Wednesday, 30 September 2015


The agnivores have invented a new game; well, it's not really new, it's a variation on that perennial favourite at boarding schools, Wet the Biscuit. They get a laminated picture of the 'Goal Machine', stand round it in a circle and then...well, you can fill in the rest yourself. I mean, 'Goal Machine' for God's sake; half of them have been penalties! 'Waggy' says that he practises taking penalties every other day. I wonder if he gets the Ibrox postman to stand between the sticks, as it's hard-working blokes like that he normally faces when taking a spot-kick.

How many did the 'Goal Machine' score against St. Johnstone? It seems as if Waghorn is like many others that have passed through Ibrox; the professional equivalent of a dad beating the weans in a kick-about in the park. It's amazing how our media is trying to talk up this team of English Championship players manqués as world-beaters.

It's actually been a bit quiet the past few days and even Phil Mac Giolla Bhain has resorted to some science-fiction about parallel universes. All the papers have had to offer, apart from lauding 'Waggy' to the skies, is that Public Enemy Number 1, Imran Ahmad, has had the nerve to comment on some car-lovers website. The Daily Record, especially, can't seem to get its head round the fact that Interpol hasn't got involved and there have been no calls for extradition. What's the world coming to? The man was 'bad tae Raynjurz' so the whole planet should be up in arms. Meanwhile, despite the assurances at the end of McMurdo's last post that "this site will continue to operate" The Rangers (sic) Supporters Loyal seems to have disappeared up its own arse. Christ, that's Leggat gone, McMurdo gone and Jabba content to pull strings behind the scenes; what the hell am I supposed to write about? Talk about selfish!

Oh, there was one thing that cropped up: Leigh Griffiths receiving a two game suspended sentence and being fined £2,500 by the SFA. After getting a slap on the wrist in court for what was, after all, a minor (compared to the shit allowed all the time at Ibrox) offence, it also emerged that he had been fined four weeks wages by Celtic. Some folk are saying that it's unfair that he's been punished three times; but, really, that's normal practice in most jobs. I know the crime's hardly in the same league, but that headteacher at my school that had all the porn pictures of children on his computer was given community service by a judge. He was then sacked by the council and the GTC removed him from its register so that he couldn't work as a teacher again. He was punished three times and I doubt that anybody would argue against it. It'll be interesting, though, to keep an eye on what happens with Paul Paton!

Reading the Daily Record website is a bit of a mystery tour these days. I was reading one story when I noticed another link at the side, telling us that the actor, Warren Clarke, had died. That caught me unawares, since I was sure that I'd heard that he'd died ages ago. I clicked on the link to check and found an article dated 12th November 2014. It's been a long time since the DR could be described as a newspaper but now it seems to be trying to compete with the History Channel. Next thing you know they'll be telling us that Hitler's dead, or even, perish the thought, that Rangers is dead!

Finally, I had to laugh at the story of the classroom assistant and the fifteen-year-old pupil. I know it's serious stuff, she's in a position of authority and it would be a different matter if it had been a male teacher with a female pupil, but it made me think back to when I was a teenager. Amid all the awkwardness and worrying about plooks, the right clothes and that your hair was clean, the main preoccupation was sex, or rather, the lack thereof. There were actually very few of us at school that actually got to do the dirty deed and many of those that bragged about doing it were liars, as we found out when we finally got to do it ourselves and their stories turned out to be complete fabrications and the girls they claimed to have shagged turned out never to have shagged anyone!

Anyway, my recollections are about finding it nearly impossible to do any work if you were near a window overlooking the hockey pitch and there were quite a few teachers that every red-blooded male pupil (and probably most of the male staff) fantasised about. Even stories in the paper about the Children of God using sexy-looking women to entice teenagers into their sect could drive us all into a frenzy. When stories emerged about them operating in Glasgow there was an upsurge in visits to the city centre of a Saturday. By God, I must have wandered for miles with no sign of them anywhere!

With all these hormones raging, can you imagine what it would have been like to actually have shagged one of those pedagogic princesses that we all dreamed of? And yet, the lad that actually got to fulfil every teenage boy's fantasy claims to be 'scarred for life'. Strangely, though, by his own admission, he had sex fifty times before realising that there was anything wrong. And this wasn't some old matron either; have you seen the pictures of her? Yes, I know it's wrong and she was in a position of trust and deserved to be sacked but think back to when you were fifteen! In fact, I wonder if she's fed up with younger men and fancies a change with a portly, middle-aged one. I've still got my own teeth and all my hair!

Finally finally, the new book is coming along well and hopefully I should have it finished for Christmas. Apologies for the, I believe, two people that have read 'Only the Good'. I've removed this book from Amazon and intend to use parts of it in this new book. It's all about corruption of the Westminster (and Dolphin Square) variety and a good deal of it is concerned with Northern Ireland in the 1970s. It will certainly shock you! As I said before, I'm already looking at different fonts and font sizes to keep the amount of pages to a minimum. I think this particular tome would interest Monti but I don't want him having apoplexy over the price!


"'Ere, what 'appened in '54, then? An' why've yer got that French flag upside-down?"


  1. Reminds me of the time Rangers players visited Yorkhill back when the club was in administration.
    "Some of their stories were heartbreaking" said one of the children....