JABBA THE AGNIVORE

WHITER THAN WHYTE!

So the 'independent' inquiry is finished and the apparent good news is that Craig Whyte has no claims on Ibrox or any other of the assets of Trigger's Brush FC. Brian Stockbridge invited the rest of the board out for a drink to celebrate but, strangely, everybody's washing their hair tonight! The other piece of news is that there is no link between Green, or Ahmad for that matter, and Whyte. This has Bill McMurdo cock-a-hoop and his blog today is pretty self-congratulatory; as well it might be, since he seems to be the only person to have stuck by Old Hughie!

Meanwhile Loony Leggat will be drowning his sorrows with a few bottles of red biddy, meths or whatever else your modern-day jakey imbibes. I can't wait to read his blog on Monday; he'll have to do some serious backtracking. More than likely, he'll blame it all on Peter Lawwell and Graham Spiers. But then, maybe he won't need to be so hasty.

The fact that both Green and Ahmad refused to co-operate with the investigation places a huge question mark over whether Deloitte actually dug deeply enough. I doubt very much that Whyte welcomed them into his Monte Carlo lair so, again, much of the evidence will not have been seen. In short, the whole episode has been an embarrassing, and expensive, waste of time.

Aside from not being able to peruse all the documents and recordings relating to the case, there is also a question mark over the probity of the investigators themselves. Both companies, Pinsent Masons and Deloitte are under investigation for their possible involvement in crimes such as fraud and money laundering. Are these really the sort of companies that should be investigating shady business deals? It's like Abu Qatada getting a character reference from Abu Hamza! (By the way, how does that guy manage to have a ham shank?) Or Richard Nixon saying, 'There can be no whitewash at the Big Hoose!'

Anyway, Green's and Ahmad's 'exoneration' has brought some of the 'Loyal' out of the woodwork to say that they trusted Green all along. Strangely most of them were quiet when Old Bill was the lone voice shouting out in support of Green! According to Old Bill, Green was always vocal about his innocence and 'supremely confident' that the inquiry would turn up nothing. That'll be why he resigned and buggered off to France, then, eh?

The big problem now is going to be who the Trigger's Brush FC support is going to get behind. Will Green still sell his shares to the Kray Brothers, or is he going to hang onto them now? What about Dave King? Is he still sniffing around? And Malcolm Murray has managed to cling on for another while; it seems there's no getting rid of him! And Sooperally's job is certainly safe for the foreseeable future. Everybody knows he's pish but they're all too busy fighting with each other to do anything about him!

What it all comes down to is what kind of club they want at Ibrox. Do they want the old 'Rangers Men' that Leggat champions: the kind of men that were used to getting business done over a lamb dinner, a cheeky wee beaujolais and a secret handshake? Or do they want a club that is run by a backs-to-the-wall, blame-everybody-else kind of guy, like Green? I think most of them will now plump for Green, since he has become a mouthpiece for their paranoia and arrogant sense of entitlement. The days of acting with 'dignity,' on the quiet with a rolled-up trouser leg seem to have disappeared.What the 'Loyal' want nowadays is confrontation. And Green is just the character to provide it.


If you comment on any of the threads on newspaper websites about this story, or about the possible Division One breakaway, you are invariably told that you are 'obsessed.' Yes, of course we are! Nobody can help rubber-necking at this train wreck! They claim, with their usual arrogance, that Trigger's Brush FC is the 'only show in town.' Again, though, they're perfectly correct. Ever since Ford Kiernan and Greg Hemphill fell out there is no comedy show in Scotland to come close to Trigger's Brush FC! You have to keep going back to see what's going to happen next. It's like watching every episode of Karen Dunbar's show in the hope that you might find a new joke one week. The difference is that Trigger's Brush FC serves up quality entertainment week after week. And now that Cheerful Charlie Chuckles might be back, the entertainment quotient looks like going up. It's like Frankie Boyle returning to Mock The Week!

Honestly, would you, even now, buy a used car from one of these men?