A NEW HEAD FOR TRIGGER'S BRUSH

Desperate times at Ibrox. And desperate times call for desperate measures. Big clearouts were expected: Green back in, Murray out or some equally dramatic news. So what is the big answer to all Trigger's Brush FC's trouble and in-fighting? They're going to appoint Walter Smith, Auld Mr Dignity himself, as chairman! Well, that's everything sorted, then, eh?

Smith is a man that never proved himself as a manager and that found it hard to respond to criticism without going into a rage. The Trigger's Brush FC supporters are fond of telling us all that Neil Lennon has achieved nothing of note since the competition isn't really there. Smith was manager at Rangers when Celtic almost slipped into liquidation and disappeared. Where was the competition then? He also spent a fortune on players that all the other teams in Scotland found it hard to cope with; Paul Gascoigne etc. So, even when Celtic was at its lowest ebb, Smith found it difficult to win the Premier League without splashing out big bucks. Finally, McCann got Celtic back on track and Smith's team lost out to them in 1998. After that he went to Everton, where, not having money to spend and facing serious competition from other teams, he was an abject failure. When he returned to Rangers he again did what he does best: spend money.

In Scotland, criticism of Smith was rare. The media built up a myth of a great tactician, who acted with dignity at all times. This was, however, a load of Craig Whyte. His 'tactics' were derided throughout Europe, while dignity means more than wearing a tie and receiving sycophantic plaudits from the likes of Traynor. When decisions did not go his way in a match he would shout in the fourth official's face; often spraying the man with flecks of spittle in the process. Like Alex Ferguson, he seemed to think that extra time meant that the match should be played until his team got a chance to win, or, at least, equalise. He lost his temper on the few occasions when everything wasn't going his way; trying to attack Mixu Paatelainen and ending up in court for assault on another individual. Anyone that dared to venture any criticism faced the same wrath: have a look on YouTube to see how he reacted to Chic Young. Our media, of course, put all this down to 'passion' but, in reality, the man is a thug, who thinks he can act any way he likes with impunity. Just like a lot of Trigger's Brush FC supporters, then!

This is the man they all think is going to lead them to the New Jerusalem! It looks like there are more laughs on the way when Smith discovers that the age of Agnivore Journalism is over! So who is going to be the public face of TBFC? They've got Smith and Traynor: both men that cannot abide anyone disagreeing with them and that fly into temper tantrums at the drop of a hat! Green will seem like the Dalai Lama compared to those two!

The main concern of the support of Trigger's Brush FC at the moment is the projected SPL 2. If they are invited, should they join or not? The consensus seems to be that they should not. In their paranoid minds they honestly believe that Peter Lawwell is running the SPL, as well as the SFA. If that were the case then their new team would have been welcomed into the SPL last year with open arms. Lawwell is a money man and he would have been adding up the money to be lost when the Glasgow Derby disappeared, despite what he might say in public. TBFC was voted out so that our footballing authorities would not be a laughing stock, changing the rules to suit one team. That's what the Brushers don't seem to get.

The Brushers want to 'work their way back up through the leagues.' They might be in for a bit of a shock there. SPL 2 is going to consist of breakaway teams from the SFL; and where will that leave the SFL? I can see them being cast adrift so that the SPL can concentrate on its own two leagues divisions. That being the case, there will be no leagues for TBFC to work their way up through! Instead they will find themselves sitting at the top, in perpetuity, of a league that nobody cares about. And how long would that league last without the money from the SPL to prop it up?

Meanwhile, the 'independent' inquiry has cleared all those at Ibrox of being connected to Whyte and has concluded that Whyte has no claim on any of the assets. No surprises there, then! This inquiry reminds me of research that gets carried out by, and on behalf of, two bodies, CIAR (Center for Indoor Air Research) in the USA and FOREST (Freedom Organisation for the Right to Enjoy Smoking Tobacco) in the UK.  CIAR has come up with studies showing that second-hand smoke is not the danger that it has been made out to be, while FOREST has facts and figures to show how the livelihoods of publicans and small shop-keepers are seriously at risk because of the smoking ban. Both organisations, incidentally, are funded by the tobacco industry! The Trigger's Brush 'independent' inquiry falls under the same category: he who pays the piper calls the tune!

Loony Leggat ignores all this; he has bigger fish to fry. Today he has a go at the Herald; yesterday it was the Daily Record. Apparently the Record ran an interview with Pierre Van Hooijdonk where the headline didn't match what was in the story. Gasp! Shock! Horror! The Record made out that Big Pierre said that Rangers had cheated when, in fact, he said no such thing. To Leggat's fevered imagination this is proof positive of the Daily Record being in cahoots with Celtic. Did this clown really used to work in the newspaper industry?

Headlines are always used in the tabloids to grab attention; to make people shout hurray or get angry, anything, so long as they buy the paper. How many times have you seen a headline that leaves you baffled when you read the story? A case in point was in The Sun yesterday. The headline screamed that a young man had died from drinking three litres of Coca-Cola a day. On reading the story, however, you discover that the man had serious psychological problems and drank obsessively; water, milk, juice, anything he could lay his hands on, in the mistaken belief that he had a raging thirst. So it wasn't the Coca-Cola that killed him at all! The headline would pull in two kinds of people: those worried that their own fizzy-drink habit might be fatal and the smug, self-satisfied type that love to point out what's wrong with everybody else's life. A sigh of relief from one and an annoyed feeling of being duped by the other!

The Van Hooijdonk story is exactly the same. Some would grab the paper to see Big Pierre confirm what they suspected all along, while others would shout, 'Bastard!' and prepare to call him every name under the sun. Both sets of readers would be sadly disappointed!

Leggat's reaction to the headline is symptomatic, not just of his own demons, but of the attitude of the Brushers in general. They simply cannot get their heads around the fact that their club died while they stood and watched; it must be somebody else to blame! And, by God, do they know how to blame!

I don't know if this will have any effect on his blog, or his sanity, but I hear Leggat has taken the Pledge. He has also taken the Mr Sheen, the Harpic, the Shake 'N' Vac and the Mr Muscle for good measure!

WE DON'T WANT TO FIGHT BUT BY JINGO IF WE DO...

Battle lines are being drawn and the sides are squaring up to each other. The war for the dark soul of Trigger's Brush FC continues unabated. The only personality involved seems to be Cheerful Charlie Chuckles. Like some exercise in Logic, the choice seems to be Green or Not Green. The rest of the board, actual or prospective, are an irrelevance. On the side of Green we have Bill McMurdo and...well...nobody, really! Old Bill might claim that the Vanguard Bears are on the same side as he is, but a quick look at their website confirms that they don't trust anybody and are waiting to see what happens. On the side of Not Green, meanwhile, is everybody else.

Keith Jackson picked up the ball from Loony Leggat on Monday with a scathing attack on Green, disguised as worry for the future of Scottish football. According to Jackson, Scottish Football cannot survive without Trigger's Brush FC; if the team that play at Ibrox disappears, then so will all of Scottish football! Who told him that? His erstwhile sports' editor, probably! Anyway, Jackson is adamant that if Green gets back in charge then TBFC is finished. Charlie Chuckles needs to do one before TBFC can move forward.

Leggat returns today from a 'Lost Weekend' where he tried to blot out the very idea of Hampden draped in green and white. Thankfully, Lidl can provide the right sort of electric soup at a competitive price. He comes back with a bang, claiming that if Green and Ahmad return to Ibrox then the SFA would have no option but to rescind Trigger's Brush's licence. Er...didn't the 'independent' inquiry clear them both? If the SFA did want to rescind the licence then they would have to first carry out a real, genuine independent inquiry. If that happened then there would be more than Green's and Ahmad's sphincters quivering!

Leggat also states that, with Green out of the way, there would be a sound, solid core of shrewd, strong, dyed-in-the-wool Bluenoses working for the good of the club. (Punctuation errors fixed yet again!) In other words, the same scenario that Jackson envisages, although he's too scared to put it in those exact terms!

Old Bill does not name Jackson or Leggat but is absolutely blazing at the 'anti-Green faction.' He goes on to say, in true Charlie Chuckles fashion, that TBFC should never have been 'demoted' and that they should shun any attempt to get them into SPL 2. It's the top tier or nothing. As usual there's the perpetual guff about cabals and Peter Lawwell running everything! One poster even blames all TBFC's troubles on 'Lawwell's lies!' There's not much changed in their arrogant attitude, then!

Quite possibly Old Bill has one ally in the press: step forward Gordon Waddell. He talks about the situation in Scottish footbal where the tail is wagging the dog. His solution? Put the dog down! That the tail would die along with the dog means nothing to him, of course! He spins the case for the wee, diddy teams, saying that they should be allowed to have ambition and should be able to aim for the top. This is a rather strange thing to come out with. I say let the diddy teams have all the ambition they want. Let them work their way up the leagues and encourage more fans and better players. Let them go full-time with a workable business model. And let them do all this without hand-outs from Scotland's big teams!

You see, Gordon, the problem with your analysis is that these teams do not have ambition. They're perfectly happy to drift along, playing part-time football, pulling in crowds that rarely reach triple figures and expecting the big teams to subsidise them. They then have the absolute gall to insist that they have as much right to determine the future of Scottish football than the bigger clubs! If they demand that right then let them prove their worth without holding out the begging bowl every season!

Strangely, we've never heard any of this concern for the 'little guy' from Waddell before. What could have possibly changed to make him suddenly concerned for the teams below Division 1? Of course, we all know what has changed and that is Waddell's main, if not only, concern. Just like Green he wants to attack the SPL and build up the SFL. And if the SFL were to become the dominant, or only, footballing authority, guess which team would be running the show!

In a disgraceful, and disgusting, tirade against the SPL, Waddell does nothing to hide his hatred. He berates the SPL for its legacy:

'In 15 years on their watch, four of their 10 founder members – Rangers, Dunfermline, Dundee and Motherwell –have been declared insolvent. Two more who have passed through – Livingston and Gretna – both went into administration under their umbrella.'

Is he for real? Is he honestly blaming the governing body for what happened to these, what are essentially, businesses? Dunfermline, Dundee and Motherwell narrowly avoided liquidation, reaching agreement on a payment plan with creditors. Have you ever heard anyone connected with these clubs, or their supporters, blaming anyone else for what happened to them? Only one club blames the SPL for its woes and that is the club for which Waddell is arguing the case.

Livingston and Gretna? Both of these teams overreached themselves. Gretna was funded by an eccentric millionaire and when he died the money dried up. Livingston reached the heights for a short while but, in the end, it was unsustainable. In fact, the reason why all clubs in the SPL ended up in serious debt was because they were overreaching themselves; spending money they didn't have. And why were they spending all this money? That was because they had to match Rangers, who were spending a fortune on world-class players. The other teams had to spend or be left behind. Remember, Celtic almost went bust as well! Instead of being the victims they make out, Rangers were, in fact, directly responsible for the economic ills in our game. And yet, they are the only ones that blame the SPL for their downfall!

Also scoring high on the Vomitometer is a Daily Record reporter I've never heard of; one Colin Duncan. He decides, in today's paper, to have a real go at Hibs for not trying in the Scottish Cup Final. He sounds suspiciously like a bitter Trigger's Brush FC supporter; you know, the kind that claims that Barcelona are rubbish nowadays just because Celtic beat them!

I watched the game and thought that Hibs played well and tried extremely hard. Celtic, however, were just too good for them. Hooper's first goal, remember, was against the run of play as Hibs had been doing all the attacking at that point. The Hibernian heads went down for a short while but they were soon trying again. I think I must have been watching a different game to Duncan Disorderly, as I watched Hibs make many an attack on Celtic's goal. The problem for Hibs was that Celtic defended extremely well. But we can't have praise for the Celtic team, can we? Much better to accuse the other team of being poor or, worse, not even trying! This is what Agnivore Journalism has reduced us to: reporters that can't report honestly on a match but let their pent-up hatred and bile distort their view!

Hunbelievable!


P.S. I've been ignorantly maligning some poor individual by the name of Graham Roberts when the individual I actually meant was Chris Graham, he of Ze 'Enemies of Rangers' List. Apologies to anybody called Graham Roberts! Couldn't somebody have told me?

To Green or not to Green...that is the question!

 

 

 

BIGOTRY

Years ago on of my dad's friends came up to see him. The guy was in the Masons and the Orange Lodge and many times, at parties at his house, he and his friends would stick on the Orange LPs and belt out Derry's Walls and the rest. 'It disnae mean anyhin,' they always assured my dad. On the occasion of his visit to my dad's house, my brother was in his bedroom listening to music. He put the new Pogues album, Rum, Sodomy and the Lash, on, causing my dad's friend to complain. 'Ah didnae think ye'd hiv music like that playin' in yer hoose!' he declared, storming out in the huff.

What made me think about this was a story in the Daily Record and the reaction to it of a couple of posters on Bill McMurdo's blog. The story concerned a 'sectarian thug,' who physically attacked another passenger on a train. The 'sectarian thug,' a seventeen-year-old girl, was on her way back from a Celtic match and was singing. A woman told her to stop singing bigoted songs and the girl attacked her, calling her an 'Orange b-' She was spared prison, purely due to her age. The comments on Bill McMurdo's blog, however, contend that only 'Protestants' are found guilty of sectarian crimes. It made me wonder what the girl had been singing!

Straight off, let me say that there is no excuse for violence and the girl should have had a heavier penalty, despite her age. But one does wonder what 'bigoted' songs she was singing. As far as I know, there are no songs in the Celtic repertoire wanting to be up to the knees in Protestant blood, promoting the death of a particular denomination or slandering a religious leader. Yes, the girl might have been singing songs about the IRA but there is nothing bigoted about such songs, even if they are insensitive and provocative. You don't hear many such songs nowadays so, more than likely, the woman took offence at the girl singing Celtic songs and possibly The Fields of Athenry. While the girl certainly deserved to be charged and penalised for assault and breach of the peace, maybe the only one guilty of sectarianism was the woman that was attacked!

As for the contention that only 'Protestants' are found guilty of sectarian crimes, it has been a while now since the disgraceful display at a Trigger's Brush FC match, where 'The Billy Boys' and other bigoted favourites were belted out with gusto. The television commentator had to apologise to the audience. And what has happened since? Has there been any action taken by our footballing authorities or the police? No, is the simple answer. The police seem too concerned with 'pest control' at Celtic Park while Vincent Lunny is far too busy following Neil Lennon about with a pocket watch in his hand!

So what actually constitutes bigotry? I watched Ian Paisley Junior on Question Time the other night. He was speaking against gay marriage and condemned gay practices. Is this bigotry? I would say not. Protestant churches claim to take all their authority and doctrine straight from the Bible. The Bible is unequivocal in its condemnation of homosexuality so, really, is Paisley to be condemned for his faith? If anything, it's the Protestants that support gay marriage that are in the wrong, as far as Protestant doctrine is concerned, not Paisley!

Bigotry, to me, is all about prejudice; condemning people without reason. For example, I've seen plenty of commentators condemning the Catholic Church and Islam for being homophobic. Such commentators usually claim that they are atheists or humanists. Why, then, do they not condemn the same views coming from the likes of Billy Graham? One extremist Protestant minister has even claimed that the recent tornadoes in Oklahoma are some kind of Sodom-and-Gommorah punishment from God for tolerating homosexuality. Why no condemnation of this from these atheists and humanists? Equally they are scathing of the child abuse scandals in the Catholic Church, while ignoring the same problems occurring in Protestant churches around the world. The even castigate the Catholic Church for being against abortion, ignoring the fact that the Protestant majority in Northern Ireland have made sure that it is the only part of the United Kingdom where abortion is unavailable. So, in reality, these commentators are not pro-gay, pro-abortion or standing up for the rights of children; they are merely looking for a stick with which to beat the Catholic Church. In other words, they are not reasons for their hatred; they are rationalisations.

These people really need to take a good, long look at themselves. The doctrine of the pre-ordained salvation of the Elect, which is part-and-parcel of Calvinist Presbyterianism, has led to a strong superiority complex. Look at the Presbyterians of Northern Ireland, Scotland, America and South Africa; the common thread is always prejudice and bigotry. Nowadays the churches have moved on and left a lot of the hatred behind. Quite often if you go to Mass on a Sunday you will find a Church of Scotland minister in the pulpit, while the Catholic Priest is down the road, conducting the service at the Church of Scotland. Many people in Scotland never go near a church of any denomination, but they still maintain that sense of superiority that the Church has left behind. Education is the only hope!

The big problem is, however, that bigotry and prejudice are learned in the home. I taught a young lad, who when the class was doing a project on places of worship, was not allowed to visit the local Catholic Church or the Mosque. This was down to the prejudices of his parents. The boy himself was quite happy-go-lucky, wasn't really that interested in football or religion. In fact, he wasn't really that interested in anything much! He could get himself into trouble on occasion but, on the whole, was quite a nice lad. These days he has his Facebook page filled with Rangers, Orange and Loyalist paraphanalia. He uses words like 'taigs' and 'tarriers' and brags about being over in Belfast to fight with the police over the Union Flag business. I certainly didn't teach him to behave like that, and I doubt any other teacher did either!

Anyway, back to football. Congratulations to Bayern Munich for winning the Champions League. Unfortunately the win is tainted. Trigger's Brush FC were no in the competition so the title of Best Team in Europe has no real meaning!

And good luck to both teams in the Scottish Cup today. Obviously I would like Celtic to win but there is a part of me would like to see Hibs break their hoodoo. How many finals have they been in? Still, there's one thing. No matter who wins it remains untainted. Trigger's Brush FC had their chance, sneaking through against the mighty Forres Mechanic, only to be brought back to Earth with a bump by Dundee United!

WHITER THAN WHYTE!

So the 'independent' inquiry is finished and the apparent good news is that Craig Whyte has no claims on Ibrox or any other of the assets of Trigger's Brush FC. Brian Stockbridge invited the rest of the board out for a drink to celebrate but, strangely, everybody's washing their hair tonight! The other piece of news is that there is no link between Green, or Ahmad for that matter, and Whyte. This has Bill McMurdo cock-a-hoop and his blog today is pretty self-congratulatory; as well it might be, since he seems to be the only person to have stuck by Old Hughie!

Meanwhile Loony Leggat will be drowning his sorrows with a few bottles of red biddy, meths or whatever else your modern-day jakey imbibes. I can't wait to read his blog on Monday; he'll have to do some serious backtracking. More than likely, he'll blame it all on Peter Lawwell and Graham Spiers. But then, maybe he won't need to be so hasty.

The fact that both Green and Ahmad refused to co-operate with the investigation places a huge question mark over whether Deloitte actually dug deeply enough. I doubt very much that Whyte welcomed them into his Monte Carlo lair so, again, much of the evidence will not have been seen. In short, the whole episode has been an embarrassing, and expensive, waste of time.

Aside from not being able to peruse all the documents and recordings relating to the case, there is also a question mark over the probity of the investigators themselves. Both companies, Pinsent Masons and Deloitte are under investigation for their possible involvement in crimes such as fraud and money laundering. Are these really the sort of companies that should be investigating shady business deals? It's like Abu Qatada getting a character reference from Abu Hamza! (By the way, how does that guy manage to have a ham shank?) Or Richard Nixon saying, 'There can be no whitewash at the Big Hoose!'

Anyway, Green's and Ahmad's 'exoneration' has brought some of the 'Loyal' out of the woodwork to say that they trusted Green all along. Strangely most of them were quiet when Old Bill was the lone voice shouting out in support of Green! According to Old Bill, Green was always vocal about his innocence and 'supremely confident' that the inquiry would turn up nothing. That'll be why he resigned and buggered off to France, then, eh?

The big problem now is going to be who the Trigger's Brush FC support is going to get behind. Will Green still sell his shares to the Kray Brothers, or is he going to hang onto them now? What about Dave King? Is he still sniffing around? And Malcolm Murray has managed to cling on for another while; it seems there's no getting rid of him! And Sooperally's job is certainly safe for the foreseeable future. Everybody knows he's pish but they're all too busy fighting with each other to do anything about him!

What it all comes down to is what kind of club they want at Ibrox. Do they want the old 'Rangers Men' that Leggat champions: the kind of men that were used to getting business done over a lamb dinner, a cheeky wee beaujolais and a secret handshake? Or do they want a club that is run by a backs-to-the-wall, blame-everybody-else kind of guy, like Green? I think most of them will now plump for Green, since he has become a mouthpiece for their paranoia and arrogant sense of entitlement. The days of acting with 'dignity,' on the quiet with a rolled-up trouser leg seem to have disappeared.What the 'Loyal' want nowadays is confrontation. And Green is just the character to provide it.


If you comment on any of the threads on newspaper websites about this story, or about the possible Division One breakaway, you are invariably told that you are 'obsessed.' Yes, of course we are! Nobody can help rubber-necking at this train wreck! They claim, with their usual arrogance, that Trigger's Brush FC is the 'only show in town.' Again, though, they're perfectly correct. Ever since Ford Kiernan and Greg Hemphill fell out there is no comedy show in Scotland to come close to Trigger's Brush FC! You have to keep going back to see what's going to happen next. It's like watching every episode of Karen Dunbar's show in the hope that you might find a new joke one week. The difference is that Trigger's Brush FC serves up quality entertainment week after week. And now that Cheerful Charlie Chuckles might be back, the entertainment quotient looks like going up. It's like Frankie Boyle returning to Mock The Week!

Honestly, would you, even now, buy a used car from one of these men?

 

 

WHERE'S EARL GREY WHEN YOU NEED HIM?

In the Nineteenth Century the game of football in Scotland was a rather snooty affair. It was a game for 'gentlemen' amateurs and professionals were looked down upon and generally despised. The SFA, when founded in 1873, was pretty much dominated by Queen's Park, Scotland's oldest club and a bastion of the Corinthian spirit and gentlemanliness. The Scottish League was set up in 1890 but professionals were not allowed in the teams until 1893. Queen's Park stood aloof and refused point-blank to take part in a league that was tainted with the stain of professionalism.

At many grounds there were separate changing rooms for 'professionals' and 'gentlemen.' This snobbery was taken even further in one international match between Scotland and England. The SFA was outraged that England was fielding a professional player. Eventually, the professional was allowed to play but he had to use a different changing room from his team-mates and even had to wear a different strip!

Things began to change towards the end of the century. Many employers throughout Britain started to give their workers a half-day holiday on a Saturday. There was nothing much to do on a Saturday afternoon so football was the only game in town. The beginning of football pools increased the interest among working-class men in football. The middle classes meanwhile, abandoned Association Football (Soccer) for Rugby Football (Rugger). Some 'soccer' teams were still the preserve of the middle classes, especially Queen's Park, who snootily refused to join the Scottish Football League until into the Twentieth Century. These suited snobs, however, still managed to dominate the SFA.

Fast-forward a hundred-odd years and football has changed beyond all recognition. Professionalism is no longer the stigma it once was and the word 'amateur' has taken on a rather pejorative meaning. Many of the clubs that were around in the Nineteenth Century have disappeared as people moved and harsh economics bit. For some reason, however, a lot of the smaller Scottish teams still seem to have a disproportionate influence on football in this country or, at least, think that they should have. This hangover from the Nineteenth Century needs to change.

Being a football spectator is no longer the only option available at the weekend. The days of the wife looking after the kids while the man disappears for the day on a Saturday, and having his dinner ready for him to eat on his return before he vanishes again to the pub, are long gone. Nor can you leave the weans outside with a bottle of lemonade and a bag of crisps while you nip in for a pint or two. Nowadays you're expected to actually do things as a family. Some families are quite happy to turn up at all their football team's home games but most are not. Football now faces serious competition from more family-friendly, more participative and cheaper activities.

This has certainly affected the amateur teams in the lower divisions, whose support tends to consist of some old boy that moans about the pies costing more than 3d. School teams draw larger crowds than some of these clubs. Many of them found the crowds that followed Trigger's Brush FC to their tiny towns extremely disconcerting. Church bells rang out to signal invasion, while venerable gentlemen, clad in tattered, old Home Guard uniforms, shuffled up and down the main street, shouting, 'Don't panic! Don't panic!' Families cowered in their homes, wondering if these strange 'foreigners' were going to eat them!

And yet, these clubs are supposed to decide the future of Scottish football. It's as if the champion at pitch-and-putt down the local park turned up at St. Andrews and demanded a say in how the game of golf is run! In England, or, for that matter, in any other country, this situation would not be tolerated. The big boys are the ones making the money so the small fry can take it or leave it when it comes to reorganisation. Not in Scotland, though, where Annan Athletic is to have as equal a say as Celtic, Hibs or Aberdeen!

It's hardly surprising, then, that the teams in the First Division have had enough. They're planning to break away from the SFL and join the SPL, forming an SPL 2. Predictably, the supporters of Trigger's Brush FC are up in arms about this. 'Selling out,' seems to be the consensus. As usual, they point to the SPL as being run by Peter Lawwell in order to convince themselves that their old team never did anything wrong and was victimised. They actually have the nerve to shout about 'Sporting integrity!'

According to the Trigger's Brush FC support, the vote taken by the SFL teams was 'democratic' and the First Division teams should abide by it. But is it really democratic? Anybody that has done History at school will have heard of the phrase 'Rotten Borough.' In the early part of the Nineteenth Century there were constituencies in the UK that had hardly any, or, in some cases, no, people living there, but still returned M.Ps. The Whigs got rid of these anomalies in 1832. Unfortunately, such a situation exists within the SFL, even in the Twenty-First Century! Why should teams that are generally supporterd by an auld man and his dug have the same voting rights as the likes of Falkirk? Some of our lower-league teams have become the footballing equivalent of Old Sarum!

What has really noised up the supporters of Trigger's Brush FC, however, is the suggestion that their team might be invited to join SPL 2. Rather than be excited by this prospect, they have all come to believe their nonsense about conspiracies and want nothing to do with an organisation 'run' by Peter Lawwell! The answer to this is simple: leave them to rot!

Amazingly the arrogance of Trigger's Brush FC's supporters knows no bounds and they honestly believe that an SFL dominated by themselves will be more of a pull than two SPL leagues! Well, best of luck to them! Still, it's hard to see which way the Ibrox board would jump, since we've no idea who is on the board, who is being dumped, who is walking away and who is coming in. If the expected fraudsters and gangsters come in then they'll want to make as much cash as possible. They would, therefore, jump at the chance of joining SPL 2. How would the 'Loyal' react then?

They're already talking about boycotting the First Division 'rebels.' But who cares? The only time they would ever meet any of them would be in the Scottish Cup. Given the results of the season just finished, they probably want to avoid going to the matches out of fear rather than principle! Let them stay with their SFL friends and rack up year after year of meaningless titles!

All of this, however, means nothing to Loony Leggat. All he's concerned about is his one-man crusade against Imran Ahmad. He says that Ahmad has been to consult a lawyer. Leggat sees this as some sort of admission of guilt; but could it be he's going to sue the PSA for slander?

Last year Leggat announced the publication of his book about the shooting of JFK. A kind soul put some excerpts of this epic up on a blog so we could all have a good laugh at it. As well as his usual anti-Irish racism, Leggat, in his magnum opus, compared Joseph Kennedy unfavourably with Winston Churchill. Kennedy was a product of state schooling in America, while Churchill was educated at the best fee-paying institutions England had to offer. This obviously points up Churchill's superiority as an individual.

Strangely, however, Leggat describes Ahmad as 'the public-school educated Englishman with the cut-glass accent.' (As usual, I have corrected Leggat's dreadful punctuation!) Somehow, I don't think he intends this as a compliment!

David Longmuir storms off in a huff!

SHARES LOW, SHARI LOW AND SHAMEFULLY LOW

Loony Leggat has seriously lost the plot. He has got it into his head that Imran Ahmad is responsible for uploading to the internet the video of Malcolm Murray. Without a shred of evidence he condemns Ahmad and calls him every name under the sun. He also sees it as a great conspiracy involving Keith Jackson and the Daily Record, in conjunction with Celtic of course. Yesterday he was going on about padded cells and strait-jackets. I suppose it's easier to write about things you're familiar with!

He talks again about the e-mail he received from Ahmad, 'hiding behind the Joe Ninety nom de guerre,' he says. In other words, he received an e-mail from a 'Joe Ninety' and has assumed that it was from Ahmad. So, again, he is condemning Ahmad without a shred of evidence.

Leggat goes on to outline how Murray could take Ahmad to court and how Green could end up in trouble as well and how Ahmad could have broken the law. In fact, the only one that could end up in court is Leggat himself, for slander!

He continues with how the London Stock Exchange will be interested in what's going on. Actually, they won't. Trigger's Brush FC shares are not traded on the London Stock Exchange; they are traded on the wee, diddy, AIM Stock Exchange. That august body will probably not be interested in Leggat's ravings either. They might, however, suspend trading in the shares until there is some clarity about what is actually going on at Ibrox. If they don't, and the civil war continues, then there is the serious possibility that the price of the shares could end up going through the floor.

Bill McMurdo, meanwhile, is still carrying on his crusade to stop people trusting in the 'Old Guard' and self-styled 'Rangers Men.' He is, however, fighting a losing battle. Rangers, and Trigger's Brush FC have never been about looking forward. Everything is about looking back and any future has to be embedded in the past, especially as far as the supporters are concerned. It doesn't matter how much money you've got; as long as you're a 'Rangers Man' then you're welcome.

The papers have decided to just shrug their shoulders and wait for the next instalment to come out. The only commentator that comes close is Shari Low in the Daily Record. She doesn't mention the incident by name and certainly doesn't intend to use the shenanigans at Ibrox in her next novel; it would be too unbelievable! It is obvious, however, that she has been inspired by the Murray video in her appeal for privacy. She is completely right. You should be able to have a few drinks without being afraid that any staggering you might do will end up being used against you at work, or even plastered (pardon the pun) all over the internet. Loony Leggat is right about one thing: whoever uploaded that video of Murray, it has seriously backfired on them!

The dark side, or, rather, the even darker side of the Trigger's Brush FC support crawled out onto Bill McMurdo's blog today. Bill himself decides to use the disgusting murder of a soldier in London by Islamic extremists as an excuse to tell us that Irish Republicanism is a bigger threat in our country. He also shamelessly equates this shocking occurrence with the mob that harangued Nigel Farage! Of course, that opened the floodgates; one poster pointing out that one of the demonstrators in Edinburgh had an Irish name! Without a hint of irony, Old Bill bemoans the 'hatred and bigotry' that 'plagues our land.'

It's only a matter of weeks until the Scottish Rickets Sufferers take to our streets for their annual bigot-fest. While they hold up the traffic and sing their vile songs about murder and mayhem, the burden is on the tax-payer to foot the bill for the policing of this festival of hate. Is this what Old Bill is talking about, I wonder!

I spoke the other day about the need to move forward. Some people, however, cannot. While some in Northern Ireland have rolled up their sleeves and are trying hard to make the Peace Process work, others are out battling with the police over the city hall following the same procedure as everywhere else in Britain for the flying of the Union Flag. What's really behind this is the fear of losing a bit of power, like folk in Texas and Mississippi in the 1960s fighting to stop blacks getting equal rights. Equally, the Trigger's Brush mob have lost their team and the power they held over Scottish football and they don't like it. All they can see is that they are 'The Peeppull' so there must be a great conspiracy against them; all part-and-parcel of the same conspiracy that's stopping a flag being flown every day in Belfast. Anyone with an Irish-sounding name is a suspect!

It really is bad enough this paranoid, bigoted nonsense without using the tragic murder of a young soldier as an excuse. Do they really have no shame?

The worrying thing is that these kind of people are always looking for a scapegoat. The EDL blame all Muslims, UKIP blame Eastern-European immigrants, the Sevilles in our country blame Catholics and the Irish, while their American counterparts are even blaming the devastation caused by the tornadoes in Oklahoma on gay people! Strangely, if you disagree with these clowns, you're the one that's the bigot!

FILM 2013

While the rich and famous are partying in Cannes with champagne, cocaine and prostitutes that cost the price of a semi-detached in Clarkston, Ibrox has decided to have its own film festival. One of the entries, a cert for the prestigious Palme d'Orange, shows Malcolm Murray, obviously the worse for wear, being helped out of a restaurant. A few Holy Willie-type noises of disapproval are made by the person taking the video. The Daily Record has identified one of the voices as that of Brian Stockbridge, a director of Trigger's Brush FC. Stockbridge had admitted taking the video, apparently to show at a board meeting!

Now, Stockbridge has denied categorically that he uploaded this video to the internet; so who did? In this technological age there is no need for a video taken on a mobile phone to be uploaded to a computer and rendered into a compatible format for everyone to see. With a modern phone it is possible, in fact, simple, to just plug a cable into the phone, attach the other end to a TV or monitor and show everybody your video in widescreen, HD glory! So, essentially, there was no need for copies of Stockbridge's video to exist, unless he made a back-up on his own computer. He could have shown his video, everyone would have shaken their heads and tut-tutted and another nail would have gone into Murray's coffin.

So what, exactly, am I getting at here? Obviously, if Stockbridge is right and he didn't upload the video to the internet then somebody else had a copy. There was no necessity whatsoever for anybody to have a copy of this video and the only way they could have got it was from Stockbridge. I can imagine the scenario being the same as in secondary schools up and down the country. Teenagers very rarely have their mobile phones out of their hands and are always ready to record embarrassing incidents. These videos are sent from mobile to mobile so everybody can get a laugh and then usually end up on You Tube. Equally, Stockbridge's video was probably shared so they could all look, laugh and comment on the state that Murray was in!

Amazingly many Trigger's Brush FC supporters see this as normal business practice! Anything goes, apparently, in undermining confidence in a business rival. One of them even compared it to Celtic tapping Tommy Burns from Kilmarnock! Hardly! Yes, Celtic's behaviour was underhand and they were fined for it but it is hardly in the same league as a supposed friend taking you out, getting you pissed and then video-recording the aftermath! That's like something Alan B'Stard would do or the kind of plot you would find in the pages of a Tom Sharpe novel! It certainly begs the question: if that's how they treat their friends, then what the hell would they do with people they perceive as enemies?

Like some twisted version of Godwin's Law, you can always rely on the fact that in any discussion on a Trigger's Brush FC blog, or on a website where Trigger's Brush FC supporters are involved, the name Torbett will crop up. Of course, this situation has proven to be no exception! There have been rumours floating around for years that Torbett was involved in similar disgusting practices at Rangers and that they stood by and warned nobody, least of all Celtic, about what the guy was like. Considering the way the Ibrox crew treat their friends then this story becomes all the more plausible. In fact, it's not beyond the realms of possibility that he was deliberately pointed in the direction of Celtic Park. It certainly makes you think!

Anyway, the divisions inside Ibrox are reflected among the support and battle lines are being drawn. Bill McMurdo is adamant that Murray should go and is sticking to his guns over supporting Green. He, and the ones that agree with him (although not all his posters do) are quite happy to see the Easdales and King involved in some capacity, but, really, they want Green back. Leggat, on the other hand, is firmly on Murray's side, and is determined to carry out the sort of character assassination on Ahmad that he usually reserves for Graham Spiers. Mind you, I suppose anybody that falls out of a restaurant steaming is okay in Leggat's book!

So what are we to make of all this? It would be sad if it weren't so hilarious! The Trigger's Brush FC support have been arrogantly accusing everyone else for their woes and branding just about everybody as 'enemies.' Now they've got 'enemies' in the boardroom but they can't make their minds up over who these 'enemies' are! Graham Roberts's list must be running into a page-count to rival War and Peace by now!

And, as expected, they're all crying 'conspiracy' over the fact that Hearts have not been docked points. 'Why the need to consult Lithuanian lawyers?' they cry. Maybe they don't understand what happened. UBIG, Romanov's company and the biggest shareholder in Hearts (the 'holding company' for the hard-of-thinking) were cited on a Lithuanian government website as being one of a number of insolvent companies. Obviously this needed to be investigated; the upshot being that UBIG has not gone into administration - yet! If it does then Hearts will start the new season with a points deduction. No conspiracy, no dodgy dealings and no special treatment. Still, you can't blame the supporters of Trigger's Brush FC. Dodgy dealings, lies and back-stabbing are the norm at their club so they automatically think that everyone's at it!

So what does Big Jabba have to say to all this? Nothing, apparently. If you have a look at the official Trigger's Brush FC website there are nothing but tumbleweeds bouncing along. Oh, wait, they're banging on again about their 'worldwide' fan base. Their TV channel is going to be reporting from California at the end of May where a convention of North American supporters will be taking place. Apparently there are going to be around - wait for it - 800 folk turning up! Yes, they've certainly managed to tap into that North American market!

Graham Roberts updates his list.

FIGHTING, FAWNING AND FORGIVING

 

Laydeeeeez an' Jennulmeeeeen! In the Blue Corner - The Pish-Stained Alky, Loony Leggat! And in the...er...Blue Corner - Battling Bill McMurdo!

It seems our favourite bloggers can't make up their minds what, or, for that matter, who is best for their club. Old Bill still has his colours nailed firmly to the mast of Charles Green. Malcolm Murray again gets it in the neck. Loony Leggat, on the other hand, is putting his shirt on Malcolm Murray coming good and has plenty to say about Green's 'little friend' Ahmad. He uses the exact same epithets to describe Ahmad as he previously used to describe Whyte and which he usually employs to describe Graham Spiers. How the hell this guy was ever employed as a journalist is beyond me!

The Daily Record reports about somebody releasing recordings of board meetings onto the internet. The most interesting part of this was that, apparently, all the NEDS are going to be cleared out of Ibrox. Christ, they'll need an army to do that!

Sticking with the Daily Record, Keith Jackson does his usual sucking-up to Trigger's Brush FC. In an article about the troubles at Tynecastle he gives us the usual line about Trigger's Brush FC being harshly treated. He calls Green's team ending up in the Third Division 'the worst piece of decision making since a peckish Luis Saurez dipped his own arm in barbecue sauce.' He feels the need to enlighten us that Suarez did no such thing, as if we're all stupid. But then, his target audience is the support of Trigger's Brush FC!

He continues: 'The good news is that this time round (ie with Hearts), it will be left to the board to decide as opposed to last year when it was passed back to the clubs to take a vote on whether or not Charles Green’s Newco should be invited straight back into the SPL.'

How can a Newco be invited 'back' into a league of which it has never been a member? He's stretching the Trigger's Brush FC doublethink a bit far there! But wait! What's this? He is actually blaming somebody other than the SPL and its member clubs for what happened!

'Indeed, Doncaster might even have believed right up until the 11th hour that as many as eight clubs were of a mind to do the right thing, on a commercial basis at least.
But that support collapsed spectacularly when Green turned up at Hampden to address them and opened his mouth for the first time. Ultimately his arrogance and bombast cost Rangers their place in the top division.'

Of course, given that Green is under a cloud at the moment then his statement is not as brave as it seems! And Green was only continuing the argument that had been coming from Rangers and its supporters long before administration. Apparently, Green and Malcolm Murray turned up at the meeting armed with prospectuses, emblazoned with the words, 'WE ARE RANGERS.' It was like a challenge; how dare anyone have the gall to even question that the should be allowed into the SPL! This was the argument all along; We arra peeppul! It was this arrogance, among those involved at Ibrox and the support, that put everyone's backs up.

Jackson goes on to say that today's decision about Hearts 'will not be based on common sense, it will be governed entirely by the rule book.' Common sense? In other words, the rule book should be torn up and Hearts should stay in the SPL no matter what, as well as Trigger's Brush FC being invited in as well.

This is the type of argument with which erstwhile readers and listeners of Big Jabba will be familiar. Clubs, especially Rangers and its bastard offspring, Trigger's Brush FC, should not be punished for their profligacy. No. Everyone should be doing their damnedest to make sure they stay in the top tier so their supporters bring money into other clubs. In other words, subsidise clubs that otherwise might struggle or even go to the wall. Subsidies are anathema to the self-styled Thatcherites that make up the support of Trigger's Brush FC. They would have been willing, however, to make an exception in this case. Such altruism! Such philanthropy!

Finally, something that should not be related to football but, sadly, is. There was a story in both The Sun and the Daily Record the other day, and no doubt in other newspapers as well, about a guy working as the Health and Safety officer on a building site. He used to be connected with UVF terrorists and was arrested in 2002 trying to smuggle explosives to Northern Ireland. He served time in prison for this crime.

Now, the automatic reaction to this would be 'Bastard! How dare he! And how dare anybody employ him!' The fact has to be faced, however, that he did his time and surely deserves to prove that he is rehabilitated. The Sun says that he was forced to resign after 'details of his sickening past were revealed to his workmates.' It doesn't say who revealed these details but I would assume it was the honourable members of our Fourth Estate.

So what's my problem with this? Well, while in prison it is normal for prisoners to have sessions to face up to the reasons for their criminal activities, while preparing to lead a normal life on the outside. I could be wrong, but wasn't this guy just trying to get on with his life, doing a job he was obviously qualified to do?

In the current climate there are many on the internet that talk of the 'mhedia,' trying to convince each other that there is a huge conspiracy in the Scottish media against their team. It does not take a huge leap to then believe that said conspiracy is Catholic-led and is being perpetrated by supporters of Irish republicanism. Leggat has explicitly stated this on a few occasions and I've seen such views being expressed on Bill McMurdo's blog. (Though not by the man himself, I hasten to add.) It does not take a genius to guess which football team this Health and Safety guy supports, so his mind will already be attuned to an attitude of victimhood. What is he going to do now? Presumably he will just sink back into the hatred and bigotry that led him into terrorism in the first place, blaming the 'mhedia' for losing him his job!

The peace process in Northern Ireland is a difficult one, with all those involved trying to bury the past and move forward into a shared future. What chance do they have if we, in Scotland, are going to rake up the past in this manner?

'Are you Ahmad?'

'Am I Ahmad? I'm a-fuckin' a-blazin'! Wait till Ah get ma hauns oan that pish-stained alky!'

GANGSTA'S PARADISE

The current troubles at Tynecastle have brought many a Trigger's Brush FC supporter out from commenting on the battle for the dark soul of their club to have their say about Hearts. Will Hearts be 'punished' the way their team was? The story in the press is that if Hearts go into administration they will be deducted 17 points. Why so many? Rangers were only deducted 10 points so why the increase in punishment for Hearts? And if Hearts were to go into liquidation and start afresh, as The The Heart of Midlothian FC or whatever, then they would have to apply to get into the Scottish League. Trigger's Brush FC supporters claim that everyone will 'bend over backwards' to keep them in the SPL. Somehow I doubt that. What these clowns should keep in mind, however, is that the SFA and the SFL bent over backwards to allow their new club into the Scottish League set-up ahead of other, more deserving, clubs.

There is much wailing and gnashing of teeth over Hearts, and maybe others, going into administration or worse. 'We need to do something,' seems to be the general opinion; but what do they suggest? Businesses fail all the time and football clubs are no different. In the current economic climate, football clubs need to realise that people can't afford top dollar for season tickets, cup tickets and new strips. Like other businesses, they need to adapt to appeal to their customers. The huge take-up of season tickets at Ibrox had nothing to do with 'loyalty' and everything to do with the price being more affordable. All teams, and I include Celtic in this, need to realise that it's all very well splashing the cash to progress in Europe but eventually this will become unsustainable as less and less people can afford to spend money on tickets, strips and other products. Football clubs need to tailor themselves to fit the society we live in today; if that means some clubs going to the wall then so be it.

Romanov, like Murray before him, spent a fortune chasing the European dream. The global economic crash, therefore, hit both of them hard. It might well take a spell down in the First Division, or further down if liquidation happens, to teach Hearts to live within their means. This might not be the case, however, as Trigger's Brush FC wasted millions this year just to win Division Three!

If all those involved in football are serious about staving off the decline and disappearance of some, or many, of our clubs then the best thing they can do is to start cutting their cloth to suit their means. Forget Europe. Of course, they can still take part in European competitions and, hopefully, rake in some much-needed cash, but the main concern should be about keeping Scottish football alive. Bring the price of tickets down and stop spending money that you don't have on players for the European stage. None of our clubs has the resources to compete with the big boys and it is about time they realised that and supplied a product for the paying punters. A steady, albeit reduced, income all round and some kind of spending curb would, sooner rather than later, lead to a more competitive league, which could entice a better TV deal!

This is in stark contrast to the simple arses-on-seats approach constantly thrown in our faces by the fans of Trigger's Brush FC. In their minds, their new team should have been allowed straight into the SPL so that clubs could continue to collect revenue from their visiting supporters. I wonder, however, how many visiting supporters there would have been. Trigger's Brush FC would have struggled badly in the SPL and would have probably finished the season with nothing to show but the guaranteed 12 points against Motherwell! Would the supporters have turned out in droves, paying through the nose, to watch that? Or maybe when they speak of nobody 'helping' them they had something else in mind. Some kind of financial hand-outs. perhaps, in order to ensure that the league would stay 'competitive'? It's the only way it could possibly have worked.

Let's transfer this kind of argument into other sports. Take boxing, for example. Eventually, no matter how big a crowd puller he is, there comes a time when every boxer is getting too old, too slow and too prone to injury so he has to retire. But, if the high crowds are to be maintained then surely there is an argument for him to keep on fighting? Maybe to 'even things out' and make the bout 'more competitive' he should be allowed to take a lump hammer into the ring with him! Or what if a top snooker player injures his hand? Should they break the fingers of all the other competitors so he can still take part and they don't end up with somebody winning a 'tainted title'?

Football in Scotland is going through a transitional period as economic realities catch up with the clubs. If some dinosaurs end up going extinct along the way then I'm afraid that's it. That's life in the Big City. sic transit gloria mundi. Survival of the Fittest...etc. etc. etc. If clubs learn to live according to their means and entice the paying customer back then all well and good. If, however, like Trigger's Brush FC, old mistakes are going to be repeated then the whole lot's going to end up going down the toilet!

Meanwhile Bill McMurdo has got grounds to feel smug after Loony Leggat was forced to admit that Ahmad is, apparently, on the side of Dave King. According to Leggat, he was sent an e-mail confirming this by Ahmad himself! Old Bill, however, is not exactly over the moon about being right; he wants Green back and wants to do away with the old tie-and-brogues brigade. It looks, however, as if they've got their feet wedged in the door, along with multifarious crooks and conmen.

Just look at all the protagonists in the current comedy. Green himself, a man that opens his mouth before engaging any braincells he possesses and who is possibly connected to Whyte. The possibility of such a connection is being investigated by Deloitte, a company under investigation itself for being involved in money laundering. The investigation into Green is being overseen by Pinsent Masons, who, in turn, are being investigated by the FBI for a massive, multi-million-dollar fraud. Then we have a takeover bid by a man whose assets in South Africa have been seized to pay for his tax evasion. He is opposed by two brothers whose business methods allegedly include violence and intimidation and one of whom did time in prison for VAT fraud. Being shunted about in the middle is Malcolm Murray, the chairman, whose sole crime seems to be that he drunkenly let something slip about what was going on in the boardroom! My God, compared to all these others Malcolm Murray is a saint!

The whole sorry mess is getting like the convoluted plot of Boardwalk Empire. I mentioned the FBI above; perhaps some Elliot Ness-like character is needed to clear out all the chancers, gangsters and conmen. Oops! Wait a minute. Didn't Ness get Al Capone for not paying taxes? It seems we're going round and round in circles here!

'Right, then! Who's gonny sell me thur shares?'

FEEDING FRENZY

Loony Leggat was up early yesterday morning. Normally his posts don't appear until almost lunchtime, so when I had a look in the early hours of Thursday morning I wanted to read what he had written on Wednesday. Imagine my surprise when he had already posted Thursday's ravings. Either he was up early or he was suffering from insomnia. The latter seems more likely, given the fear that permeates his post. His poor carer must have been roused from his bed to remove the strait-jacket at this unusual, ungodly hour!

So what is it that has Leggat's sphincter in a tizzy? Apparently he is terrified that his prophesied takeover by Dave King might be blocked. Like all supporters of Trigger's Brush FC, he uses the new word they have learned: cabal. Rather than the usual 'cabal' ruled by Peter Lawwell this one is what he calls the 'Green-Ahmad-Easdale-Chris Morgan-Blue Pitch Holdings cabal.' That's easy for him to say!

So 'Flash Harry' Green is still around, despite putting it about that he was offski. His 'little friend' is apparently hanging around as well. They're bringing in the Heavy Team this time. From what I've heard of the Easdales they're Scotland's answer to the Kray twins! Chris Morgan is a lawyer, who represents the publicity-shy Blue Pitch Holdings. Despite much speculation nobody actually knows who Blue Pitch Holdings actually are!

What's frightening Leggat is that none of these, with the possible exception of the Easdales, are 'Rangers Men.' In fact, scrub that. According to Leggat, the Easdales are not 'Rangers Men' since they spoke in a friendly fashion to Chris McLaughlin of BBC Scotland! These are not the types that Leggat wants to see at Ibrox. Instead, what Leggat wants to see is a tax-evader running the place. Who'd have thought it, eh? Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose!

Leggat is desperate to see King succeed, in order to to take Trigger's Brush FC back to its 'roots.' The roots of Trigger's Brush FC are easy to find; it is a new club that Flash Harry set up with the assets of the liquidated Rangers FC. But let's go along with the delusion that nothing happened last year, that liquidation only applies to some 'holding company' and that the team that now plays at Ibrox is still Rangers. Let's investigate these 'roots.'

Back in February Paul Murray, an ex-Rangers director, spoke to Keith Jackson of his concerns for the future of 'Rangers.' Little of his conversation, however, mentioned the future; it was all about the past. Now, I don't know if Murray actually said this but one phrase stood out in Jackson's piece. Whether it was deliberate, a Freudian slip or Jackson being sarcastic, the phrase spoke volumes. It says that what was needed was, and I quote, 'a return to dearly held standards that span three centuries.' So there you have it. It doesn't matter what kind of character holds sway at Ibrox so long as he is willing to march along the street every July looking like he suffers from a vitamin D deficiency.

The main concern of everybody connected in any way with Trigger's Brush FC is to plug leaks. Unfortunately, with so many 'Adullamite' factions around, leaks are par for the course. It begs the question, of course, of who is actually running things at Ibrox. The whole thing is shrouded in mystery. Maybe Whyte is still pulling the strings.

Strangely, Bill McMurdo has a different slant on the whole business. According to him, Ahmad is selling his shares to King and is supporting his takeover. The Easdales, it seems, will be happy to sit on the board with King running the show. As Bill says, 'It must be emphasised that the Easdale brothers are bluenoses who have Rangers’ best interests at heart.' Well, that paints a nice, rosy picture, doesn't it? It's just a pity that the newspapers, and even Loony Leggat, see things totally differentlly.

Trigger's Brush FC has become like a rancid, maggot-ridden corpse being fought over by a pack of hyenas. Normally, on the African savannah, the battling hyenas end up being chased off by a lion. Unfortunately, for the supporters of Trigger's Brush FC, nobody can agree about who is a lion and who is a hyena. Chances are that the Great Whyte Hunter might still turn up to claim the corpse's head as a trophy for his walll!

 

 

 

 

'Hello...Sue? Any chance Ah kin come back oan Question-a Sport?'

 

 

 

 

KING OF THE (COPLAND) ROAD

Loony Leggat got himself all excited yesterday. He got himself so worked-up that his fingers will still be sticking to the keyboard today. And the reason for his excitement? Apparently Dave King is looking to buy into Trigger's Brush FC. In fact, he's looking to buy up enough shares to be in charge.

You must remember Dave King, the guy that wanted to save Rangers last year but couldn't because of his tax case in South Africa? According to Leggat, everything is okay now because King's assets, outside of South Africa have been unfrozen. He, of course, omits to explain why. The South African government have seized all King's assets in the country to pay for the tax he dodged. Is that really the type they want running things at Ibrox? Maybe it is!

Somehow I don't think Bill McMurdo would be too happy to see King turning up at Ibrox. He hasn't commented yet on this but he has made his feelings plain about the 'Old Guard.' To him, things at Ibrox need to move forward, with solid business heads instead of so-called 'Rangers Men.'

Unfortunately, the only alternative seems to be the Easdale brothers, to whom Green has apparently promised to sell his shares. This pair are looking for seats in the boardroom as well and don't look as if they're ready to back down any time soon. They've got plenty of money and won't be overawed by King.

What's that phrase, 'Fit and proper person'? Would either King or the Easdales pass this test? One of the Easdales has been in prison for fraud, so it's not much of a choice, is it? Leggat, however, does not let this bother him. It matters not to him if somebody is a conman, as long as he's a 'dyed-in-the-wool bluenose!' King meets this particular criterion; Leggat, however, views the Easdales differently.

The Easdales, in Leggat's eyes, committed the worse crime possible. They spoke to Chris McLaughlin of BBC Scotland! This is the guy that was banned from Ibrox for having the nerve to report the truth. With a surname like that it's surprising he was allowed near there in the first place! Anyhoo, they apparently were quite chummy with McLaughlin, even - gasp! - calling him by his first name! Surely the Trigger's Brush 'loyal' would never accept such people?

Leggat takes this as proof that Green has no intention of selling his shares to the Chuckle Brothers. If they were, indeed, going to be buying these shares then they would never have committed the faux-pas of talking to McLaughlin. Since they are not really going to be buying the shares then, according to Leggat, the whole story is a ploy to stop the share price falling!

I'm sure investors, potential investors and the Diddy Stock Exchange are impressed that Green is ostensibly selling his shares to a convicted criminal! Yes, that's going to keep the share price high. On the floor of the Diddy Stock Exchange they're probably falling over themselves to put their hard-earned into the Trigger's Brush holding company, whatever it's called this week. The share price will be going through the roof!

Meanwhile Jabba is still doing nothing to earn his lamb. He has published nothing on the Rangers website since February and only came out of hiding last week to have a go at BBC Scotland. I think he spends all his time in bed, swallowing sleeping pills, desperately hoping that he'll wake up to find David Murray in the shower and discover that the last couple of years have been only a dream!

The Easdale brothers get ready to take their seats on the board.

LA-LA-LA LAND

More trouble at Trigger's Brush FC. The Sun yesterday claimed to have seen the minutes of an angry board meeting, where they are trying to oust chairman Malcolm Murray. Apparently everyone thinks that he is the source of the 'leaks' that have been coming out of Ibrox. That surely begs the question: who leaked the leaked minutes about the leaker of the leaks if the leaked leak was about the leaker?  

Loony Leggat has been up to ninety about these 'leaks' for a while now, while others are concerned about Trigger's Brush FC washing its dirty linen in public. The main worry seems to be that ammunition is being given to our 'Rangers-hating' media. Only Bill McMurdo seems to concern himself over what is actually going on at Ibrox, although he also goes down the road of believing in this 'Rangers-hating' media palaver.

Leggat is constantly harping on about how Scottish journalism has gone downhill. He longs for the good old days when men were men and lambs lived in perpetual fear of being devoured. He berates current newspaper men for not being proper journalists and not doing proper research. Strangely, he holds Traynor up on a pedestal, as the epitome of what a journalist should be. Would that be the same Traynor that told us all about the Motherwell billionaire, front-loaded funds and heavy-laden warchests? All this when a quick search on Google would have revealed that Whyte was nothing more than a crook!

This is the big problem for the supporters of Trigger's Brush FC. They were used to an unquestioning acceptance in our media of every statement that came out of Ibrox. David Murray's fantasies about hotels and casinos were regurgitated verbatim, without any critical analysis whatsoever. Traynor led the field in this sycophantic style of reporting. Even when there were problems at Ibrox Traynor and his ilk took at face value protestations that everything was alright. Nothing negative was ever printed and the good times were going to roll on forever and a day. The internet changed all that.

Bloggers were able to argue against the accepted view of things while not having to worry about circulation or upsetting the hand that fed them. Newspapers then had to follow suit in actually investigating what was going on at Ibrox for a change or lose all credibility. Even then Traynor tried to fight a rearguard action. Keith Jackson's discovery of the details of Whyte's Ticketus deal was sat on by Traynor for ages before it was printed in the Daily Record. Everyone had been buzzing about the story Traynor was 'sitting on.' Why did he sit on the story? Obviously he could not bear to break with tradition and print a negative story about his beloved team!

Because of all the shite that was fed to them by arse-licking agnivores the supporters of Trigger's Brush FC find it difficult to believe that anything untoward ever happened at Ibrox. They've got themselves practically convinced that Peter Lawwell forced them into the Third Division for no reason at all! And all the Scottish media, it seems, are now in thrall to Lawwell and desperate to print negative stories about 'Rainjurs.' Oh, and they're also in cahoots with Whyte, apparently, just to cause trouble at Ibrox!

It seems that no matter what is happening at Ibrox they don't want to know. Administration or liquidation might loom again on the horizon but they want to just put their fingers in their ears and go, 'La la la la la.' They don't want transparency in their club; they just want to be told that everything's fine, they are on the way up and, above all, that it's still the same club! Anybody that has the audacity to actually report on what's really going on is, therefore, a 'Rangers Hater!'

Meanwhile there is feverish speculation in the press about Neil Lennon being offered the manager's job at Everton, or Stoke, or Leicester. This has caused extreme consternation among the supporters of Trigger's Brush FC. On the one hand, they want the object of much of their bigoted hatred to go away; on the other, it sticks in their throats that Lennon might be considered a good manager. A huge part of me hopes that he gets the Everton job and does well just to ram it up these filthy bigots!

And what about the Clydesdale Bank SPL Manager of the Year? By Christ, they can pick them! An SPL manager that can't motivate his team to beat a pile of dross from the Third Division hardly deserves accolades! Maybe somebody else knows the answer but I was just thinking about this the other day; has Motherwell ever won against the teams from Ibrox since 'Wrang Door' McCall took over?

And, for some unfathomable reason, McCall's name is being linked with the job at Sheffield United. The Motherwell board says that they won't stand in his way. In other words, they're still embarrassed about the result against Trigger's Brush FC in the cup!

Do you think the powers-that-be (whoever they are today) at Ibrox would be trying to hold onto Sooperally or would they be willing to let him go to pastures new?  Somehow I can't see the same speculation surrounding their manager, even if a local brewery is looking for someone to organise a function!

Some wag decided to post on The Sun website yesterday that Neil Lennon might end up managing a Championship team, as that's about his level. I'm afraid Sooperally's level would be as a manager at a Blockbusters video store, where they call everyone that works there a 'manager'!

Finally, I had to do a double take when looking at the Daily Record's website today. There's a headline about a double mastectomy. It turns out that it's Angelina Jolie they're on about. For a split second I thought that Trigger's Brush FC had managed to get rid of Malcolm Murray and Sooperally at the same time!

MURRAY, MONEY MEN, MANIACS

AND MAN U

Strange goings-on going on at Trigger's Brush FC. Some of them are trying to get rid of Malcolm Murray, who is apparently reluctant to go, while Green is still participating in board meetings via video link. The 'independent inquiry' has cost a fortune and seemingly found nothing. Even Mr Dignity is threatening to walk. So what's going on? Your guess is as good as mine!

Bill McMurdo is worried that the 'Old Guard' is trying to push its way back in and he could be right. There's even a possibility that David Murray is manipulating things in the background. That would be just like the thing if it turned out that Murray was behind everything all along! If you read some of the blogs you'll realise that many Trigger's Brush FC supporters are still hoping for a knight in shining armour to turn up and fix everything. Imagine if it was Murray!

It's not beyond the realms of possibility that liquidation was a grand plan by Murray to avoid paying all his creditors. The sheer madness of selling to a shady character like Whyte would then make sense. Everybody else gets blamed for the mess and he can come back in, debt-free, to pick up where he left off! Stranger things have happened.

Loony Leggat, meanwhile, is not overly concerned about the shambles and in-fighting at Ibrox. All he's worried about is who is leaking the stories to the press. In his wee world it's Lawwell causing all the trouble. Apparently the whole Scottish media is at his beck-and-call and they're out to cause problems galore at Trigger's Brush FC. How he makes this out is beyond me but is testament to his paranoia. He longs for a return to the days of Traynor and his succulent lamb style of journalism. It doesn't matter what's going on at Ibrox; as long as nobody knows about it then everything's fine as far as he's concerned!

So who is responsible for the leaks? One minute it's Ahmad, then it's Malcolm Murray and Leggat has hinted at somebody else joining in. Maybe it's Traynor! Perhaps he took his job under false pretences and is is passing stories back to some of his old journalist friends. A wolf in succulent lamb's clothing!

And what about Green? They've not got rid of him yet. Unless everything is a master plan by David Murray then he's in a good position at present. If the 'independent inquiry' has found nothing untoward then there is no reason whatsoever for him to give up his shares. He has promised to go but he could easily change his mind. The fact that he is still taking part in board meetings would suggest that he's not in any particular hurry to disappear. 

Trigger's Brush FC is in the same position that Celtic used to be in; vested interests desperately trying to hold onto their little bit of power. It took somebody disinterested, like McCann, to come in and clear these people out to bring Celtic into the modern world. Green could have gone down the same route. The problem is that, instead of blaming the folk that ran Rangers for the mess, the supporters point the finger at everyone else. This left Green with little choice but to stick with McCoist and to bring folk like Mr Dignity back in so as to endear himself to the supporters. Instead of having a mass clear out and moving forward he chose to look to the past, pretending that his new club was still Rangers, bringing the 'Old Guard' on board and lashing out at all and sundry. That's like McCann keeping the Kelly mob in the board room and trying to blame everybody outside Celtic for what happened. If he had done that do you think he would have been so successful?

Give Bill McMurdo his due; he has been consistent in his support for Green and has been vocal in his recognition of the need for change. If you read his blog then you'll discover that many are coming round to this idea. Too many, however, go along with the Leggat line that the fight is not one for control at Ibrox but a war against the whole of Scottish football and the Scottish media. 'Walter gie'd us nine-in-a-row,' 'Ally's a legend,' 'Wae need Rangers Men' are some of the opinions of the 'Loyal.' To these folk 'tradition' is more important than going forward. Their criteria for who is best to run their team are that they must know the right songs and have gone to the right schools; money doesn't come into it!

Finally, two pieces of bad news for the fans of Trigger's Brush FC. Yesterday The Queen announced the bills that are going to be put forward in the coming parliamentary session. One of these bills intends to make sure that the only immigrants allowed to stay in Britain will be those that actually contribute something to the country. So, at last, we might be getting rid of the sponging Saxe-Coburg family!

The other piece of bad news is that Alex Ferguson is retiring at the end of the season. Surely that means that Sooperally will be heading for Old Trafford soon? After all, Man United can't afford to pass up the chance to have such a managerial genius running their team, can they? I'm sure that, when he goes, the supporters' tears will flood the whole of Paisley Road West!