Saturday, 23 May 2015


Away back in the 1980s, back in the days when I used to actually buy the Daily Record, you would sometimes get a plaintive cry in the letters page, which would go something like, "Why can't you all leave us heavy metal fans alone? We're not doing anybody any harm. All we want is to be left alone to enjoy our music." My reaction was probably the same as everybody else's: what the hell is this clown on about? The papers rarely mentioned heavy metal and nobody particularly cared whether anybody was listening to it or not. I got a mental image of this sad guy, sitting in his bedroom, Whitesnake album playing while he shook his long, greasy hair and showered the floor with dandruff, convincing himself that everybody outside his home had it in for him.

It was a case of déjà vu when I read that nonsense in the DR by somebody called Jonathan McFarlane. He says, "There has been a concerted campaign waged against Rangers over the last few years that has blackened our name amongst other fans and some gullible journalists who position themselves as the voices of the people." Really? I must have missed that. Actually, Jonny boy, Rangers have been dead for nearly three years now and I don't remember anyone in our media saying anything against the club or the new club that purports to be 'stull Rangers'. In the real world, the world outside Jonny's bedroom, we've had nothing but vomit-inducing, sycophantic drivel about every crook that's climbed the marble staircase and then equally vomit-inducing sympathy for The Peeppul when said crooks make off with the goods.

"Despite the mountain of evidence discrediting these people, in the parochial and tribal world of football, they have been able to develop a narrative of Rangers being a cheating, corrupt and sectarian club."

This guy really needs to get out more. What else can you call a company that goes into liquidation to shaft all its creditors and then rises to call itself the same company, minus debts, but 'cheating and corrupt'? As for the sectarian bit, that goes without saying. Poor wee Jonny must be another one of those stone-deaf souls that never hears all the 'up tae wur knees' stuff. And the old, get-out clause of the club(s) doing all it can to stamp it out doesn't actually bear scrutiny. What, exactly, has it done?

And then we get the sob story about Whyte and Green; how everybody felt sorry for Hearts fans in the aftermath of Romanov's ownership. Nobody feels sorry for the poor, downtrodden, Peeppul. Awww! I'm filling up here. The fact is that the Hearts fans never asked anybody to feel sorry for them; they got off their arses and saved their club. As for Whyte and Green there were constant warnings about them, which the Peeppul chose to ignore. More than that; they were positively hostile to any criticism of these crooks. Remember the marches to Hampden and demonstrations outside BBC Scotland? Jonny and his ilk wanted these crooks in charge and wouldn't hear a bad word against him; and yet it's everybody else's fault that things ended badly?

The same goes for Honest Dave being declared 'fit and proper'. Jonny sees the criticism as being 'faux moral uproar'; where was the criticism of Romanov and Di Stefano? Actually, there was plenty of criticism of these chancers when they arrived and our media were full of stories about their dodgy dealings. Neither of them, though, was a convicted criminal, and yet they faced far more opprobrium in our media than a genuine, bona fide, twenty-four-carat crook like King. Our media's depiction of Honest Dave can only really be described as a charm offensive.

But wait, Jonny's not talking about the media; it's all those pesky Internet Bampots again, refusing to toe the Level 5 line. "Some of these individuals couldn’t spell journalism," Jonny opines. Most of them, can, however, spell 'disdain', unlike Oor Jonny, who thinks the word is 'distain'. Apparently, us Bampots "publish speculation, half-truths and rumour as fact without fear of legal recourse or being held to account by a non-partisan readership". Eh? It doesn't matter where you publish lies; you can still end up in court with a hefty fine hanging over you. The fact that we can all say, with impunity, that Sevco is a cheating, corrupt, sectarian club is because, my dear Jonny, it happens to be true!

Essentially, this ridiculous piece is just another rant about 'Raynjurz Haturz'. Poor Jonny and his Peeppul; it must be terrible to be hated. Ask the KKK, the Khmer Rouge, the Nazis, the BNP, the Dutch Reformed Church of South Africa etc. They'll tell you all about it!

The DR, rather amazingly, have allowed a Hibs fan to publish a piece that shows what a load of cheating, corrupt bastards Sevco and our football officials are. He has the same story to tell that I did the other day: the referee allowing Sevco players away with murder, stewards and police doing nothing while the monkeys threw rubbish at Hibs players and no replacement balls available when The Peeppul wouldn't return the one that had gone out of play. The only thing incorrect that writer Jamie Montgomery comes out with is when he says, "It was almost as if it was being treated as a bit of a laugh by police and stewards." I'm afraid you're wrong there, son! It was a deliberate ploy to stop the flow of the game and put the Hibs players off. As for the SFA doing anything about it, you'll see the European Cup being paraded down Leith Walk, son, before that happens!

Back at the ranch, Honest Dave is telling all and sundry that Sevco is one of the strongest clubs in the world financially, with virtually no debt. You could say that about our local boys' club but I don't expect them to be challenging in Europe anytime soon. In reality, though, King is talking a load of shite. They owe Mike Ashley £5 million, they don't own most of the club's assets, they'll owe NUFC 500 grand if they make it into the Premiership and they're relying on loans to survive from month to month. Aye, everything sounds rosy, doesn't it? If there's anybody reading this that's from Castlemilk, you might remember the old British Legion Club, whose committee assured everyone that things were great financially just before the place mysteriously burned to the ground. Honest Dave's rhetoric sounds remarkably similar.

Of course, none of the agnivores in our media would dare to ask King why he isn't paying Ashley off if things are so wonderful on the money front. None of them are questioning either why the board is so desperate to come to some kind of accommodation with Sooperally. Surely a big financial player like Sevco can afford Sooper's wages? Ally, understandably, is refusing to play ball and wants his full whack. He is, after all, entitled to it since nobody did more to get the Real Raynjurz Men into the Blue Room than Sooper. Would so many have been willing to boycott Ibrox if Ally had put a decent team on the pitch? Give the man his money; he earned it!

Good luck to Hibs today and, hopefully, the place is filled to the rafters with green and white. Sevco has been allocated 1500 seats, which they can't complain about, so their usual bile should be drowned out. Alan Stubbs will need to have his team ready to overcome the tricks of a biased referee as well as the elbows of the Sevco players. At least we won't see any of the disgraceful crowd behaviour we witnessed the other night. Come on the Hibees - gerrintayrum! And for God's sake don't think of it as a cup final or you're Donald Ducked!

"Geeze ma money, ya bastards! Ma fuckin' hauns are rid raw wi' diggin' tatties an' Ah'm aw cut tae ribbons wi' thae rose bushes 'n 'at. An' nae wummin'll come near mae noo 'cos Ah'm stinkin'-y shite aw the time!"

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