EPISODE IV: A NEW HOPE

Away back in the late 1980s and early 90s, during periods of unemployment, I was always able to pick up temporary work with the Civil Service. This would be for three months or six months or whatever. You got paid less than the permanent workers but it came in handy during some tough times. Later, I did supply teaching in Glasgow, where I was paid the same as the permanent staff. Nowadays, the craven, spineless EIS has allowed the rules to be changed so that supply staff are paid less than their permanent counterparts. Even worse, short-term supply teachers are paid at a lesser rate than long-term ones. This is going to cause major problems as councils look to save money by employing temporary, rather than permanent teachers. You don't need to know the ins-and-outs of the curriculum and classroom planning and management to realise that this will have a massive impact on the children being taught.

Anyway, to get back to the point, hiring staff on short-term contracts shows remarkable lack of commitment by an organisation. Once or twice, I was hired for something that needed done there and then; when it was done, I was no longer needed. For the most part, however, temporary staff were hired in place of permanent ones just to save money. The Civil Service departments I worked in were hugely overstaffed and could have shed half their employees without any noticeable difference to the output of the place. Schools, however, are another matter. Hiring temporary teachers will mean a lack of continuity and also a lack of planning for the future. A school's teachers usually work together to produce long-term goals and plan a co-ordinated education system for the whole school. This work is done outside of school hours and is on top of planning targets and lessons for your class and everyday marking and assessment. Would you be willing to put in those extra hours when you're getting paid a lot less than a permanent teacher? As I said, such employment practices are short-term thinking of the worst kind.

The same kind of thinking is happening at Sevco. While Chateau Charlie was around, and on into the Easdale and Ashley eras, the story was always that they were building a team for the future. Everybody laughed at Sooperally using a sledgehammer to crack a nut but, again, his argument was that they were building a team for the future. That ambition has obviously been dropped now; not through anyone coming to their senses but perforce. There's no money and the club is limping along on short-term loans, from dodgy characters in Hong Kong. Such a state of affairs obviously cannot go on forever; surely there must be some kind of plan for the future? After all, it looks as if they're reaching the end of their 'journey'. As far as I can discern, it looks as if McMurdo and his mob were right all along.

Months ago, while the wee, sad, man in Belfast was working with the Derry Dinosaur Jockey to desperately try to dig up some dirt on Celtic, others of their ilk were more concerned about matters closer to home. Quite a few on McMurdo's website found evidence of a planned GCC regeneration of the Govan area, which led them to believe that Honest Dave's plan was to sell off Ibrox and start up again somewhere else. It's looking more and more likely that this is the case.

The way Sevco is being run at present gives the impression of folk biding their time; but for what? I think they're waiting to see what the outcome will be of the trial concerning Whyte, Green et al. Not that they care about what happens to the ones in the dock. Their interest lies in what is decided about a club being liquidated and then a new one started, claiming to be the same club with all its history intact. Obviously, the hope is that, whatever verdict is reached about the accused, the Big Lie remains sacrosanct. And if it can be done once it can be done again.

How else to get rid of Ashley? While the agnivores are banging on about the money having been paid to Sports Direct, the general consensus in Bampotsville seems to be that Ashley is going to knock it back. The only definite way to get Ashley off the board's back would be to liquidate and start all over again, still, of course, claiming that it's 'stull Raynjurz'. This is the scenario that McMurdo and his disciples have believed is going to happen ever since King took over. A deal will be done to use Hampden until a new stadium is built. Meanwhile, Ibrox can be hawked to developers. It would cost a fortune to develop, due to the asbestos, but would be worth it if the rumours about the regeneration are correct.

What about the Intellectual Property, the badges and the like? Well, a couple of recent stories shed some light on the plans in this respect. Ayr United has had to look for designs for a new badge after a 'member of the public' complained about the saltire on the old one. Airdrie FC was faced with exactly the same scenario. The anonymous complaints went to the Court of the Lord Lyon, a ridiculous anachronism, which guards the rights of heraldic emblems. Even the Highland League team, Formartine Utd, fell foul of the anonymous grass. Now, I wonder who this Tell-Tale-Tit could be. Which possible new 'same' team would benefit from having the precedent to point to of these clubs having new badges, but still being the same clubs?

So that's what I think Honest Dave and his cronies are planning. The attempt to pay off Sports Direct is nothing but a ruse, so that Ashley can be blamed when liquidation comes about. Then they can start over (again) while still claiming to be the same club, with new badges and a new home. Maybe, with the money he makes from Ibrox King will come to some kind of deal with BDO about buying the old club back before it's liquidated!

The recent floods have caused chaos and misery throughout parts of Scotland and the north of England. One particularly sad case was highlighted in the Sunday Mail yesterday. It seems that some baron's castle, which stands in huge grounds near Balmoral, is in danger of being washed away. Baron Hardup was unavailable for comment, being too upset to speak. It's a wee shame! The Royal Family, apparently, is free to use his spacious acreage for hunting, shooting and fishing and one suspects that other guests pay a fortune for the privilege. With all his wealth, surely Baron Greenback could have made sure he had adequate flood-prevention measures in place. No doubt, though, he was expecting the tax payer to foot the bill.

Meanwhile, Tunnock's have decided to brand their teacakes as 'Tunnock's Great British Teacake' south of the border. The lion rampant has been removed so as to delete any trace of the hated 'Scottishness' of the product. Auld Boyd says, "We could have said Scottish but you’re then promoting Scotland. We’re British." According to the Sunday Mail, there are no plans yet to expunge the lion in Scotland; The Peeppul are no doubt already relishing the prospect. One of the comments on the story says, "At last a company has noticed the sales resistance to tartan produce sold in England!     I leave it all on he shelf.   I know what goes into scottish raspberry jam!   NOT missing you already ......" Aye, Better Together, eh?

One clown points out, however, that Auld Boydy is a bigger Scottish patriot than any of us YES voters. Tunnocks apparently put up money to help bring back the paddle steamer Queen Mary to Glasgow. Well, that's shown us then, hasn't it? Never mind that Westminster is shafting us all, looking after their cronies while folk in Scotland rely on food banks and die after being declared fit for work when they manifestly are not. We can forget about all that, as well as the dirty tricks played by the Unionists during the independence referendum. An old boat is making its way back to the Clyde. Fair stirs the heart, doesn't it?

Finally, there was a heart-warming story in the papers about the guy whose penis was ripped off in an accident when he was a child. He's been fitted with a state-of-the-art, bionic penis and is looking forward to an active sex life. I wonder if his penis makes that Steve Austin sound when he...no, let's not think about it. Surely, though, the NHS could have saved itself, and the tax payer, a fortune. If the guy needed a knob then there are plenty to be found among The Peeppul; Chris Graham would have fitted the bill perfectly.

 Terrorist scum!