POST MORTEM

So that's it. We're just waiting for Susan Boyle to burst into song and then it's all over. Looking at the headquarters of each campaign on the BBC as councils announced the count told its own story. Celebrating the few YES triumphs were a mixture of ordinary, working-class people and students. The ones celebrating NO victories appeared to be a mixture of toffs, fat Labour trough-snufflers and even fatter, toothless Huns. Hopefully they don't party too hard or some of those Camillas and Penelopes are in for a shock when they see what they're waking up next to! Still, it might help dilute both gene pools.

As each result was announced you could almost say it along with the official. Snooty Edinburgh, of course, went for NO, Glasgow was a resounding success for YES while the big surprise of the night was the success of the NO vote in North Lanarkshire. I assume some of the polling booths in Airdrie and Motherwell must have been in Catholic schools, which put The Peeppul there off voting! South Lanarkshire was what you would expect with the doctors and lawyers of Burnside and the fur-coat-and-nae-knickers brigade in Rutherglen and Cathkin returning a NO. And before you say, I am well aware that Larkhall is in South Lanarkshire as well but none of them would be voting as you can't hold a pencil in webbed hands. Possibly some of them managed by holding a crayon between their teeth.

I was glad to see my home town of Glasgow doing the right thing, while my current home embarrassingly, but not surprisingly, went for NO. The neighbouring county of East Lothian, as I could have predicted, returned a quite categorical NO. The huntin', shootin' and fishin' mob of Haddington and its environs, the rich snobs of Gullane and The Peeppul of Musselburgh all combined to vote almost 2 to 1 against. (Musselburgh's not called the 'Hunnest Toun' for nothing!) 

The big question now, of course, is what happens next? The answer, it already appears, is nothing at all! We're already hearing that the promises of the Better Togetherers are just so much shite; they would have known full well that English Tory backbenchers would have none of it. Not that there's a lot to commend in the proposals: tax-raising powers AND the Barnett Formula kept intact? That makes sense, I don't think. Basically what they've done is promise to almost bankrupt England and Wales to keep us in the Union, knowing that the English and Welsh voters would never stand for it. In other words, it's all been a pack of lies. If anyone actually voted NO on the strength of these promises then there are more thick people in this country than I thought!

So what have we learned from this referendum? Well, I don't know about you but I've learned that a lot of the prejudices that people claim not to exist any more in Scotland are actually alive and well. The rich in our country are terrified that an independent Scotland might mean a fairer society and that they might have to pay an extra 50p a month tax from their £80,000+ a year salaries. I've learned that there are people like Archie Macpherson, who think that football is more important than hungry children. I've learned that there are stupid people out there that will believe any scare story shoved in front of them and think that being able to see Strictly Come Dancing is a more pressing matter than looking after the sick and disabled. I've learned that there are silly bastards in our country that will let the fact that they don't like Alex Salmond's face influence their decision. And, of course, I've learned that many of The Peeppul are just as ignorant, bigoted and forelock-tugging as ever. Now that I come to think of it, it's a bloody miracle that we managed to run them so close!

The only 'Wings Over Scotland' we can expect now!