JABBA THE AGNIVORE

THE SIX COUNTIES MARK TWO

There have always been conspiracy theorists about. Even in Ancient Greece Socrates was accused of corrupting the young, while Athens was always convinced that oligarchs were plotting to take over their democratic state. In the Nineteenth Century many Americans voted for the Anti-Masonry Party, while there are many nowadays that believe the Illuminati are running the world. 

Some conspiracy theories make no sense; like the idea that the trip to the Moon in 1969 never happened and was filmed in the desert. This begs the question as to why they would bother! Other conspiracy theories are more sinister, like trying to blame a certain race, religion or political party for all society's ills. The Nazis blamed the Jews for the economic crisis in Germany, which led to millions of them being murdered. In America in the 1950s Communists were accused of trying to take over the state and many people's lives were ruined because of the ensuing Witch Trials.

Generally it is right-wing extremists that look for somebody to blame. They cannot offer any reasonable solutions so promulgate the simple-minded belief that their favourite scapegoat has caused everything that is going wrong. Today's scapegoat of choice is the unemployed. Unemployed people are portrayed as lazy and feckless, sponging off the honest tax payer. This helps to deflect from the disgusting facts of the rich dodging out of paying tax and incompetent bankers get paid millions in bonuses.

Another dangerous mob is the one that seeks to blame Catholics for everything wrong in the country and in the world. Bloggers, and their followers and contributors, have been vocal in their condemnation of the disgraceful adoption scandal that happened in Franco's Spain. They have gone on an on about how evil the Catholic Church is and how something needs to be done about it. For the children, you understand. If you challenge any of them on their obsession with all things Catholic they say that they are just reacting to what is in the news and that they care for children, as everyone should. Strangely, however, they were all silent about the news of the forced adoption scandal in Australia. So much for their overriding concern being for the children!

Equally strange is the fact that all these budding Esther Rantzens are prepared to believe the story about what happened in Spain even thought it was the BBC that broke it. Other stories coming out of the BBC are dismissed as lies. The BBC, you see, are 'Rangers Haters.' Not only that but it is full of Catholics looking to undermine Scottish and British traditions and culture. This is all part-and-parcel of what the 'Rangers-minded' believe is happening in Scotland. They honestly believe that there is a great Catholic conspiracy going on to take over Scotland. Phase One seems to have been 'demoting' Rangers to Division Three!

These McCarthyites are even suggesting that the SNP and the vote for Scottish independence is part of this Catholic conspiracy! 'A vote for independence is a vote for Rome,' one of these nutters suggested. Nobody on the site disagreed with him! It all smacks of the same kind of rhetoric that was about when the Liberal Party tried to introduce their Home Rule Bill for Ireland before World War I. No doubt there are politicians ready to ship arms to the Scottish Volunteer Force if the vote next year goes in favour of independence!

Perhaps there is only one solution to assuage these madmen: partition. If the vote next year results in Scotland breaking from the United Kingdom then a conclave could be set aside for all these Unionists to live and still be part of the UK. Such a conclave already exists. There are huge chunks of Lanarkshire, formerly Monklands, where shops can't have green signs, limeade is not on sale and green traffic lights have to be protected with thick wire mesh. Sorted. Rangers can move to Larkhall and play games against Linfield. The whole area can be decorated with murals of King Billy and they can all pretend that they are still living in the Seventeenth Century. What's that line they sing? 'Every day's like the Twelfth of July.' They can get their wish! I'm sure they'd all be much happier there than in a Catholic-loving, Rangers-hating Scotland. 

And I'm equally sure that the rest of Scotland would be much happier for this lot to be away from civilised society!