WHAT HAPPENED, CHIC?

That was a rather strange situation on Sunday. I was listening to the match on Radio Scotland, enjoying QOS being on level terms and waiting for at least 10 minutes being added on for stoppage time. And then it came. Lee Wallace scored. Apparently the Queens' bench was up in arms, as were the QOS players. The commentary team was adamant that Wallace was onside but Wee Chic Young had the answer. What QOS were complaining about was that Wallace used an arm to control the ball when it was passed to him. Wee Chic promised to have a look at a video replay to see what had happened and get back to the team. He never did.

And so, on Monday, all we heard about was QOS claiming, wrongly, for offside; not another word was said about that offending arm. So why didn't Wee Chic 'get back' to anyone? There are a few possible answers to that. It could be that there was no arm used and WC decided it wasn't worthwhile saying anything else, or an arm was used and WC didn't want anybody to know, or somebody on high told WC to drop the matter, or maybe Wallace was, in fact, offside and even used an arm into the bargain. As I said; a strange one.

And there's another strange one. It didn't seem to me as if there was much injury time added onto the end of the match, if any. QOS were battering the Sevco goal and, abruptly, they ran out of time. The BBC report, however, states that 4 minutes were added. They use some weird timepieces at football matches these days. It was only a couple of weeks ago that 11 minutes were added on so that Sevco could score an equaliser against Falkirk. The 'official' time added on was 5 minutes and Law apparently scored on 93 minutes, even though it was definitely later than that. (The Sevco website displays the usual brass neck in claiming that Law scored on the 90th minute, while in the video he is shown scoring on the 88th!) Either Dr Who is doing the timekeeping for Sevco matches these days or there is something seriously dodgy going on. I suggest Alan Stubbs takes a variety of synchronised watches with him to Ibrox on Wednesday, just to keep a close eye on things.

But, then, according to Keith Jackson, Hibs are just wasting their time (no pun intended) even turning up. He's already talking about the irony of McCall sending Motherwell into relegation or Scott McDonald being responsible for another 'helicopter Sunday'. He does point out that Sevco has the little matter of Hibs being in the way but, the way he goes on, he obviously does see it as just that - a little matter. If anyone ever speaks of a Celtic win as a foregone conclusion they're always accused of being 'disrespectful to other teams'; it seems it's different when it comes to an Ibrox club. And if Hibs do give Sevco a severe bruising, which seems more than likely, all we'll hear about in the press is a 'shock' result. Our media still can't get it through their heads; this is not the Rangers of yesteryear, brushing all opposition aside. It's a new team entirely; and a pish one at that.

It's always a pleasant surprise to find folk copying your ideas and your patter. First, while everyone was banging on about money men at Ibrox, I was always convinced that the main issue was having 'Real Raynjurz Men' in place in order to somehow prove that the club was 'stull Raynjurz'. It's taken a while but it seems everyone's now come round to my way of thinking. The Peeppul don't care about the money; it's all about having 'their own' in charge. And now I find Phil Mac Giolla Bhain going on about dinosaurs. I might not have the contacts but, by Christ, I've got my finger on the pulse, even if I do say so myself!

Away from football, I see that the Daily Record highlighted a particular bugbear of mine. A girl from a deprived area in Glasgow had enough qualifications to study Medicine but found her way blocked because she hadn't done an internship or anything like that. This has been going on ever since working-class folk have been able to get into university. More and more, admission is not based just on qualifications but on what voluntary work you've been involved in. It goes without saying that folk from working-class backgrounds often simply can't afford to do such things and it's a way of discriminating in favour of upper- and middle-class applicants without being blatant about it.

Fee-paying schools and state schools in better-off areas organise every year for older pupils to go abroad to dig wells and the like for the poor natives. This is a cynical move to get their CVs looking better than those of working-class pupils and most of those going couldn't care less about starving children etc. I caused a bit of a rammy in one school staffroom in Glasgow when another teacher was looking for sponsors for her son, who was doing a walk or some such to raise funds to go on the annual Jordanhill School charity jaunt abroad. While everyone else rushed to contribute I questioned why pupils at schools in Castlemilk or Easterhouse never got the opportunity to take part in such ventures. The reply was that they "wouldn't be able to afford it." I was viewed as a Communist troublemaker when I pointed out that if her son could afford it then he didn't need any money from me!

These pupils look for sponsors among local businesses as well and have started using crowdfunding websites to raise money. You'll notice that they never do things like tidy up play areas in Possil or Barlanark; it always has to be abroad. Digging a well in Nicaragua looks a lot better on your application form than helping out in a food bank in Springburn! So please remember, there are plenty of charities out there that you could give money to, who work full-time to help the disadvantaged overseas. Sponsoring some pupil at Hutcheson's Grammar to go and dig a well in Rwanda might seem like a good cause but, really, all you're doing is helping to deprive a working-class pupil of the chance of a place at university or the career they've always wanted.

Finally, I see Auld Liz and Phil are going on a state visit to Germany, where Liz can point out to hubby where her uncle met Herr Hitler and where her own family come from. As part of their visit, they're going to Belsen, which, to my mind, is not a good idea. Can you imagine them, strolling around a horrific part of German history that Frau Saxe-Coburg Gotha's relatives were involved in? And then there's that walking accident-waiting-to-happen, Phil the Greek. You just know he's going to start making jokes about big noses getting caught in gas-chamber doors! Maybe they'd be better staying at home and sending Prince Harry, so long as he doesn't take his fancy-dress costume with him; you know the one I mean!

"Quite right, Dick. Ah told thum tae fuck off as well!"