JABBA THE AGNIVORE

VERT VA EN VACANCES

So what was that all about? Ross County and St Mirren decided to vote against league reconstruction with no reasons given. If there were any major reasons for their stance then surely they would have told us; after all, football bosses are hardly shrinking violets! What do they possibly have to gain from such a stance? 

I don't know about Ross County but it is highly suspicious that Charles Green was a guest at St Mirren Park last week! What went on? Maybe Green made Gilmour an offer he couldn't refuse. Money? It doesn't look as if Green has got any to spare. Threats? How could Green or Trigger's Brush FC possibly threaten St Mirren? Maybe Gilmour was given shares in Sevco Scotland/Sevco 5088/Fireball XL5 or whatever else the holding company is being called.

A more sinister possibility is revealed when one remembers the furore early last year when somebody connected with Whyte's Rangers made overtures to buy into St Mirren. Remember that? The more fanciful speculations included that Whyte was looking to take over St Mirren's licence prior to liquidation. Maybe some sort of deal is back on the table. Many are predicting the end of Trigger's Brush FC so perhaps Green is resurrecting Whyte's alleged plan as a way out of the mess. Obviously any such deal would depend on Gilmour voting against league reconstruction. Gilmore was dead against anyone from Rangers sniffing around last year but he might well have changed his attitude in the intervening period. 

Quite why Green is intent on disrupting any league reconstruction is indeterminable. It would make no difference whatsoever to how long it could take his club to get up to the top tier. Green's proposal of 14-14-14 would not help Trigger's Brush FC either, unless Green's demands to be put into the middle tier were acceded to. Mind you, the sense of grievance and victimhood that Green has managed to build up, in the face of all evidence to the contrary, almost compels him to oppose everything! 

Such a sense of victimhood, infused with the usual mix of hatred and bigotry, informs one Trigger's Brush FC supporter's solution to the problems facing Scottish football: 

"Send those fenian runts; d.utd, celtic and hibernian back to oirlund along with their supporters, each with a pig under his arm, a free caravan and a poster of benny hill (when he wiz 11) – and let Scottish people and Scottish clubs vote for the progress of Scottish football."

No comment is necessary as this outburst pretty much speaks for itself!

Anyway, back to Green, and, apparently, he has run off to France. I suppose the idea of being gagged was too much for him and he has decided to lie low. He was seen to pop into his local shop, where the shopkeeper refused to serve him because he was a racist. After spending half an hour explaining that he was not, in fact, a racist Charlie asked for a box of tea bags. 'Tha can't get a decent coopa tea in Froggyland, tha knows!' he explained.

It is hard to believe that Charlie will be hiding out in one of the colder areas of France; he's probably nipped down to the Côte d'Azur for a bit of sun. Such speculation was practically confirmed when he was seen at Glasgow Airport carrying a bottle of sun-tan lotion and a small pile of Maeve Binchy's. The advantage of going to the French Riviera is also that he will only be a hop, skip and a jump away from a certain, small principality. No doubt the dictaphone will be busy over the next few days! Seemingly Whyte has a studio in Monaco, where he puts a backing beat on all his recordings. Richard Branson has been inundated with these recordings, with Whyte swearing blind that one of them is going to be the next Tubular Bells.

I wonder whose idea it was for Green to run off to France like...er...well, Bonnie Prince Charlie! Has Traynor finally decided to do something useful and offer some advice? I suppose it is the only way to keep Green quiet. Once the 'independent inquiry' has cleared him...I mean, reached its conclusions, he'll get the signal to come back, ready to spread his own, special brand of merriment throughout the land. Maybe he'll have learned the French word for 'Paki' by then!

                    Charlie gets the signal that it's safe to come back.