In 2012 when the deal was being struck the TV companies would have insisted on four Old-Firm derbies a year, as well as a certain amount of Celtic games and Rangers games. But it looked like Rangers might be going into liquidation. You can imagine the scenario.
TV EXECS: What 'appens if Raynjahs go inter liquerdayshun? 'Ow are we gonna get ahr Owld-Firm matches then?
SPL BODS: Don't worry, thurz nae daynjur. If they go intae liquidation then wull jist shove the new club in the SPL an' kid oan it's the same team. Nae bother, big man!
And then liquidation occurs and, as promised, the attempt is made to put the new club into the SPL. Everyone involved: Doncaster, Lawwell etc. would just be looking at the pound signs. Who gave a fuck for 'Sporting Integrity'? They didn't reckon with the Scottish football fans, however, who refused to stand by and let this tawdry affair go ahead. An emergency meeting is called by the TV execs.
TV EXEC: Wharra fuck's goin' on? You promised us foah Owld-Firm daahbies!
SPL BODS: Ah'm afraid wur fans widnae stand furrit. Wur gonny hiv tae pit the new Raynjurz intae the Thurd Division. But ye kin still televise some-y thur games.
TV EXEC: Saao we've 'eard. D'you honestly expect us to send Ian Crocker to the likes of...let's see naaow...Stennassmoor? Is that even a real plice?
SPL BODS: Tell ye what, why don't wae pye ye back some-y the money tae make up furrit?
TV EXEC: Damn right you will! I mean do some-a these plices even 'ave roads?
SPL BODS: It's awright, big man, we'll see yez awright. Jist don't tell embdy, though!
And so the deal was struck. Really that's what it all comes down to. As an SPFL 'source' told the DR, 'when Rangers collapsed the SPL was in breach of contract. The deal agreed with the broadcasters was saving the game.' He forgot to say that they were trying to save face as well!
Meanwhile, I see Nacho Novo has come out on the side of Honest Dave and his 'Trust' Fund. Novo said that he thought long and hard about going public with his views. Will that be the same amount of long and hard thinking he did before they wheeled him out at the Requisitioners' meeting in December, in between the jokes about child abuse? He reminisces, "During my time everyone was happy...there is something missing." That's right, Nacho, it's called money - money that belonged to Her Majesty's Government and other people. Now pay back your EBT 'loan' and piss off!
Also in today's DR was a rather insensitive piece that would have had The Peeppul crying into their breakfast-time Super Lager. On Sunday it's the 47th anniversary of that European Cup win. The Lisbon Lions are going back to Portugal to celebrate so the DR has decided to commemorate the great event. How dare they! Have they no feelings? Don't they remember that that evening in Lisbon was directly responsible for the death of Rangers?
Still working on 'Clash of the Agnivores'. Hope to be finished quite soon.
"Listen, don't moan at me aboot TV money; it's yer ain fault! If yez hud jist let us pit Green's new club intae the SPL as planned then thur'd-a been nae problem. Yez've naebdy tae blame but yersel's!"
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