PLOOKY YOOFS

Mark Warburton seems to be going in the opposite direction to Sooperally and is getting a bit carried away with his youth signings. The latest lad that hasn't started shaving yet is Jordan Gibson. It's always worth doing a bit of light digging and the Bromsgrove Standard provides some edifying reading. If, like me, you'd never heard of Bromsgrove it's in Worcestershire, not too far from Birmingham. The local team, whence Gibson comes, is called Bromsgrove Sporting, which tells you all you need to know. Wee amateur teams always give themselves tongue-in-cheek, grand-sounding names, like Glasgow's Red Star Belgrove and, my favourite, the gay bar's women's team called the Lesbian Lions. Our media are saying that he played for Alvechurch FC (?), which is a bit confusing. Whatever.

Apparently the lad "suffered setbacks at West Bromwich Albion, Stoke City and Wolverhampton Wanderers" and was beginning to think he was never going to make it as a professional. There are no details about these 'setbacks' but young Jordan himself explains about Stoke; apparently he "had to leave because of transport issues." That could mean anything, but probably the local bus drivers believed he was too young to be traveling unaccompanied. It no doubt proved to be too embarrassing for the boy for his mammy to go to training with him.

The u18s coach, Trevor Carter, was instrumental in getting the boy noticed by Sevco scouts. As Jordan says, "He knew what I wanted to achieve and he knew the scout was watching me, so he played me every week even though the team was mostly second years." So Jordan was running around, towering above a team of 13-year-olds? No wonder he looked impressive!

And other exciting signings are afoot. There's Reece Wabara, who's related to Mark Walters and whose grandfather was a Nigerian international. Not that that says much, my da spent twelve years in the army but I'm the last person you'd trust anywhere near a tank! And somebody called Andy Halliday, who apparently was a youth player at Rangers but was deemed not good enough. Warburton's also looking to get Harry Winks on trial from Spurs. Winks's Wikipaedia page tells how in his one game for the first team he managed six accurate passes! Alan Stubbs will be shiting himself!

The new season will see the disappearance of the bedsheets so the smell of pish is going to be replaced with the stench of Oxy 10 and Clearasil. Meanwhile, it looks like John Eustace has hobbled off into the sunset so Warburton is going to need somebody else to build his team round. It's either going to have to be the Cuprinol Man or Davie Weir is going to have to get his boots on again. Somebody's going to have to be in the changing room to comfort all those crying weans when they get beaten week after week.

Meanwhile the draw has been made for the Petrofac Training Cup, the trophy all Celtic fans are raging about because Celtic will never win it. Just like last year, Sevco are going to be playing Hibs in the first round. This time, though, it's at Easter Road on the 25th July. What's that old saying...men against boys...literally!

And the Daily Record, as usual, can't help having their little digs. They've got a story about John Guidetti, jumping about and singing after Sweden beat Norway 4-1. They go on about him being 'hyper' and 'bonkers'. Maybe he should have punched and kicked an opposition player instead. And then comes the punchline: "Makes a change from his little ditty he performed during his time in Scotland, for which he got a slap on the wrist from the SFA." Piss off, Jackson!

I'm currently editing and putting the finishing touches to my new Sevco book, so it won't be long now!

 "I wanted to find out everything I could about my new club, so somebody suggested I order a copy of 'Clash of the Agnivores' and there's a new book coming out as well. I can't wait!"