SAILING TO BYZANTIUM

Sooperally has unveiled his latest signing, Kenny Miller, a man that makes old Madge in Benidorm look peely-wally. The Bisto Kids are up in arms, of course, especially since Charlie Telfer has gone to Dundee Utd. They're all moaning about 'not bringing the kids through' etc but, really, it's hard to tell sometimes what the hell they want from their new club.

'Bringing kids through' wasn't exactly the Rangers way under David Murray. Buying expensive players from abroad was the norm and very few players actually came through from the supposed 'conveyor belt' at Murray Park. Other clubs were forced to follow, or attempt to follow, the same agenda or be left further and further behind. Scottish players that showed ability in other teams were often bought by Rangers only to find themselves keeping the bench warm; they were not purchased to play for Rangers but to prevent them from doing a job for the opposition!

Although Murray led this drive toward the quick fix and immediate success, it has to be said that The Peeppul lapped it up. And now they're faced with a dilema vis-a-vis their new club. If the Big Lie hadn't been employed I'm sure they'd have been happy to bring youngsters through the ranks and build a new team for the future. The Big Lie, however, was employed and everybody, The Peeppul, our football authorities and our media maintained that this new club was 'still Rangers'. Given that, would they be prepared to wait for a team to be built?

The Peeppul demanded that 'Rangers' win each league in succession, finally getting 'back where they belong.' This, unfortunately, wasn't going to be achieved by waiting for the youth to come through; it needed a quick fix, like in the grand old days of yore! Surely even their tiny minds can grasp the basic fact that you can't have it both ways?

Bisto FC is skint and decisions have to be made about priorities. The number one priority, right from the start, has been to storm through the leagues. So when it comes down to it, Sooperally and the board need to make tough decisions about where to direct the limited cash that they have availiable. With the number one priority uppermost in their minds, signing the Cuprinol Man instead of holding onto youth players is a no-brainer. As Sooper himself said, the team of donkeys he currently has is not good enough to win the Championship so he needs to strengthen. With a limited budget he can hardly go round Europe looking for signings, can he?

The Peeppul need to get their heads sorted and realise that no matter how much they scream and shout, this team isn't Rangers anymore. Those days are gone. And no matter how much they argue and gnash their teeth about 'Scotland's biggest club' etc etc it doesn't make it true. I bet if Sooper had refused to sign Cuprinol and fought to hold onto Telfer they'd be moaning about that as well. This coming season, assuming that he and his team are still here, is the big litmus test for Sooperally. Failure to win promotion means his fat arse will be out the door; so planning for the future has to come a distant second in his decisions.

Meanwhile, I see Barrack Obama has got himself embroiled in the Scottish independence debate. He says that the United Kingdom works "pretty well" and urged us all to remain “strong, robust, united and effective”. Maybe he'd like to tell that to his Irish-American constituents, who are a major force in the Democratic Party. Or he could hand back the Thirteen Colonies; after all, the Empire was working "pretty well" until some troublemakers decided they didn't want to pay their taxes. (They must have been Rangers supporters!) Or, even better, he could mind his own bloody business!

Politically, America relies on the UK to support its illegal wars and stand by Israel, but economically it makes no difference to them whether we are a United Kingdom or a colection of city states. The coca-colonisation of the world continues apace no matter what the political situation is in particular countries. Even hard-line Islamic countries find it hard to escape the grip of American products. Big Business in America will work with anybody and the same goes for other global businesses. The scare stories of companies pulling out of Scotland in the event of a 'YES' vote are pure and utter shite!

I'm finally getting Microsoft Word to obey my commands; it's been a tough war but victory is in sight. It rebelled against me inserting pictures and footnotes but I've eventually beaten it into submission. 'Clash of the Agnivores' should, therefore, be available any day now!

"Tell me, Taoiseach Kenny, wouldn't your country have been better staying in the United Kingdom? After all, it works 'pretty well,' doesn't it?"