MEESA'S DOING WALKING AWAY

The world of football is in mourning today. Don't worry, nobody's died. It's the news that Bilel Mohsni is about to give up playing football altogether that has everyone grief-stricken. No more will we see those long, lanky locks bouncing on his shoulders as he passes back to the keeper with such force that the man has to scramble to stop it going into the net. Never again will we see a punt up the field that ends up hitting one of the pishy bedsheet brigade outside the stadium. We'd better change the subject; I'm filling up here!

It seems that The Peeppul are less than chuffed at the marquee signing made by Warburton from Wigan. It appears that they're not impressed with the guy's history of playing everywhere and staying nowhere. That failed medical at Birmingham is a bit worrying as well. And if you think that section of The Peeppul is unhappy, you should read McMurdo's Mob's 'Rangers (sic) Supporters Loyal' website - they're all ripping up their ST renewal forms and are vowing never to return. Meanwhile the new Sevco MD, Stewart Robertson, says that the 'wheels are in motion' for more signings and The Peeppul should expect to see some new faces in the coming week. I think it's new faces in the crowd they need; have you seen the pusses on those ugly bastards?

The Peeppul are ubiquitous in the papers at the moment. There's a picture of one Hunnette, trousers round her ankles, pishing on a street in Aberdeen. How do I know it's one of The Peeppul? Easy. Who else would do such a thing? QED. There was another Hunnette in the papers earlier in the week trying to breed with a dog! Still, I suppose it makes a change from them doing it with their brothers. And now there's a story about thousands of 'stinkin' people in Harthill. Oops. My mistake. The story is about Newarthill, where there's black water coming out of the taps that nobody can use. Such a thing would never happen in Harthill; nobody knows what the water is like there because they never turn the taps on or even flush the toilet!

JK Rowling, meanwhile, is making quite a name for herself in the arsehole stakes. Her latest gripe is to take issue with a newspaper article that claims there's no anti-English sentiment in the SNP. She's whining and moaning about no English people being asked. Even a Tory has called her a liar, saying he's never experienced any anti-English feeling in Scotland. Isn't it strange how Labour and its supporters are the ones lying and stirring up this shite? Anyone would think they were scared!

THE TWELVE DAYS OF SUMMER

On the First day of Summer, Mike Ashley sent to King:

A big bowl of Monti's ice-cream.

On the Second day of Summer, Mike Ashley sent to King:

Two wealthy gardeners

And a big bowl of Monti's ice-cream.

On the Third day of Summer, Mike Ashley sent to King:

Three gagging orders

Two wealthy gardeners

And a big bowl of Monti's ice-cream.

 

 

On the Fourth day of Summer, Mike Ashley sent to King:

Four Newcastle duds

Three gagging orders

Two wealthy gardeners

And a big bowl of Monti's ice-cream.

On the Fifth day of Summer, Mike Ashley sent to King:

Five ugly Huns

Four Newcastle duds

Three gagging orders

Two wealthy gardeners

And a big bowl of Monti's ice-cream.

On the Sixth day of Summer, Mike Ashley sent to King:

Six thousand unsold jerseys

Five ugly Huns

Four Newcastle duds

Three gagging orders

Two wealthy gardeners

And a big bowl of Monti's ice-cream.

On the Seventh day of Summer, Mike Ashley sent to King:

Seven 'Rangers' badges

Six thousand unsold jerseys

Five ugly Huns

Four Newcastle duds

Three gagging orders

Two wealthy gardeners

And a big bowl of Monti's ice-cream.

On the Eighth day of Summer, Mike Ashley sent to King:

Eight court cases

Seven 'Rangers' badges

Six thousand unsold jerseys

Five ugly Huns

Four Newcastle duds

Three gagging orders

Two wealthy gardeners

And a big bowl of Monti's ice-cream.

On the Ninth day of Summer, Mike Ashley sent to King:

Nine Sevco shares

Eight court cases

Seven 'Rangers' badges

Six thousand unsold jerseys

Five ugly Huns

Four Newcastle duds

Three gagging orders

Two wealthy gardeners

And a big bowl of Monti's ice-cream.

On the Tenth day of Summer, Mike Ashley sent to King:

Ten-in-a-row for Celtic

Nine Sevco shares

Eight court cases

Seven 'Rangers' badges

Six thousand unsold jerseys

Five ugly Huns

Four Newcastle duds

Three gagging orders

Two wealthy gardeners

And a big bowl of Monti's ice-cream.

On the Eleventh day of Summer, Mike Ashley sent to King:

Eleven pishy bedsheets

Ten-in-a-row for Celtic

Nine Sevco shares

Eight court cases

Seven 'Rangers' badges

Six thousand unsold jerseys

Five ugly Huns

Four Newcastle duds

Three gagging orders

Two wealthy gardeners

And a big bowl of Monti's ice-cream.

On the Twelfth day of Summer, Mike Ashley sent to King:

Twelve days to pay up

Eleven pishy bedsheets

Ten-in-a-row for Celtic

Nine Sevco shares

Eight court cases

Seven 'Rangers' badges

Six thousand unsold jerseys

Five ugly Huns

Four Newcastle duds

Three gagging orders

Two wealthy gardeners

And a big bowl of Monti's ice-cream.