JABBA THE AGNIVORE

MR ANGRY AND MR HAPPY

Have you ever seen Alex Ferguson smile? Any time you see him his face is absolutely tripping him; that's if it's not red with anger. He shouts at officials, shouts at interviewers and shouts at his players. Players speak of getting the 'hair dryer' treatment and he even kicked a football boot into David Beckham's face! Likewise Walter Smith was frequently to be seen shouting at officials, spraying spittle into their faces and moaning and griping about decisions going against him and even trying to physically attack another manager.  Many football managers show anger and bad temper, even, in the case of Jim McLean, punching an interviewer in the face. But it's a man's game, we're told. These men are passionate about the game, about their respective teams and about winning. It's all part-and-parcel of the game. And then there's Neil Lennon...

In Monday's Daily Record, Keith Jackson decided to regurgitate the myth that Lennon is somehow constantly angry. "Lennon loves his work at Celtic. Of that there is no doubt at all. It’s just that you would struggle to think so sometimes, so dour is his general demeanour," Jackson claims. Strange how that 'general demeanour' is called passion when it comes to Alex Ferguson! He uses phrases like 'brooding intensity' 'on the edge' and 'his anger erupted' to show what he thinks of Lennon. And yet his evidence for this is sorely lacking. The same phrases could equally be applied to practically any football manager you care to name.

According to Jackson, however, there is one manager to whom you could not possibly apply these epithets: Ally McCoist. We are treated in Jackson's piece to the myth of the 'Cheery Chappy,' who, apparently, is too nice to lay into his players in the way that is needed. He tells us how McCoist is liable to 'smile through a crisis' and 'needs to take things...more seriously.' 

This will come as a surprise to those of us used to seeing McCoist's red, beelin' face on the sidelines whenever Rangers are playing badly, which is practically every week. There is also his display at Hampden last year when he whispered something disgusting and inflammatory in Lennon's ear. The fact that Lennon has been too much of a gentleman to tell us all what McCoist said is conveniently forgotten when any of our hacks decide to write about Lennon. 

While Jabba keeps his head down, Loony Leggat is still wriggling angrily in his strait-jacket, banging at the keyboard with a pen clenched between his teeth. His evidence this week for his theory that Scottish football is now run from Parkhead is that none of the papers had a go at Neil Lennon for losing to Juventus. According to old Loony Tunes, this is the worst aggregate score Celtic have ever had in Europe and the fact that nobody reported on this proves his insane point. 

Probably the fact that nobody bothered to write the Gospel according to Leggat is that everyone can see that Celtic performed well in Europe; certainly better than anyone expected. The first leg at Celtic Park was a disgrace, with the referee letting Juventus away with murder. The commentators could see this and even sports journalists in England and elsewhere agreed that Juventus cheated and that the referee was, at best, incompetent. Everyone could see this clearly except the supporters of Rangers!

Which brings me to the Barcelona v AC Milan match. AC Milan tried the same tactics as Juventus but did not get away with it, although Barcelona should have had a penalty in the first half. After watching the magic of Barcelona, are Rangers fans still going to tell us that they are not the force they once were? Envy is a terrible thing!

Ally auditions to play Mrs Brown