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Wednesday 16 July 2014

THE BISTO BORES

Things are pretty boring down Bisto Avenue at the moment; all we're hearing is the same old shite. 'We're innocent, so wae ur, it's a big conshpiracy, so it is, wae need tae get sumthin' dun, 'n 'at, so wae dae!' They're going on about taking everybody and his dug to court to demand recompense for all they imagine that has been done to them and their dead club. I love the way they stick the letter 'h' into words, as if that proves something. All it really does it make it seem like it's Sooperally talking!

Some of them put forward the idea of going to the European Parliament or UEFA, but others decided that they would get short shrift there and that they needed to keep it in Scotland. This would probably be the wisest course since where else could they find an Establishment so compliant and willing to please? Any European court would simply laugh at them and they know it. Of course, they don't see it that way; I'm surprised they haven't started going on about UHEFA and the Ehuropean Pharliament.

One thing they are considering is a march on Celtic Park during the Commonwealth Games. You can just imagine the world's press interviewing them and asking them why they're demonstrating; is it because of all the money being spent in the midst of so much poverty around us or is it about government cuts or some such? 'Naw. They've aw been bad tae Rainjurz. Wee arra peeppul!' I hope it goes ahead; it would be great to see them being laughed at on a world stage. There's also the little matter of paranoia about terrorists.

"Excuse me, Your Majesty, but we've just arrested a crowd outside. They say they're Rangers supporters. What shall we do with them?"

"Shoot the fuckers!"

The Sons of Struth, meanwhile, are planning another march on Ibrox. Their Facebook page is looking for new members, saying, 'If it was not for the thousands that joined our protests then our voice would not have been heard.' Thousands? On their last march they barely scraped a hundred! They're planning to walk from Kinning Park underground station to Ibrox on the 19th July, when the place is shut, presumably so there will be nobody there to chase them. They also rather helpfully provide a map, just in case any of their members don't know where Ibrox is.

On the Referendum front, the Bettertogetherers are getting more and more desperate. Yesterday the Daily Record was overjoyed to report that the President of the European Commission, Jean-Claude Juncker, was saying that no new nations would be admitted for at least five years. Cue all the triumphant braying by the NO campaigners. It was only a matter of hours, however, before the DR had to back-pedal and reveal that Juncker was not talking about Scotland, nor did he say anything about Scotland not being allowed to remain in the EU. They're really clutching at straws.

Of course, since many of the Bettertogetherers are also members of The Peeppul, they can't bring themselves to admit that they were wrong. They're still convinced that there is no way that Scotland can stay in the EU or, at least, they say that they are convinced. They make out that Scotland will have to re-apply for membership. Perhaps they've forgotten about Germany. Before the Berlin Wall fell it was only West Germany that was a member of the EU. When Germany reunited nobody even suggested that this new nation had to re-apply. So if Germany was able to drag in a crowd of non-members in their wake, surely they can't kick out the Scottish, who are already members, just because they leave the UK?

The Bettertogetherers also decided to haul out their old chestnut about Scotland not being able to use the pound. They're still living in the past and don't seem to realise that not only does Britannia no longer rule the waves, it doesn't even rule its own currency. The Westminster government long ago gave up control of the pound to the money markets; all the Bank of England can do is fiddle with interest rates in a desperate attempt to control inflation. Now, I'm no economist, but even I know that having another nation trading in your currency actually strengthens it. That's why the Americans are so keen to support all those Middle-Eastern despots; they do all their trading in US dollars. It is also why America never even considered invading Iraq and toppling Saddam Hussein until he decided to switch from trading in dollars to trading in Euros. Anyone can use Sterling and there's nothing the Westminster government can do about it.

While the Daily Record is making an arse of itself over the independence debate, it's also making an arse of itself by how it deals with comments. It doesn't seem to matter what you say - it'll be deleted. Even comments that agree with everything they're saying seem to mysteriously vanish. The only posts that remain unaffected are the get-rich-quick adverts. Even on a story about a young man being stabbed to death many comments were removed, while the adverts are still there. I e-mailed the web editor, asking what he or she is going to do about it. So far I've received no reply. It seems the DR is even more shameless that the people, and Peeppul, it supports.

Sooperally has appeared in the Record, demanding apologies from 'mudslinging powerbrokers' and 'high-up places. In and out of the game'. He says, “I will never forget some of the things which have been said and done to our club by people who should have known better.” Come on Ally, who are these people? We demand to know their names! What's that? You can't come up with any? And we all know why; it's because you're talking utter shite and just desperately pandering to The Peeppul. Oh, and ditch the beard. That picture in the Record makes you look like David Bellamy.

I was saying, over on Bampots Utd, that whenever I go to Phil Mac Giolla Bhain's site there's an advert for Thai brides or girlfriends. Nobody else has seen it and it was pointed out to me that these adverts are determined by things that you've been looking up. I was already aware of that and, since I'm constantly on Amazon to see if I've sold any more books, I trip over adverts for my books everywhere I go on the internet. Google is constantly trying to flog me copies of 'Clash of the Agnivores', 'Torrent' and 'The Skyscraper Rocket Ship'. I've even had e-mails urging me to buy a copy of  'The McGlinchy Code'! Strangely, though, such adverts never appear on Phil's blog; all I ever see is that buxom Thai girl. Why this should be I don't know. Not that I'm complaining! For those of you who see nothing but car adverts and the like, here's your chance to see what I see.




P.S. Don't bother trying to click on it - it's only a screenshot!


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