The real reason for Celtic not doing so well in Europe is obvious. Many people praise the current business plan of buy small sell big. The problem is that this doesn't make for a settled team. If Celtic want to be serious contenders in Europe then they have to build a team and hold onto it. It's time to decide what's more important: playing football or making money.
I see the police have finally decided to look into the Vanguard Bears' disgusting Death List. The Daily Record reported on this but made sure it was hidden away on their website; I only bumped into the story by accident. As is usual with this kind of story comments were not allowed. It seems that the DR are sticking by their usual code of 'least said soonest mended' when it comes to the Ibrox hordes.
Speaking of comments, the DR comments sections are all over the place at present. Post something at three in the afternoon and it magically appears as having been posted at five in the morning! The posts are also all out of sequence, so that you often read somebody's reply to a post before reaching the original post! The deleting of comments makes no sense either. Posts full of bigoted bile remain while pretty anodyne comments vanish. Either they are trying to put people off commenting or the moderator is Dr Who!
And so onto the witch hunt against the Green Brigade. Don't get me wrong, I can't be bothered with all the stuff about Northern Ireland and 'Bloo-Stained Poppies' but I can't get rid of the feeling that there's something that smells not quite right about all this. It seems like there has been a concerted campaign to get rid of this group by our media and they are at last succeeding.
Now, I don't want to come across as paranoid as a Bisto Kid but there is definitely something fishy going on. The banners at a European game, even though everyone knows that Celtic would be fined? The choice of a Motherwell game for a spot of vandalism, when Motherwell fans had indulged in the same at another ground the week before? The throwing of flares onto the pitch when the Bisto Kids had only just recently been castigated for this? The coincidental lack of stewards and inadequate policing at Fir Park that night? The fact that the police that were at Fir Park just stood and watched the mayhem and made no effort whatsoever to stop it? I'll say nothing more and just let you draw your own conclusions.
The Gravy War is fast reaching its climax with only a week to go until the Big Day. The Daily Record continues its support for The Requisitioners with a focus on the leader of the Sons of Struth, Craig Houston, a name familiar to readers of Auld Pishy's ramblings. They provide a picture, which shows a rare example of a Bisto Kid that would get lost in an XXXXXL top. He's got the right face though. Decades of hatred are etched on a coupon that would turn milk sour and frighten the bravest of men. He also adds to his dramatic appearance by dressing in his dad's old demob suit. He fails to tell us the real reason why he chose the name 'Sons of Struth,' preferring instead to trot out the old pish about Struth being all about integrity, honour etc etc. The truth is, of course, that if you're thinking about sticking your oar in and getting rid of somebody that's in the way then the first name that springs to mind is Bill Struth!
Apparently this guy Houston owns a cleaning firm, hence the DR's dreadful pun about 'cleansing' the Board Room. In the unlikely event that The Requisitioners triumph on the 19th this guy's company is onto a winner. Have you seen the size of the fat bastards squeezing into that boardroom? The leather seats will be swimming with sweat, while the table and carpet will be thick with various food stains. And it's probably best not to even think of the state the lavvies must be in!
The Laxative, meanwhile, has told the supporters of The Requisitioners where to go; he's voting for the Krays and the current board. He let slip the information that he would not be supporting the re-election of Brian Stockbridge unless he hands back the bonus he got for Bisto's triumphant league win last year. The Bisto Board then released a statement saying that Stockbridge was, indeed, handing back the cash. Houston and his Sons of Struth have demanded to see proof of this. Stockbridge has already been in touch, asking if a mobile phone video would do!
Finally, a hilarious glimpse into the minds of the Bisto Kids. The Daily Record ran a stupid story, interviewing Stevie Smith (did she not sing with Fleetwood Mac?) about a future match between Celtic and Bisto, which they have dubbed, with a tear in their eye, and a fork in their tongue, an 'Old Firm' fixture. Of course Smith, playing as he does for Bisto, says that they are ready for the challenge, not afraid of anyone, will take on all comers etc etc etc. As you might expect, the DR does not allow comments on this article. They probably realise how risible the article is and are afraid to expose it to any more ridicule that it's already getting. The Bisto Kids on McMurdo's website, however, have taken umbrage at the article, quoting the following sentence:
"The last clash was April, 2012 before Rangers’ were reborn in the bottom tier of Scottish football."
The bit they don't like is 'reborn,' which goes against the Big Lie involving same club, different companies, take away the number you first thought of and say what your favourite colour is. Such pettiness is indicative of the fact that they know fine well that they follow a new club. Why else would they be so desperate to wipe out even an innocuous remark like this that might, however vaguely, suggest otherwise?
A LETTER TO SANTA
Deer Sannta
Plees kan yoo bring mee a nys, nyoo sash, a XXXXXXXL ranejurz topp and a ranejurz penso caise. And plees kin yoo make it sos seltik go inty adminininistrayshun or likwidashun.
fank yoo
Billy McBilly
35 yeers oald.
ps
a kanny leev a biskit for yoo or a karit for the ranedeer it wiz ma daddy yoost to doo that but hees away. ma mammys goat nyoo kumpiny now and she sais its the oald kumpiny that owse yoo the biskit and karit.
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