A PEEPPUL DIVIDED

Keith Jackson nails his colours firmly to the mast in today's Daily Record by calling for the resignation of Mr Blobby. Reading through his article, it's easy to see whose side he's on in this war of words and season-book money. The current incumbents at the top of the marble stairs he calls, "this broken board and its mysterious off-shore backers". On the other hand, he says, "Dave King continues to sit in a corner on a bundle of cash – money which those running Rangers seem determined to resist at all costs." So there we have it; he's on the side of Honest Dave and his Union of Fuckwits.

The Union of Fuckwits also call for Blobby's resignation, especially after the polis have been called in. I've been thinking about that over the weekend and which pish-stained alky has previous for running greetin' to the 'Bizzies' if anybody even looks at him the wrong way? It's everybody's favourite blogger, posted MIA for months now, Auld Pishy, Loony Leggat himself. He's the man that got alarms installed and round-the-clock police protection because somebody sent him a nasty e-mail. And which 'honest' individual is he rumoured to be doing PR for? You see? It all starts to fall into place.

McMurdo, as usual, sides with the board no matter what. "Another story in the Rangers(sic)-hating media," he says. "A notoriously Rangers(sic)-hating outlet" he calls the Daily Record. That'll be news to all the arse-lickers down at Central Quay! Apparently Honest Dave and his backers are out to destroy Rangers (sic). Strangely, that's exactly what those on other blogs accuse the board and Merlin of. Given this big split among The Peeppul, what the hell are they going to do during this year's annual Rickets Walk? Maybe they'll organise two separate walks and fight it out to see who marches on the Sabbath!

A big rumour doing the rounds at the moment is about Sooperally's multiple contracts. According to Phil Mac he's definitely on more than one contract and his wages are just as astronomical as ever. This is bad news for the Bisto Kids but share prices in Greggs have gone through the roof. And staying with Sooper, a lot of complaining was to be found on McMurdo's blog at the weekend due to the would-be manager's behaviour after the match at Ibrox. Apparently he made a bee-line for the section where the Blue Order had been shouting about sacking the board and stood and saluted them! So we've found the fifth columnist!

Meanwhile Fraser Aird, one of Bisto FC's youth players, has decided to play for Canada instead of Scotland. The choice was made easier since Canada offered him a full cap. Do you think we'll now hear The Peeppul singing about Aird, calling him "that wee traitor"?

Even more bad news for The Peeppul. It appears that £8m has been seized under Proceeds of Crime laws. That's the first bit of Mr Blobby's investment plans fucked then!

And I see that Max Clifford, good friend of McMurdo's da, has been found guilty of eight indecent assaults on teenaged girls. Do you think Merlin will devote as much time on his blog to this pervert as he did to Savile, or even Cardinal O'Brien? After all, he, and the rest, are only concerned about the kids, aren't they?

I hear the Easdales have been looking into diverting the Clyde over to the stadium. Not, as you might think, to cleanse the Augean Stables of the board room, but to build a moat. They'll need one to keep out the Requisitioners, Rebels and assorted Rat-arsed Ragamuffins that are bound to start descending on the Big Hoose.

Still, it'll all come out in the wash. And it's all Peter Lawwell's fault anyway, isn't it?

"Naw, Ah widnae trust emdy oan that board, so Ah widnae. The best thing yez kin dae is pit yer season-ticket money intae Honest Dave's trust fund. Ah mean, c'moan, what've yez goat tae lose? An' mind an' mention ma name when yez sign up so Ah kin get ma commission money!"