CRIMINAL PRACTICES

Season's Cheatings!

Behind Doors 21 and 22 we had the two cheeks of the arse that is running Scottish football. The job of arse cheeks is to support and protect an arsehole, and these two cheeks are no different. This particular arsehole had a serious accident when he was wee. He took the admonition to look both ways when crossing the road literally and then the wind changed. As everybody's mammy has told them, if the wind changes, then whatever you're doing with your face at the time, you're doomed to stay like that. Presenting David Cunningham King, a man so mired in criminality even his eyes are crooked.

If you read 'Clash of the Agnivores' and agreed with me, then it was inevitable that King, or somebody like him, would eventually take over at Ibrox. The Big Lie insisted that Sevco was 'stull Raynjurz'. It could be quite difficult to maintain this delusion while there were nothing but complete strangers in the Blue Room; that was why The Peeppul were so desperate to get 'Real Raynjurz Men' back at the top of the marble staircase. The agnivores in the media were desperate for this to happen as well; they missed the good old days of press handouts and succulent lamb. Green expected the media to fall into line as his right, while Sandy Easdale and Mike Ashley were notoriously litigious and dealt with the media that way. So when King and his band of bandits came in there were jubilant noises from all our sports media.

Since King is nothing more than a thief, a crook and a convicted felon, a new lie had to be made up. Rather than King being convicted on multiple counts and given the option of paying up, including a fine, or going into the slammer, the story in our media was that he 'came to an agreement' with the South African Revenue Service. They had got so used to lying about the new club that it had become second nature to them now, and they could lie through their teeth without any shame whatsoever. There were no stories this time about 'wealth off the radar' but not far off it. Apparently, King had millions to plough in.

Since The Peeppul and the whole Scottish media had made their mind up already, the SFA was hardly going to turn him down for not being fit and proper. In fact, there is no 'fit and proper' test; the SFA just take a club's word for it. They had done this with Craig Whyte and now they were doing it with King. It surely, however, hadn't escaped their notice that The Peeppul actually blame them for Craig Whyte? They're playing a dangerous game; they'll get blamed again when everything goes tits-up once more. But they're a pragmatic bunch and they were obviously too scared to take a stand against King and face the wrath of the media and The Peeppul. There's also the little matter that they're as much on the side of Sevco and the Big Lie as The Peeppul and the media.

And so, nobody questions King, even though he's been continually proven to be a liar since he took over. He was going to put £40m in, then it was £30m and then it was an unspecified sum. He said that Warburton could ask for any player he wanted and he'd get him. Now Paul Murray is saying that they're going to have to 'caw canny' in the January window. And, as yet, there's no sign of King putting a penny into Sevco. There's even a story that somebody else paid for his Sevco shares and that he's just a front. Not that you'd hear about any of this in the Scottish media.

And not only is King a crook, he was also on the board of Rangers, which, ordinarily, should disqualify him from sitting on the phoenix board. But this is Scottish football we're talking about so the law is treated as casually as the rulebook when it comes to an Ibrox team. Another fact about previous directors being on the board of a phoenix company is the possibility of creditors of the old company taking the new company to court to recover their money; effectively, if it's the same directors, then it's the same company. This is to stop companies from defrauding creditors and then carrying on under a new, but almost identical, name; something that Sevco has tried to do. Again, this being Scottish football, nobody has dared to demand their cash. The Sons of Struth have already demonstrated how they deal with those that don't agree with their hero-worship of King, attacking folk at Ibrox, including a pensioner. Nobody in the media has bothered to point out this particular facet of company law, even though they've constantly insisted that it's the same club. But King is a 'Real Raynjurz Man' and untouchable.

Nobody is questioning, either, the fact that Sevco is running on fumes. There is no money at all and, as Phil Mac Giolla Bhain always says, they don't have a credit line with a bank. Even if any bank had thought about extending overdraft facilities, they certainly wouldn't now with a convicted crook in charge. So the club is running on loans that can be extracted from the so-called Three Bears. King, of course, keeps his hand well away from his own pocket. In any other business this would be called insolvency but, as I keep saying, this is Scottish football and Sevco and King must be protected and supported at all costs.

Part of the New Lie in support of King says that he tried to approach Ashley in a spirit of conciliation but Ashley reacted with belligerence. Keith Jackson, especially, spouts this pish frequently. The truth is that King and his gang of thugs constantly tried to paint Ashley as a crook (ignoring the irony) and the agnivores in the media went along with it. Ashley was, and is, portrayed as a pantomime villain with never a good word said about him. King, on the other hand, is praised as the saviour, the man that came in and chased all the crooks and rogues out of Ibrox, like Jesus in the Temple.

So now King is sitting pretty over in South Africa. He turns up now and again to receive the praise and Hosannas of the Scottish media, while nobody questions his motives or when he's actually going to stump up that cash he used to talk about. Sevco continues to limp through the season, struggling to pay the bills, while nobody at all sees anything wrong. It's like the last days of Rangers all over again. Our Fourth Estate is perfectly happy to remind everyone that the Easdales and Ashley never put any money into Sevco; all they did was provide interest-free loans. And, yet, King is doing the exact same thing, except none of the money is his, but for some, weird reason our media seem to believe that he has saved the club. I wonder what story they'll come up with when Sevco goes into administration.

"Hey, you! Yes, you! I know I'm not looking at you but I'm talking to you! Remember you can download Kindle copies of Pat Anderson's books at any time. You might even be able to get a paperback in time for Christmas with next-day delivery. Every book's a classic and I guarantee you'll enjoy them - and you know you can trust me!"