APOCALYPSE NOW

It's getting more and more like the Book of Revelation over in Bistoland; not only have we been told that The Beast hasn't died but now Ludge Brother is turning against Ludge Brother as they all argue over which false prophet (or should that be 'profit') to follow. I'm just waiting for the sun to turn to the colour of blood over Ibrox and plagues to start spreading from Govan Cross.

Even McMurdo's disciples are arguing among themselves over the best way forward. It's quite civil just now but the split is there nonetheless. This particular split is over Sooperally. I think that they're all agreed that Sooper couldn't manage a stauner in the middle of an all-female orgy but McMurdo, along with a few others, is all for making the best of a bad job. It's all about getting to the top tier as quickly as possible and if that means signing a few 'dinosaurs' like Boyd and Miller along the way then so be it.

Some are arguing that Sooper should be building for the future and bringing kids through to either do a job or to be sold at a profit. That, however, McMurdo contends, is not the 'Rangers way'. He's right there. I don't know about the years beforehand but Souness, Smith and Advocaat all spent huge sums of money on foreigners rather than nurture talent in the ranks. So Sooperally is just carrying on the Ibrox tradition of spend, spend, spend and worry about it later.

Quite a few of McMurdo's disciples don't hold with this. Is this going to be the ongoing model: buy in players to win one league, then buy in others to win the next and then even more to try to make an impact in Europe? None of them say it explicitly, but the worry must be there all the same: this was how Rangers died. The McMurdo side of the debate, however, argues that winning at any cost is also the 'Rangers way.' Who cares about building for the future? All that matters, essentially, is stopping Celtic from reaching ten in a row!

But wait a wee minute here. Wasn't the justification for paying all these professionals to beat part-timers that they were going to be needed for the future? Didn't Sooperally say that he was building a team to compete in the top tier? Then again, Sooper has changed his mind, and his allegiance, more times than he's changed his drawers so it's hardly surprising that he now thinks he needs other, ostensibly better, players.

His big problem, though, is what the hell he's going to do with Boyd and Miller (assuming he gets them) if Bisto manages to get to the Premiership. Neither of them is going to be happy with a one-year contract just to do the job of getting Bisto out of the Championship. Assuming that they achieve this, who the hell will want to buy this pair? Miller is well past his sell-by date already and, although many may argue about how brilliantly Boyd has done at Kilmarnock, the fact is that his team is staring relegation in the face; so he can't have scored that many! So Boyd and Miller will still have to be paid while other players are brought in to cope with life in the Premiership. And then what? They'd have to go into voluntary administration just to get rid of Boyd and Miller!

It must be tough being a Bisto Kid. You're stuck with a manager that only knows one tactic: spend. Anyone with any brains knows this is unsustainable. The only other option, however, is to give your money to Honest Dave. Oh, what to do? Some are already thinking that it would be no bad thing if liquidation happened and Honest Dave stepped in to pick up the assets for a song as Green did; after all, it would still be the same club, wouldn't it? This, however, is not what would happen. They're not dealing with face-painters and paper boys this time. Can you honestly see Laxey and the other hedge funds allowing another travesty like that? Not on your life! The assets would be sold to the highest bidders, whether singly or together. This time it would be a proper liquidation. All that would be left for Honest Dave to buy would be a name. Maybe he could take it back to South Africa and see if the Kaizer Chiefs want to change their name. After all, their 16 million-strong fanbase is nothing compared to the 'global support' of 'Rangers' is it?

Another 'I blame the schools' moment on McMurdo's site. One poster is not too keen on Boyd  appearing at Ibrox but is all for Miller being parnered with Daly. He/she says, "they could compliment each other". That'd be worth the price of a season ticket.

"Ye know, somethin', Kenny? You're the most handsome man I've ever met!"

"Och, away ye go, Jon! I'm nowhere near as good-looking as you. You fill out that strip perfectly."

"I mean it. The only reason I wanted to stay at this dump was because I heard you were coming."

"Will we see if we can both get sent off and go in for an early bath together?"

"Ooooooh, Kenny!"

I think we'll leave it there.

Honest Dave and his minions have got their 'Rangers 1972' website set up and are now waiting for the cash to roll in. Just like when Green tried to suss out how many shares The Peeppul would buy, and when the Rangers Fighting Fund was set up, anyone can sign up and pledge money. This system, of course, is open to abuse. I remember a point when the RFF pledges were at a level that they could bail out half of Europe and still have enough left over to buy Manhattan. I don't think the actual cash raised reached anywhere near those dizzy heights. Equally Green 'ringfenced' 10m quids' worth of shares for The Peeppul after over £16m had been pledged. The same kind of mischief-making is going on over at Honest Dave's website. Step forward one Tim Ireland.

Tim Ireland posted yesterday on the Daily Record site to tell us about his pledge to 'Rangers 1972'. He received the following reply:

"Many thanks for pledging a goat to the Ibrox 1972 season ticket fund in partnership with the Union Of Fans, we aim to provide you with regular updates about the progress of our work.

Our main aim is to ensure that the main assets of the club are secured by season ticket holders and can't be used for anything else.
In the event that the board to agree to grant security over the stadium, we will contact you with the details of season tickets which are available for purchase.
We very much appreciate your commitment to the long-term well-being of the club and for putting your trust in us.
Best Wishes.
Dave King and Richard Gough"

Wish I'd thought of that one!

"Did somebody say Yir Man was signin' dinosaurs?"