Thursday, 27 August 2015


While I was trying to find a stream to watch the game on Tuesday, Windows suddenly crashed. (Bloody Windows 10 again!) I had to re-install Windows, things were that bad. The upshot was that I missed the match and didn't find out the score until yesterday morning. As my daughter would say, in her usual, ladylike fashion: What the actual fuck?

By all accounts Celtic were shite but I have to question the effect of that disallowed goal I've read about. There's nothing more calculated to put a team off its stride than some bastard of a referee showing bias. Footballers are only human, after all, whether they're amateurs or professionals. Jock Stein used to get his players fired up with the knowledge that the referee would be against them but it's harder to do nowadays. Ever since Rangers died, the instances of match officials being biased against Celtic have been a lot fewer, which means, of course, that today's players aren't used to it.

What pisses me off, though, is the way that Celtic managers are always too scared to actually point the finger of blame anymore. The Huns, and their friends in the media, have been peddling the old myth of 'always cheated, never defeated' so much that it's become hard for a Celtic manager to put the blame where it belongs. The manager of any other team would be able to point to 'that cunt of a referee' costing them the match; but not a Celtic manager. It's just another aspect of the 'culture' of our country that we've all come to know and love.

There were 'Celtic supporters' on the Daily Record hotline, blaming Deila for his poor tactics and man-management and looking for him to be shown the door. I've put those words in inverted commas because I'm always suspicious when so-called Celtic supporters start talking about the need for a bigger league and how we need 'Rangers' to provide competition. And then we have the agnivores. Strangely, it was only a couple of weeks ago that the media were telling us how good a team Malmo was and how they'd seen off better teams than Celtic. Now that they've managed to knock Celtic out they're suddenly no better than a pub team!

Of course, the Huns think it's great, since they can only enjoy European football vicariously. I read one character I know of on Facebook, laughing and joking and posting 'funny' videos. It strikes me, however, that a grown man in his forties, whose role in his local flute band is that of majorette, has no right to laugh at anyone! Still, I suppose they're all hyped up with their club standing on the brink of winning three cups as well as the Championship.

Meanwhile, the Sevco juggernaut keeps thundering on, with a resounding victory against the mighty Airdrie, or whatever their real name is. Their 5-0 victory, however, is a far cry from Rob Kiernan's predictions of the fantastic scores we can expect from Sevco this season. Did you read that shite? I don't know what it said in the physical Daily Record but the online edition had to be changed. In the morning, the article had Kiernan claiming that Sevco was perfectly capable of scoring 25 goals in a single game. Yes, you read that right - 25 goals in one match! By the afternoon this had been changed to 9 goals in one game. Even that is stretching things far more than just a bit. They're certainly getting carried away with themselves.

While the Sevvies are still going on about Celtic 'downsizing', their own club is doing a bit of cost-cutting of its own. That's Darren McGregor let go and now Darius Zaliuska has followed him out the door, which seems a rather drastic path to go down. It looks like they're getting rid of players on permanent contracts to replace them with ones that are on loan. So not only are they relying on loans to keep the club afloat, they're now going to rely on loans to put a team on the pitch! It hardly seems like a good strategy. Those wunderkinder they've got playing for them just now will all be gone at the end of the season, while Superman, aka Gedion Zelalem, is only there until January. What does Warburton do then - bring in more loan players? It'll end in tears, I tell you!

Warburton's successes seem to be causing a bit of friction over on Rangers (sic) Supporters Loyal. It looks as if some of them are quite prepared to swallow the Level 5 lamb now and the arse of John James is already halfway out the window. That mighty intellect, PZJ, has decided to throw the weight of his massive brain into trying to show that all is well at Ibrox. After his resounding failure in getting the European Commission to investigate Celtic (a Catholic conspiracy, of course) it just shows how gullible the Huns are that they're prepared to believe him now. It appears that a few successes against part-time opposition and a dodgy result against Hibs have been enough to get McMurdo's Mob onside with King!

The Sevco manager also seems to be having an effect on our supermarkets. I happen to like Warburtons bread, but I'm choosy about the size of slice. Your average Warburtons white comes in three sizes; Medium, Toastie and Thickest. The Medium is a bit of a misnomer, as it is not so much sliced as shaved; it's like dipping a Communion wafer into your soup. Thickest is the best, giving you good chunks of bread. Toastie is somewhere in between. It's getting well-nigh impossible to find a Thickest loaf anywhere; the other two are hardly worth buying. Since Sevco's new manager came to town the sales of Warburtons bread has rocketed. I was only half-joking when I explained to my wife what has probably happened. The factory and wholesalers have probably noticed that in many areas of Scotland customers are only buying Medium and Toastie and leaving the Thickest on the shelf. No doubt they've decided that it's not worthwhile to supply supermarkets with Thickest loaves anymore. Incidentally, the Medium comes in a blue wrapper, the Toastie an orange one and the Thickest comes in green. I might have been joking but my wife thinks I'm onto something!

Finally, and entirely unconnected to anything, did you see the crappy one-liner that won 'Best Joke' at the Edinburgh Fringe? "I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It's Hans free." I mean, for God's sake; that's what folk consider funny nowadays? They're obviously easily pleased. It's not a patch on the good old standards, like this one:

Bill and Ben were in bed. Bill goes 'Slubbalubbalubba!' To which Ben replies, 'Bill, if you really loved me you'd have swallowed that!'

Boom! Boom!

The only cup any Sevco player will touch this season.
Smell the jockstrap!

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