibrox. Here's what the DR had to say on Saturday: "The home club clearly not keen to hand Rangers the whole stand and an advantage today but they have been unable to sell out their own allocation. Sad to see the ground not rammed to the rafters on a beautiful day like this." Strangely, the same criticism wasn't levelled at the crowd size at Ibrox. 950 tickets was all Hibs got, while the home crowd was hardly full capacity. It seems it's okay for Sevco to play the intimidation game; even the behaviour of the supporters merits not a mention.

And they're at it again. Motherwell asked for 2000 tickets for the first leg at Ibrox, offering the whole Fir Park South Stand, 4800 tickets, to Sevco. Now Sevco are only handing over 950 tickets; the same as they did to Hibs. Understandably, Mothewell have now reduced Sevco's allocation for the second leg to 1500. No doubt we'll have the same level of intimidation at Ibrox as there was against Hibs. Guess what the headline is on the SkySports website: "Rangers restricted to 1,500 for Scottish Premiership play-off final against Motherwell". And they say there's no bias in our media!

And congratulations are in order to the people of the Republic of Ireland, who voted to allow same-sex marriages. One of the reasons given for the setting-up of Northern Ireland was the old 'Home Rule is Rome Rule' adage, making out that an independent Ireland would be pretty much a Catholic theocracy, stuck in the Middle Ages. Now Ireland has taken its place as one of the more forward-looking democracies in the world. Meanwhile, the north-east of the island is looking more and more like some reactionary, cultural and social backwater. Still, so long as the dinosaurs are happy!

Finally, I hope the family my wife was chatting to on the train through to Glasgow on Sunday had a great time. (I was sound asleep!) They were from Virginia and only had four days in Scotland, a place they'd never been before. They were looking forward to the highlight of their trip - going to Celtic Park to watch the celebrations. We were on our way to visit my mother so I don't know how the family got on. As I said, I hope they had a great time; everybody else seemed to!

"Get it through yer thick skulls. Yer club's only been alive this number-a years!"

BIG GORDY

The wind blew the driving rain into Big Gordy's face as he pedalled home on his mountain bike. He was tired after that sixteen-hour shift and, although it was cold, dark and miserable, he was sweating inside his thick, black and red waterproof jacket. He took his left hand off the handlebars and quickly wiped his eyes with thumb and forefinger, not sure if it was water or perspiration he was wiping away. The rain mingled with the sweat on his bald head and trickled down past the RFC tattoo on his neck. He scorned the use of any headgear; helmets were for poofs!

A car overtook him slowly, its tyres making a sloshing noise on the wet road. "Hey, ya prick! Pit somethin' bright oan! Ah nearly run ye ower!" the driver shouted through the open passenger window. Gordy just stuck his middle finger up as the car pulled away. Wear something bright? A couple of years back he would have been wearing a light-blue Rangers jacket but last September, when it came time to buy a new one, he got this black and red one instead; there was no way he was giving money to those rats in the boardroom. He did have a high-vis vest in the knapsack on his back, but he was not wearing that when he did not have to. Despite his work colleagues assuring him that it was yellow, he knew the truth. The thing was green and nobody was going to convince him otherwise. It was all part of the big conspiracy that he had read about on the internet.

The road was quiet and no other cars came past so his mind could not help but wander. He thought of what dinner might be waiting for him at home; it had better be something good or there would be trouble. It was nearly ten o'clock at night but his wife knew better than to go to her bed and leave Gordy a dried-out, congealed mess in the oven. It had only been a couple of nights ago that he had come home to be served a Scotch pie, oven chips and beans. He had thrown it at his wife and an argument had ensued, with her pointing out that there was no money for anything else since he had spent it all on that trip to Dumfries. The argument had finished with her in A&E having her broken jaw wired up. Why did she always provoke him?

His two sons, Billy and Walter, would be in bed by now so as to be up for school in the morning. It was just as well since they both irritated Gordy all the time too. Last week Billy, who was eleven, had actually had the nerve to speak back to his father, something Gordy would never have dreamed of doing when he was that age. Gordy was giving his boys a drunken lecture about the evils of Catholicism when Billy had pointed out that there were Catholics at his school and they were all right.

"They should be in thur ain fuckin' schools!" Gordy spat the words out.

"But, Da, you said that they should dae away wi' Catholic schools,' said Billy reasonably.

Gordy's befuddled mind puzzled over this for a moment and then said, "Jist stye away frae the bastards; they're trouble!"

Billy came up with yet another reply. "But, Da, you said wae should feel sorry fur aw the Catholic weans 'cos thur aw gettin' sexually abused wi' priests!"

This stymied Gordy somewhat and he struggled to find anything else to say. Fortunately, there was an easy way to settle the argument and Billy went to bed with a sore face and the imprint of an RFC ring on his cheek.

Bloody weans! thought Gordy as he pedalled mechanically. Even at Christmas they had shown nothing but ingratitude when they found their Christmas stockings filled with Rangers shares. Didn't they realise? Didn't they understand? This was their heritage, their very culture that their father was trying to save for them! They had to know that there were far more important things in life than PS4s, laptops, toys and selection boxes; they were part of The People. The world had tried to kill Rangers but it was still there and Gordy was determined that it was always going to be there, for his sons, their children and their children's children. It broke his heart that neither of his sons was interested in football and had not wanted to go back to Ibrox after one visit. They would learn, though, even if they had to be hospitalised to do so.

Gordy's thoughts turned to Walter, named after that man of dignity and greatest football manager the world had ever seen. He was nine and absolutely terrified of his father, as Gordy had been of his. That was the way it should be in a proper family. Walter had to be practically dragged to school every morning because he was ridiculed mercilessly by the other children. Although Gordy had angrily remonstrated with the headteacher and Billy was constantly punching anybody that looked at Walter the wrong way, it had been going on for months.

It had been Gordy that had inadvertently caused the bullying. It was in January and he had already used and ruined every bedsheet in the house for demonstrating at Ibrox. That Saturday there was only one sheet available; Walter's. As Gordy brandished it nobody was looking at the big picture of a rat; their attention was drawn instead to the large pish stain behind the rodent. The match had been televised and word soon spread around the school that Walter peed the bed. Not that Gordy would ever admit that it was his fault; it was Walter's for pishing the bed in the first place.

At last he reached home and was surprised to find that the back door was locked. He fumbled in his pocket, pulled out his keys and let himself in. The whole house was in darkness; what the hell was going on? He found the switch and turned on the kitchen light. There seemed to be nobody at all in the house and there was no sign of any dinner. The kitchen had been thoroughly cleaned and he was sure that there were one or two things missing. On the table there was nothing but an HP sauce bottle with a piece of paper underneath. He slammed the door shut, made his way to the table and pulled the paper sharply, making the sauce bottle fall onto its side with a thud. The noise emphasised the silence in the rest of the house, letting Gordy know that he truly was alone.

The note was short and to the point. Gordy's wife had gone for good, taking the boys with her. She warned him against trying to find them as her solicitor was going to court to stop him from coming anywhere near them. Gordy sat down on a chair and held the crumpled piece of paper to his face. He felt a mixture of emotions: anger, sadness, frustration. Most of all he was hungry; she had not even left him something to eat! He thought about rummaging in the fridge but could not bring himself to move. His hands fell to his sides and the piece of paper dropped onto the floor. As he stared into space the realisation suddenly struck him:

This was all Ally McCoist's fault!

THEY'VE STARTED GREETIN' AGAIN!

Away back in the 1980s, back in the days when I used to actually buy the Daily Record, you would sometimes get a plaintive cry in the letters page, which would go something like, "Why can't you all leave us heavy metal fans alone? We're not doing anybody any harm. All we want is to be left alone to enjoy our music." My reaction was probably the same as everybody else's: what the hell is this clown on about? The papers rarely mentioned heavy metal and nobody particularly cared whether anybody was listening to it or not. I got a mental image of this sad guy, sitting in his bedroom, Whitesnake album playing while he shook his long, greasy hair and showered the floor with dandruff, convincing himself that everybody outside his home had it in for him.

It was a case of déjà vu when I read that nonsense in the DR by somebody called Jonathan McFarlane. He says, "There has been a concerted campaign waged against Rangers over the last few years that has blackened our name amongst other fans and some gullible journalists who position themselves as the voices of the people." Really? I must have missed that. Actually, Jonny boy, Rangers have been dead for nearly three years now and I don't remember anyone in our media saying anything against the club or the new club that purports to be 'stull Rangers'. In the real world, the world outside Jonny's bedroom, we've had nothing but vomit-inducing, sycophantic drivel about every crook that's climbed the marble staircase and then equally vomit-inducing sympathy for The Peeppul when said crooks make off with the goods.

"Despite the mountain of evidence discrediting these people, in the parochial and tribal world of football, they have been able to develop a narrative of Rangers being a cheating, corrupt and sectarian club."

This guy really needs to get out more. What else can you call a company that goes into liquidation to shaft all its creditors and then rises to call itself the same company, minus debts, but 'cheating and corrupt'? As for the sectarian bit, that goes without saying. Poor wee Jonny must be another one of those stone-deaf souls that never hears all the 'up tae wur knees' stuff. And the old, get-out clause of the club(s) doing all it can to stamp it out doesn't actually bear scrutiny. What, exactly, has it done?

And then we get the sob story about Whyte and Green; how everybody felt sorry for Hearts fans in the aftermath of Romanov's ownership. Nobody feels sorry for the poor, downtrodden, Peeppul. Awww! I'm filling up here. The fact is that the Hearts fans never asked anybody to feel sorry for them; they got off their arses and saved their club. As for Whyte and Green there were constant warnings about them, which the Peeppul chose to ignore. More than that; they were positively hostile to any criticism of these crooks. Remember the marches to Hampden and demonstrations outside BBC Scotland? Jonny and his ilk wanted these crooks in charge and wouldn't hear a bad word against him; and yet it's everybody else's fault that things ended badly?

The same goes for Honest Dave being declared 'fit and proper'. Jonny sees the criticism as being 'faux moral uproar'; where was the criticism of Romanov and Di Stefano? Actually, there was plenty of criticism of these chancers when they arrived and our media were full of stories about their dodgy dealings. Neither of them, though, was a convicted criminal, and yet they faced far more opprobrium in our media than a genuine, bona fide, twenty-four-carat crook like King. Our media's depiction of Honest Dave can only really be described as a charm offensive.

But wait, Jonny's not talking about the media; it's all those pesky Internet Bampots again, refusing to toe the Level 5 line. "Some of these individuals couldn’t spell journalism," Jonny opines. Most of them, can, however, spell 'disdain', unlike Oor Jonny, who thinks the word is 'distain'. Apparently, us Bampots "publish speculation, half-truths and rumour as fact without fear of legal recourse or being held to account by a non-partisan readership". Eh? It doesn't matter where you publish lies; you can still end up in court with a hefty fine hanging over you. The fact that we can all say, with impunity, that Sevco is a cheating, corrupt, sectarian club is because, my dear Jonny, it happens to be true!

Essentially, this ridiculous piece is just another rant about 'Raynjurz Haturz'. Poor Jonny and his Peeppul; it must be terrible to be hated. Ask the KKK, the Khmer Rouge, the Nazis, the BNP, the Dutch Reformed Church of South Africa etc. They'll tell you all about it!

The DR, rather amazingly, have allowed a Hibs fan to publish a piece that shows what a load of cheating, corrupt bastards Sevco and our football officials are. He has the same story to tell that I did the other day: the referee allowing Sevco players away with murder, stewards and police doing nothing while the monkeys threw rubbish at Hibs players and no replacement balls available when The Peeppul wouldn't return the one that had gone out of play. The only thing incorrect that writer Jamie Montgomery comes out with is when he says, "It was almost as if it was being treated as a bit of a laugh by police and stewards." I'm afraid you're wrong there, son! It was a deliberate ploy to stop the flow of the game and put the Hibs players off. As for the SFA doing anything about it, you'll see the European Cup being paraded down Leith Walk, son, before that happens!

Back at the ranch, Honest Dave is telling all and sundry that Sevco is one of the strongest clubs in the world financially, with virtually no debt. You could say that about our local boys' club but I don't expect them to be challenging in Europe anytime soon. In reality, though, King is talking a load of shite. They owe Mike Ashley £5 million, they don't own most of the club's assets, they'll owe NUFC 500 grand if they make it into the Premiership and they're relying on loans to survive from month to month. Aye, everything sounds rosy, doesn't it? If there's anybody reading this that's from Castlemilk, you might remember the old British Legion Club, whose committee assured everyone that things were great financially just before the place mysteriously burned to the ground. Honest Dave's rhetoric sounds remarkably similar.

Of course, none of the agnivores in our media would dare to ask King why he isn't paying Ashley off if things are so wonderful on the money front. None of them are questioning either why the board is so desperate to come to some kind of accommodation with Sooperally. Surely a big financial player like Sevco can afford Sooper's wages? Ally, understandably, is refusing to play ball and wants his full whack. He is, after all, entitled to it since nobody did more to get the Real Raynjurz Men into the Blue Room than Sooper. Would so many have been willing to boycott Ibrox if Ally had put a decent team on the pitch? Give the man his money; he earned it!

Good luck to Hibs today and, hopefully, the place is filled to the rafters with green and white. Sevco has been allocated 1500 seats, which they can't complain about, so their usual bile should be drowned out. Alan Stubbs will need to have his team ready to overcome the tricks of a biased referee as well as the elbows of the Sevco players. At least we won't see any of the disgraceful crowd behaviour we witnessed the other night. Come on the Hibees - gerrintayrum! And for God's sake don't think of it as a cup final or you're Donald Ducked!

"Geeze ma money, ya bastards! Ma fuckin' hauns are rid raw wi' diggin' tatties an' Ah'm aw cut tae ribbons wi' thae rose bushes 'n 'at. An' nae wummin'll come near mae noo 'cos Ah'm stinkin'-y shite aw the time!"

THE KING MAKERS

Well it was hardly a surprise, was it? We all knew it would happen so there's no point moaning about it. The best thing to do is to sit back and laugh at everything that's going to unfold. It's already starting to unfold and it won't be long until it starts to unravel. Gary Ralston is going on about King and his cronies investing 'on a debt-for-equity basis.' Now that sounds suspiciously to me like the same kind of deal Ashley was offering. When Ashley did it, it was called 'a loan'; when the 'Real Raynjurz Men' do it, it's called 'investment'. In other words, there's no money so the Record is just spinning a load of Level 5 pish.

Apparently the South African authorities had nothing bad to say about Honest Dave; he's loved from Cape Town to Johannesburg, it seems. Would the SA authorities really do this? You bet your arse they would! It's an old ploy that schools are meant to use to get rid of somebody that's hopeless; give them a glowing reference to piss of to a promoted post elsewhere and then it's somebody else's problem. The South African authorities have probably jumped at the chance to get rid of King and his dirty money! Ralston tries to make it all sound good:

"Indeed, most of King’s business is done with the South African government and if he was so disgraced in his adopted homeland they would be unlikely to grant him the bulk of his work with Micromega Holdings, which oversees areas such as IT, procurement, recruitment and financial services."

He hasn't got a clue, has he? Either that or he thinks the rest of us have heads that button up the back. Our own government is exposed from time to time as doing business with some very dodgy characters; usually via a few well-placed backhanders. Does Ralston really believe, or expect us to believe, that the same kind of thing doesn't happen in South Africa? In fact, African governments are notorious for corruption and being associated with them is usually a sign that a company is at best morally dubious. With some of the gangsters with whom King has been linked in the South African media, it wouldn't be at all surprising to learn that he has dealings with corrupt government officials.

When everything goes tits-up - and it will - the scapegoats have already been lined up. The revolting Ralston tries to point the blame for the long delay in King's being declared 'fit and proper' by saying that Honest Dave's 'issues with the tax man' could have seen him "fall foul of Hampden powerbrokers such as Peter Lawwell at Celtic and Rod Petrie at Hibs". Keith Jackson also makes sure he mentions that Peter Lawwell and Rod Petrie helped make the decision. As soon as things start going wrong, you just know that The Peeppul, and the likes of Jackson, will be saying that Lawwell put King in charge to 'kill oaff Raynjurz!'

So why would Peter Lawwell pass Honest Dave as fit and proper? The answer is easy: money. Lawell is just as keen as any of them to get Sevco into the top tier and start up what will be called the 'Old Firm Derby'. Remember, he was quite ready to let Sevco stroll into the SPL three years ago, until the supporters changed his mind for him. It always seems to be the way at Celtic; the pound sign is more important than any other consideration to the ones in charge. Anyone that's read 'A Toast to Charlie Hanrahan' will be familiar with the 1909 Hampden Riot, where both Celtic and Rangers supporters suspected a fix to fleece them of more money. The difference in attitude toward Scottish football between Celtic supporters and the Celtic board is of long standing!

As for the investigation itself, our media is desperate to make King appear hard-done-by. The fact is that a five-year-old would have taken five minutes to realise that not only was King not fit and proper to take charge of a football club, he wasn't fit and proper to even be allowed into the country. The reason why the whole thing took so long is obviously because the SFA were scrutinising their own rules minutely to find every wee loophole they could. Ralston sees it differently.

"King will no doubt look on with interest in seasons to come and see if others who are willing to invest in Scottish football are subject to the same vigorous level of investigation."

If they happen to be convicted criminals, well-known crooks and proven liars then, yes, they should be investigated fully. Ralston, however, is playing up to the Huns, implying that there was only an investigation because it 'wiz Raynjurz'!

Speaking of Huns, those scenes at Ibrox last night were an absolute disgrace. Not content with handing over less than a thousand tickets to Hibs, they also ensured that things were disrupted as much as possible. Various items were thrown onto the pitch around the Hibs goalkeeper and whenever Hibs were taking a corner, while the stewards stood and watched and made no move whatsoever to stop the crowd. Most of the missiles were paper and cardboard but the Hibs players weren't to know that; monkeys are renowned for throwing their own shit at folk. Whenever the ball ended up with the crowd, The Peeppul refused to return it, throwing it to each other while grinning and laughing moronically. On one occasion a smirking Hunlet threw the ball to the ground, meaning that the Hibs player had to climb over the hoardings to get it. When all this was happening a ball boy should have been immediately supplying a replacement ball. The fact that nobody did shows that Sevco was complicit in this childish behaviour. I doubt any other club's supporters would behave this way; certainly no other club's supporters would be permitted to get away with it!

The match officials did their bit as well. Both Sevco goals were well-taken, but the lead-up to the first one involved a Hibs player being pushed to the ground from behind. The commentator said that Hibs 'lacked bite' in the final third of the pitch, even though they were playing much better than Sevco. Anyone watching closely would have seen the orgy of shoving and obstructing that went on around the Sevco goal area; all of it ignored by the referee. And then, at the end, with all the stoppages and time-wasting by the co-ordinated crowd, there were only four minutes added on. You can be sure that if the same tactics are employed at Easter Rd by an angry home crowd there'll be at least ten minutes added on; depending, of course, on what the score is!

Have you been reading that stuff about the big 'Republican terrorist' trial? The main character in the dock, Antoin Duffy, already seemed something of a fantasist and now it's emerged that he's addicted to Tramadol. Hundreds of hours of police time have been wasted following this clown about, which probably amounts to a seven-figure sum of money. He actually went into a crowded Brazen Head pub and accosted Anthony Stokes to ask him if his da could supply him with guns. He's obviously a well-trained IRA operative, eh? He's also under the impression that he could start a war by killing two old UDA has-beens, who were chased out of Northern Ireland by their own people. The guy obviously should be in a padded cell with a box of crayons instead of all this money and manpower being wasted on him. What the hell is going on?

In a similar vein, I'm beginning to wonder about all these reports of the atrocities being committed by ISIS. In North Korea, apparently, they show films depicting life in the 'decadent' West, with scenes of starving people eating pigeons, and even each other. We all laugh at how ingenuous these folk are, waving wee flags at military parades and at an unelected head of state, who gestures patronisingly to them from a balcony. Er...wait a minute...

Anyway, we've already seen, during the independence referendum and the general election,  how much our media lie to us; who's to say they're telling the truth about burning virgins and gay men being hurled to their deaths from high buildings? It's almost as if they're building up hatred for a reason. I sense another war coming up. And for anyone arguing that it's UN representatives that are telling us about these atrocities, they should watch a film called 'The Whistleblower', which tells the truth about UN activities.

Finally, does anyone have any idea what Myra Hindley was doing in the Directors' Box at Ibrox?

 

 

WHAT HAPPENED, CHIC?

That was a rather strange situation on Sunday. I was listening to the match on Radio Scotland, enjoying QOS being on level terms and waiting for at least 10 minutes being added on for stoppage time. And then it came. Lee Wallace scored. Apparently the Queens' bench was up in arms, as were the QOS players. The commentary team was adamant that Wallace was onside but Wee Chic Young had the answer. What QOS were complaining about was that Wallace used an arm to control the ball when it was passed to him. Wee Chic promised to have a look at a video replay to see what had happened and get back to the team. He never did.

And so, on Monday, all we heard about was QOS claiming, wrongly, for offside; not another word was said about that offending arm. So why didn't Wee Chic 'get back' to anyone? There are a few possible answers to that. It could be that there was no arm used and WC decided it wasn't worthwhile saying anything else, or an arm was used and WC didn't want anybody to know, or somebody on high told WC to drop the matter, or maybe Wallace was, in fact, offside and even used an arm into the bargain. As I said; a strange one.

And there's another strange one. It didn't seem to me as if there was much injury time added onto the end of the match, if any. QOS were battering the Sevco goal and, abruptly, they ran out of time. The BBC report, however, states that 4 minutes were added. They use some weird timepieces at football matches these days. It was only a couple of weeks ago that 11 minutes were added on so that Sevco could score an equaliser against Falkirk. The 'official' time added on was 5 minutes and Law apparently scored on 93 minutes, even though it was definitely later than that. (The Sevco website displays the usual brass neck in claiming that Law scored on the 90th minute, while in the video he is shown scoring on the 88th!) Either Dr Who is doing the timekeeping for Sevco matches these days or there is something seriously dodgy going on. I suggest Alan Stubbs takes a variety of synchronised watches with him to Ibrox on Wednesday, just to keep a close eye on things.

But, then, according to Keith Jackson, Hibs are just wasting their time (no pun intended) even turning up. He's already talking about the irony of McCall sending Motherwell into relegation or Scott McDonald being responsible for another 'helicopter Sunday'. He does point out that Sevco has the little matter of Hibs being in the way but, the way he goes on, he obviously does see it as just that - a little matter. If anyone ever speaks of a Celtic win as a foregone conclusion they're always accused of being 'disrespectful to other teams'; it seems it's different when it comes to an Ibrox club. And if Hibs do give Sevco a severe bruising, which seems more than likely, all we'll hear about in the press is a 'shock' result. Our media still can't get it through their heads; this is not the Rangers of yesteryear, brushing all opposition aside. It's a new team entirely; and a pish one at that.

It's always a pleasant surprise to find folk copying your ideas and your patter. First, while everyone was banging on about money men at Ibrox, I was always convinced that the main issue was having 'Real Raynjurz Men' in place in order to somehow prove that the club was 'stull Raynjurz'. It's taken a while but it seems everyone's now come round to my way of thinking. The Peeppul don't care about the money; it's all about having 'their own' in charge. And now I find Phil Mac Giolla Bhain going on about dinosaurs. I might not have the contacts but, by Christ, I've got my finger on the pulse, even if I do say so myself!

Away from football, I see that the Daily Record highlighted a particular bugbear of mine. A girl from a deprived area in Glasgow had enough qualifications to study Medicine but found her way blocked because she hadn't done an internship or anything like that. This has been going on ever since working-class folk have been able to get into university. More and more, admission is not based just on qualifications but on what voluntary work you've been involved in. It goes without saying that folk from working-class backgrounds often simply can't afford to do such things and it's a way of discriminating in favour of upper- and middle-class applicants without being blatant about it.

Fee-paying schools and state schools in better-off areas organise every year for older pupils to go abroad to dig wells and the like for the poor natives. This is a cynical move to get their CVs looking better than those of working-class pupils and most of those going couldn't care less about starving children etc. I caused a bit of a rammy in one school staffroom in Glasgow when another teacher was looking for sponsors for her son, who was doing a walk or some such to raise funds to go on the annual Jordanhill School charity jaunt abroad. While everyone else rushed to contribute I questioned why pupils at schools in Castlemilk or Easterhouse never got the opportunity to take part in such ventures. The reply was that they "wouldn't be able to afford it." I was viewed as a Communist troublemaker when I pointed out that if her son could afford it then he didn't need any money from me!

These pupils look for sponsors among local businesses as well and have started using crowdfunding websites to raise money. You'll notice that they never do things like tidy up play areas in Possil or Barlanark; it always has to be abroad. Digging a well in Nicaragua looks a lot better on your application form than helping out in a food bank in Springburn! So please remember, there are plenty of charities out there that you could give money to, who work full-time to help the disadvantaged overseas. Sponsoring some pupil at Hutcheson's Grammar to go and dig a well in Rwanda might seem like a good cause but, really, all you're doing is helping to deprive a working-class pupil of the chance of a place at university or the career they've always wanted.

Finally, I see Auld Liz and Phil are going on a state visit to Germany, where Liz can point out to hubby where her uncle met Herr Hitler and where her own family come from. As part of their visit, they're going to Belsen, which, to my mind, is not a good idea. Can you imagine them, strolling around a horrific part of German history that Frau Saxe-Coburg Gotha's relatives were involved in? And then there's that walking accident-waiting-to-happen, Phil the Greek. You just know he's going to start making jokes about big noses getting caught in gas-chamber doors! Maybe they'd be better staying at home and sending Prince Harry, so long as he doesn't take his fancy-dress costume with him; you know the one I mean!

"Quite right, Dick. Ah told thum tae fuck off as well!"

TEACHERS AND LEECHERS

In education there's a weird situation where the more courses a teacher does, the more likely they are to be promoted. A lot of the more worthwhile courses take place during the day so an ambitious teacher will hardly ever be in the school, leaving their classes to a parade of supply teachers. And I'm not exaggerating here; I've seen some primary teachers spend as little as a few weeks out of a year in the classroom before disappearing altogether into the stratosphere of the education department. Since these folk are seen as being experts in their field, it's to them that governments turn when they're looking to shake things up a bit to improve results in our schools. The fact that these people have virtually no idea of what goes on in a day-to-day classroom doesn't seem to matter; just look at all those courses they've done!

And so, every couple of decades or so, they change the curriculum, and how it's taught, leaving ordinary teachers to cope with having to learn all the changes while still having to teach the pupils in their classes. Some of this can get ridiculous. When I first started teaching, we were told that learning by rote was a waste of time; the children needed to understand what they were learning. So pupils were not to learn their times tables but look at patterns; for example, how the nine-times table is related to the three-times table etc. And then, suddenly, inspiration struck the powers-that-be and every school had a visitation from on high to announce that they had a 'new' way of learning to multiply - you learned the times tables! The funniest part was that all the teachers were told that 'they had been doing the wrong thing' - as if it was their fault!

The same situation exists in football, with folk that have never kicked a ball in anger, or even dipped into their pocket to buy a match ticket, making pronouncements on what's best for the game in Scotland. The game was getting moribund in the 1970s so they came up with the brilliant idea of having a top tier with less teams in it. This was going to save Scottish football. Through the years this top league has been extended to twelve teams, contracted to ten, extended again, contracted, extended, contracted...In fact, I can't even remember off-hand how many teams are in the Premiership at present!

Things aren't particularly great in Scottish football again. Despite claims that the play-offs have made things more exciting and the resurgence of Aberdeen and the like; the fact remains that attendances are way down. So what bright ideas have our people at the top come up with to make things better? Why, a bigger top tier, of course! Well, bugger me with a bicycle pump; what a brilliant idea! It stands to reason, doesn't it? You won't get teams playing each other four times or more every season so it's bound to be better! Er...so why didn't they just leave the good, old-fashioned Division 1 where it was in the first place?

We all know what the real problems are with Scottish football. Firstly, it's too bloody dear! In a competitive market for entertainment, football has priced itself out of the pocket of the ordinary fan. I think I've mentioned before about the time I was going to treat my brother in law and his boys to a match at Celtic Park against Hearts. I nearly shat myself when they told me the price! Secondly, most entertainment these days is family-oriented and it's a brave man these days that'll insist on disappearing to the football on his own. And he can hardly take his family; can he? Nobody wants to listen to the appeals for blood donors for some Bathory-like treatment on the lower legs, while having to explain to the weans what a 'Fenian' is! That's the sort of thing that needs to change; not the size of the top league.

Now we've got that well-known genius, Barry Ferguson, telling us how to save the game. It's not how many teams are in the league, he tells us, it's which teams are in it. Of course, the main thing is having 'Celtic and Rangers (sic)' matches. But wait, Barry's in a generous mood; we need all our derbies - Dundee v Dundee Utd, Hibs v Hearts and...er...that's it. Graciously, Barry admits that promotion and relegation should be 'on merit' but, and it's a big 'but', we need a bigger league to make sure this lot never leaves the top tier. After all, as Ferguson points out, "The bigger sponsorship deals come to the table when the bigger teams and the bigger matches are involved. It stands to reason. The Champions League makes multi-millions because 
the cream of Europe are playing in it."

I can't be the only one that finds the Champions League nothing but a total bore. Rich footballing countries, like England and Italy, have umpteen teams competing, reducing the chance of some smaller team succeeding. It's the same teams in the knock-out stages year after year and I can't get excited about it at all. It should just be the champions from each country taking part in a knock-out tournament, with all the uncertainty and upsets that can bring; that sounds to me a far more exciting competition.

And that's what can make Scottish football exciting; the likes of Aberdeen or Dundee Utd pushing Celtic to the line and big teams like Hibs and Hearts running the risk of being relegated. It's the nail-biting stuff that makes it all worthwhile; something you won't get if the whole thing is fixed so that the league will be made bigger to keep certain teams in it. What's the point? It's like those games of football you'd sometimes get when you were wee, where a gang of thugs would threaten to kick the shit out of you if you won. You couldn't possibly win and you couldn't walk away either, since that would result in a kicking as well. That's the kind of football that appeals to Barry Ferguson, and others; a complete and utter waste of time, where the game takes second place to how much money can be made. Is that what we really want?

And then there's the ridiculous figure of Ralph Topping moaning at the BBC for not handing over enough money. After our football authorities and our media have been talking the Scottish game up as such a great product! Over the past few years they've told us about Armageddon, tainted titles, how 'Rangers' being missing from the top tier made things less exciting and then the SPFL actually paid BT Sports to show Sevco matches. I mean, what's not to like? And they wonder why broadcasters weren't exactly falling over themselves... Considering that any contract with the BBC would, of course, have insisted on them following Sevco's 'journey', it's surprising that the Beeb actually handed over any money at all!

Speaking of thugs, as I was earlier, I see that the guy that racially abused MSP Humza Yousaf, when he was selling the Big Issue, is a Hun. Who'd have guessed, eh? The headline says, 'Racists take note - you won't get away with your hate'. Unless, of course, the one being abused is of Irish extraction and the thug is calling him a 'Taig' or a 'Tarrier'!

Which brings me back to Nil By Mouth. The last correspondence I received was a link to a story about a Rangers-supporting workman being whacked on the back with a garden spade by a work colleague. The guy suffered broken ribs and had to have a stay in hospital but, as I e-mailed back to NBM, this shocking tale has nothing whatsoever to do with my query. I pointed out that I wanted evidence of Protestants being discriminated against in the WORK MARKET, the way Catholics were. I've received no reply as yet and am wondering if I'll get a reply at all!

Meanwhile, Jim Murphy has decided to resign. The Daily Record/Sunday Mail is up in arms about this, denouncing all the folk that had it in for him after Scottish Labour being wiped out. In a stirring encomium, we are told how Murphy's "five months as leader brought energy and ideas to a party that, quite frankly, hasn’t had enough of either for far too long. He is an experienced and committed politician and Scottish Labour have not had a surfeit of them either." Ideas? I don't remember too many of them coming from Murphy but he certainly brought energy, if that's what you call standing shouting at people in the street, surrounded by a travelling rent-a-mob. Instead of his trademark Irn Bru can in his hand, his way of campaigning was probably more suited to a bottle of Buckfast! Probably the most damning indictment that can be made against an MP like Murphy is the fact that nobody is going to notice the difference between his being there and not being there!

Finally, I see the chances of Mike Ashley getting his £5m back have been drastically reduced. Read about it here.

Ralph Topping yesterday.

BALANCING ACT

I've seen in American films members of the Ku Klux Klan being described as 'pointy-heads' or even 'pointy-headed fucks', but I've never seen this being interpreted as being racist against white people. On the contrary, it's quite reasonable for peddlers of hate to be referred to in disparaging terms. Only in Scotland, it seems, is it even considered that disparaging terms for bigots are themselves bigoted. Reading the 'Nil By Mouth' website, for example, leads one to believe that 'Orange bastard' is somehow a term of sectarian bigotry directed at Protestants, when, in reality, that is simply not true. The majority of Protestants couldn't care less about anybody's faith, or lack thereof, and would certainly never align themselves with the bigoted Orange Lodge.

In point of fact, many of those marching about, professing to be 'protecting Protestantism' from some perceived threat have never ventured inside a church of any description and more than a few have not even been baptised. Rather than being Protestants they are merely heathens, whose whole outlook on life is determined by a hatred toward something they don't even understand. 'Orange bastard,' therefore is not directed against Protestants or Protestantism but against these hate-filled individuals. And it stands to reason that if you're going to sing about being up to your knees in Fenian blood then you deserve the description of 'Orange' with the appropriate noun 'bastard' added on for effect.

So why does 'Nil By Mouth' persist in broadcasting this myth? It is probably because they are too scared to tackle the reality of sectarian bigotry in this country so try to water it down by pretending that 'one side's as bad as the other'. This has the unfortunate effect of letting the bigots off since they can always use the 'whatabootery' argument supplied by 'Nil By Mouth'. It is also significant that 'Nil By Mouth' identifies sectarian and racial bigotry in Scotland as being "perhaps most visible in relation to football", while ignoring the hate-filled parades marching up and down our streets every summer, with some participants coming over from Northern Ireland for the occasion, bringing their own brand of bigotry with them.

You might remember that I contacted 'Nil By Mouth' a while back, asking for evidence for this assertion on their website:

"Widespread discrimination in entering employment, and certain established social networks, also fuelled tensions between the Catholic and Protestant communities in Scotland. Employment opportunities  were denied to people of both denominations on the grounds of the religious group to which they blonged or were perceived and prejudged to belong. Discriminatory recruitment practices were conducted both officially and unofficially and a name considered traditionally Protestant or Catholic, or whether a candidate attended a Catholic or non-denominational school, was sufficient grounds for many businesses to exclude people from employment."

It is relatively easy to find old job adverts where 'RCs need not apply' was the norm. I've never heard of any such discrimination, however, against Protestants and asked for evidence to back up their claims. After phoning them to chivvy them along, I finally received an answer. You won't believe what their 'evidence' was!

"Probably the most relevant area of employment for you to look into for whatever piece of research you are doing is the area of education and the consistent practice of non Catholics being overlooked and excluded from holding senior teaching and leadership posts at publicly funded schools."  

I have sent two e-mails back, expressing the following:

"Is this some kind of joke? Denominational schools are entitled to ensure that senior management are in tune with the ethos of the schools, whether those schools are Roman Catholic, Episcopalian or Church of England. Why is there no problem with this 'discrimination' in England or elsewhere? Why only in Scotland?

I'm afraid your answer only opens your organisation to the charge of being guilty of the very bigotry it is supposed to be helping to stamp out!"

 

and

 

"The reason why I bring up the allegation of bigotry toward Nil By Mouth is that you used the phrase, 'publically-funded'. This is the argument employed frequently by people in the Orange Lodge and other anti-Catholic organisations in their agenda against RC schools. As I say, it seems that only in Scotland, out of every nation on Earth, is this seen as a problem.  

The abolition of denominational schools would be a reasonable argument if it were not for the fact that there is actually no such thing as a non-denominational school in Scotland. Religious Education is compulsory in Scotland, especially in primary schools, and the curriculum is heavily weighted in favour of Christianity. Assemblies adhere to Christian festivals and practically all schools have a pastoral link to a local church. Effectively, this means that non-denominational schools are, as many people call them, Protestant schools.   

Many people feel that Nil By Mouth is not effectively tackling sectarian bigotry because it feels the necessity to 'balance things out' and argue that 'both sides' (if you can call it that) are as bad as each other. Your pointing the finger at RC schools would tend to support this view of your organisation. Do you think this view is correct and, if not, how would you counter it?"

 

I await their reply with interest.

 

Meanwhile, on a lighter note, I see that Mike Ashley is asking for his £5million back. The fact that no attempt has so far been made to get rid of Ashley shows that the Real Raynjurz Men are not as rich as they have been making out. The letter was apparently sent to Ibrox a couple of weeks back and we are only now hearing about it. So much for the 'transparency' and 'openness' that was touted before the EGM! (This is a major theme of the new book I'm working on about Sevco.) And now Big Mike has called for an EGM of his very own. Get those pishy bedhseets out, lads - the 'rats' are on their way back!

 

Did you see that article in the Daily Record yesterday about the shop in Troon selling gollywogs? Rather shamefully, they're still, apparently, on sale with folk jumping in to absolve the shop owners of racism. Seemingly they're 'too old' to know how offensive these things are. What a load of pish! Get the auld cunts telt! The Record, meanwhile, used the opportunity to let us know who the REAL racists are. Paired with this story was the weeks-old story of Nigel Farage accusing the SNP of being racists. It's good to know where the Record's priorities lie.

 

And, sticking with Farage and UKIP, the police are investigating claims that there have been some dodgy dealings in the General Election in Thanet South, where Farage stood and lost. There doesn't seem to be much in the way of evidence - just a general feeling that something was wrong. Strangely, there was a huge amount of evidence of wrongdoing in the Indyref but nobody was interested. 'Time to move on,' we were told. Why the difference in approach? As if we didn't know!

 

After the removal of THAT picture, there's an embarrassing empty space on the wall at the top of the marble staircase. Fortunately, it won't be empty for long, as the Sevco board has announced the purchase, for a very cheap price, of an unwanted portrait of Hurmadge. Surely that won't prove to be controversial!

 

 

 

Can you guess what it is yet?

PIES AND PIONEERS

Even though that golf overrunning didn't actually stop the whole game being shown, Sky can thank their lucky stars that it was a Celtic match and not a Sevco one! Celtic fans were complaining that Scottish football was being treated as second-rate; somehow, I don't think The Peeppul would have reacted that way. They'd have been screaming about 'Raynjurz Haturz' and 'the wrong sort' taking over the country. Meanwhile, Rupert Murdoch would start finding poorly-made explosives turning up in his mail!

As for the pie thrown at Scott Brown, can you imagine what the reaction would have been in the media if it had been a Celtic supporter that had thrown the meaty missile? There would have been outrage at food being tossed about when there are so many people starving in the world. We would have been told how dangerous it was; the player could have slipped on the morsel and banged his head, perhaps even ending up dead. And then there would have been the Daily Record headline: "Celtic thug attempts to give player BSE!"

Keith Jackson looked like he was going to surprise us all yesterday, with his article on how Sevco could struggle badly if they make it into the Premiership. He starts off by downplaying the victory at Palmerston but soon reverts to his default position of pointing fingers at everybody except the 'Real Raynjurz Men'. He also goes on about the police 'raid' at Sports Direct HQ, when we have already discovered that all that happened was a couple of coppers turning up and politely asking for some paperwork, which, apparently, was handed over without argument. He also regurgitates the old 'Craig Whyte was a crook' garbage, when there's no evidence whatsoever that Whyte made any money out of his ownership. On the contrary, all his cheating was to the benefit of Rangers; something that the likes of Jackson seem to forget.

You've got to laugh at the way the Daily Record described the match at Palmerston. "In between, Derek Lyle equalised for Queens, but there was to be no shock to match the two and three goal victories recorded in Dumfries by the Doonhamers in the regular season." Shock? Looking back at the matches played during the season, the only 'shock' was the Sevco win at Ibrox way back in August. Meanwhile The Peeppul are already celebrating, as if they've got one foot in the Premiership already. The triumphalism in yesterday's Record phone-in is hilarious, especially since there's every chance that QOS could slaughter Sevco at Ibrox next week. A bit of a wake-up call for The Peeppul: I was talking to a Hibs supporter yesterday and, according to him, they're hoping for a Sevco victory as they'd rather face them than QOS!

While Freemasons everywhere are crying their eyes out over this video, The Peeppul themselves are getting all hot and bothered about a new painting hanging at the top of the marble staircase. The artist, Helen Runciman, has captured some things perfectly: Sooperally has rather a worried look on his face as he stands in his usual, arms folded, position, while Lee McCulloch's dial is thuggery personified. She's also made sure that McCulloch's infamous elbow is well to the fore. It has to be said, though, that, apart from the face, she hasn't exactly depicted Sooper in a true-to-life fashion. The catalogue model in her picture bears no resemblance whatsoever to the wee, fat, baldy man that used to skulk at the side of the Ibrox pitch. When asked for his opinion, Sooperally said, "Nivvur mind that - how come naeb'dy ivvur threw pies it me?"

The main grievance of The Peeppul, however, concerns the inclusion of Neil Alexander, who has had the unmitigated gall to demand the £84,000 owed to him by Sevco. Probably, though, they're more pissed off about the name of the opus: "The New Pioneers", which is a reminder of the fact that it is a new club that is now plying its trade at Ibrox. I wonder how much Ms Runciman charged for this painting? Her website gives no indication about how much she charges for commissions but I'm willing to bet that only the super-rich, like Sooperally, can afford one. And yet more money is pished down the marble staircase...

Meanwhile, the furore surrounding the abuse suffered by the author Jakey Rolling (© Karen Dunbar) is shown up for the pile of shite it is in the Guardian. One of the insults thrown at her by the 'Cybernats' was, apparently, "Blairite scum". If you were reading on here the other day, you'll recognise this particular phrase as having been written by a UKIP supporter. Strangely, there are no links to any of the abusive Twitter accounts; they've all been deleted. So how do they know that the abuse was written by Scottish Nationalists? The whole thing sounds about as true as the stories about the author's time as a single mother on benefits!

"Ah don't really get this picture, Helen."

 

"It's tae show the strong connection that Raynjurz hiz goat tae the Queen an' the armed forces. Ye kin see aw the planes an' sodjers an' that an' the playurz reflectin' aboot the war an' that!"

 

"Aye, but where's the big shipyerd cranes tae show Raynjurz's real contribution tae the war effort?"

 

"Shut it, ya fanny!"

NAZI TIMS FUCK OFF

Remember last September, how we were told that 'Democracy has spoken' and that it was 'Time to move on'? It's a different story now. There's mention everywhere in the media about how incongruous it is that the SNP have over 90% of Scottish seats with only 50% of the vote. Isn't it funny how they weren't interested in electoral reform when the chance came to vote for it in 2011? It was the SNP that was in the forefront of advocating change, while Scottish Labour and its friends in the media were at best lukewarm about the idea and at worst downright hostile. They've got the system they wanted and now they're blaming that system for the fact that they've lost. Sounds like a certain, new football club, eh?

As for moving on, it looks like Jim Murphy has no intention of doing so. While party leaders are resigning left, right and centre, Murphy clings doggedly on, even though, under his stewardship, Scottish Labour has lost a whole country! His claim that Scottish Labour "cannot afford another period of introspection" effectively translates as his having done nothing wrong and it's all our fault for voting SNP. This theme is continued by somebody called Anna Smith, who is, apparently, a best-selling author and ex-Daily Record reporter. She says, "No matter what Labour said throughout this campaign, these people weren't listening" and "How can so many people be deluded? It is as though half of Scotland is in the grip of some collective nervous breakdown." Aye, that's right, hen! How dare we vote the way we want instead of the way you want us to! These people, eh?

Smith moans about young people dismissing the Labour Party's history, while Murphy says, "We have been beaten by a party who claimed our heritage, clothed themselves in our values, and copied many of our policies." If I move down to London and swan about in expensive, designer gear to try to impress all the money men, I can hardly complain if I come home to find that my wife has handed my old Debenhams suits into the Oxfam shop and somebody else is wearing them! Murphy and his cronies have spent decades telling the folk dahn sarf that they're 'New' Labour and yet they expect to come up here and try to claim all the history of the 'Old' Labour. My God, the similarities with Sevco are piling up!

Labour has been trying to wear Tory clothes since the 1980s. While Tory judges illegally stopped the NUM from accessing its own funds and Tory-led police forces were out beating up miners, Labour stood by and never lifted a finger. The 'Militant Tendency' was driven out of the party, leaving behind ersatz Tories, who abandoned all the old Labour principles in the pursuit of votes in the Home Counties. And Scottish Labour is no different; in fact, Johann Lamont being driven out shows that SLab was just expected to be a branch office of the London party.

If anything, the results of this election show how different Scotland is politically from England, especially the South of England. This is something that the whole of the UK is going to have to face up to. We don't want to be ruled by an Eton-educated elite; or a Fettes-educated one either! We don't want austerity, we don't blame immigrants for all our problems, we want the real culprits, the bankers and moneymen held to account for the current economic mess. The majority in England doesn't seem to share this outlook. Something's going to have to give.

Now that the election is over, the Unionists haven't given up on the 'Fear and Smear'. Our old friend, JK Rowling is back in the Daily Record, greeting, as usual, about 'Cybernats'. If you're going to stick your neck out to champion a political party online (or a football team, for that matter), you have to expect that others won't agree with you and won't hold back in letting you know. I've already had two trolls on the Amazon page for 'Fear and Smear' and if I was as well-known as JK Rowling I'm sure there would be hundreds, if not thousands, of similar halfwits posting. And go and look at Mick's blog. There are a few folk thumbing comments down, but only one actually brave enough to come out of hiding. Unfortunately, he's got nothing to offer but abuse. So Rowling, and other Unionists, are not alone. Besides, it's pretty clear that not all of Rowling's abusers are so-called Cybernats.

So much for the barrage of abuse she claims to get! One deluded character calling her a 'traitor to Scotland', even though she's English and a UKIP racist berating her for being left-wing. So where are all these abusive 'Cybernats'? Anyone would think that they don't really exist!

Probably the most shocking things I've seen about the election are on, of all places, Phil Mac Giolla Bhain's blog. There are folk on there, apparently Celtic supporters, bemoaning, and even denouncing, the SNP. I know every support is going to have its share of Tories and other right-wing nutters, but the way some of these characters go on is shameful. One berates Mhairi Black for seemingly announcing on Twitter a while back that she 'hates Celtic'. (I see the Record website has resurrected this story today for a bit of mischief-making.) It's a bit sad that anybody would base their politics on which team a candidate supports (or doesn't). I remember back in the 1980s Charlie Nicholas showing up at a Conservative rally; did that have Celtic supporters running out to vote Tory? And I don't remember any of these moaners having a go at Brendan O'Hara!

And there's even worse than that. There's one guy going on about all the dole scroungers and immigrants on benefits. What the hell is somebody like that doing supporting Celtic? Brother Walfrid must be spinning in his grave. I gave up after reading one clown banging on about the 'Threadneedle Street Jews' running the banks in this country. If this guy was representative of the Celtic support, I think I'd be agreeing wholeheartedly with Mhairi Black.

Good luck to QOS today; they're going to need it. Not that Bisto FC is anything to worry about and the Daily Record are getting the excuses in early - their article on the match mentions 'artificial pitch' in just about every paragraph. It's the match officials they need to worry about as there'll no doubt be 'honest mistakes' galore. And if Queens are winning at the full-time mark you can put all the cash you have on an unprecedented amount of added time being played. They'll probably have to keep on playing until Monday night for 'Boydy' to get his fat carcass near the QOS goal.

Finally, I tend to think of myself as being of well above average intelligence and I had a good education, back in the days when you didn't have to mortgage your future to go to university. There are limits, though, to what I can understand, especially when it's not my area. For example, I've got lost halfway through a couple of Horizon programmes going into minute details about astronomy and I had to re-read 'A Brief History of Time' slowly, flicking back the pages now and again to check things, before I gained some understanding of what the hell Stephen Hawking was on about. I tend to get annoyed when I can't understand something and persevere until I do, or think I do; unless, of course, it's something boring like accountancy, or pretentious, like a Samuel Beckett novel. There are times, though, when you just have to admit defeat. I've met my Waterloo and have the white flag flying. I just can't get what portpower is on about in many of his posts on Bampots Utd. Come on, mate; dumb it down a bit, please!

"Well, abslootly! I agree with everything Jim says. He's hit the nail right on the head. It's the same ones that had it in for Rangers that have kicked the Scottish Labour Party when it's down. And I think we all know the ones I mean, eh? We need to start working now to get Jim into the Scottish Parliament, where he's promised to look into those land deals in Lennoxtown. And can I, once again, refute any allegations that I'm acting in self interest here. There's more than enough work for two gardeners in Glasgow."